Subscribe to Bourne's Blog Grab My Feed!Subscribe to Bourne's Blog Subscribe to Comments

Summer Jobs For NHL Players

 

In the spirit of DownGoesBrown….

*****

Well, its that time of year again.  Playoffs.

And at this time of year, journalists, reporters and TV pundits are all focused on the boys who made the cut and still have a chance at Lord Stanley’s Holy Grail.

Fortunately for you, you read the blog of an ex-player, and I have the connections to give you a look at something different.  Truth is, even though NHL players make a ton of money, a lot of them still live paycheck to paycheck.  You know how that can be.  So, I thought it’d be entertaining for my readers if I made some calls and figured out what a few of the NHL guys that didn’t make playoffs are doing for work in the off-season. 

***

* It seems Dog the Bounty Hunter is getting too old to do his show, so they were doing interviews for someone to take over the lead role.  Nobody thought Evander Kane would actually get the part, let alone immediately after his interview, but apparently he knocked it out.

* Phil Kessel was told he could come in any time over a two week span for a job interview at some place called “Olympic” Pizza, but apparently he went missing the whole time.

* Rick Tocchet apparently hasn’t been able to find any summer work, but he somehow moved into a nicer home.  I’ll give you 3 to 1 odds he’s got something going under the table.  5 to 1?  Okay, 5 to 1.

* Steven Stamkos was already up for the salesman of the week bonus at the Nissan dealership that hired him - apparently he tied the lead guy in sales by selling a tricycle to a blind guy for $80 bucks at the last second, just to reach the numbers.

* Apparently Keith Ballard got a job coaching t-ball.  Not sure why.

* Rick Nash got a job doing landscaping, but was noticeably frustrated after seeing that, even though he was doing an amazing job, his co-workers sucked so bad things always turned out horribly.

* Amazingly, Daryl Sutter got a job running a major league baseball team.  Since then he’s been there he’s been desperately trying to get some Blue Jays on his roster, at one point reportedly saying “I know all they’ve done is lose, but trust me, I really like what’s going on with these Toronto guys.”

* The only other scoop I heard was that Dion Phaneuf has apparently sunk to being a bus boy at Earls.  It’s not about the money, I’m told.  The staff said he just likes taking care of the sloppy seconds.

*****

After learning about a few of the Maple Leafs summer jobs, I realized I hadn’t heard much from that organization lately.  I did a few quick Google searches to see what’s been going on:

 

*****

For your daily mix of (mostly hockey) insight and humour, follow JTBourne on Twitter.

At A Glance

 

Did Dany Heatley just call Jody Shelley the “best in the league at what he does”?  Maybe he juggles behind the scenes or something.

*****

I think we can put Mike Johnson on our Potentially Good Analyst Watch.  Lets track his development.

*****

The wife is currently en route to JFK to catch up with her family for five days.  I’m currently at my destination until her return, our couch.  What are the best (and worst) parts of having the house to yourself for extended periods of time?  Show your work.

*****

Anyone else skeptical of Tocchet’s ability as a coach in Tampa Bay?  Their team isn’t that bad, man.  Not this bad anyway.  Good tenders, couple stars, “extras” like Malone, Hedman…  I’m thinkin’ they need a real coach.  I hear Barry Melrose is available.  Or maybe Don Cherry?

*****

After writing the Don Cherry bit, I just thought – wouldn’t it be sweet if some struggling US team in a non-hockey market just went full-on sideshow to make money?  Hired Don Cherry, Mike Milbury and Pierre McGuire, traded for Avery, Carcillo, Boogaard, and like, George Parros, picked up some tiny little thrill guys who suck defensively like Afinagenov and Kovalev, put Ron Hextall and Billy Smith in net and just sold the shit outta tickets?  Vince McMahon could be Director of Operations.  It’d be like watching Jersey Shore — “I know I shouldn’t be supporting crap like this, but I just… can’t… turn… away.”

*****

I think my cat is sneaking acid tabs.

*****

Yes. 

If this goal was by Crosby or Ovechkin, it’d be being called the goal of the __________ (fill in the whatever length of time you like).  To me, these types of goals aren’t as cool as beating a bunch of opponents with moves, but it’s so awesome it deserves this simple review:

Yes.

 

*****

I may add to this as the day goes on, but I’ve got a few things to do first!

Login