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ScatterShot

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Yesterday I took my filled-out forms and old Canadian passport to UPS, and planned to ship it to renewal headquarters in Quebec to get a new one (please no riots, please no riots).  After a healthy wait in line, the guy had me filling out forms like I was filing for citizenship, not just sending documents for proof of it.  And then this:

Yeah, there’s a lot of paperwork, man.  The Canadian border people can be a little facetious.

Still struggling to imagine what he thinks “facetious” means.

*****

Aside from the Hockey Greats Fantasy Camp that my Dad, brother and I run (which is partly for charity, partly for us to hemmorhage ungodly amounts of money into), I have another event to promote:

A great cause

For those of you in Kelowna, BC (my hometown), my brother is putting on a beer and burger charity event (100% of money is donated) for Spinal Cord Research, through the Rick Hansen Foundation.

Last year, Josh Gorges and his buddies were a part of it, and will be again this year.  It’s $20, which gets you a burger and two beers, there’s an auction with some sports memorabilia, and it’s at Sturgeon Hall Pub June 12th.  Last year Ryan Cuthbert bought a cherry pie for $150, just so you know what you’re getting into.  There’s already not many tickets left, so hit him up at jeff.bourne@gmail.com if you want some. 

 Tell him I sent you…. and you’ll get absolutely nothing free, cause it’s for charity, tightwad :)

*****

Today’s links: My column for Puck Daddy on what PLAYING IN A GAME SEVEN is like.  It’ll probably run around 4 EST.  There should be a second one later in the evening if you care to check back then,  I just need to create that one still.

My column for Hockey Primetime on WHY THE TIME A GAME STARTS AT MATTERS, which is an odd topic, but I just loved playing day games.

*****

I’ve decided Brian Burke is “Kenneth, the bad-ass mail clerk with the heart of gold” from Family Guy.  Not sure if you remember him (couldn’t find video), but here’s the transcript of his brief cameo:

Kenneth WILL cut you.

Peter: Yeah. The new owners gave everyone raises. Even Kenneth, the bad-ass mail clerk with the heart of gold.
[cut to mail room]
Peter: Hi, Kenneth. Hey, did I get any mail?
Kenneth: No! And if you come any closer, I’ll cut you!
Peter: Okay! Okay! Man, what a bad-ass!
Man: Yeah? Well that bad-ass just gave half his paycheck to orphans. Orphans with diseases!
[cue sentimental instrumental music]

Long story short - Burke is continuing on with what his son started.  Quite the family.
******
 
My thoughts on the status of the Conference Finals:

Philly is too deep to shut down (unless you remember the regular season)

They’re over.  They’re just so utterly over.

I hate being “that guy” before the fat lady sings, but what am I supposed to say?  I just can’t see either team – Montreal or San Jose – winning four of the next five games against their (more talented) opponents.  They could steal a game or two, sure, but I just can’t fathom a way in which they could climb all the way out of the well.

You know what’s an effed up, crazy, please-don’t-ever-let-this-happen possibilty? 

We see three straight sweeps, and never see a team push back in a series.  Both teams sweep their way to the finals, and Chicago sweeps Philly.  It would be pretty ridiculous, but too many upsets on one side throws things all outta whack. 

Here’s to hoping for Montreal and San Jose wins tonight.

Thanks for your patience!  Too many outlets, not enough time these days!

Go Thursday.

Comments

27 Responses to “ScatterShot”
  1. Sherry says:

    Had a funny dream last night – my (now dearly departed) dog, Gromit (he’s the dog in my gravatar) had his jaw wired shut. I figure that’s directly attributable to your recent mention of the slapper that hit you (and after effects) on your last day as a pro.

  2. Josh says:

    The Canadian passport, as in growing a mullet and losing a personality?

    Couldn’t resist, sorry.

  3. Nadeau says:

    Quick Comment on a few people yesterday talking about the Canuck national anthem Before my married life I was an Oilers Fan now Turned Canes Fan But I remember the Oil Country Faithful singing the canadian National anthem LOOOOOONG Before the Green Men In Cantcouver Nocups Country did!!!

  4. Alanna says:

    My last time at the post office I was behind a guy who wanted to mail a letter to Jamaica. The clerk takes his letter and mutters “Jamaica huh? Is that in the US? I can never remember”. I almost gave myself a concussion slamming my head on the counter behind him. I have a feeling that the IQ requirements for working in a postal/UPS office are pretty relaxed and not all facetious like they are in Canada.

  5. Sherry says:

    Fastidious?…

  6. jtbourne says:

    Heyy, I can top that. At an airport, I was having some flight issues, and was trying to re-book a flight to Kelowna, British Columbia. After about five minutes, the lady looked up and said “I just can’t seem to find your flight. You said it’s in Britain, right? Not Columbia?”

    So I stabbed her.

  7. Sherry says:

    Wow, Brian Burke is really someone to admire. Never knew much about him before the uplifting and crushing news on Brendan last year and this year, but man, I have become an unabashed supporter of him and everything he touches. Thanks for keeping us up to date on his efforts Justin.

  8. Anna S. says:

    Sort of personal:
    You know what? I completely support ANYTHING Burke does in the name of his son. Strangely, I don’t necessarily trust him to build a great hockey team, but I do completely trust him to build a fantastic legacy in his son’s name. If he helps homophobia, or even the idea that homo-resistance is wrong (that gay people are wrong and should in some way be resisted), it will be a significant step in professional sports.

    And I trust that impulse. So in the offseason, yes, I trust the Burkes implicitly. I just… god, I wish that the tragedy hadn’t been necessary. I wish that Brendan was still alive, and could still articulate this for himself. But as someone who lives every day with being bi and being a hockey fan, Brendan was a loss that rocked all of us. Bless him for what he said, and for the things he brought to light. In some ways, I don’t even feel like I have a platform to talk from, since I was just a fan, but we fans, we non-athletes, we watchersdo miss him. The fans who understand where he was coming from appreciate that stand, and don’t give a damn: he was cool. So I wish I could convey to everyone how much he meant to the rest of us. I can’t. But if Bourne reads this, and somehow writes a tribute that incorporates his feelings, and his families’ feelings, and the rest of the league’s feeling, well, that’s a start. The NHL isn’t the best when it comes to LGBT relations, but it’s better than some leagues. Please, Justin, could you write that? We all mourned Brendan, but you were the one who wrote the definitive piece. Please, for all of us, could you try to write a wrap up that adequately acknowledges what his impact has been?

    Thanks, Justin. I know it’s not an easy question, but I feel like you have too much invested (and the rest of us, who loved Brendan for being open and unafraid have too much invested) for you not to do some kind of follow-up. Believe me, I know how hard it might be. But we’d all be grateful if you went there.

    Sorry to ask so much. Ignore me if it’s easier, really. This is just an issue that hits home with me.

  9. nightfly says:

    @Alanna – heh. There is a Jamaica section of Queens, New York, but I doubt that’s what your linemate or your postal clerk was thinking of.

  10. 3 Cups says:

    Way to bash Crosby at every turn in your puckdaddy pieces and on this blog, Bourne. I guess you’re jealous. Sure seems that way.

  11. jtbourne says:

    Dude, that comment is incredible. I’m boggled by how sensitive people are over their favorite teams/players. Did you read the Thornton column (all the way back to yesterday) in which I devoted two paragraphs to heaping praise on him? You should’ve used the name “Matt Cooke” for that comment, cause I’m agitated.

  12. Nathan says:

    I hate people WHO use, and I hate it WHEN people use “Oh, you must be jealous of x player because you dislike him.” I hate Kris Draper because he’s an ass and he chooses to desecrate the Stanley Cup with his family’s bowel waste. I hate Alexander Ovechkin because of the person I perceive him to be. I do believe most others have their reasons to dislike a player, other than jealousy.

    And 3 Cups that is a ridiculous comment. Like Mr. Bourne said, read his Joe Thornton piece. I read his game 7 article and I quickly took a slight offense to his line “…you may do something crazy like, oh, I dunno, take a penalty in the first ten seconds of this oh-so-huge game” (as I disagree with the call, and even if I did agree with it, I’m okay with it as compared to an after-the-whistle roughing call or something), but he really didn’t say anything that should be perceived as a slight. Lets all have our opinions, share our opinions, and be happy we can.

  13. neil says:

    I’m surprised it took the Puck Daddy Haters Legion this long to click on the link to Bourne’s Blog and directly deposit their anger, it’s like the chicken who leaves the circle first in that movie “The Power of One”

  14. jtbourne says:

    Neil – hahaha, right? Our little community here will bury them with scathing niceness.

    For new readers from Puck Daddy, the policy here: we’d love for you to disagree if you can be reasonable about it. Let’s have a convo. I know I’m wrong a lot, but its just a game.

    Oh, and welcome!

  15. Jimbo! says:

    @ jtbourne – “So I stabbed her” That made me laugh out loud! Thanks!

  16. jtbourne says:

    Anna, thanks, I’ll think about it for sure.

  17. Sherry says:

    Still grieving Pens fan here (I am on enforced bed rest for the next couple of days – which for this afternoon translates into watching both hockey games from the couch with my computer on my lap. I can only now be able to watch the ECF games because I feel worse physically than I do emotionally…). Anyway, I thought the call on SId was maybe a little ticky tack as I thought Gorges had turned a little – but whatever, the Pens resolutely shot themselves not only in their own feet, but were so bad that they probably pinged a few spectators as well.

    All of this preamble is to say to 3 Cups, step off man – your comment has no bearing in reality, and if you’d actually read Bourne comprehensively before popping off, you would know that. Pretty darn funny Bourne that comment about Matt Cooke.

    Game 7 piece was a good, albeit painful, read Justin. Anoither one of your fascinating, inside scoop, winners – so don’t listen to the haters!

  18. Sherry says:

    Oh, Sharks/Hawks are on tomorrow – bummer.

  19. Travelchic59 says:

    I very rarely read what people post in comments. But you always have a nice group that comment here and are respectful of each other’s opinions. But I have to tell you I made the mistake of reading the comments at Puck Daddy and I will NEVER do that again. Talk about nasty and vicious (sp?). What LOSERS!

  20. minnesotagirl71 says:

    Hey Anna,
    After reading Brendan Burke’s story that he told to ESPN.com, I wished that Justin had been able to write the story instead. I think his writing brings insight and honesty about the topic, while honoring the subject and at the same time the humility of the writer comes through. What you’re asking sounds like one hell of a challenging piece to write, but I agree that Justin could do it justice. (Sorry, Justin, I’m talking about you on your own blog.)

  21. Steve C. says:

    You’re picking 3 straight sweeps?…way to jinx that!

  22. Amy Jo says:

    Justin, you must be stoked that Sidney Crosby commented on your blog! But, why is he so insecure and paranoid about you bashing him? By the way, Mr. Crosby, you only have 1 cup so the whole 3Cups name is inaccurate. Go back to dive school sir.

  23. 3 Cups says:

    Please excuse the troll like comment in my initial post as well as the arrogant name. Disgruntled Pens fan here as you may have guessed. Had a chance to read through this blog and it’s very insightful and interesting.

    For any hockey fans out there that wouldn’t want Sidney Crosby on your team, well, that’s just silly.

  24. jtbourne says:

    Heyyyy, welcome aboard bud. Glad you enjoyed it after a look-through.

  25. Sherry says:

    Welcome 3 Cups! Game 7 loss still stings, but I’m already looking forward to next year.

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