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The Awkwardanese Poodle Wrangler



I’ll address Swiffer’s new invention a little farther down.


The NFL season is a beast of a schedule.  It’s only 16 regular season games, sure, but have you watched one?  The game is an hour long, of which players are on the field 20-40 minutes depending on their position and how the game is going.  But those are brutal minutes.  Every play carries the summer of training combined with anger and opportunity, all jammed into each gigantic shoulder-to-helmet explosion.

Which is why I appreciate that the performance Brett Favre did what it was supposed to do.  After years of watching professional baseball players stats increase after fourty (hmm), and 18 year olds excelling in the NHL, it was nice to watch the natural curve and progression of a normal (and excellent) career.  The man was playing Quarterback in the NFL at 40, his shoulders were held together with Scotch Tape and the press was harder on him than the opposing Defensive Line.  As a Jets fan, I was crushed when the team stumbled down the stretch, but it wasn’t beyond understanding.  Clemens fastball got better at 42 and we all thought “Wow, this guy’s a legend”.

Didja see the Westminster Dog show? Didja??  It was great.  Watching it, I instantly became the worlds harshest dog critic.  Nope, stupid haircut.  That one has dumb feet.  Punch that dog.  But I laugh about every two minutes.  Where are all these dogs in the real world?  Why doesn’t my neighbor own a dog with cord-thick dreadlocked hair?  I want one.

Stump was the big winner.  Get a loada this guy.

Ha!  What a proud breed, Sussex Spaniel.  I don’t usually care for Spaniels, but come on, his name is Stump and he’s ten.  You love him.  But there’s some other crazy breeds.  Check these dogs out:


I’m a Komondor.  I say arf.


You can’t tell if I furrow my brow.


You can punch one of us, go.


Good times.  I think the next reality show should be “Pick the biggest dog dork”, and at next years dog show we’ll use a little trickery.  The dog owners will think it’s a show for the dogs, but really we’ll use the show as a platform to interview as many of these obsessive dog owners as possible and we’ll pick the biggest social write-off.  For betting purposes, the people who pick owners of Standard Poodles have to give the rest of us odds.

But wait!  I think we have an early leader!  Not sure who he is, but he looks eligible.

My family doesn’t have a whole lot of dogs in it, aside from the Gillies collection of Newfoundlands.  Let me quote the Dog Show Commentator on Newfoundlands (note: “Dog Show Commentator” not eligible for social-ineptness award)  “Not the dog for neat freaks.  They drool and shed and like to play in the water bowl from the bottom up.  Champion swimmers”.  Nice pick Pamcakes.

But if the Bourne’s were to have a family entry, it would be my Aunt Kathy’s dog Duffy.  He’d probably win any dog show with his deep, intelligent eyes, we’ve just never tried.  There’s just one issue.  What category do we run  it  him in?



10 Responses to “The Awkwardanese Poodle Wrangler”
  1. Neil C says:

    If you haven’t already, rent Best in Show

  2. KC says:

    hilarious… i just watched that movie this weekend. “Jessica” was the best – the guy that runs the show’s dog. Ridiculous. ;)

  3. jtbourne says:

    That’s huge for me, I needed something to rent tonight… I’m heading to get it. Documentary?

  4. markelliott says:

    Oh you,re going to be in BIG trouble when Aunt sees this..

  5. Breezy says:

    I would like to officially defend Duffy. he has a thyroid problem. period. the end.

  6. Travelchic59 says:

    I’m partial to last year’s Dog Show winner. The good old fashioned everyday Beagle. We used to have one ourselves. Gentle, fun loving, easy going. Best dog. Ever.

  7. Aunt Kathy says:

    Now my Duff is an internet, international star! Should be best in all breeds…

  8. jtbourne says:

    Haha, you’re so right! Wait til you see tomorrow’s blog. You’ll renew your membership in the World Wildlife Fund for surrrre!

  9. Jeff Bourne says:

    Hey man, i dunno if Duff would ever win the Best in show dog…but ya never know.

  10. jtbourne says:

    For those of you who enjoyed my half-ass show comments, this link will take you to a hilarious review of the Dog Show by someone who was actually there.

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