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Two Videos, One Face-Punch



The Detroit Lions finally w0n a damn football game this Sunday, the first since 2007.  And so, things are finally turning around for this group of bright-eyed hopefuls.  Could it be because of a very special visit from some very special friends?


Okay, you get one punch, free of consequence, to anyone in America (I narrowed it to the US, cause otherwise you’ll get all intelligent on me and pick someone like Kim Jung Il).  It’s the fight-club game, but not limited to celebrities.  Who’s it gonna be?

Mine?  The guy who runs TMZ.

It’s a bit of a guilty pleasure of the wife’s, so it’s on occasionally.  Unbelievable show.  Has to be seen to be believed.  They chase psuedo-stars around and yell questions at them, then make snide remarks about the responses.  Boggling, boggling stuff.  I’ve been boggled.

My selection is a right cross to the mouth-hole, preferably while he’s talking.


 Alright, as I promised, here’s another Bourne’s Blog prediction, video style.  Ignore the fact that it looks like I recorded this while sleep-walking.  I get started on these things pretty early.

 This one focuses on a couple overlooked teams that aren’t real threats to win the cup, but will be better than what analysts are giving them credit for.  Coulda picked Nashville from the West, but I hate them, so it would’ve been hard.  Your thoughts? 


24 Responses to “Two Videos, One Face-Punch”
  1. JustJeff says:

    I’d punch the guy who created guitar hero… fuck that guy…

  2. JD says:

    Is it possible to divide the punch up amongst several people? Because I would like to dedicate mine to that annoying group of people that consistently litter my Facebook news feed with ridiculous statements about their love life and other trivial personal information, apparently beleiving that people such as me care that they are “Uhg, moving on. Sometimes it’s better to realize love fails and you are better off without assholes in your life”, or that they “Just had a back spasm…OUCH!”. I would like to load up a Drago-esque 2150 psi right bomb and spread the wealth amongst all those Facebook “friends” that tarnish my news feed.

  3. Will77 says:

    So what do you think of the Isles picking Shremp off waivers? When I heard he hit the wire, I thought the Isles should grab him. He could never amount to anything, buts a great low risk high reward situation. And it’ll make shootouts much more interesting

  4. Neil says:

    I agree, the Canadiens will do better than people think (Laraque recently mentioned that the dressing room is a lot more laid back because last year groups of people were in different “cliques”). I think you’re being generous with Oshie and Backes, they are both great but McDonald will likely play with Boyes and Kariya (while groins and ACL’s allow). Obviously they will both progress but I think the Blues have so many of these guys (perron, berglund, steen even, tkachuk in there of course) that no one is going to slide into a “break-out year” without fighting off a few guys first. Plus, for a team that was constantly held back by injuries, they are awfully thin on the back end. If one or two guys get hurt its right back to “crap, we don’t have defensemen now” and a lot of weight on the shoulders of Chris Mason.

    I would line the guy from TMZ up in front of Glen Beck and try to hit him hard enough that his head breaks Glen’s nose, and we can show America what he looks like when he’s really crying. Actually, let’s try to get Tyra in between somehow.

    Great move snagging Schremp off waivers, like you said Will, why not? If was the Isles I’d be grabbing guys like Parrish and Lang and trying to put together a second line with some poise. Maybe they want another high pick to grab a Malkin for their Crosby.

  5. jtbourne says:

    I’d take Parrish back in a heartbeat – the Coyotes beat the Isles to the punch with Lang (not a good sign), but you’re right Neil… why not try to assemble an NHL team?

    Wow. Beck and Tyra… amazing additions I couldn’t mutually agree with more. They’re both easily in my top five.

    I’m not saying Oshie and Backes are Crosby/Malkin – but they’re both potential NHL big names, which makes the Blues legit. No reason to think that a team that barely squeaked into playoffs last year won’t be better with their two young stars having an extra years experience. That makes an eighth place team better.

  6. Neil says:

    True, plus Erik Johnson is back, Chris Mason has apparently been excellent in preseason and he was excellent to close last year (and then good but not great in the playoffs). That is going to be a really, really interesting division this year, the Red Wings won a cup then went back and lost in the finals, crazy to think they have St.Louis, Chicago, and maybe even Columbus on their back this year, almost out of nowhere.

  7. Kyle says:

    This may be the easiest answer in the history of the world: Oprah.

    I honestly cannot think of someone that I would like to see on their ass with a Tebow-like daze in their eyes. Now, Oprah being female, I cannot be the one that does this. However, I would love to see Gina Carono get 30-seconds on her show with me going “Being John Malkovich” in her brain. Yeah, I made that reference. What?

    By the way, JB, anyway you could give a college/WCHA preview? You can even go alum-crazy and give the Salty Dogs a high spot, but just tell me that everything will be back to normal in the Cities.

  8. Officer Koharski says:

    Glenn Beck. I want to give him a stiff forearm to his jiggly gullet, he’s just so obnoxious in every capacity I can’t even adequately explain. He drives me crazy.

    How about the Isles maybe pick up Matt Lashoff? Big, fast, played for Gordon, good skills, I can’t think of a reason why not. An even more logical selection than Schremp. I mean, Schremp stands to displace who, Comeau or Tambellini? Lashoff would compete with Hillen, Meyer and Sutton. I’m way more okay with that.

  9. Megan says:

    Kristin Cavallari. She makes $90,000 an episode for ‘The Hills.’ An episode. Of The friggin’ Hills.

  10. SDC says:

    Can I import Treadgold for the sake of the face-punch? I would drag him across the border to get it done, if I had to.

    Great looking shirt by the way. Can you figure out the camera setting that makes you not look like a mirrored image?

  11. Neil says:

    Most of what I’m reading right now has Backes, Perron, and McDonald on a line, so shows what I know….

  12. John says:

    Re the face punch I’m going with whoever thought up that damned Metro PCS commercial that i hear on my car while listening to WFAN sports radio everyday. Granted, this commercial has greatly increased my fast-twitch muscle reflexes because as soon as I realize that it is the Metro commercial, my arm shoots across the car and mutes the volume before the dreaded “hello…hello…hello” comes on.

    Speaking of jackasses who listen to too much sports radio, I highly recommend a flick called “The Big Fan”. It is directed by the guy who wrote “The Wrestler”, and it is lots of fun. This is a low-budget flick, but if you are a sports fan of any sort, you will respond to it. Just Google the title and see if it is still in your area, if not check it on dvd when it comes out.

    I’m happy as hell that Detroit won a game!. How do you get in that deep, and for so long? Barry Sanders, the most exciting runner the league has ever seen retired in his prime because he was locked into a long-term contract with Detroit and just couldn’t take losing anymore. Re coaching and management it seems like the blind leading the blind up there. Hell…I hope they can get something going.

  13. WWPKD says:

    Micheal Moore is the correct answer to that question. I refuse to pay to go see his movies not because i dont think they will be good but because i dont want to support him in ANY way. I just pirate them illegally online and cross my fingers that one day i get to feed him his own teeth with my fist.

  14. Jbrown says:

    There’s this guy at work that’s number one on my list…

  15. Glenn Beck is a solid choice but I’d go with Todd Palin. He seems like a typical Alaskan male and I don’t have anything against him except that he’s still married to that gawd-awful shrill harpee. Would it be OK to hit her instead (in the context of the theme)? That’d be more satisfying. I did get to yell “Down in front!!!” at her once during a UAA/UAF game.

    I heard she was looking at houses in Long Island. Hehe …

  16. Tom Curran says:

    I’m Punching Bettman in the fucking balls with the’ slappy chop’ guys severed arm!!

  17. jtbourne says:

    You’re right about Lashoff, but I only remember him from college. Not sure where he is, but I’d love to see a big, college d-man back there for the Isles, cause their corps has some serious problems. The Isles have put so much (ice) time and effort into Tambellini and Comeau, it’d be a shame to develop them for so long and see them go start producing somewhere else. Both personal friends too…

  18. jtbourne says:

    The problem with doing a college preview, is that you kinda have to have an f’ing clue what you’re talking about, and I don’t. I hear goooood things about the Seapups this year from their equipment guy (he comments on here a lot. Hi P.D. What’s the scoop dog?), but other than that, I haven’t seen a non-frozen four college game in years. Watch this – with ZERO knowledge I’ll nail the top ten. 1. Minnesota 2. North Dakota 3. Wisconsin 4. Denver 5. Colorado College 6. St. Cloud 7. Minnesota- Duluth 8. Alaska-Anchorage 9. Minnesota- Mankato 10. Michigan Tech

  19. jtbourne says:

    I love these comments, mostly cause I agree with every. single. one.

  20. Firestorm says:

    What? A world of free face punches and nobody has landed a haymaker on Nancy Grace?

  21. Kate says:

    I’d punch the blonde woman who does the faux-news-anchor thing in that credit counseling commercial that runs constantly on NHL Network. You know, the one that edits in an Obama press conference in an attempt to make it look like he’s endorsing this shady company?

  22. AiH says:

    Kobe Bryant – I would love to crow hop a punch into his face. Oh it would feel good!

  23. jtbourne says:

    There are great (Nancy Grace especially). I need to have more recurring segments, like a “punch of the month”, and hold a vote (and then…. do it? I dunno).

  24. minnesotagirl71 says:

    I agree with so many previous answers!

    Not sure I have it in me to punch someone in the face, but a good cross check to Senator Michelle Bachmann would make a LOT of people happy.

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