Things That Matter: Sports and Music

Music:  It’s so deflating that my passion for football is shared with a group of people who feel that an “Opening Kickoff” concert would be best played by the Black-Eyed Peas and Tim Mcgraw.  I stomached every second of every song just so nobody could invalidate my hatred with a “you have to really listen to it all” garden-variety response.  It’s awful.

Its a real testament to technology that the Black-Eyed Peas can be successful in the music world today.  F*** they’re painful.  And then Tim Mcgraw gets up and plays the exact same song I would write if I were trying to do a parody of everything that’s awful about country music – “Southern boys like beer and football and hats and rodeos…” (*may not have been exact lyrics).

Musically, I’ve got broad tastes – I’m all over the map.  And I’d never try to defend the rap music I listen to when I’m in a good mood.  With the baseball “up-to-bat” songs, I just like a little swagger in the step if you’re not trying to funny with it.  Maybe this one’s not quite up-to-bat worthy, but it definitely gets the “volume up” honor when it comes on in the car {random thought: the car is almost officially named.  Public release coming soon}. 

Bourne – alienating hockey fans through rap music, one reader at a time.

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Football:  Steelers tight-end Heath Miller has a farmer tan so ridiculous that the white-ness extends past his jersey length.  I love it.  Way to really emphasize your whiteness in the NFL.

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Football:  Troy Polamalu is freaking scary.  Could you imagine playing “jackpot” with him as a kid?  “500, dead or alive”… annnddd Troy gets 500 points.  Again.

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Hockey:  How much does watching old highlights of NHL games half-taint the stats of players in those days (sorry Dad… I’m just sayin…)?  The goaltending is sinful.

I was watching a game on the NHL network - some classic game, mind you - that ended in a triple overtime, on-the-ice five-hole shot, and not a single player tried to behead the goalie who let the shot in.  If an unscreened shot goes in on-the-ice five-hole nowadays, goalies (by law) have to let every fan in the first three rows punch their face.  And teammates get two punches.

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Hold on, lets waste 45 seconds as a group...

Baseball:  Why do I have to sit through intentional walks in baseball?  For that matter, why does anybody? 

If the team wants to put the guy on base, can we not accomplish that using our big-boy words?  Like, exchanging dialogue with the ump wouldn’t be okay? 

“We’re just going to throw four pitches very far away from the plate because we’d like this player to get to first base.  Permission to skip those steps?”

“Yes.  Take your base.”  Done.

Or even better… you can put the guy on base in one pitch by just hitting him with the ball.  Maybe you miss him with the first couple (evasive bastard), but you can save time by trying again on the next pitch.  If I pitched in the AL and didn’t have to bat, I’d have 0 intentional walks, and 53 intentional rib injuries (a new – but valued – stategory).