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Sacre Bleu! C’est Armstrong de Lance!

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The NHL schedule is out today.  In a related story, the Islanders were just mathamatically elimated from the 2010 playoffs.  Tough start.

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Livestrong, Lance Armstrong (or live really strong, with slightly elevated testosterone levels):

I’m not sure what to make of this “nearly-leading-the-Tour-de-France” thing he’s throwing at us.

In regards to steroid use, you have to believe there’s no way he’d be using during this years ride for charity.  He wouldn’t put every previous win he’s ever had at risk by getting caught in the twilight of his career.  He wouldn’t be stupid enough to roll that dice now (if he ever was).Lance

So then I’m left to assume he really just dominates that race, and is legitimately in the mix again, which makes “impressive” an understatement.

It’s made me reflect on his career a bit.

It’s tough to say if he was ever a cheater or not.  You really hope not, for one obvious reason.  If he did, he’s been exploiting his own cancer, holding himself up as a hero, “guiding the way” for those who need a leader.  And somehow, in the last few years, Lance has gone from an abrasive, cheating-accused Texan cycling champion to a celebrity-dating, movie cameo’ed, Mother Teresa brand name.

The upside is that, even if he did cheat, he’s made a ton of money for cancer research.  But then again, how awful would it be to find out some guy has been using his cancer as a platform to celebrityhood, willingly accepting the praise (and book sales) that come with actually overcoming such a hardship? 

I like Lance, and want it all to go down as pure (a little late for “pure” maybe.  This guy’s been accused of drug-use more times than Ricky Williams) strictly because you know the French are pulling out their hair every time he succeeds, yelling “tabernac!” and tearing apart their croissants like Tommy Boy does his pretty little pet.

At the very least, it’ll make for interesting TV, which I’d watch, if it weren’t cycling.

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If you hire a financial planner who looks like this, and is on record as saying he doesn’t like reading because “all them little words confuse me”, then you lose all your money, who’s the idiot?

Lenny Dykstra – $31 shmill. in debt.  Thanks for playin’.

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I’m issuing a cease and desist order on players calling their fans “the best in ______”.  Albert Pujols called the St. Louis fans “the best in baseball” yesterday, which seems unlikely.

Go... Mets?

Go... Mets?

Maybe he’s right in this particular instance (anybody else skeptical out there? Anyone..? Bueller… Bueller…), but it’s got to stop.  I played junior B hockey against a kid who called the Beaver Valley Thunder Hawks fans “the best in hockey”.  Probably not.

Players get stuck on loop, not because they’re incapable of thinking of something good to say, it’s just the nomenclature of the business, the same way the Bush administration would call my shattered jaw a “puck-assisted bone reorganization”.  I understand it at sports’ highest levels:  They get asked 13,000 questions a day, so they put it on auto-pilot.  Plus, any semi-inflammatory thing that crawls out of their mouth is on 98 different talk shows before it’s halfway out, so you can see why the daily message would stay bland.

Part of the job of a professional athlete is talking for the sake of sound bites, but please, lets try to think before declaring something unoriginal (and simply not true).

But on a more serious note… my readers are the best in the world.  Best readers ever.  I just love these guys.  Proud to be a part of something special with ‘em.  It’s a team game.

Comments

17 Responses to “Sacre Bleu! C’est Armstrong de Lance!”
  1. Ed J says:

    C’mon Juston!!!

    Don’t give up hope on the Island, they got a great 1st game in the old barn and who knows…. maybe they will be a .500 team.

  2. jtbourne says:

    Ha, I’m just teasin’, they’ll be fine…

  3. ann says:

    I don’t know. I think Pujols has a point there. There have been plenty of years I can remember where the Cardinals were NOT good, but they continue to get butts in the seats every year. Overall, I don’t think there are as many people willing to jump on the Cardinals bandwagon as there are people willing to jump on the Yankees, Red Sox or Mets bandwagons.

  4. ms.conduct says:

    Beaver Valley? Seriously? The founders there didn’t have some dirty-minded friend to say, “Um, yeah, I know we have lots of beavers and I know we’re in a valley, but…”

    So, speaking of rare players who aren’t cliche machines… how about that Marty Havlat?

  5. possum says:

    ControverseyStrong – All those “but if he was” scenarios you pointed out are why i can’t get behind the guy. Or those yellow bracelets. Now chastise the Southerner one more time….I’m a big kid and can take it. Also if he was on a drug, I don’t see how you can compare it to Ricky’s weed. Isn’t it legal in some of the cities up there? Or at least decriminalized? Like Vancouver? Anybody wanna email me when the Olympics roll around so I know where to go in Vancouver? :D

    Best fans in – I think the Cards could make a pretty good case for the best fans in the bigs, and I think Ann is onto something above. I’m a Braves fan, our fans are mostly idiots…and mostly gone now that we’re not winning the division anymore. I’m with you though, it’s a pretty tired line now. I like when I hear it about Philly fans. “Our fans are the best…cause they can chuck a battery.” Besides, any fan that stood through that dog and pony show before the game started probably is a pretty damned good fan. I’d have been at the beer stand while there wasn’t a line.

  6. ann says:

    HA watch yourself there, possum. ;-) I’m a Phillies fan (and a Philly girl) but yeah, some of our fans are complete idiots (like the moron that chucked a smoke bomb on the ice during a Flyers game against the Pens last October). Then again, every team in every league in the country can say they have some great fans and some big freakin’ idiots.

  7. MisterFred says:

    Hmmm, a new hockey blog commercial is born.

    Loser, Loser, Best Readers in the World!

  8. rm says:

    A few days late and several dollars short…..

    So will “Bourne’s Blog” have its own fantasy football league? I have some time on my hands (i.e. currently unemployed and waiting to hear on the 40+ job apps I have submitted) and might actually be able to make some educated selections for my fantasy NFL team. I will not go for long legged morons (Plaxico Buress, yours for the taking); I will be looking for Wayne Cherbet”s and Phil McConkey’s wanna be’s.

  9. jtbourne says:

    rm – I actually really like the Bourne’s-Blog-fantasy-football-league idea. My guess is, my devout hockey following probably isn’t as into it as you and I are. But, I am going to play this year. I just need to figure out what group/how/what I owe/why I’m so bad at it – fairly soon.

  10. Andrew says:

    Any was to tweak your RSS feed for the new site to publish the entire story? It’s such a drag to now have to click through to read the full story, especially when mobile. Love reading your stuff…

  11. John says:

    lol re the loop answers athletes give. With 99 percent of the guys in ANY sport, I wonder what is the point of either a pre-game, or post-game interview. Because as you pointed out, all it will be is a string of safe and mindless soundbites.

    Pre-game: “…they’re a tough squad…and we know we’re comin’ into their building and their fans are gonna be behind them…but we’re gonna go out there and play our game one period at a time…and we’re not gonna take anything for granted…”

    Post-game: “…well they played tough…and it’s always a challenge to play in this building cause their fans get behind them…but we stuck to our game…took it one period at a time and fortunately we were able to come off with a victory this time out…”

    Thank God for the few exceptions like Ovechkin, Roenick, Avery, and who else? Football and basketball seems to have even more exceptions. Not sure if I’d want TOO many exceptions in hockey, cause hockey is hockey and it is the way it is, but a little color in an interview never hurts.

  12. John says:

    I forgot to say KUDOS on your latest Maxhockey article on “playing guilty”. Loved it!

  13. jtbourne says:

    First, Ms. Conduct – Havlat has been my favourite NHLer for years, so it kills me that he rarely stays healthy. With the newfie pirate look in playoffs, combined with taking that sucker-top-hand shot from Cammalerri, then burying… He still ranks real high. And you’re right: great recent lash-out at the Hawks team President.

    As for the RSS feed Andrew… my web guy is amazing. Every request and question I’ve had about the site he’s nailed, but that seems like something that may be out of his control. I’ll run it by him and get you an answer asap.

  14. Steve says:

    Love the blog. Best blog in the world!

    BTW, why is one of the tags on this post “Hitler Video”? Just askin’

  15. I’m not really a big NFL guy but there should definitley be an official Bourne’s Blog NHL fantasy league. It’s still way down the road but that has to happen.

  16. jtbourne says:

    Ahhh, I had a video on but deleted it because yesterday’s posting was a bit long… I’ll put the video in today.

    And Koharski – that’s a good idea too, we’ll set that up.

  17. rm says:

    I know ESPN had a league system for fantasy baseball. You could have a free league for bragging rights or one based on prizes (which cost $$). They handled all the management issues (rules, trades, roster deadlines etc.) and updated the league standings on a regular basis. I didn’t get in the league in time; I didn’t have 11 other people to go in with, and didn’t want to be put in with random people and be the butt of their jokes/league.

    I’m pretty sure ESPN and/or NFL.com will run and manage your fantasy football league and if Bourne Blog regulars are into that, count me in too. I’m not super knowledgeable, but I watch a lot of football (the Sunday Ticket rocks!), but it is something I always wanted to try and I hope to hold my own.

    I’m all up for the free league and bragging rights, and considering the really pretty shiny rock you just bought, you might be too :) … and especially if you succumb to the charms of one of those cute bulldog puppies (plan on at least $500/yr for vet, food and toy bills).

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