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Why Guys Like Hanging Out Without Girls

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I’ll tell you why:

Guys don’t remember shit.

It can be a Monday afternoon at some dive bar with buddies, and if a girl is there, anything you do or say can and will be used against you in the Court of Long-Term Conversation.  Girls remember everything.  You’ll run into the same girl from that Monday at Ikea fourteen years later and she’ll say something like “How’d that job interview with the Prime Minister go?”

  ….  … Shit.

You’re brain immediately starts processing old lies like an early 90′s IBM.  This never would have happened with your guy friends.

The ladies remember.  A half-cocked barstool claim is supposed to hold the weight of helium.  It kinda takes the fun out of it when you have to back it up.  “Thought you were gonna lose 15 pounds?”

Ouch.

Plus, when you talk with girls, you kind of have to have that filter on.  You can be edgy, even coarse, but you you still have to keep it on this side of reasonable.  Guys say some outlandish things to their buddies without a second thought, whether it’s a real opinion or not; shock value is half the fun.  There’s always that fear of some girl in your group dying laughing at your crude friend’s gay and racist jokes, then turning to stone at your orphan one.  Curses.  Thought she was an exception.

You know what else guys like about hanging out with guys?  You don’t need evidence for your opinions like it’s a history test.  “That guy’s a dick” may not be evidence enough for marks in class, but hey, it’s good by most dudes.  Girls ask follow up questions.

“Why?”

“What’d he do to you?”

“Did you ever think that maybe you feel that way because — stop.  No.  I haven’t thought about it beyond the last word of “That guy’s a dick”.  I don’t like him.

We don’t need each others re-assurance that we’re liked or good enough from each other.  Girls constantly have a pulse on the conversation, keeping tabs on the vital signs of all the relationships at the table like a surgeon.  We are oblivious to that stuff.  Who needs that extra stress?

Four guys could sit at a bar and one could contribute absolute zero on the Kelvin scale.  He could sit in his chair, chuckling and drinking his beer, and nobody would think to ask him if he was okay, what’s wrong, or playfully say ”you’re awfully quiet.”  The real bonus of dudery is, if one of the guys is talking too much, we’re able to make simple statements like ”Dude, shut the f%$& up“.  Girls are so afraid to hurt feelings they’ll let ”that girl” hold the mic all night.  Stop her, please.

It’s fun to go out with guys because the next day the previous night is over and behind us.  For all the dumb comments and bets I’ve heard guys make, I can’t remember more than two.  But, I do remember two.  I’d like to use this forum to remind the losers of the only two high school bets I still remember how much they suck.  This is fun.

One:  Dear Paul Hampson.  Ryan Beckmann was right.  Gretzky scored 92 goals the year he set the NHL record, not 96.  After all that passionate debating…. you lose.

Two:  Paul, I’ve got your back on this one.  Like we said we would, we beat all takers in four player NHL 2000.  Including the highly advertised, doubly publicized sell out event where our opponents nearly cried, thanks to Corbett’s heavily biased verbal chastising.  You know who you are out there.  I mean really, who freezes the puck in video game hockey?

I’m not making the claim that guys never like hanging out with girls, I’m just saying we do enjoy our just-guys nights.  Hell, my girlfriend is a ton of fun.  But there’s always that risk…

Hey, last night when you said….

Ohhh boy.  Herrre we go.

 

*Context for the top shelf of the picture below:  It was college, we lived in that place for 3 years, and we lived in Alaska.  Regardless, we had some pretty stupid conversations in those days that’ve gotten swept under the rug.  I Charlie Kronschnabel Guarantee it.

same-as-freshies1

Comments

3 Responses to “Why Guys Like Hanging Out Without Girls”
  1. harvey says:

    did segal point signs to your house that it was a recycling depot so he could cash in on the deposits again?

    Lovin’ the blog, Bourno, though it has been severely impeding progress on my senior thesis… Next time Segal and I are in the Okanagan during the summer, we need to reminisce and go for another river-tube ride

  2. Neil says:

    From the way they were talking I just assumed they were pretty good. When I sensed the fear my predatory instincts took over.

  3. Charlie says:

    That picture is unreal no question. But the real gem of the whole thing is not the bottles on the top shelf (though those are sweet and rival any collection I have ever seen. Oh and you forgot to mention we rarely kept double of anything.. yeesh) its the ruffles, french onion, and glass of ice with a sip of delicious coke classic left in it. Must have been taking back someday. (Sunday or other) I Charlie Kronschnabel guarantee that.

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