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Through The Fog

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My thoughts are a murky, sluggish assemblage of half-organized sentences this morning.  Since I’m back in Boise for the week to finish my doctor visits, I went to the Steelheads game last night and caught up with the guys after.  I’m treating the next person to suggest I get braces like Rhianna (oooh …too soon?).  The following are things I remember from the bar last night that I feel are worthy of mention.

-Crocs are the sweatpants of shoes.  If you’re wearing them in public, you’ve given up.

- My bartending buddy Jake shaved his one year beard, apparently letting go of his dream of playing Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings 4.  He had, apparently, read my bit on the awkward mandshake (thats copyrighted) and went out of his way to make me uncomfortable during our hello.  In hindsight, thats funny.  In current sight, TIME just ran a piece about the new handshakes and hugs of men.  I feel so relevant.

- Girls are getting a little presumptuous.  As my readers are probably aware, I’m a happily taken man.  Last night,  I leaned on a foosball table, and one of the metal poles that the mini-Pele’s are floating on moved to the other side of the table, poking some girl in the back.  She turned around, held up her engagement ring and said “nice try“.  Really?  Is this a common form of attempted pick up, the foosball pole in the back?  “Oo, Janine, that guy keeps ramming a metal handle in my back, should I go talk to him??”  I hate the bar.

- I furthered my old person stance on crowded bars last night.  I like to drink, but I’d rather do it with people I like and somewhere I can actually hear them.  I think I’m officially over putting myself in a stew of  drunk girls (oh my god no waaay!) and dudes who want to enforce their place on the food chain, which from what I can tell, has Italians just over lions, but just below rich kids.  Having 20 teammates at a bar is the ultimate trump card to the tough guy bluff though, so I enjoyed that.  Eddie describes Italians better than me.  Beware, awful (hilarious) language:

Maybe it’s just because I’m a tad hungover and have the stupids, but I’m dying laughing right now.  There’s a famous YouTube video I’m sure a lot of you have seen that I’ve been watching.  So,while I’m abusing Italians (which is really odd, since I don’t actually hold any prejudice), let me recommend the video “My New Haircut” on YouTube.  Talk about the bar scene in a nutshell.  The language is just a little too bad to put on my blog (especially the start), so Mom and those of you who are here because of all the animal pictures, you don’t need to look at that video.  Everyone else, you do.  Yes Dad, you need to check it out too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JMOh-cul6M

- Hockey players aren’t that bright to begin with, so talking to a drunk one is like communicating with particle board.  It boggles my head-meat that girls continue to enjoy their company.

- Here’s a big one:  I think I’m over mustaches being funny.  It was a great little gag for a bit there to be in your 20′s and shave in a ridiculous mustache, but I kinda think I’m over it.  I feel like George and Kramer telling Jerry the “helllooooo” voice is passe.  I really feel bad saying it,  I’m sorry.  But it’s over for me.

Anyways, those are my little thoughts for the morning.  Back in Boise means back to blogging.  I’ve finished my second little bit for The Hockey News, which is exciting, mostly because of the response to the first.  I shaved the first submission down from 1550 words to 700 with some help, so the meat of it will be printed in the magazine soon!

Parting facts: NBC showed an excellent hockey game today.  Alexander Ovechkin is the most electric player ever to play hockey.

And the best news of the day….. Drumroll please…..  NBC ran a commercial in which Tiger Woods is simply tying his golf shoes and whistling “Eye of the Tiger”.  At the end they display the words “He’s baaack”.  Hurray!

Comments

3 Responses to “Through The Fog”
  1. Jake says:

    I’ve finally made it to the Big Show, a mention in “The Blog”. Good to see you last night J.B. Glad you’re back. By the way, it’s S.O.S. (Suds On Sunday) tonight. Bing bong.

  2. Travelchic59 says:

    OMG! The Crocs line is priceless! I have a friend who wears shorts,Crocs and socks to every Islanders game (we both have season tix)no matter the weather. I gotta get him to read this, and watch that Eddie Murphy vid too as he’s Italian.

  3. JZ says:

    My fiance shares your position on bars. I agree to an extent, but try to at least make the best of a crowded-bar situation instead of just standing there looking bored & not even attempting to talk to anybody. (Now that I know that curiosity about silence is a side effect of being female I’ll try to leave him alone when he gets like that.) Maybe it’s just a happily-taken-guy thing. In general I’m clinging to the faint hope that at the age of 24 we are not yet old people just because we’re getting married and prefer our beer in a bottle instead of directly from a metal drum (keg-stand optional).

    I wish I could explain what it is about girls & hockey players… even the dumb ones. However, aforementioned fiance isn’t one, which may demonstrate that our desire for hockey player company is fleeting and short-lived. (Incidentally, consider yourself luck that your ladyfriend grew up with the game & therefore, I assume, has some kind of appreciation for it. My dude had literally no interest before I came along, & he still readily admits that his favorite part of my college games was the Zamboni.)

    Also, crocs = major suck. I’m going away for spring break tomorrow & if I see someone at the airport wearing crocs with sweats/pajama pants, ohhh it’s on.

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