Caps Goaltending, Modano, and Quality Sportswriting

 

It’s that time of year – NHL news is at a minimum, and summer fun is at a maximum.  Although, I live in Phoenix, so it’s “winter” here (you don’t go outside for very long if you can avoid it).  I will say this about the heat though – it’s not as bad as people say. 

It was supposedly 115 here last Saturday, and we spent four middle-of-the-day hours floating on tubes down Salt River.  We still sit by the pool periodically.  Basically, if water is involved, you can make it work.

Anyway, the point is that there isn’t much to discuss around the NHL.  I, for one, care zero percent about prospect camps.  I mean, literally, zero.  So, until something relevant comes up (Kovy signing!), lets BS about random, puck-based stuff.

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So, the Flyers Capitals are really going through with the whole “nah, we’re good on a goalie” thing?  To those fans who keep saying Varlamov will get better and will be able to get it done, I ask you – why are you okay with rebuilding at one position?  Do it everywhere or nowhere.  The rest of your team is ready now.  Actually, it’s been ready for two years, both of which you’ve squandered by accepting mediocrity in net. 

Fine, Varlamov is going to be great some day.  So let him back up til that day.  Or trade the potential he (or Neuvirth) has for a decent defender, and sign one of the million quality goaltenders looking for work.  Y’know, so you can try and win that Cup thingy.  This team is ready, if they’d just adresss their very few weaknesses.  If you don’t, you risk becoming the Flyers.

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Do you want Mike Modano to come to your team?  As in, a guy playing the role of third line checker with a goal scorer’s body and a good amount of gray in his beard?  Probably not right?  Yet for some reason, I can see it working under Babcock in Detroit.  And only there.

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Follow this link to read borderline NHLer Paul Bissonette’s hilarious (though somewhat offensive) tweet-binge about how women aren’t as funny as men.  Or as smart.

The tweets remind me of being in a locker room, so you may enjoy them.  Raw stuff.  Feel free to poke around that site too, it belongs to friend of the blog, Callum McCarthy.

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SPORTS WRITING: As many of you are aware, my favourite sportswriter is Bill Simmons (though, oddly, that’s been waning a bit of late – undoubtedly something to do with him just making podcasts and retro-diaries, AKA lazy stuff).  It’s hard to write 5,000-8,000 words coherently, and this guy composes clear arguments that seem to span the length of entire books.  Unfortunately, Bill rarely covers hockey.

Between Simmons and my favourite hockey writer is a guy who acts as a nice segueway for me here, Bruce Arthur.  I’m a new reader and twitter follower, but from what I’ve taken in thus far, he’s kinda half-hockey half-basketball.  There’s some clever bite in his writing, and the guy seems like a good thinker.

And, as I’ve also mentioned before, my colleague (and general superior) Greg Wyshynski makes the grade as my favourite hockey writer.  Of course, I’m far too involved in hockey to agree with everything anyone says (like I do with Simmons on basketball), but 96.75% of the time, I can get on Greg’s page.  He’s fair, funny, knows WAY too much about players, teams and history, and writes well.  Best of all, he doesn’t take the sport too seriously, like, say, every single writer from the Toronto area.

Today’s post on free agency is great, and includes a line from agents (about their players) that Islanders fans can choke on: “The money was pretty much the same everywhere. Guys were just deciding on where they wanted to play the most,” said one agent.  Hey Isles, nobody’s choosing you for your low house prices and Cup-winning potential.  Might have to go a bit above and beyond matching offers these days.

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I’m convinced Steve Yzerman is gonna be a rockin’ GM.  The Teddy Purcell signing was a nice way to get a good player in on a low salary, something he’s going to have to do since three of his players make something like a combined $25 million.

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The Hockey Greats Fantasy Camp is almost full.  We’re down to about a half-dozen available spots – email me at jtbourne@gmail.com if you’d like to inquire… it’s a once-in-a-lifetime summer vacation.  And when I say that, I don’t just do it as a pitch – I never try to sell my readers a damn thing, am I right?  My name is on this camp, and I’m proud of it.  We see more tears and hugs on the final day than I ever thought possible.  I’d love to have some more readers there (we already have two!)

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Happy Humpday.  Hope it’s a doozy!

An Ovy-Centric Look At The Capitals Chernobyl

 

Finger pointing and blame. 

It rarely happens immediately or directly after monumental sports failures, instead, it slowly leaks into the tone of the dressing room dissidents as time distances them from the actual collapse.

To their credit, the Capitals endured the interviews following the loss and said the right things.  Really, what are you supposed to say?  You give credit to your opponent, express disbelief at your failure, and try to make some sense of what happened, just moments after it occurred.

“Mrs. Smith, You just found out your husbands leaving you for a younger woman, what went wrong in your marriage?”

But somebody’s to blame.  And we’ll find out who they chose to pin it on with their off season summer moves.  Which starts today.

Hey, maybe they’ll trade for Carey Price.

The Montreal Canadiens – they of the lowest point total in the playoffs (88, 33 less than the high-flying Caps), Kiebler elf forwards, and mid-season goalie controversies – deserve some freakin’ respect for what they just accomplished.  Congrats, fellas.

They played smothering team defense, blocked the shit out of a kabillion shots, and scored just enough goals to win (my favourite point about Marc-Andre Bergeron’s offensive role was a retweet by Bob McKenzie of a Mike Mckenna tweet: “MA Bergeron is like a field goal kicker. Waits on bench til needed (PP). Does his biz, back on bench.”  LOVE that tweet.)

Before I carry on with my look back at the series (and game seven), I’ll get it out of the way: I was wrong (last year I picked the Caps to win in “three” games too – AKA an easy sweep – and they won that one in seven. Yikes).  And further credit-giving: for an upset to happen, you need great goaltending – Halak was obviously the biggest reason this happened. 

Now, what to take from this Capitals loss….

Washington is the first team I can ever remember watching that’s worse when they try harder. 

In regular season contests where they don’t care to put themselves out too much, they let the puck do the work.  They dish to whichever uber-talented linemate is the most open, and they seem to be entertaining themselves like a cat with string by playing keep-away from their opponent.

This was a totally different Capitals team.  When they needed offense, a huge red flag was the way they switched to “don’t worry, I got this” mode.  To not be able to identify and rectify this problem is a look at the lack of leadership coming from inside that dressing room, which is on both Boudreau and Ovechkin.  If your captain is the first guy opting out of the team’s tic-tac-toe-n-go style that got you this far when the going gets tough, you can’t expect your other young gunners to do anything different than the same thing. 

Ovy is their leader, there’s no doubt about it.  Like it or not.  So when he leads the wrong way – by switching to blinders-on one-man-mode – you’re on the path to a disaster FEMA couldn’t clean up (so, um, your standard disaster, then).

If any good came of this, it’s that the Crosby/Ovechkin debate is over, for at least the next year.  It’s early in Ovechkin’s career, and he can fix this the way Kobe Bryant realized there’s an easier way to win than taking it all on himself.  Ovy may have scored as many round one goals as Sidney (5), but Crosby made every person in a Penguin’s sweater better, tacking NINE assists on to that total. 

I’m a little nervous about how this is going to affect the Great Eight, one of the games most charismatic stars, and a guy who’s clearly getting increasingly agitated with reporters and fans.  There’s been hints of child-star-growing-up style acting out over this season.  God help us if he gets angry and decides to play more physical next year.

All I know is, the Canadiens have no captain, which in this series was better than having one lead them in the wrong direction.

Couple other non-Ovy based thoughts:

*Poor NBC and Versus today.  You know they’re totally blue-balled by the Washington/Pittsburgh series that could have been.  It seemed inevitable.  They were so close.  And then…. c***blocked by Montreal.

*Number 8-seeds beat number 1-seeds in the NHL so often I’m starting to wonder if this is a good thing for the NHL.  Don’t get me wrong - upsets are awesome.  But it halfway voids my interest in the regular season.  2-seed, 4-seed, 6-seed, whatever, just get in.  The best teams are still the best teams regardless where they finish, and this year they came into the playoffs as an Eastern Conference 4-seed, and a Western Conference 5-seed.

Can you imagine when the Sharks and Capitals are going at it for the Presidents Trophy next year (Sharks won’t be, but whatever) how little you’ll care?  I need a job here, so I’ll pretend it’s “an epic finish for the one seed” or whatever hyperbole I’ll write, but whatever.  JUST MAKE PLAYOFFS!

*I’ve mentioned before, the best coach I’ve ever had was Davis Payne, for his ability to make in-game adjustments.  I’ve lost a playoff series with a different coach because we “weren’t worried about them” and stuck to a “our game plan”, which was, incidentally, horrible.  Boudreau…. did you just maybe kinda possibly get (badly) out-coached?

*And last, the obligatory Semin comment:  He’s a 40-goal guy who played like a complete bag of marshmallows in playoffs.  How has that regular-season-stud-stuff panned out for San Jose?  The Capitals NEED a goalie, the way Philly has been good enough to contend for a Cup but has refused to acknowledge their goaltending deficiency for the past decade.  Bye-bye Semin, hello legitimate starting goalie.  Make that trade.  This team has more than enough offense to win.  You should be able to get a legit starter for less than what you pay Semin, so put that towards re-signing Backstrom.

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And just like that, on to round two, my friends of the blog.  Awesome stuff. 

I went 5-3 in round one predictions, which is a well-below-average performance.  I’ll try to get series previews up ASAP, and I’ll try not to embarrass myself this time!

Coyotes/Red Wings Analysis, Habs/Caps Preview

 

The Phoenix Coyotes are done.

They pushed the two-time defending conference champion Detroit Red Wings to the brink before petering out in game seven, effectively losing to the conference’s one seed dressed as a five.

Sadly, game seven looked like the last lap of a 1500 meter Olympic race, where the leader came out of the gate sprinting instead of pacing himself.  There was simply nothing left in the Coyotes tank.

Detroit took it to them for the majority of the game, starting from a Martin Hanzal penalty early in the first, and carrying on until Nicklas Lidstrom’s second goal, for which he immediately looked sincerely apologetic. 

Positives were few and far between for the home squad.  One, was that it might have been the best performance from a goalie who gave up six goals I’ve ever seen.  The Wings were just relentless, and as you expect from a proven team, just when they needed to get it done they got big performances from their stars.

Datsyuk looked unflappable.  Captain Nick Lidstrom sniped a pair.  Even some sasquatch named Bodd Tertuzzi or something scored.  When the core of a team who’s won the Cup once and the conference twice in the last two playoffs has the switch flipped to “on”, you expect it to look like that 6-1 win did.  (I found myself cursing the Coyotes for beating LA and Nashville down the stretch… wait for playoffs!  Dress your back-ups back-up!  LET GRETZKY COACH.)

The Coyotes were missing Shane Doan, arguably the biggest cog in their team-first machine.  With him in the lineup, who’s to say how momentum changes?  Doan played like a man possessed when he was in the lineup, which would undeniably affected Detroits older d-corp over a long series.  It could have been one more straw on the back of Detroits camel (what?).

Between the pipes, there’s only one play I’m pinning on the Almighty Bryz – Brad Stuart’s goal, which was Detroits fourth, scored in the period’s dying seconds, HAS to be stopped.  I realize it’s a breakaway and a tough save, but great goalies come up big in big moments, and that fourth goal was a twist of the knife in Phoenix’s side.  And it was Brad Stuart half-falling, not Pavel Datsyuk opening up before pulling it cross-crease.  Phoenix needed a save there, and when they didn’t get it, I would’ve flipped to a different game had one been on.

At the other end, Jimmy Howard made 32 saves in a one (bad) goal against performance.  If you’re like me, you didn’t feel fully comfortable that he would play well in there (the same way Luongo makes me feel).  And though he did play well (great at times), he had the luxury of not facing any tough shots until his team was up about three goals.  Not taking anything away from the guy (who again, 1.00 G.A. in his first game seven, rookie year), but it’s a little easier to play when the team in front of you looks like they put in a pre-game cheat code.

So that’s where it ends for this year’s Cinderella story.  The carriage is a pumpkin again, but good will come of this, Coyotes fans.  You guys got your team “back”, a lot of attention, and plenty of hope for the future.  And Wojtek Wolski!

(I’m writing a more thorough analysis for a column I’ve pitched to the AZ Republic as a bookend to my pre-season column.  I’ll keep you posted on that)

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As we move closer to round two’s start, I’ve been thinking about a comment the blog received yesterday (totally random thought before I forget – blog hits have been killer for a non-team-specific site.  Almost 9,000 hits last week or something like that, so thanks so much for your support.  And that includes you crazy Maple Leaf fans sent this way via DownGoesBrown).  It’s a valid point on why predictions are interesting to read – basically, it’s fun to assess what’s fair to expect, not what will happen.  The comment is towards the bottom, by reader “Brett”.  Check it out here.

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Mini preview, Capitals Habs:

Here’s what’s “fair to expect” tonight.

Underdogs often succeed by outworking the superior club that’s trying to get by on talent alone.  And thus far, Washington has tried to get by on talent alone.

Now it’s like the Capitals are in the library working on a bonus credit project they need just to pass at the end of the semester, while their friends are out drinking because their semester is over.  Had the Caps just done the work in the first place, they wouldn’t be in this situation.  (*author may or may not be able to relate to this)

Anyways, if work ethic is equal, which it should be in a game seven, the Capitals will smoke the Habs like salmon, the same way Detroit showed who they really were when the chips were down.

The Caps, for all the unnecessary abuse they take {and they do take abuse, it’s crazy.  I’m no Caps fan, but it’s like old school hockey people are annoyed that they have the gall to think they can win playing a tic-tac-toe style over a (*coughslightly-more-Canadian*cough) boom-bam-hit-and-jam playoff style}, the Capitals have won some playoff games with this team. 

Their style is money.  If they had half a goalie, they’d be unstoppable (I guess Theodore is small enough to qualify for half).  For all of you that want less concussions and more skill, cheer for teams like the Capitals that apparently have a team-imposed “everyone touch it before we shoot” rule.  Something about their style reminds me of ultimate frisbee.

Halak looked unbeatable in game six, but that had to be a tiring night.  Players always have trouble falling asleep after high-intensity games - more on that in the future, it’s awful.  So he gets a short sleep, hops on a plane, maybe touches the ice once in two days before tonights game, and tries to give a repeat performance.  But if (no no, when), the Caps generate another 40-50 shots (money on the higher number there), I can’t see him doing it again unless he’s in crazy good shape.  Hey, maybe Price’s start will end up helping him in this series after all. 

Montreal has one thing Phoenix didn’t – a couple guys who can make game-breaking plays.  Cammalleri (and even Gomez if he blacks out) can do it.

Montreal’s best hope is to challenge Washington’s shaky goaltending and offense-first defenseman in the first period (after weathering the initial storm), and see if they can’t get one more out of a jello-legged Halak.  Cause you never know.  You never know.

But sometimes, you have a pretty good idea of what to expect.

5-2 Capitals.

Halak Forces Game Seven, and Hey, The Bruins Un-Sucked

 

The Washington Capitals chucked 54 shots on Jaroslav Halak, and scored once.  Which can be frustrating.

As a forward, playing a goalie who’s kinda on fire is a funny situation to be in.  And not so much “haha” funny as much as “this milk smells funny”.  What are you supposed to do?

A common problem is that as a team, you’re usually too busy patting yourself on the back for generating so many shots to realize it’s time to switch game plans (but you hope your coach isn’t).  I mean, something has to go in eventually, right?  You think you’re really taking it to your opponent.  You think you’ll break him sooner or later if you just keep it up.  Throw it on net, throw it on net, throw it on net.  But there’s something different in the mindset between trying to score and just trying to get shots, which is all dumb coaches think they want you to do (see also: “shooooooot”-yelling fans). 

In these situations, the scorer’s mindset needs to be all about “getting to the foul line”.  As in, the type of shots you need to take on a piping hot Halak aren’t three pointers or give and go’s.  Remember, if you’re Washington, giving up three pointers is YOUR goalies specialty.  You have to recognize he’s on fire and get dirty.  You need to be on the glass, getting rebounds, banging by the hoop, and putting yourself in situations where even if you don’t score, somebody has to hack you to stop you.

If the tendy can battle through that for the rest of the game and hold on, hey, sometimes you just lose to a guy who’s on top of his game.  Also, in this situation, you may want to approach your teammate Alex Semin and see if he can take a few minutes out of his day to take his head out of his own ass.  Just, y’know, as a personal favour to you.

Clearly, I underrated Montreal (overrated Washington?) when I predicted this series would be over in three.  Halak and Cammalleri are two of the playoffs top performers so far (I’ve been suuuper impressed with Cammalleri’s shot – can’t say I watched a lot of Habs games this year), but I’m still not in the “Montreal is good” camp, or the “Montreal has a chance in game seven” boat.  But hey, they’re doing their thing, so “big ups” to them.

Last thing on this series: what a great diving call on Laperriere last game.  As a perennial Lady Byng style player (yeah yeah, nothing to be proud of), that sort of thing drives me bonkers, because I can’t imagine trying to do that.  I can’t even crawl inside the guy’s head to see what that skeezy thought process must be like.  It’s just another reason to love golfers who call penalties on themselves, isn’t it?  What a rat.

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Okay, so I ate shit on predictions yesterday.  One for three.  Buuut, you can’t stop me from making more.  I’m like a weatherman.

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I was gonna bash it, but I think I like it – I’m gonna start using the phrase “after the jump” like every current writer.  More on that after the jump.

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Just kidding, I’m not talking about it more.

So! 

The Bruins beat the Sabres.  Here’s why the Bruins might actually not be that bad:

Boston was a top seed last year. 

Okay, they lost Phil Kessel and, um, Chuck Kobasew, but their young studs like Krejci, Bergeron, Lucic and Wheeler all have an extra year of NHL experience. Your offense isn’t that different.

Contrary to what Detroit fans would have you believe, it was Boston who “led” the NHL in man games lost to injury this year.  We didn’t see a whole lot of healthy Marc Savard this year, and the guy happens to be one of the leagues premier goal scorers.

Their goaltending actually got better.  Tuuuuukkkka Rask played over half the games in Boston this year, and led the league in GAA and save percentage (1.97 and .931%).

Maybe they’re not a top seed, but they way they played down the stretch made you forget that maybe they can be good.  It’s crazy that they made round two after how they looked at times this year.  I desperately need Montreal to get eliminated, so teams don’t think it’s possible to be THAT BAD in the last few weeks of the year and still make the second round.  Wait, Philly already did that too?  Damn.

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Detroit and Phoenix play game seven tonight in Glendale.  Can’t wait!

Conference & Cup Winners, Mild Schizophrenia

 

Predictions are the most ridiculous thing I have to do in my line of work.  People who write about sports for a living shouldn’t be rewarded for their ability to predict the future, but rather for their ability to cover the past.

But whatever, it’s fun to do anyways, so put on your seatbelt.  There’s some more tough calls to be made.

In reality, there are only five legitimate Stanley Cup hopefuls:

Pittsburgh Penguins
Washington Capitals
Chicago Blackhawks
Detroit Red Wings
San Jose Sharks

Quick thoughts on each club:

Penguins:  The Penguins are an all-around solid team.  Good at every position, play as a unit, and have proven they can do it.  Plus they have some Cindy kid or something I heard about somewhere.  And didn’t some guy on their team win the Conn Smythe recently?

Capitals:  A one-dimensional offensive juggernaut that is so strong at it’s one dimension, they don’t look so bad in other areas.  If the other team never has the puck, you don’t have to play defense.  A nice perk.

Blackhawks: Grossly talented, huge fans of riding shirtless in limos - you almost get the impression that it’s leaders (Toews and Kane, mainly) are so young they don’t even realize the pressure.  Naturally, this makes them twice as dangerous, like how baby scorpions are more venemous than the big daddy’s.

Red Wings:  What’s talented, gritty and experienced all over?  Datsyuk and Zetterberg are disgustingly good, and they’re up for the Selke every year since they lead the league in take-aways.  So nothing special, just good D, nice grit, good goaltending and great coaching.

Sharks:  The big line they rely on to win doesn’t play with any youthful pep.  What they do do, is put skill and smarts in front of quality goaltending and get the job done.  Assuming the job they were trying to get done is making the playoffs.

So!  To the results show:

WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS

CHICAGO vs. DETROIT

This series makes me nervous to even think about, there’s so much talent on the ice.  Did you see game 82, where Detroit had to win to get the fifth seed?  Teams like Edmonton and Toronto were watching that on TV going, “man, someday I’d like to play in that league.”

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS

PITTSBURGH vs. NEW JERSEY

What sucks about the East is, Pittsburgh puked away the TV dream of a conference finals with Washington by placing fourth.  What they almost certainly did do, is guarantee us getting to see that series in the second round of playoffs.

The Pittsburgh/Washington series is kind of a crapshoot.  It went seven games last year, and if both teams are healthy, it very well could go that far again this year.  One of these two teams will be missing guys by then, and the healthier team will prevail.  If they’re both healthy… what’s changed from last year?  Knuble and Leopold?  Not all that much.

For the two and three seeded Buffalo and New Jersey, it means that one of them gets to prove they were the real deal this year by earning the right to lose to Pittsburgh in the conference finals.  Quite an honor.  How bout that gift of a bracket?  Buffalo, Boston, Philly and New Jersey.  Anyone’s guess.

STANLEY CUP FINALS

PITTSBURGH vs. HOLY CRAP I HAVE NO IDEA WHO WOULD WIN THE SERIES BEFORE WOULD BRIAN CAMPBELL BE BACK DOES HOWARD WITHSTAND THE PLAYOFF PRESSURE I BETTER PICK SOMEONE LET’S GO WITH….. DETROIT!

Pittsburgh/Detroit, huh Bourne?  Way to take it out on a limb this year.

You want a limb?  Fine, here goes….

….AND THE WINNER IS…

THE PENGUINS!  NO WAIT!  THE RED WINGS!  NONO, PENGUINS!

THIS IS WHY THE PLAYOFFS ARE FUN, PEOPLE.

In all seriousness.  Ahem.  I choose:

The Pittsburgh Penguins. Sorry about the boring answer.  I’d love to see the Hawks or someone win.

Hey, the Isles dynasty was built on a core group of dudes who knew how to win.  I see a formula here (ignore the fact that Detroit has it too, and now that they have solid goaltending, are a much better model of the old Islanders).  Whatever, I had to pick someone, and Detroit is the more likely to lose in round one.  I’m taking Pittsburgh.  Good luck to all!

 

2010 NHL Playoffs – The Leastern Conference

 

Washington Capitals (1)

vs.

Montreal Canadiens (8)

For whatever reason, I don’t like many teams that wear red.  For example, there’s just about nothing I want to watch less than a New Jersey/Carolina series, as attested by my coverage of said series in last year’s playoffs (blatant refusal).  To make those games worse, I feel like there’s just something grinding about watching the actual colour red play red.  Anyone feel me on that? (Mmm, aesthetically soothing Canucks colours…)

For some reason, this red vs. red battle doesn’t bother me quite so much.  Like most hockey fans, I love to watch Washington.  And Montreal, though a puny little excuse for a Washington challenger, is kinda fun to watch this year too (fun like those tiny toy cars “Hot Wheels” were as a kid).

The only way Washington’s round one series had any hope of being interesting this year was if Philly had the eight seed.  It would’ve been awesome watching Carter and Richards going buck-crazy, being playoff performers out there, scoring goals….. and still losing by football scores, like 21-14.  Thatta been great.

Not much to say here, except the obvious: Washington just has way too much firepower to lose.  If the Canadiens give them so much as a scare, I fear for Washington when they play a better team.  I rate Montreal’s chances, as a percentage, at beat-it-dont-even-try.4%

PREDICTION: CAPITALS in THREE

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New Jersey Devils (2)

vs.

Philadelphia Flyers (7)

I think this was a tough card for New Jersey to pull, simply because I can’t believe how badly the Flyers have underachieved this year.  I mean, 88 points, in the East?  How is that possible, with their roster?  Before the season, I noticed that their back end had good transition/powerplay guys such as Pronger, Timmonen and Carle, and I remember thinking “crap, they’re gonna score a ton of goals this year.”

Combine that with with some of the games best forwards: Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, Simon Gagne, Danny Briere and crew (Claude Giroux is no slouch. Hell, Van Riemsdyk is sick too.), and Philly has a wonderful hockey team.

So what the hell is going on there?

Riiiighht, goaltending, right.  I’ve seen this play before.

On the other side of the coin, I was completely surprised by New Jersey’s record this year.  Any time you have Brodeur in net, your team can’t be bad – but past him, I didn’t see a reason for them to have much success.  I knew Parise and Zajac were great, but then what? (That, and I kinda figured Elias and Langenbrunner were past their best-before dates…. guess not).  I kept waiting for this team to trip, but it never happened.

With the addition of Ilya Kovalchuk, the Devils finally have that dynamic offensive punch you always felt that they lacked in the past.  It gives them two really solid lines (though they admit they can’t find a spot for Kovy that clicks), and combined with Brodeur, it’s become pretty clear that their season wasn’t a fluke.

{I have to point this out for the millionth time – can you BELIEVE that Kovalchuk is 230 pounds?  I’d have been off by 60 if you had made me guess two months ago.}

But looking at their D -  Andy Greene, Mike Mottau, Bryce Salvador, Colin White, Paul Martin, Mark Fraser, Martin Skoula and Anssi Salmela.  I dunno… it doesn’t feel very Cup contender-y.  They have, however, done a great job at keeping pucks out of their net this year (y’know, first-in-the-league-good, at 191 over 82 games – 2.32 per), but something about them makes me nervous.  ….And it probably has something to with NJ’s (okay, Marty’s) meltdown in the final minute of game seven against Carolina last year.

If you put the leagues most average goalie in the Flyers net - say, Dwayne Roloson – I think I’d pick them to win this series.  I like their roster that much more.  But Parise, Zajac and Kovalchuk shooting on Boucher makes it a dicey situation.

In the end, New Jersey has done too good of a job defensively to lose their first playoff series, where defense and goaltending are emphasized.  I think they’ll see round two, but barely.

PREDICTION: DEVILS in SEVEN

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Buffalo Sabres (3)

vs.

Boston Bruins (6)

If I were the Buffalo Sabres, I would be pissed at how the final playoff seeds ended up falling.  They (like New Jersey) were so close to getting to play an obviously worse team like the Rangers or Thrashers.  But noooo, Boston and Philly had to get their shit together at the last second, and squeak in.

This sucks, you see, because Boston and Philly aren’t as horrible as they desperately tried to convince us all they were this year.

One of the few guys pushing Ryan Miller for the Vezina this year is Boston’s Tuuka Rask.  Combine that solid goaltending with Buffalo’s Phoenix-like offense (three lines of second line forwards = good team/not great), and we may see some low scoring games – especially when you consider that Buffalo has the league’s best goaltender, and Boston can’t score (206 goals all year, good for second-to-dead-last).

But, every time you think a series is going to be a defensive suck-fest, it ends up amazing.  Using that logic, this could be a thrilling, high-scoring series.  The only people I care to see play are the goalies.  I’m not saying Derek Roy and David Krejci aren’t exceptional hockey players, I’m saying that nobody is circling dates on their calendar to see them when they come to town.

I see Boston being the better team in this series, bringing the play to Buffalo, shooting, skating, hitting, exhausting themselves, and Ryan Miller chucking up the frustrating stone wall.  Then I see the Sabres working hard and smart, capitalizing on a few nice plays, (maybe a powerplay or two?), and winning games by scores like 3-2 and 2-1.  They probably win a couple of the - oh, let’s say three – games that go to overtime.

I really wanted to pick an upset here – and the Sabres and Devils are definitely both on my “upset watch” list.  But Ryan Miller is the best goalie in the world today, and that counts for something in playoffs.  I’m siding with him.

PREDICTION: SABRES IN SEVEN

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Pittsburgh Penguins (4)

vs.

Ottawa Senators (5)

Congratulations, Ottawa.  You finished ahead of the slovenly pack of droolers in the East.  You stayed out of the “who’s gonna make playoffs” fracas.  And in the process, you convinced me that you’re actually a good team.  I was wrong about you.

The bad news is, you’re basically about as lucky as the Coyotes in the West.

Had Pittsburgh caught New Jersey, as they should have, you’d be playing Jersey instead.  And I like your odds there.

What I don’t like, for you, is going up against the defending Stanley Cup champs, who are healthy, and about to flip it into “game on” mode.  You’re toast.

The Penguins probably slow-played their hand a little bit too much this year.  Didn’t do enough to grab the really high seed that guarantees they get to coast through round one.  Over the long haul of playoffs, having to play a good Senators team to start things off is really going to grind on them physically.

But as far as this series goes, Pittsburgh is still Pittsburgh.  Between last years Cup champion team and this year, they cut off a couple guys that were acting as anchors, and picked up depth assets in guys like Jordan Leopold and Alexi Ponikarovsky.  You take a team that’s won the cup and make them better?  They don’t lose round one.

PREDICTION: PENGUINS in FIVE

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So that’s all she wrote for round one, folks!  I’ll keep a running total of how my predictions went as we go (though I won’t follow how many games it took to get it done – that’s really just there to demonstrate how confident I am in the winner I picked). 

GAME ONE OF M***********G PLAYOFFS STARTS TONIGHT!

THROW.    THE.    SNAKE.

Best Week Ever – The Sportsgasm

 

ITS MASTERS WEEEEEEEK!

And every other great sports week.  Let’s dive in:

The twenty-team BBHL (Bourne’s Blog fantasy Hockey League) is down to two, and somehow, someway, I’m still alive (didn’t expect to add that to my BWE {best week ever}), did ya?  And that’s with Carey Price as one of my two goalies.  Yeesh. 

I’ll admit, I got muchos lucky in the semi-finals – drew the guy who wasn’t paying attention enough to start the right guys or even have a chat (read: make a bet), but I’ll take it.  Also, if you’re the dude who wasn’t paying attention, you have no chance of being invited back into the league next year (…without heavy bribery).

But whatever, I’m still happy.  On to the finals!

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Le Tigre has a press conference at 11:00 a.m. my time (2 EST) – I’m not going to live blog it, mostly cause I have other stuff I’m supposed to be doing (like, um, my job), but still, expect a tweet barrage.  Expect that all week, really.  I predict Tigs to announce Dr. Drew as his new caddy.

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The funniest thing George Lopez does is call himself a comedian.  Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.  Back to being positive…

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The Detroit Red Wings are only two points out of fifth in the West, just behind the Nashville Predators – If they catch them, Phoenix plays them in round one, which would but about as lucky as Ben Stiller in Meet The Parents (that poor guy just can’t catch a break!). 

 …..Oh god I just checked the schedule… Phoenix plays Nashville on Wednesday.  Who’s Phoenix’s ECHL affiliate?  Can they call those guys up?  Can I sign a one day deal to help them lose?  Can we dress reader “zyllyx”?  Make the Coyotes wear rollerblades?  SOMETHING?!?

*****

The worst thing to happen to the Washington Capitals Stanley Cup hopes is drawing the Flyers in round one, which as it stands right now, they would.

If it’s Boston or Montreal (Montreal especially), they’ll breeze through that first round.  Philly, unfortunately for the Caps, plays a bit of a physical game, and is suffering from the frustration of earning the awful moniker ”best team that never gets it done” in the East (maybe the league – San Jose has had a couple playoff collapses, but the Flyers have been legit contenders for a decade and never got it done).  It’d suck (for them) to have their dangly skill team to face a group of hungry, aggressive dudes.

*****

This whole “Henrik Sedin leading the league” thing is pretty awesome.

Nobody in the league has chemistry like him and his brother, as evidenced by his highlight reel.  When you watch Sid or Ovy’s, for the most part, you get the miraculous one man rushes, nifty moves, clever dekes and the lightning shots.

Henrik’s reel is far more impressive from the “utilizing your teammates” standpoint.  He fires behind-the-back no-lookers that end up directly resulting in goals.  Not neat “almosts” or plays that guys go to the bench and say “that woulda been awesome”, but tape to tape, spinning, no look, tap in goals.  They (Daniel and Henrik) almost never have to shoot the puck through a goalie, since they can just dish it around him.

Very impressive stuff.

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THE MASTERRRRRSSSSSSS!

The par three tournament is tomorrow, the press conferences are today, my orgasm is Sunday and the tournament starts Thursday.

For last years list of “Why I Love The Masters“, follow that link – that was puked out stream-of-consciouness style, so I’m sure I could add even more to it. 

Expect Tiger to start slow, but be a threat if he can find a way to make the cut (even when he’s been active, his first round at the Masters is his worst, with a stroke average above 72 on day one).  I’m pumped!  I’ll be live blogging it Sunday from one of those Cover It Live things if you want to watch it with me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Predictions coming Wednesday.

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What a way to start the baseball season – with a Yankees loss (in Fenway).  Ahhh, spring.  Inhale, exhale that loss…. smells fresh.  Go Mets!

*****

My buddy Nick gets to my place tonight, so I don’t expect a lot of double blog entries, even though this is the ultimate week for it.  But, like I said, expect the tweet barrage.  You’ll be hearing from me!  (Go RIT!)

100 Pushups, Injury Anguish, and the Presidents Trophy

 

When I retired from hockey, I was PUMPED to not have to work out.  I knew I would want to, someday, but I needed some time where I didn’t have to shower three goddamn times a day.

I had always envied that about people not playing hockey – for the most part, you wake up, shower, and that’s it for the day.  You’re done.  Hockey players never get to do that.  Minimum two a day, and on game days, three (post-morning skate, post-nap wake-up shower, post-game).  You’re day has too many starts and stops.

So for my first summer out of the gym, I just enjoyed getting up, showering, and having a full day.  That formula, for those of us who consume like gluttons, equals gaining a bit of mass.  So, I’ve been making a committment to working out the past month or two - and by working out, I mean cardio, because I could care less about being jacked…. I just don’t want to have to buy all new clothes.

That said, it’s probably time I try to get some muscle tone again.  So, at the recommendation of Deadspin’s Drew Magary, I’m going to take up the program from 100 Push-ups (assuming my sterno-clavicular joint doesn’t get too angry – it doesn’t like when I lift too often, after the abuses it suffered.)  The goal being, obviously, to be able to do 100 consecutive pushups after seven weeks.

I’ll be doing the push-ups Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and will be reporting progress the following days .  I took the first test yesterday (as many as you can, to fatigue) to see which program I’d be on, and busted out 38 (a far cry from the 80 I once did at an Islanders camp).  So here we go! 

Day 1:  38

*****

Any other Isles fans out there as worried as me about them becoming the Montreal Expos?  Y’know, drafting well, developing talent, then trading those guys for picks once they’re ”ready”?  What’s the status of the Lighthouse project out there? I haven’t kept up on progress — lord knows Wang ain’t gonna pay to keep all these kids if the team’s future isn’t the one he envisioned.

*****

Can you imagine the mental anguish of being injured so badly you may never get to prove you’re worth the big contract you signed?  I know lots of you will joke that you’d take the big contract, but it must be a horrible feeling to be Rick DiPietro or Greg Oden, and to think – “If I got the chance to be a bust, and was one, I could handle this – but being called a bust after never physically getting the chance to play feels horrible.”  I definitely have sympathy for those guys.

I think Garth Snow has done a great job with the Islanders.  He’s in an Obama-like situation - digging the Islanders out of the mess made by the previous administration.  But still, there’s just too many uncertainties in life to ever sign an employee to 15 years.  Too much can happen to think you wouldn’t need a review after say, five, where you can say ”hey, nice work, let’s re-up your deal.”  It’s like my Arizona drivers license that expires in 2047.  Really? I don’t have to take a single eye test between now and when I’m 65?  That seems safe.

*****

The NHL’s Presidents Trophy has an offensive bias.

Lets face it – if two teams come into a game lethargic, you can play smart defense and work less hard.  If your team scores mucker-style playoff goals, you need to have the throttle down to be effective (and you need some bounces).  So when you can’t be at that 100%, teams that have dangly skill guys (who are dangerous at half-speed) can still put enough pucks in the net to win.

And over the course of an 82 game season, plenty of games are played by two worn down teams.  Which is why, when you have the natural firepower of a Washington, you can score that extra goal or two without the extra effort, and collect your two points.  In the past, it hasn’t been that the Presidents Trophy winning team has the best team, they’ve just had the best skill guys.

*****

Tampa Bay has the 8th best powerplay in the NHL, the leagues 5th, 6th, and 26th leading scorer, the number two overall draft pick from last year, and what should be good goaltending.  They’re currently three points ahead of Toronto, who hold the title “dead last in the Eastern Conference”.  Ooo, idea for who to replace Rick Tocchet with:  Amazingly, he’s still available — Barry.  Melrose.

Thoughts From A Hockey-Centric Mind

 

Hockey-centric, because “boob-centric” isn’t generally considered class “a” journalism.

I’ve decided to spare you my weekend golf tale of woe, because you have zero reason to care about my double bogey on the par 5 18th to shoot a +1 (73) after making seven birdies as a six handicap.  Oops, so you got the Coles Notes version.  I’m still rattled.

Hockey’s gettin’ good, and here’s what’s on my mind….

*****

Yesterday, I had a friend of the blog send me a gambling tip – as in, he’d found an extremely fair line to bet.  I misunderstood the bet at first, but now I’m wondering….

Gamblers of the world, unite!  Have you seen any great odds for the playoffs or rest of the regular season?  Let’s track ‘em down for each other.  I haven’t bet online since last season, but I’ve followed way too closely this year to not put a couple down before playoffs.

And if you haven’t seen good odds…. confident in your team?  Care to make a bet?  I’m sure it’s illegal, so we won’t bet money (wink), but chuck it out there and see if someone else’s team wants to take the other side of the bet.  For example, I bet the Islanders don’t lose a single game in playoffs this year.  Any takers?

*****

Mouthguards, you may know, are spit-out-able.  To be sure you always have one amongst all the travelling, misplacing and chewing on them, when you go get a custom mouthguard in professional hockey, they make you up a couple.  In the NHL, I’m sure they have stacks of them on backup.  And when they do come out of your mouth, you can pick them up.

So why was Sidney Crosby jawing at Jimmy Howard after the whistle with that stupid clumsy thing in?  Afraid he was gonna get suckered?  Or just prone to really awkward looking confrontations? 

You guessed it.  Angry-Faced Sid (AFS from here forth) is awkwaaaard (but not super awkward, like it must be every time Tiger’s phone vibrates for a text, and he and Elin look at it, then at each other, then back at it…. and he grabs it).

 

*****

Is it just me, or is “hockey is for everyone” the most obscure slogan ever coming from a sport played predominantly by upper-middle class largely white kids from cold-weather climates?

I like “history will be made” a lot though, because, frankly, (hockey) history will be (Max Talbot!).  Legends are built, as demonstrated by how nobody scoffs when you imply Ruslan Fedetenko is an effective player – because of all his game winners in playoffs with the Lightning (jokes, jokes, he’s a great person and good depth guy).

*****

I still think overtime should go to three-on-three before the shootout.  In that 3 on 3, penalties are penalty shots, it’s 2-on-1 after 2-on-1, and wins come by a more hockey-like and awesome fashion.  Haters be damned, if they saw it in action, they’d pee their old wooden Montreal Forum seats they bought off eBay and sit in to watch road games on their old bunny-eared no-def TV’s.

*****

I’d like to see a stat on which team has played the most back-up goalies in the league this year.  Gotta be Toronto or Edmonton, right?

*****

 In defense for some bad looking hits: it’s really hard, if you’re forechecking a defenseman going back on the puck with intent to finish your check like your coach wants (and get the puck), to pull up or recognize he’s put himself in an unsafe spot.  It just is.  Just ask my no-longer intact sternum & clavicle, sometimes you’re just gonna. get. hit. hard. in hockey.

*****

Recently added to the list of things I never knew existed but I now co-own by the rules of common-law living:  “Sconces.”

*****

Happy Tuesday – it’s pouring here, a perfect day for writing.  Expect a flood of articles in the near future.

Videos and Conversation Starters

 

WAKE UP!  Let’s get today goin’ with three must-see videos:

‘

You only need the first 30 seconds or so of this next one. A “fake robbery” prank gone wrong… I love how shady the guy is after, like “nothing to see here…”:

‘

Have you seen “Jersey Shore” yet?  God I hope not.  Unfortunately, some of us live with east coast girls who think reality TV is hilarious, and I’ll admit, this one is tough to turn away from for all the wrong reasons. For my Canadian friends, here’s a sneak peek at the high-quality television MTV is running these days (by the way, a million thanks to the news anchors for their insightful commentary on the show.)

‘

(*high-pitched* WHAT GUY DOES THAT??)

*****

 I understand how some things are tough for countries to change, like for the US, it would be expensive to switch to the reasonable system of measurement, metric.  What I don’t get, is why it would be a huge, raging difficulty for both Canada and the US to simply change our national sports to what our countries national sports actually are. 

Really, Canada?  Lacrosse?  At least Americans can debate over a couple stupid loopholes, like the word “pasttime”.  What’s our excuse for ignoring the obvious?  And not to sound like Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler, but REALLY, USA?  Baseball?  Can you be proud of yourselves being represented by A NON-CONTACT sport?  That doesn’t seem very American to me.  What gets better ratings, the Superbowl or MLB playoff “action”? 

*****

 

Jose Theodore spent two months sabotaging my fantasy hockey team from the inside, like a double agent.  After the discovery of his bad intentions and his subsequent release, he went back to his true owner, whoever it is I’m playing this week (I believe that’s you, AiH). 

 Theodore nearly put up a shutout for my opponent (head-to-head league) in a 6-1 win with a huge save percentage.  I wanted to like you, Jose, I really did.  In the prime of your career, you wore a toque on your helmet for an outdoor game.  And now, all you have are reservations for one at Justin Bourne’s Sports Hate Bar and Grill.

*****

Isn’t having “divisions” in sports just a generally horrible idea?  In all seriousness, why do we need them, just to lower travel expenses?  What would be so bad about just having two conferences and the top teams making it?

It just makes no sense to me that you can get the three seed in playoffs when you don’t have the third best record in your conference.  It also make no sense to me that good teams like the Toronto Blue Jays routinely have to take the no-jock crotch-kick of being in the same division with the Yankees and Red Sox, while teams like the Washington Capitals get 20-some night-off-free-W’s a year by being good enough to coast past Carolina, Florida, Tampa Bay or Atlanta once every few games.

*****

 Happy humpday.  Time to start holiday shopping?

NHL’s Quarterly Review

 

Alright, NHL, let’s do a little quarterly review and see if you deserve a raise.

Mmhmm…. yep… mhmm… everything looks pretty good.  Off to a real nice start.  Just a couple things:  We’ve discussed head shots a few times now, and it doesn’t appear you’ve done anything to fix that problem.  You see, we’re attaching a cover sheet to all our TPS Reports now…

Oh, and, tone down the injuries.  Then you can get your raise.

*****

Our USA Today bi-weekly Power Rankings came out today, and look pretty good.  My own Top Ten Teams is little different – here’s how I see it thus far.

1. Chicago Blackhawks
2. New Jersey Devils
3. San Jose Sharks
4. Washington Capitals
5. Pittsburgh Penguins
6. Calgary Flames
7. Colorado Avalanche
8. Buffalo Sabres
9. Columbus Blue Jackets
10. Detroit Red Wings

We aren’t all going to agree, but feel free to sway my opinion – why am I wrong (or right) on this?  Oh, and keep in mind, it was submitted before last nights games.

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And the race for the Hart Trophy?  Here’s how I see the first quarter:

1. Alex Ovechkin
2. Ilya Kovalchuk
3. Ryan Miller
4. Anze Kopitar
5. Marion Gaborik

Thoughts?

*****

How much higher would Dwayne Roloson’s status be if his name wasn’t Dwayne?  Dwayne has to be the english language’s worst male name.  Y’know, aside from some ahem… football player names (see: D’Brickashaw). 

Like Blaze.  Blaze Roloson.  We’d be like… “Damn.  That Blaze is quick.  What an apt name”.  Just like that.  That’s what we’d be like.

*****

 

Congrats to college teammate Jay Beagle on his first NHL goal.  Excuse me while I take a kerosene shower in a room full of candles.

*****

When USA Today ran my article on gay slurs, a lotta stuff happened.  All the sudden I was on the phone with GLAAD, discussing getting media trained to speak on TV about the issue.  And, courtesy a few less-than-polite readers, I found out that, apparently, contrary my own (or fiance’s) knowledge, it turns out that I myself am  not-so-into the ladyfolk.

Most note-worthy was an email I got from Brendan Burke, son of Leafs GM Brian Burke.  After that, I corresponded with him and his brother, and got the go ahead from big Burke to write Brendan’s story.  That same day, Brendan found out he had the opportunity to have his story be seen by more eyes, and heard by more ears, so I let the story be told with the most exposure possible.  ESPN’s John Buccigross posted Brendan’s story today (and did a nice job), and tomorrow, he’ll be plugging Bourne’s Blog and running a little response I gave him during our email correspondance.  So everybody be on your best behaviour when our new guests arrive then.  Dress nice.

*****

Anybody else get the vibe that Detroit is gonna limp around all year, beat some teams, lose some games, start getting healthy in Febuary, start clicking in March, and be the world’s scariest 6/7/8 seed?  Y’know, assuming Jimmy Howard gets hot too? (insert “Chris Osgood is a Hall-of-Famer” comments here.  ….Yeah, and maybe he’ll bring Kurt Warner as his date to the induction)

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I’m really looking forward to the Flyers getting home ice in playoffs (again), looking nearly unbeatable (again), putting up a really good fight (again), and having their hearts ripped out by weak goaltending when they need it the most (again).

*****

I’m also really looking forward to the chaos that is playoffs, since some of the best teams in the league have mediocre goaltending.  I think Chicago and Washington have the best teams, but by having ”decent” goaltending (too generous?), the door gets opened up for teams like Calgary, San Jose, and… and… f**k.  Why am I having trouble convincing myself New Jersey is a top team, especially after such a great start?

*****

Thanks for your continued support of the blog.  If you don’t already, you can follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/jtbourne

OV/DC

 

(2) Capitals vs. (7) Rangers

Some notes:

a) First things first, a game with no Sean Avery.  Bold.  Delicious.  Refreshing.

Not that I think the guy is capable of learning or anything, but there’s nothing like a national shaming to knock a guy down a peg.  I think the Ranger train may have hit a penny on the tracks…

b) Matt Bradley, my God.  What I was expecting (a semi-awkward deke followed by him catching an edge) did not happen, and man was it awesome.  A tremendous personal effort to put the Caps up one and get rolling.

c)  Kozlov is awful.

d)  Um… Ludqvy?  What the mo happened on that goal?  The worst part?  I didn’t have time to make a bet on tonights game, and he’s clearly hungover.  Curses.

e)  I love how they cut to a shot of Tortarella after every Ranger penalty like he might turn green, rip his shirt, and physically strangle an equipment manager.

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f)  I just got home from my brothers where I watched the remainder of the game (aka it was on in the background while we drank and grilled cheeseburgers).  Ovechkin proved his mettle for the ten millionth time (was he serious with that goal?  My God.  For all my readers, I want you to know Ovechkin is better than me at hockey, just for a little perspective), and the better team won by playing up to their potential.

Wasn’t tonight exactly how the series was supposed to go?  The Caps would thump-up the outmatched Rangers and we’d wait to see who they’d play next?  When I see a team so clearly better than their opponent and play like it, and then realize they’re down 3-2 in the series, I have to ask questions about their coach.  Bruce Boudreau should not be free of examination in all this – those guys needed to be ready for playoffs.  Forget who you’re playing… it’s playoffs.

I have not yet – and won’t – waver from my Capitals prediction until they’re eliminated.  I think they’ll win in OT in MSG on Sunday, followed by another beatdown from Russiatown in game seven.  The Caps will advance.

g) After my early game mention of Tortarella, the guy basically did the exact thing I mentioned he might, except he turned green and had to be restrained before he killed a fan with a stick.  No wonder they cut to the guy 1500 times a game.

Capitalizing at Home

 

One game tonight?  What is this, the third round?

It’s okay… I’m talking myself through it.  Maybe I could watch a basketball game after… or, I suppose I could get a life and leave my house on a Friday night.  Or,  just watch a basketball game.  Yeah, I’ll do that.

(2) Caps / (7) Rangers tonight folks.  Do or die time for the Washington Funtowatchitals.  Back into that crazy sea of red.

Lundqvist is going to have to come up big  for the Rangers tonight or it could be a beat down.  A desperate young team, back at home, playing with their backs against the wall… I think we might see a little pace outta the Ovi-led Caps.  All they need is Vaslav Fomich Nijinsky (I think that’s his name) to play well in net tonight and they’ll be fine.

*****

I’m up to 3-0 in my playoff predictions, but it’s looking like a series other than the Caps one is in serious jeopardy.  The (1) San Jose Sharks are on the verge of having to answer a whole host of awkward questions I’m sure they don’t feel like answering, questions along the line of “What the f*** was that?”

I really do think Anaheim has put together a nice little playoff squad over there, but that’s not supposed to matter.  Breaking news San Jose, you’re the Presidents Trophy winner.  You’ve got a nice little squad too.  I was really hoping for better for Thornton, he seems like one of the good guys.  But you know what they say.  Nice guys finish first, but only until playoffs.

*****

I’m gonna do a little 180 here and ask a few non-hockey questions, because apparently there’s an entire world happening off the ice.  But they’re still about sports.  Let’s not get too crazy.

***

- Isn’t saying Bocci-ball a bit redundant?  “Bocci” is pretty self-explanatory, really.  There’s not much chance of us playing Bocci fork, or Bocci wheels, is there?

***

- How tragic is John Madden retiring?  You know you had the career of a legend when people reflect on it, and they realize you managed to trademark words like “Boom!” and “Turduchen”, while gambling websites offered less than one to one odds that you would make more than three food references during any given telecast.

***

- Doesn’t it suck that TCIKG  (The Completely Insane Kevin Garnett, as labelled by Bill Simmons) is missing the post-season for the Celtics?  You know you’re a guy teetering on the brink of madness when PTI sets the over/under at three for ”how many on-camera profanities will viewers at home be able to discern from Garnetts mouth”

***

- Have Alaskans officially crossed the line to  crazy?  Occasionally I get invited to join a group on Facebook called “conceal and carry on campus” for Alaskans, a state of people who are already allowed to be packing heat in their belt, and would like to be able to do it on University Campuses as well.  …yeah… I see nothing wrong with that.

***

- Why does Bill Simmons have to love basketball so much?  The guy’s writing makes me laugh everytime, even when it’s about a sport I don’t pay a ton of attention to.  My favourite recent explanation of his was that it’s easy to tell that someone is an a-hole if someone describes a person by using their own name. 

“How’re things working out with Bill lately?”

“Well, you know, Bill is Bill.  He’s gonna do his thing…”

*****

Alrighty folks.  My next piece for THN was just sent in, so keep your eyes peeled for that.  Also, The Hockey News just sent me five copies of their April 26 magazine, the first one I’ve had an actual print article in.  So that was kinda neat. 

Also, the lady and I have recently set our sights on Scottsdale (or Glendale) for a home.  She got a nice job offer, and I’ve got a meeting with the Coyotes marketing guy Monday (assuming the Coyotes don’t move).  And hey, who out there isn’t aching for an increase in Coyotes coverage

Tune in to TSN tonight so you can catch the Caps thumping the Rangers!