On a Viral Song, a Conspiracy, Stand-up Comedians and New York CityShareThis
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Heyyyyyy, it’s finally “back-to-normal-for-good” time! I ain’t goin’ nowheres, no-mores. Just straight weekday bloggin’ for the rest of the NHL season. Let’s strap in and come out swinging this morning, with the infectious, oh-so-viral Cee-Lo Green song you’ve probably already heard.
Mom, if you’re reading this, you have two options: skip hitting play on that song because of profanity, or listen to it and love it, because profanity doesn’t actually bother you as much as you pretend it does. (Love you and hope your feeling better, BTW). ….Just hit play:
And now, for your tongue-in-cheek, NHL duh-duh-duuhhhhh conspiracy talk of the day….
Friend of the blog Paul Grundy wrote me an email about the Kovalchuk contract situation, volunteering some form of this theory: is it possible that Lou intentionally drew up a contract so ridiculous that the NHL would have to red flag it? Y’know, so the league, owners and old-school GM’s could get the stupid-contract insanity to stop?
Paul’s theory was more along the line of “maybe Lou and Brian Burke were in cahoots to stop the madness and force the league to revisit other team’s stupid deals”. Mine (if I were to swing at a wild pitch) would be more that “maybe Lou and the league had some sort of mutual back-scratch agreement on that 17 year thing”.
(Note: judging by the NHL’s rejection of a follow-up contract, it’s safe to say there’s no “agreement” there, Bourne)
Paul’s idea stemmed from Lamoriello admitting at the presser ”contracts like these” shouldn’t be allowed (did he know at the time that the Kovy one wasn’t going to be?), and Burke’s testimony against the deal (as a GM with a relationship with Lou, who also hates those contracts).
Of course, I don’t actually think this is why the Kovalchuk contract thing happened. But it’s fun to think maybe Lou used it as an add-on to the “hey, why not” flavour the deal had - basically, they either get away with a criminal deal, or he gets the criminal deals stopped. Who knows, maybe that did cross his mind.
Either way, it’s fun to bat around (because remember, this blog isn’t exactly a news source). Especially since, if there’s any three NHL names you’d expect to be a part of some Skull ‘n’ Bones society, it’s guys like Lamoriello, Burke and Bettman.
What’s up tinfoil-hatters? They cook up this scheme on purpose?
Also…. JOSE BAUTISTA MIGHT MAYBE BE POSSIBLY ON STEROIDS.
Y’know what’s awesome? Those walking cane things with seats that fold down. Every time I’m in the lineup at like, the Post Office or something I immediately curse not being old.
I only spent about four hours all-told in the city when I was in New York last week, but man-oh-man do I love it. I took a few pics on my fancy new phone, so I’ll run those at the bottom of the blog if you’re interested. I immediately knew I was back in the heart of the city when a six-foot gender-neutral human passed me on a crosswalk, turned around and said “haaay white boyyyyyy”.
As a long-time stand-up comic connoisseur, I’ve thought about this before, but never really jotted it down:
Being a well-known, top-end stand-up comedian is goddamn hard. Well, you knew that. Let me elaborate.
It’s like trying to be one of the world’s best soccer players versus trying to do the same in hockey – the odds are against you in soccer based on sheer numbers.
What’s the ratio of people who grew up playing soccer versus hockey, like, 859:1? Had everyone in the world grown up on skates, we surely would’ve found a bajillion more talented people who were built to be studs at the game (and I’d be even less relevant). We even play soccer in Canada. That’s how big that game is – it’s played on frozen tundra.
Thus, stand-up comedy is closer to soccer than hockey. Think in high school – in every clique, the most well-liked kids are usually the ones that make their friends laugh. Goths, nerds, jocks, band kids, nerdy goth band kids, whoever – funny matters. And that’s where stand-up comics come from. The funniest of the funny. The cream rising to the top of all the crappy swing-and-a-missers in each and every group.
Whether you realize it or not, we spend years weeding out the funny people, making it part of who they see themselves as being, and thus, all of life has basically been a comedy tryout for everyone. Comedians were originally found by their friends. You’re so funny. You’re hilarious.
Comics epiphany: Wait a sec – maybe I’m really funny.
Sure, any socially unaware idiot can go try to be a stand-up comic (which is why small-town comedy clubs are a crapshoot for your fun factor), but none of those people actually make it. The best of the best – your Seinfelds, say - had to overcome insane “funny odds”, since everyone has tried to be funny. Except I assume, in like, North Korea or somewhere. Maybe they keep the guffaws to a minimum there.
I dunno. That was rattling around in my head.
Okay, my New York visit. I try not to do too much tourist stuff there (because I am one, thus, I’m hated) – instead, my preference is to wander aimlessly and people watch.
But this time, just to say I did it once, I happily “got robbed” for 20 bucks and went to “The Top of the Rock” (Rockefeller Building), so that’s where those pics farther down are from. The rest are just random pics, mostly of the Gillies’ dogs, soooo…. enjoy.
Mmmm, long-distance cell phone video of NYC….
A few seconds of my playing wit a wittle puppy named Cash.
Cash is over a year old now, and over 150 lbs, I’d guess.
This is Bruce, the “small” one of the three.
That’s it that’s all. See ya tomorrow!