Twitter Tolerance, and a Column I Think You’ll Like

 

New Puck Daddy: On the many ways players get told they’re being traded.

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My cousin Adam is on twitter (he’s a good follow, aside from his shiiiiiitty taste is sports teams. @Hnatty92. Really, Dolphins, Senators and Rangers? Have some pride.), and had a friend tweet a pretty funny joke, which he promptly retweeted for Darren Dreger to read…. who promptly blocked him. 

It was when Dreger introduced his new blog, The Dreger Report.  Making a play on the fact that the infamous hockey “insider” “Eklund” just bites everything Dreger tweets, says or sings and claims it as his own information, the oh-so-scandalous tweet was: “Looking forward to the introduction of The Dreklund Report tomorrow.”

Of all things to block someone over…..

Anyway, it got me thinking about Twitter tolerance: how much should we have?  Not only do I want to block, ohhh, 5% of my followers, but I want to punch about 4% of them.  I don’t, because….whatever.  How hard is it for me to simply ignore their messages and just forget they’re reading mine?

So as of this moment, I’ve only blocked one person, and it wasn’t for any one tweet that really irked me.  It was just a constant barrage of shitty, negative responses to everything I put out there that I didn’t want to deal with.  I had engaged said random person before and didn’t like their tone, and still resisted the block. 

But you know how sometimes you just have “one of those days?”  He said something minorly annoying when I was already annoyed, so I said eff it, and blocked him.

There’s a commenter on Puck Daddy who I don’t appreciate either (Benjimann or something, I dunno), not because the guy is mean and hateful, just…..why comment with one negative sentence on every post?  Piss off.

Anyway, there was an interesting story from Jeff Pearlman of CNN/SI who actually sought out a couple of his blatantly hateful commenters, tracked down their phone numbers and called them, only to find them apologetic, basically explaining a) it’s easier behind the walls of the internet and b) they didn’t think he’d be reading.

Point is, I am, in fact, reading your comments and replies, even if I don’t have time to respond because I have to work, or am simply not at my computer, but reading on the phone.

Those people he called probably got what they wanted – his attention – which sucks, but it goes to prove a point: Not many people are really as crappy as their hateful internet comments, so I’m calling out to all of us to be better from now on.  There’s nothing wrong with being a sarcastic dick, but the actul vicious, nippy stuff?  It’s unnecessary.

The internet isn’t new anymore, and it’s time we up the etiquette a little.  Not here on this blog, by the way, everyone here could stand to be a little more disagreeable, if anything.  But when you comment on other people’s work, or tweets, or videos….how about questions about the stuff you don’t like instead of leaving a line of hate and moving on to LOLcats without even realizes you soiled a moment of someone’s day?  Open the conversation up.

I’m not the Almighty Polite or anything.  I’m not all free-love and we have to agree on everything, just look at my post yesterday that involved Adam Proteau.  It’s just healthy once in awhile to realize this new internet age is the death of the one-sided conversation you used to get from sportswriters like Rick Reilly, who by the way, are at the forefront of the blogs-are-stupid, what’s-this-tweeter-thing-I-keep-hearing-about resistance.

Nobody in the world has adjusted better than Bob McKenzie, who happily LOL’s his way through his @’s, making people realize he’s a person, not just some guy who spouts hockey info on TV all day long.  We know about his sons, his musical tastes, and more.  We feel like we know him, because he’s embraced the recent shifting of the plate tectonics under the sports media world, and we like him all the more for it.

Times have changed, so it’s time that we do too.

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Follow me on Twitter

Dan Ellis on Twitter, BizNasty on Life

 

Goooood morning folks!

Today begins the five-columns-a-week schedule I’ll be keeping up over the course of this NHL season, which means a change in protocol for Bourne’s Blog.

Posts will now go up close to 3:00 p.m. MST (it was usually between 9-10 a.m. before), as the mornings will be spent researching, writing, etc.  Just thought I’d keep you informed.

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Dan Ellis’ soon-to-be-deleted Twitter Account

The twitter feed of Dan Ellis (@33dellis) has become the topic of conversation in the last day or two because A) there’s not much else going on in the NHL and B) he had the audacity to complain about money while making $3 shmill over the next two seasons, while having summers off.  (And yes, those summers are off.  You can lift, do cardio and be done skating by noon.)

To be clear, I like two things about his mistake: one, he broke away from the cliche-spewers, earning him a spot on my two-day old Top Seven NHL Quote-Givers list, which is in the right sidebar of this page below the ad.  And two, his complaint about escrow isn’t all that silly.  That’s a lot of money to give up.  That said….

WTF, man?  You don’t complain about having to share your massive Thanksgiving dinner to a starving family. 

There are certain things that’re hard about being a professional hockey player.  I’m fairly certain it’s harder to be an ECHLer than an NHLer (buses and minimum wage puts it over the top), and I can attest that the ECHL lifestyle is actually pretty damn good.

He seems to imply college was a tough financial time, and this is just as bad.  I’d bet a month of my life he was on college scholarship as I was (he started every game at University of Nebraska-Omaha, of course he was). I had tuition/books/room and board and stipend, all provided.  I had no extra money, but I also had zero debt from college, as I’m sure was his case.  Which means it’s never been all that hard (cash-wise) for the guy.

Taking his current money stresses to the public - some whom are dealing with foreclosure, bankruptcy, etc. and saying “my money situation is no easier than those tough college days” makes it smell like he simply doesn’t get it, and takes him out of the “he’s just a normal guy” status so many fans enjoy.  Did he expect a bunch of “boy, that does seem tough, Dan” style responses?

I’ve written plenty of columns that bitched about certain aspects of playing pro hockey.  But at the same time, I’ve done my best to stop short of saying “people don’t get how tough athletes have it”, because frankly…. c’mon, Bourne.  It was never that hard.

I think back to how much guys complained about certain promotional events (the worst part of being a minor leaguer), and compare it to the worst parts of other people’s jobs…. and holy shit, you can’t even compare the two.

Anyway, before this gets away from me, just thought I’d say: I’m okay with him being open and honest – in fact, I really enjoy it, even when guys say stupid things.  But with their right to say those things, comes my right to point out the idiocy in them.  …There just has to be a bit of a filter there, a little social grace, some tact.

Predicted next Ellis problem: “Man, I hate how all these girls in Florida want me for being a millionaire in the spotlight. Can’t a guy get a little down time?”

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BizNasty Thoughts:

So, for the Quote-Standings on the right, we contemplated taking Biz out of the running, the way Gretzky used to get taken out of scoring pools cause it was so obvious he was going to win.  But I have a theory why he might not….

That twitter feed of his, at some point, is going to bite him in the ass.  Who knows if he’ll be able to maintain having it all year long.  So let’s say he loses it:

He plays in Phoenix, which doesn’t get the most coverage in the league.  Also, he’s a fourth line guy who gets in about half the games.  So he’s not exactly the first guy reporters look to for an interview in the dressing room (though he’s definitely moving himself up the queue).

So if he loses twitter, we lose the majority of quotes from Biz.  And then what?  He could be beaten!

My other Biz thought:  Could his spiel get tiring?  He reminds of a certain breed of guy in the locker room that’s a blast 90% of the time, but to be avoided the other ten.  As Crushasaurus was the first to say…. we’ll see if the Biz-love last the whole season and beyond.  For now: lovin’ it.

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Here’s a fun one to bat around.  From a reader email, Hobbit says:

“Here it is:  IF the NHLPA had a strong leader and Bettman and Co. offered the 40 year old cut-off date, what should the response have been?

Answer:  No problem Mr. Commissioner, in return we only ask that each team be allowed one players salary be exempt from the cap hit.”

Whaddya think?  I think I kinda like it.

Kesler vs. Morris, O’Brien vs. The Roxy, Twitter

 

Let’s start this thing off right today: 

First, happy three-year anniversary to my loving bride-to-be.  The fun part about a pre-marriage anniversary is picking the arbitrary date that the two people became an item.  We picked the day Bri flew to Alaska on her spring break instead of Florida, cause lets face it, that’s a pretty big commitment.

Second,

…because, frankly, it does.

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Let’s crank out the NHL relevant stuff before we lighten my TBAF (final explanation, that’s “to blog about files”.  Anyone who joins us after this can stay in the dark on that acronym).

Kesler vs. Morris

Saying the hit is entirely Morris’ fault (as some people are) is a dash of wound seasoning (squeeze of lemon, pinch of salt) that the guy probably doesn’t need.  What he does need, is to know that the hit was just as much his fault as Kesler’s.

As much as we want them to be, these hits are rarely one guy’s fault, black and white.  This one was the perfect example. 

Morris’ error is obvious – “take the hit to make the play” is an age old expression, and he tries to turn away from it (to me, it kinda highlights the way Morris plays, like the guy in shinny who’s annoyed at the guy on the other team who’s ”trying too hard”).  Kesler has a ton of speed going on the forecheck, takes about four more hard strides (charge, board, call it whatever you want), then finishes a guy in a sort-of-questionable-but-not-really spot.

Morris’ penalty is the pain, and Kelser got ejected, which I’m fine with.  Issue over.

You know what I couldn’t help but think?  Man… that’s some great work ethic by Kesler.

Shane O’Brien vs. Being Awesome

I have such a soft spot for this story, because as the heading indicates, I think it’s awesome.  I feel like I know which guy in the dressing room O’Brien is now.  The guys probably love him, but in the “you did WHAT, you idiot??” type of way.  Also, I guarantee he wasn’t alone, but the other Canuck was responsible enough to make it the next day.

I also love the vague, parent-like comment by Alain Vigneault: “we have a plan for Shane O’Brien”.  It’s just a fun story made more fun by the not-so-subtle clues that that SOB (Shane O’Brien) likes to have a good time a little too often.

Deadspin’s take is here – it’s entertaining, but I’ m not so sure how I feel about their assessment of the Roxy.  It tries to be a dive?  I kinda feel like it tries too hard not to be one.

Prust vs. Tavares

Now THAT’S being dumb.  Broken neck territory on that hit.

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It’s TBAF Time!

Started my “100 Pushups” quest yesterday – turns out I won’t be able to report on progress, cause you never really bang out as many as you can until the last set when you’re SPENT.  So expect less frequent updates, but know that’s it’s damn hard, and happening.

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I received a question yesterday on the value of heckling (thanks for the email, Mike): it’s a rare, rare, rare case where you can make any actual difference.  Group heckling is sweet, but for the most part, all of it serves no purpose other than being fun to do and entertaining for your fellow fans.

Some players say they “love to get boo’ed” and I’m FULLY one of those guys.  100%.  For a confident guy, there’s something so satisfying about being the villain.  You know you’re doing something right if the other teams fans have reasons to hate what you’re doing.  Boos are identical to home cheers, just translated to road language.

{The only really unwelcome fan behaviour is the guys who yells a running dialogue of advice.  “Shoot!”  “Pass!”  “Dump it in!”  “C’mon coach, get Jovonovski out there!”  HEY, THAT GUY.  FROM A PLAYER, AND YOUR SURROUNDING FANS, GO HEADBUTT A PITCHFORK.  THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU AND WE’RE NOT IMPRESSED.}

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Twitter is only as valuable as you make it.  As in, you need to put the time into adding the right people for it to be productive and fun.

And, you can’t follow too many people, or you get so bogged down that scanning your Twitter Feed feels like ACTUAL READING, which isn’t as fun.  I spend every morning cruising through, looking for the good sports links, so I wanna use today to make sure I’m not missing anything or anyone great.

I’m gonna close out today with a list of the top people I recommend you follow to help you enjoy Twitter.  In turn, I hope you give me a couple really quality names.  Here goes:

Bill Simmons (@sportsguy33)
Down Goes Brown (@downgoesbrown)
Time Magazine (@TIME)
The Onion (@TheOnion)
Sport Illustrated Classic Pictures (@si_vault)
Steve Rushin, Writer (@SteveRushin)
Drew Magary, Deadspin (@drewmagary)
Stu Hackel, NY Times (@STUHACKEL)
Stewart Cink (@stewartcink)
Fake AP Style Book (@fakeAPStylebook)
Shit My Dad Says (@shitmydadsays)
Shit My Darth Says (@shitmydarthsays)
Chris Botta, FanHouse/Isles Point Blank (@ChrisBottaNHL)
McGruber (@grubes69)

You can add me at www.twitter.com/jtbourne

Your turn, folks. Whatcha got for me?

Relationships in Sports

Yesterday was awesome.  It was just one of those rare, things-are-going-great days.

On top of that, I dug up a good half-dozen topics, a few of which are column worthy.  Let’s attack the rest in a happy awesome Thursday party edition.

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First, here’s some shit I’d straight up dance alone to.

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Seinfieldian Bloggables

 

For those of you who like a good hockey debate, definitely check out the smart, feature-length comments on my last post “An Essay on Quickness” (the “smart” part coming from commentors, not me).

You have to love a topic that brings about respectful discussion like that, especially when by the end of it all, my opinion has changed.  Anyways, on with today.

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I love Jerry Seinfeld. 

You know why?  Because all that “nothing” on his show actually matters.  Those stupid, mundane little details in life that we all get stuck with unites us.  It’s all part of the human experience; it’s those shared moments that we can all relate too.  So, partly inspired by Seinfeld, partly by nothing, here’s a bunch more of my wandering, meaningless thoughts:

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First, an imported Seinfeldian Blogable, from my Dad: 

Really, extension cords?  I curl you up, wrap you tight, and leave you packed with loving care, but everytime I come back to re-use you, you’ve clusterf***ed yourself into a knot again?  I hate you.

(By the way, I love that my Dad had some moment so frustrating in the garage he decide to write me about it.  I can’t wait to see if he punched a hole in the wall or not.  Safe money’s on “yes”.)

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At what exact point east does ordering ”mustard” imply ”deli”, “spicy”, or “dijon” awfulness?  The standard - Yellow French’s  brand - is what you get in the west when you ask for mustard.  But I think it could be as close as middle America where it becomes a complete crapshoot, like they don’t even know their own mustard-associated identity yet.  Trying to get yellow mustard in a New York deli is pointless.  You’re the two-headed foreigner holding up the line.

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Bud Light Lime -- pretty dec, right?

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I know I mentioned it in a tweet, but if you aren’t watching Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory, you’re doing it wrong.  Don’t give me some old song and dance about “oh, I used to watch Rob and Big, but…” -- stop.  Just start watching Fantasy Factory and all is forgiven.

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Isn’t watching Tim Wakefield just about the greatest thing ever?  The knuckleball is such an anomaly.  You have all these steroid juiced monsters trying huck heat an extra six miles per hour, then you have some 40+ year old essentially underhanding soft-toss to these guys (by comparison) and they’re missing the ball by an entire foot. 

It’s like making your buddy put his head on a bat and spin around ten times, shotgun a beer, then go into the batting cages with a Slinky® for a bat.  Only your buddy has an excuse for the results.

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I’m wondering if many pro sports trainers are ever taken seriously by players, aside from rehabilitation purposes.  I know a couple trainers  that are, but even when I was at NHL training camps, the second the trainer would turn away he’d get mocked like turtlenecks.  It must be really tough to tell a self-trained,  talented athelete when to work out.  The why and how are easy.

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There’s no. cold. water. in the state of Arizona during the summer months.  Not an exaggeration, that’s an observation.  The only cold water has been refrigerated.  The water in the resevoirs gets heated to like, a trillion degrees, then comes out ready to cook spaghetti in.  No cold water out of the taps.  Wrap your head around that.

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On the same theme -- Really, sporting events?  Three fifty for a bottle of water?  I mean, I’ve been gouged before.  I’ve been to movies.  I’ve even paid $1.75 for a Dasani in a gas station.  I know how much water costs.  I fill up a bottle everyday and put it in my Klean Kanteen.  Meet me in the middle on the gouge at least.  Raping me for two bucks is criminal, but at least by comparison, I could tolerate it.  Three fifty?  I’ll get a $7.25 beer, thanks.

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In the days before Twitter, someone who was recognized as “funny” might have a few good ideas a week, and every month, they’d find some forum to share it with the public.  Twitter is kinda letting us see who’s funny all day, all the time. 

Like, maybe Mark Twain had a boatload of brutal sayings, but because he lived before Twitter, he had time to filter them and only let the good ones rock.  Maybe… maybe Roseanne Barr was the funniest person of all time.  We just didn’t get to hear her thoughts 24/7 as I do Seth Meyers, my favourite Twitter person to follow.  That site is gonna help the right funny people prove themselves, I’m convinced (as well as let the unfunny ones show their true colours.  I’m looking at you, Shaq).

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Is there anything worse than accidentally watching DVR’ed commercials (…you know, aside from serious stuff like murder)?  You record a program, then start watching it.  In the process, you space out, forget it’s taped, and sit through five minutes of plot-separating commercials , only to remember with like, nine seconds of commercials left that it’s taped (then you start fast forwarding, go to far, and have to rewind.  Sometimes to the point of watching that same nine second of commercials anyways).  Kill myself.

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… that’s probably enough of those for today.  Send your own gripes to my email address on the right, or in the comment section.  Oh, and one more thing:  You know what really grinds my gears?

 

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Crucial Asparagus Related Information

 

Are “I’m with stupid” shirts officially the calling card of the socially oblivious?

It seems as fads come and go, there comes a time where everybody sort of agrees “yeah, for sure, No Fear shirts totally do suck”.

For some poor soul to head out for a day downtown with this never-that-funny, definitely-not-now tee on, it makes me want to help.  Even it’s supposed to be ironic.

It’s sole, redeeming quality?  It probably pioneered the sequence of “You looked better on MySpace” and “Your Mom’s in my Top 8″ tee’s that made me laugh, one time each, five years ago.  Props.

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Alright, f**k it, I like Twitter.

There, I said it.

I don’t feel good about it.  I’m not smiling while I tweet, proud of being involved in a nauseatingly sweet social device.  I fought it.  I planted my feet in the flood like the Trees in the Lord of the Rings, but I got swept away.

I only follow 19 people, but I can’t wait to see what Bill Simmons, Fitzy GFY and Shaq have to say on the daily (actually, not Shaq, he think’s he’s a bunch more funny than he is).

It combines a potential laugh with narcissistic indulgence.  Who wouldn’t want to know I made the best asparagus tonight?

I’m not saying its a good thing.  In fact, I could do with out BarackObama letting me know which representatives to write to influence legislation.  But I definitely see a place in the world for Bill Simmons tweeting about soccer:

“sportsguy33 Third great save of the half by Tim Howard! He’s sooooooo getting laid by Lindsay Lohan when he gets back to the States.”

 ”sportsguy33 Are the announcers worried that if they admit that was a goal it will somehow put US troops in danger?”

Or, my own musings:

“jtbourne I like to touch as many things as possible on the subway to really put my immune system through a good workout.”

“ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?”

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 On July 1st (Canada Day!), free agent signings will be out of control, providing me with ample material to break down.  Stick with me, I’ll provide some commentary as it happens. 

No doubt I’ll be providing factual, non-judgemental musings.  You know how I do.

Getting The Twit-ch

 

Today’s blog is brought to you by Pete’s Party Palace, located at 6492 Fairweather Drive, entirely because it’s an excuse to show one of my thousands of moose pictures from college.

 

Did you know that there is a group of people on the PGA tour that refer to our chubby-go-lucky pal Phil Mickelson as FIGJAM?  Not the coolest nickname in the world, but it’s also a little mysterious, right?  I assume you’re thinking it’s something about his need for a man-zier, but if you were, you’d be wrong. 

It stands for “F–k I’m Good, Just Ask Me”.

In a related story, Phil has apparently been seen grooming his back in preperation to be Tiger’s doormat at the Masters this year.

Yet still, I love Phil.  He’s allllmost entertaining enough to make me watch tournaments that Tiger isn’t in (okay, he is).  I’ve just never seen a sport where second place is so far behind first for such an extended period of time.  I guess Federer was dec. for a while there.  FIGJAM must want to give Tigers other leg a “stress fracture” so he can actually be the big dog he apparently thinks he is.

 

Cool picture Tigs, just keep that hat on.  I think Tiger’s been feeling the recession a bit too, just in not in the pocket book.

Is anything more fun to watch than the Cleveland Cavalawesomes do their mimed displays of pure team chemistry?  I just wrote a draft on team chemistry, and Cleveland is clearly built on it (plus they have that James guy).  I haven’t seen routines like that since touchdown celebrations in the ’90′s.  Do we have a clip for that?  We don’t?  Hmm. Okay, just show Lebron.

That works.

Pardon The Interuption, or PTI as it’s better known, is the best talk sports program on TV today.  Its so good it makes other shows unwatchable.  The chemistry between Kornheiser and Wilbon is so great that they can argue without belittling the other guy, and name-call without sincerity.  Plus, they kinda know what they’re talking about.  Tony Rially is great and Kornheiser waves a Canadian flag at the end.  Sold.

On the topic of TV, I caught a lil highlight package on the NHL network the other day, and saw two plays that excited me to a questionable degree.  Ribeiro goes through his legs, and Kopitar looks bored scoring a one-handed breakaway goal.  A few weeks earlier Ribeiro scored on his own one-handed shootout move. God I love the new NHL.  Here’s the through the legger:

 

Okay, now.  Twitter.  Stupid Twitter.  I’m at the age where I’m fighting against most technology, because even though I know it’s great, I can’t afford it.  And if I could, it’d just change to something cooler the next day.  So I tried to plant my feet on any new social networks, or popular cultural waves, but the current is pretty strong.  I added my Twitter page to my blog (up to two followers), but I’m just not so sure about it.  I don’t even own a phone fancy enough to update it from anywhere other than my couch.

I can’t fathom the attention this stupid site is getting.  CNN reports it as real news, SportsCenter gets its updates from it, and 13 year girls get to let everyone know why Ben and  Tristan were sooo stupid in home room today.

The only reason I want it is because it seems to be at the crest of some new media wave, and I’m occasionally funny.  It seems like an opportunity to entertain.  The problem is, I hate the damn thing.  I don’t mind being alone, lost, and not thought about.  So it’s on my readers.  I’m tempted to take it off.  Do you hate Twitter?  Like it?  Should I buy in?  What’s your stance?

 

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