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Simply Style

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I still live out of a suitcase, which basically means I wear about five shirts on loop.  It’s been seven cities in three years, and I just wanna hang my shit up.

Anyways, I figured it was probably high time I add a sixth shirt to the rotation - throw a little curveball at society.  So, where does a 26 year old go to buy a t-shirt?  I didn’t know either, so logically, I hit the mall.

Skulls. 

Skulls everywhere.

Apparently, understated is out.  And apparently, overstated is not.  Flames, roses and daggers seem to be popular side dishes for this buffet of shirts that look like someone wore a glue-covered cotton “t” into an all-gothic car accident.

At least they had the decency to bedazzle it.

At least they had the decency to bedazzle it.

I wasn’t aware that Ed Hardy would be the leading influence in how The Bay chooses to use it’s buying power, but apparently they were quite taken with his LOOK AT MY SHIRT! line of tees, and tried to make them with lesser quality materials.  Very sharp.

There’s no secondary option.  No tasteful, minimally logoed, light summer t-shirt.  Your options are collared shirt, Hanes three-pack, or Ultimate Fighting enthusiast.  I can’t wait to look back at this era of men’s fashion the same way we now look at the 80′s. 

“How did we ever think that was okay?”

I bought nothing.

**Disclaimer:  I have a purple and light purple shirt with an embroidered rose and latin writing on it that I reserve the right to wear twice a year free from judgement.  No juding.  You’re judging me aren’t you.  I feel judged.

*****

The famous lighthouse at Turnberry

The famous lighthouse at Turnberry

Ahhhh, the British Open at Turnberry.

How badly I want to go to Ireland.  My Irish roots are in Tinaheely, apparently (and actually, our family name was O’Burne a mere four or five generations back, before someone moved here and chucked the “o” in the middle “to avoid persecution”, I’m told).

But lets talk Watson.

Every year some blast-from-the-past hangs around for a few days in a major and lets the commentators reminisce on the days of yore.  That player is usually someone pushing 50 - Watson is two months from being goddamn 60, and is doing it against the best players in the world, with Tiger in the field, and has hung around for three days now.  Plus, he just had his hip replaced in October! <—- (Not a joke)

One of golf's true gentlemen

One of golf's true gentlemen

This would have to be the greatest win in the history of golf if he could slap it around Turnberry in a couple under par tomorrow (by the way, anybody else get the feeling that this event would’ve been a freebie for Mickelson?  With Tiger out of the mix and the leaders not going super-low… gotta believe he’d have been at least a in the hunt). 

Tiger winning a US Open by 15 shots has to be the most impressive win of my lifetime, but if Watson could get hot for just one more day… wow. 

Yup, I’ll do it.  If Tom wins, I’ll vow to give up all forms of the ageist slander I enjoying chucking at my parents for lent next year.  Come annnnn Tom!

By the way, has Watson not been the best-dressed guy in the tournament by miles so far?  I’m loving his classic sweaters, even the slightly risqué one he’s rocking above.  Little purple collar under it?  The guys on point this week.

Comments

13 Responses to “Simply Style”
  1. Jake says:

    Thank you. I hate those shits, I mean shirts, and hats, and jackets, and people who wear those shirts and hats and jackets. It’s like you can see directly into my deepest and most inner thoughts. You’re weird.
    jl

  2. Jake says:

    Oh yeah, go Yanks. I know you love my pic. Like a young Goose Gossage, kinda.
    jl

  3. Padge says:

    “Tomorrow is the most exciting day in Retirement Home history”
    “Buy stock in Viagra”

    Sheryl Scott

  4. jtbourne says:

    The Goose Gossage, I see. The “young”, I’m still workin on.

  5. sweetlou says:

    Umm…I am not sure where you were shopping but let me tell you that Ed Hardy has not been in style for a while now.

  6. Meg Jarrell says:

    Shopping advice my friend…

    Find a mall with an Old Navy, Gap, and preferably Banana Republic. And if you have an outlet mall in driving distance, find the nearest Polo outlet. You can’t go wrong with Ralph…

    And where was Bri…she should be helping you. Everyone knows guys suck at shopping :)

  7. jtbourne says:

    Bad style is never in style. Sadly, it’s still the uniform of the douche (and has been for awhile now).

  8. jtbourne says:

    Ha, of those stores, I definitely dig Banana Republic (the sale rack), which is where most of my stuff is from. Bri doesn’t get here til August 4th, but promised to peruse her local Banana before heading up here.

  9. Ostentatious clothing serves a vital purpose in the modern world. It lets you know from afar; “I’m a tool, don’t bother talking to me.”

  10. ms.conduct says:

    Man, you are outing, like… I dunno, nearly every pro hockey player I’ve seen in civvies in the last 2 years.

  11. jtbourne says:

    I don’t know where or what a “civvie” is, but the ratio is of d-bags to nice guys in hockey is equal to, or higher, than the rest of the population. We are not exempt.

  12. ms.conduct says:

    Civilian dress. Not hockey gear or a suit.

  13. Neil says:

    hilarious post, love it. you’re so right about the shirts, and to make matters worse, you go to nice restaurants and there is some group of guys dressed up in embroidered skulls because they figure it’s a nice dress shirt. Not so much.

    Even though this store is a big douche fest for different reasons, I like American Apparel because you can get plain clothes in simple colours and they are generally made in the US so the sweat shops are a little bit nicer.

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