Tigers New Commercial, Masters Predictions
Posted by jtbourne on April 8, 2010 · 19 Comments
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Ahhh, beautiful Masters morning. Can you smell those Azaleas? (You really love this golf stuff, huh Chubbs?)
Just add Jim Nantz
Shall we talk golf (as 80% of my readers “x” out this screen)? I think we shall.
First, here’s the f**ked up re-release of Tiger Woods 2.0, as decided by Nike. Oh, the poor, tortured soul. Of course, that’s the voice of his deceased father, Earl Woods:
Spooky, awkward, and about the only option Nike had to shove this guy back into some level of marketability. I still think Tiger should have gone the opposite way with this thing – you know, admit he’s not a family man, take up condom sponsors and start talking trash like a WWE heel. It’s Bill Simmons idea, but it’s just such a good one. Opponents would have been reminded: he’s a killer, a hitman, and you should fear him.
Now it’s just uncomfortable.
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PREDICTIONS:
FAVOURITES
Tiger – He’s gonna miss the cut or win the golf tournament, with the first part being the most likely. But even you Tiger haters don’t want him to miss the cut. This sideshow is too good to miss, and lets face it - if he isn’t involved, my interest – like yours – will probably be cut in half.
Phil – I’d love to see Phil in the mix too, of course, but the guy has struggled in Tigers absence (one top ten in seven tournaments), because of his own personal reasons. That being, his wife and his mother recently discovered they have breast cancer. Kinda tilts the scales in who you root for in the Tiger vs. Phil matchup of old, right?
Padraig Harrington – With three majors under his belt, a great personality and a solid game, if you don’t cheer for him you’re not allowed to enjoy St. Patty’s Day from now on.
Anthony Kim - America’s best hope. Anyone who can wear a huge belt with their own initials in rhinestones (hell, it may be diamonds, who knows… he’s rich) on it has the confidence to close out if he gets in the mix on Sunday.
Ian Poulter – an uber talented, crazy dressing SOB who once claimed that when he got his game together, it’d just be him and Tiger. Since then, I’ve grown to like him, and think he’s just about ready to peak. Or burst into actual flames, judging by those outfits.
Retief Goosen – I mean, come on. Watching that guy swing is like hearing a lullaby. He can win any week.
Ernie Els – See notes on Goosen.
DARK HORSES:
Ryo Ishikawa – “The next one”… and we all know Tiger came roaring out of the gates. He also looks like a female pop singer.
Fred Couples – He’s been my favourite player my whole life, and it’s no different now. Maybe mopping the Champions Tour and getting healthy is enough for him to grab another green jacket in his 50′s. Okay, probably not.
Obligatory Canadian Mike Weir mention here – he’s a golfer, and in the tournament.
….AND THE WINNER IS….
Me. It’s always me. I have no freaking idea who’s going to win.
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Dear NHL on the Fly – can you stop talking about Seguin and Hall long enough to cover the race for playoff seeds? Thanks. We’ll address those kids when it’s time. They’re exceptional, we’ve heard.
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Short one today, folks. Gotta get some work done before the coverage starts. HAPPY Thursday!
I'm a hockey player turned writer. After playing for Alaska Anchorage in the WCHA (NCAA), I carried on with an NHL tryout (New York Islanders in 2007) before spending a couple seasons in the AHL/ECHL (last year was 2008-09). My father, Bob Bourne, won four Stanley Cups with the Islanders in the '80's, as did my fiancee's dad, Clark Gillies. I'm now the web editor for theScore's hockey blog "Backhand Shelf."
I think it’s pretty sad that Nike and Tiger are going to profit from him being a scumbag. All they are missing in that ad is angels circling around his head and singing. And I wonder how his (soon to be ex?) wife feels about the ad? It’s not gonna make me buy any Nike products, that’s for sure!
I can’t share your love of the Masters, Justin. Sorry. Watching golf on TV for me is a sure prescription for a nap. I will, however, be watching the Frozen 4 on ESPN@!
I know it’s YOUR blog and all but really…golf?
Hopefully that “work” will include some Frozen Four semi-final coverage.
(Coverage meaning insight and expert commentary…both games today on the Deuce.)
Here’s some insight – most hockey players LOVE golf. A startling amount of them.
But don’t fret – I’m taping both college games to watch tonight, I’ll write a bit about them. Oh, the perks of complete blog ownership.
GOLFGOLFGOLF!
Retief Goosen was my pick in a One and Done Fantasy Golf League.
Azaleas have a smell?
Instead of angels flying around his head, I picture an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the the other. (flash back to Animal House) And of course the devil is saying.. ‘Eff her. Eff her brains out’
Yes Tiger, we’d all like to find what your thinking was and what your feelings are…no response? Super – then just stand there and look pathetic.
I love Phil! The commercials last year about his foundation/charitable work made me want to hug him and his wife. I just read a story about how he was out of contention for some tournament and he invited the doctor who is treating his wife and mother to caddy for him. It was supposed to be just one hole – but he birdied the hole so the doc caddied the next couple and Phil birdied those, too. Nice job being a nice guy, Phil!
I don’t think azaleas have a smell…I’ll check on that in about 60 days when they bloom in Minnesota.
There are flowers without a scent? Are azaleas not a flower?
I must have lived in a nice part of the world in Kelowna. Pretty smellin’ flurrrs errywhere.
Flowers… the beautiful things that are making it difficult for me to breathe. Ahh, allergy season…
I like Phil, have since he won his first tourney as an amateur, and always start watching the majors hoping he’ll win. So, I hope it’s him – but with the way he’s played recently with everything else on his mind, I won’t be surprised if/when he doesn’t.
I have a question about the golf-hockey thing – cuz it’s a thing there’s no denying it.
-A friend of mine had to give up playing golf because it messed with his baseball swing (and he was playing baseball competitivly).
-When people who don’t know what they’re doing pick up a hockey stick they usually swing it like a golf club and are mocked for it.
How come golf doesn’t mess with hockey players? Or does it and it’s a mental challenge? Or do the like the game so much they’re willing to mess with their hockey swings (doubtful, but I had to put it out there). Any idea?
I think when you look at it beyond any similarities in the game (not many), there are two main reason there’s probably a passion overlap:
1) They’re both upper/middle class sports. It’s a crappy reason, but we all like what we’ve been exposed to, and if you’re parents could afford to put you in hockey, golf is in the picture. If we grew up somewhere eles it may be cricket and soccer.
2) It’s one of the two most socially acceptable places to waste a day (fishing is number two). Summer training, if you get up at a reasonable hour (eight) can be finished by the early afternoon. Social beer sports rule.
As for why it doesn’t mess up hockey players, there is no slapshot “swing”. No form, no technique, it’s just highly individualized based on body types, lengths of sticks, just whatever feels natural. You can’t mess up something that isn’t thought out.
PS. (NHL on the fly letter) – If I see that Ed “too tall” Jones commercial one more time you will owe me a 62 inch flat screen because I am just going to snap. (Billy Madison for those of you non movie buffs)
Maybe you didn’t get it Char. See, he says “is Ed “too tall” Jones too tall, because the answer is yes. Just like the answer to the um, whatever they’re selling thing is. I’ll walk you through it when you get here.
My favorite is the “does a ten pound bag of flour make a really big biscuit?” and apparently it does.
Horticulture 101 lesson for today….
Azaleas are shrubs with flowers.
Flowers have a scent (pretty or foul) if they need to attract pollinators. But not all need to attract pollinators or they may use color or flower shape to attract them. (Hybridized plants are often sterile [they don't create seeds] so no need for pollinators.)
Azaleas have been hybridized so they have large, showy, bright colored flowers with and buds better cold tolerance. When plants are hybridized they lose some characteristics and scent is often the first to go. Ever smelled florist roses compared to garden roses? Same deal – roses have been hybridized to have long stems and large flowers and end up with practically no scent. Garden roses may not be the prettiest to look at, but they smell FABULOUS.
Now that I have exposed my garden geekiness…class dismissed.
So sorry if I just pushed Steve C. over the edge – not only are we not talking about golf today, but we are talking flowers. JB asked. I love it when someone can answer my questions.
O Canada… land of pretty hockey boys and flowers that haven’t been robbed of their scent for commercial purposes. *sigh*
Anyway, I asked because we do azaleas out the ass here in Houston and if they had a smell, Houston would smell intensely of them for a good month. But alas, Houston just smells like Houston. Which thankfully isn’t like Philadelphia.
So, there’s golf on?
How about the University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux having to retire their nickname? Or even more so, get new jerseys, which were voted the best in all of hockey last year? Pretty lame decision by the NCAA I would say…
I’d totally let the Sioux keep the name, that is, if, they stopped yelling “home of the sioux” at the end of the national anthem because I think it’s far more tasteless and offensive than their ethnic mascot/logo
Uh, so. Maybe skip watching those college games? For serious. Painful.