Some Thoughts on Pronger, Caps/Lightning, Canucks/Predators

 

New Puck Daddy: Undisciplined play from a teams’ leaders can kill a dressing room, also, *cough*Flyers*cough*

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If I may explain today’s Puck Daddy article – I realize Pronger hasn’t played a ton, but he has played three of the last four games, and managed to anger me enough to write that.  After watching his behaviour against Buffalo, followed by his antics in the early part of round two’s first game, I was FURIOUS when he took van Riemsdyk away from the very unthreatening Marchand situation like a wise old vet showin’ the young kid what to do.

Don’t take any penalties kid, they just took one and we don’t want to give up that opportunity!

I was just like….you f***ing hypocrite.

Van Riemsdyk is going to be a star in the league, and what’s he supposed to think after that?  He saw big #20 blow it for him and his teammates twice in the past three games, so what, he’s supposed to respect Pronger’s wishes?  Look up to him, learn from him?  He should’ve slashed Pronger for the condescending “now now, young man” when JVR was just getting his back.

I dunno.  Obviously I know Pronger’s a stud d-man that I’d like to have on my team.  But let’s not act like he’s not a selfish hockey player out there. 

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Today I had to do a two-minute bit for TV, and let me tell you, I did very, very poorly. I need to do that shit more so I don’t get all panicky when I mess up once – I’m tellin’ ya, it was like a trainwreck once it started.  Here’s a rough version of the punchy lil’ monologue, Passing Thoughts on Washington/Tampa, Vancouver/Nashville:

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In the Eastern Conference semifinal the Washington Capitals are dangerously near getting knocked out of playoffs with an upset.  And yes, I did cut and paste that sentence from an article I wrote in one of the previous three years. (*modified for print )

Bruce Boudreau said after the game two loss that “Alex Ovechkin wasn’t doing very much,” and that “it’s easy to put a d-man on a forward,” adding that Eric Brewer was doing a good job shutting Ovy down.

To reiterate, ERIC BREWER.

That’s like saying Lebron is having trouble getting to the hoop and dunking because I’M guarding him.

He failed to mention that the Caps powerplay is doing really well, by the Boston Bruins standards (11.1%).  He also missed that Nick Backstrom is having a heck of a playoff run, if he were precisely no one (7GP, 0G, 2A, 2PTS).

In the Western Conference, the Vancouver Canucks are headed to Nashville to play game three after losing game two on home ice in overtime.

If you like fast, offensive games, than this series has been like…..watching neutral zone play in soccer, really. 

But if it’s goaltending you like…..well, then, you’re just weird.

But both goalies have been terrific in this series, giving up a mere two total goals each after two games, with the only difference being that fans in Nashville LOVE Pekka Rinne, where fans in Vancouver LOVE that they have a good backup goalie.

…..They just don’t trust that starter.

It should be a star-studded affair in Music City, with plenty of celebrity cameos – you’ll see Carrie Underwood….you’ll see Vancouver’ Green Men….the only thing you won’t see is Barry Trotz neck.

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 Eh, kinda corny, but it didn’t sound so bad when I recorded myself doing it.  Live….eh, lets not go there.  Anywho, so I’m pulling myself together after that.

I’ll be watchin’ the games ‘n’ tweetin’ tonight.  Follow me here.

Interesting Stories From Each Playoff Series Pt. 2

 

New Puck Daddy: a look inside the pre-playoff series meetings teams have

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If you missed it, yesterday I wrote about the interesting stories I’ll be keeping an eye on from the five playoff series that started yesterday.  Today, I’ll be doing the same for the other three.  Without further ado….. MORE PLAYOFFS!

(2) Philadelphia Flyers vs. (7) Buffalo Sabres

Two things immediately spring to mind: the phrase “upset watch” and the Philadelphia Flyers goaltending.  If you’re as sick of hearing about it as I am mentioning it, blame Philly’s GM, not me.  It’s quite possible that the two things I just mentioned go hand-in-hand.

Let me be clear: I don’t think the Sabres will beat the Flyers.  Philly’s forwards are as deep – okay, deeper – than any other team in the NHL (Boston is in the conversation), and their defense is just too good, even with Pronger out.  Yes, they will have a tough time getting pucks behind Ryan Miller, but you may have noticed Buffalo is a seven-seed — as in, he’s been scored on before.

I’ll be watching to see if Bobrovsky can keep enough pucks out of the Flyers net to help the team avoid getting that upset seed planted in their head.  If he let’s a few shaky ones in during the series’ first contest or Buffalo wins game one…. things will be a lot more interesting.

Underlying story: What the shit happened to the Flyers down the stretch?  You want to peak at the right time, and they seemed like they were dragging their asses through a rut down the homestretch.  I’m curious to see if it was the fact that they didn’t have a meaningful game for like, two months, or if something has seriously gone awry with that team.  More reason to keep this series on upset alert.

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(2) San Jose Sharks vs. (7) Los Angeles Kings

You know what I’m curious about?  If there’s any plausible reason we can dig up to say LA could win more than one game.  The statement Dean Lombardi has made over the past couple years – trying to bring in a big name like Kovalchuk, Iginla, just anyone who could provide some offensive help – leads me to believe he has a pretty good idea of where they need help to win.

Then Kopitar gets hurt, and they’re left with…. Dustin Penner.

This, for the Sharks, could be like going through one of those arrow things in Mario Cart that gives you a burst of speed heading into playoffs.  As Dave Lozo told us, you either win early in round one or you don’t win the Stanley Cup (“The last 32 teams to win their first-round series in seven games have failed to win the Stanley Cup.“).  They could polish off LA early, rest up, and make a push.

Will the Kings give their fans some breath of hope, somehow, some way?

Underlying story: For me, two little stories: one, the Sharks killed it in the second half of the NHL season, so my question is, could this team be way better than most people think?  They’re still pretty stacked.

And two, Antti Niemi.  He’s taken slow but steady steps towards being one of the NHL’s elite goaltenders.  Another solid playoff run would have him cemented there for years to come.  Without being flashy, might we be watching one of the NHL’s best emerge?

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(3) Boston Bruins vs. (6) Montreal Canadiens

I’m excited to see if the Canadiens have any push-back in them.  I know I’ve been very outspoken about this series, but it’s for a reason – I just can’t find a reason to believe the Habs could beat the Bruins, for one simple fucking reason: the Bruins have better players.  Phew – how’s that for in-depth analysis?

It’s not even close.  And the Bruins have the most intimidating team in the league to top it off, because their tough guys can play.  They don’t have to send a brainless thug out there to get justice, they inflict pain just with the natural way their players play, and that’s no fun in a seven game series. 

Milan Lucic and Nathan Horton combined for 206 PIMS (for context, Clark Gillies never got 100 PIMS in a season), and these two combined for 56 goals on top of that.  Cammalleri and Plecanec scored a combined 41(in 15 less games) and are more one-dimensional players.

The Habs have a couple more players with Cup experience, so basically, the story I’m most interested in (much like the San Jose/LA series) is if there’s any reason to believe the Habs have a shot.  Maybe it’s that experience (I think they have four guys with Cups versus the B’s two), but thus far, I can’t convince myself that they won’t be overwhelmed in four or five games.

Underlying story: The interesting names in this series.  Can Tim Thomas play like he did during the regular season in playoffs, or will it be Tuuka Time before it’s all said and done?  Will Tomas Kaberle have a shot at his first Cup?  How will he hold up under the pressure?  Can Carey Price stay in the good graces of Habs fans? 

There’s just a lot of fun NHL stars to track in this one.  Can’t wait to see what unfolds.

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Night one of the NHL playoffs was as fun as to be expected.  Four of my five series winner picks won (save for Tampa), so we’re off to a good start.  I’ll check in on my gambling status early next week.  Enjoy tonight!

Marketing Villains, How Philly Can Win, John Madden

 

Happy Game Three morning, or something like that.

In yesterday’s Puck Daddy post, I elaborated on what we regularly talk about here in our comments section – sports hate.  I figured it was fitting timing, since this year’s version of the Stanley Cup Finals is made far more interesting because of it’s hateable characters. (Also, when I read what I wrote about sports hate the first time, it was barely more than a sentence, and it’s a great topic.)

But, on the heels of that column, Ms. Conduct’s blog titled “You Love Carcillo. Admit it. (though I absolutely don’t), Greg Wyshynski’s post on Chris Pronger (WITH JUST UNDER TWO THOUSAND COMMENTS), and a couple of recent tweets/thoughts about “maybe the NHL should market it’s villains”, it’s worth asking….

Should the NHL market it’s villains?

Couldn’t you see a 30-second compilation of all Pronger’s suspension-worthy offenses strung together in one NHL commercial called “Nice Guys Finish Last”, with him hoisting the Cup at the end?  And wouldn’t it set your insides to a rolling boil? 

But he’d become a more recognizable figure, and we’d love to root for him to lose.

Not sure what the answer is here (and I think the NHL would have to get permission from the player to play up his “gritty” side, but hey, most of those guys make their money playing that role, so I bet they’d be pumped to up their evil image), but I know I’d eat it up if it ever happened.

{Tangent: The end of my “For the Love of Hatred” column on Pronger snapping his stick and falling on it etc. is actually a tribute to a couple friends I used to play “worst case scenario” with before each hockey game.  Basically, it was a reverse jinx – surely if we say it, this stuff won’t happen.  The “broken stick” part actually is stolen from “today you’re going to take a face-off, your stick will snap, and you’ll fall and impale yourself on the bottom half.  Then when you skate towards medical attention, your skate is gonna catch a rut and snap your ankle.” Good times.}

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“Crushasaurus” posed this question yesterday “Game one was wide open, Philly lost. Game two was vacuum tight, Philly lost. If you’re Laviolette, what do you say?”

Philly can win if….

Philly can win if Pronger and Carle can continue to shut down the Toews/Kane line. 

They need some puck possession time.  Between Seabrook and Keith’s ability to come up with the puck in the d-zone and transition their forwards, and Hossa (and crew’s) ability to rag it at the other end, they’ve rarely had the even-strength sustained pressure to wear down Chicago’s D-corps and centers.

They benefit from a stupid, slogging, facewashing battle.  You don’t want to go run-n-gun with Chicago, so keep it more like Game Two, and hope this time it’s Darroll Powe that gets the winner, not Ben Eager. 

*****

I love watching a baseball “brawl” (90% of the time it’s a couple people jawing) and focusing on the stragglers loping out to the field out of obligation, when there’s already 80 people in the mix not fighting.  They’ve got warm-up jackets on, a mouth full of Spitz and just took off the “my eyes are open” glasses they were wearing for their nap.

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John Madden must have one of the best perspective’s on what it takes for a team to win a Stanley Cup.

Pretty sure he has two cups going on three, and none of them were back to back (’01, ’03, …’10?)  In that way, I would think he’d be able to connect the dots to see what make-up it takes to get it done, right?  Maybe he’d say it was having a few dominant d-men, or young, quick forwards.  Who knows.  Maybe he’d say it’s him.

But he’s been a top six guy, a bottom six guy, young, old, on a defensive-first team, an offense first team…. I just think he’d be a really great interview about the common threads amongst his Cup winning teams.

*****

Okay, I’m over the Tiger Woods grace period for “getting back into it”.  I need the divorce finalized, and his focus back on entertaining me.  He’s playing this weekend in the Memorial, defending his win from last year.  I don’t know him, or care to further discuss his now-obvious horrible-humanness.  Tiger, it’s time to be good again, for the sake of Sundays.

*****

Game Three, folks.  Thoughts, questions, statements, links….?

My Finals Picks – Best Goalie, D-Man, Forward and Team

 

Let’s get to it – here are my answers from yesterday’s poll questions:

Which goalie would you most like to have on your team in the Finals?

I’m 100% sold on Antti Niemi.

His situation in Chicago this year felt like one of those “let’s try and keep this kid down and give our other goalie every chance to be the starter so people don’t realize we’re paying the wrong guy” deals.  Just like Carey Price over Jaro Halak, and for awhile, Tim Thomas over Tukka Rask.  In the end, you want the best goalie in the net, and teams relent.

I thought he was absolutely dynamite in the early games of the San Jose series, and he played great against Vancouver.  He’s not that awkward “how is he doing it?” style that I hate so much (*coughNabokovcough*).  He does it the right way.

In the game Philly lost to Montreal, Leighton let in a couple of those “oh god, is he gonna crumble?” goals, before regrouping nicely.  He’s had an exceptional year (for a guy who’s played around 30 games), and is certainly capable of succeeding.  For now though, he’s played in seven total playoff games, facing a Krejci/Sturm-less Bruins team and a fizzling, content-with-where-they-got Montreal offense.

Which Defenseman would you most like to have on your team in the Finals?

I hate this question because of the “in the Finals” part.

I’d take Duncan Keith during the year, and probably even most of playoffs.  I’m completely torn on this one, but if I’m being honest, I think I’d prefer to have Chris Pronger.

My heart wouldn’t let me vote for him in the poll.  I picked Duncan Keith, thinking that Duncan creates offense from defense (uses quickness to intercept pucks, move them the other way) and creates defense from offense (makes such solid decisions his team often plays entire shifts in the offensive zone).

But I couldn’t lie to myself a second day in a row.  Pronger is impossible to play against.  He’s one of those guys that when you play him, your line is on the bench frustrated going “man, we just can’t seem to get anything going today.  Not getting the bounces”.

He uses his long stick like a scalpel to just hinder every f**king play you’re trying to make.  He gets his big body in the right spots, has a bomb from the point and moves the puck like guys a foot smaller than him. 

I hate him, but he’s one of the best.  I’d have to take Chris stupid Pronger.

Which forward would you most like to have on your team in the Finals?

This one inevitably boils down to the two leaders, Richards and Toews.

My general thinking is this:  Toews is going to have a better career than Richards.  He’s 22 and already more of an offensive threat.  He steps up in big games, is crazy responsible for his talent-level (doesn’t have to be, but is), and is just an all-around star.

But Mike Richards wants this.  I’m sure Toews does too, but sometimes Richards’ passion scares the shit out of me.  He plays with a fire I never had.  I think he knows this may be one his last chances to compete for a Stanley Cup in a conference likely to be dominated by Washington and Pittsburgh for awhile.  After all, how often are both those teams going to get eliminated before Philly has to deal with one of them?

He has all the tools to succeed, and he’s in his prime.  Plus, I can’t help but remember that I’ve played Toews in college, and occasionally he gets his three points in such a quiet way that he’s rarely on your radar.  I felt comfortable enough to play my heart out, since I wasn’t looking over my shoulder for him.  I look over my shoulder for Mike Richards before typing (hey, that guy could be coming from any angle).

At the same time, if you read my column yesterday, Philly has that (negative) something that makes them just be so bad once in awhile, and a part of me can’t help but wonder if he’s the common thread.  Toews just smells like winning, so it’s a tough call.

I’ll stick with Richards for now, but ask me Sunday and I’ll probably change my mind.

What’s your Finals prediction?

Picking Chicago in six gets you no love.  It’s the safest thing on the planet, and a lose-lose.  The number of games, six, shows no balls, because you’re always “close”.  The team shows no balls because they’re the (significantly) higher seed.  And that’s why you see pundits go out on a limb, because they have the small chance to be “right” and the guy who “really saw things the right way”.

But at what point is picking like an idiot beneficial to your career?

Chicago is a little better at every position, which means they’re A LOT better team.

I can see Philly winning a game or two.  I mean, it’s the NHL, Edmonton can beat Washington and it’s not exactly the Detroit Lions beating the New Orleans Saints.  So I can’t pick that short of a series.

So I’ll give the Flyers their due (and play it safe) and go with Chicago in six.  Hey, it’s what I think is gonna happen, I can’t be blamed for that, can I?

Happy Thursday folks.  See ya back here tomorrow!

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A Diamond And A Rough. And Also Some Hockey.

 

A couple weeks back in late April, my lovely mother was in Phoenix with two of her girlfriends.  (My parents just got a place down here last year, which was how Bri and I came to visit and say “hmm, wanna live here?”)

After a busy day followed by dinner at our place, the call came.

Somewhere in Mom’s travels that day – her place, mall hopping, lunch out, dinner here – the diamond had come out of her ring. 

I scoured our house, and especially the pool area, where we had eaten our classy feast of pizza and wine.  It wasn’t a huge diamond or anything, but combining sentimental value you with a few thousand dollars of actual value make it crisis worthy.  And we never found it.  It could’ve been anywhere in Phoenix.

So yesterday, my allergies are killing me.  I can’t breathe.  I figure I might be able to clear my sinuses by heading to the steam room at my complex.  I turn the steam room on, and decided to um, have a sit-down in a nearby bathroom stall to have a little me time.  After a few seconds, I see a shard of glass.  But wait, that’s a sparkly shard of…. there, 200 yards and two weeks later, was her freaking diamond.

No idea how it could have feasibly ended up that far away, let alone in my line of vision.  But it did.  Crazy.

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My new column is up on USA Today.  It’s on what’s being discussed during a last-minute timeout in a close game.  Speaking of crazy things….

I wrote the rough draft for that column, and fired it off to my uncle to see what he thought of it.  He thought it was good, but had a few recommendations.  I took those recommendations and ran with it, re-writing about 30% of the column.  Happy with my final work, I fired it off.

The sports editor said he liked it, and that it would run.  I went to check it out and…. I had sent the rough draft in.  First time I’ve ever done that.  But since the editor liked the column, I figured, eh, let’s leave it.

Sooo, the slightly-rougher-than-planned version doesn’t mention the focus inside the defensive team’s huddle, but that’s a pretty short couple paragraphs anyways: don’t leave anybody uncovered low in the zone (just one guy left to cover high players), keep player’s sticks up around the net, and keep your sticks in passing lanes.  Pretty simple, meatheads.  Work hard and block shots.

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Blackhawks/Canucks

2-2 with a couple minutes to go in the third, and Brent Seabrook fires a rocket pass through a seam to Kris Versteeg, the type of pass you simply can’t make in rec hockey.  A laser.

Versteeg shows great patience, and reads the sliding d-man with a pull-up/cut.  He looks at his options, and sees everyone falling all over Luongo’s crease.  As he takes it to his forehand, everyone commits to him shooting.  Then he tries to pull it to his backhand, which I saw developing – to a wide open side of the net, to one of the prettiest goals of the year…. and loses it.  I was bummed, just because I love slick goals off the rush.

Then Chicago makes a couple passes only Chicago and Washington make.  They regain composure, fire it up to Keith, who fires it back to Versteeg (Chicago’s what, 6th best forward?) who’s able to stop it and fire a perfect wrister over a sliding Luongo.  That play is why I’m so enamoured with this Blackhawks team (but still, I’m rooting for the Canuckleheads).

The same way I mentioned that Pittsburgh and Detroit can score with skill or grit, the Canucks have their own options (Sedin/Sedin for skill, Kesler/Burrows for grit).  With a quality goaltender, I think the Canucks could cause Chicago (and beyond) absolute fits in playoffs.

This series easily gets the nod as the best series of all the conferece semi’s.

 

Boston/Philadelphia

As we begin the three or four game march to Philly’s funeral, here’s what I want to talk about:

Post-game interviews.

Often, I complain that hockey players are too generic in their responses, and holycrapsaysomethinginterestingsoon.

But the reporters are just as often to blame, because they force players into those answers.  And sometimes, they force you into full-out lying to not make them look like idiots.  This is the hardest thing to do as a player sometimes, it’s like taking an SAT question after doing cardio on a spin bike.

For example: I assume Lucic scored the winning goal yesterday, because they were interviewing him after the game.  Yes, that’s how little of that game I watched last night (went with some of Dexter season three until Bri went to bed, then watched the DVR’ed Canucks/Hawks game).

Anyways, the guy says to Milan:  “All three Bruins goals were on the shooters sticks for a combined total of under five seconds, how much did you guys preach quick release?”

How much did we preach quick release?

Well, not at all, actually, we always shoot it as quickly as possible when trying to score.  Y’know, so the goalie doesn’t have time to set?  That’d be like preaching “hey guys, when there’s a stick in the way of somewhere you want to pass, let’s really try this new saucer thing that takes advantage of the air above the guy’s blade.”

To Lucic’s credit, he saved the guy “Well, y’know, that’s the way you score on any goalie in this league, so we knew that….” blah blah blah.

It happens all the time.  One year I remember constantly being asked by our beat reporter some variation of ”what was your game plan on your opponents goalie tonight?”.  By the end of the year I had to tell the guy I couldn’t find any more jibber-jabber for that question “look, you try to find a hole and hit it.  If you have more time, you try to make him think you’re shooting somewhere you’re not with a fake, a look, a move.  Goalie’s with obvious weak spots can’t play professional hockey, so we didn’t ‘game plan’ anything.”  It’s not like NHL ’93 where everytime you skate across the crease the goalie gets caught on the post or something.  Half the time you’re just shooting for rebounds.

And then I shanked him with a shattered Synergy, cause I’m badass. (*note: that part may not have actually happened)

But seriously, c’mon guys, you’re better than that.

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Anywho, happy tuesday people!  Hope spring has sprung, wherever you’re at!

Picks, Coyote Tix and Quick Hits

 

I did a bad job of explaining my predictions before the second round (less “bad job” and more “completely didn’t do it”), and now I have the advantage of having seen a game from each series.  So, my bad on that.  Thus, in the interest of keeping this entry from War and Peace-like length, I’ll cut to the chase on why I picked whom.

I picked Detroit, and explained it was because I can’t pick against The Zettersyuk.  I intend to do an old school, serious piece of prose about the poetic way Datsyuk plays later today.  Sheer artistry.

I picked Vancouver on the Luongo-is-better-than-Niemi tiebreaker, and because I only recently discovered that bandwagon Blackhawks fans are plutonium-level-volatile right now.  They’re entering the “holy crap, if we don’t win this year….” panic phase , where they’re studying salary cap rules at all hours of the night, and realizing that Hossa is basically becoming a one-man Buffalo Bills of the early ’90′s. WIDE RIGHT!  WIDE RIGHT!

I picked Pittsburgh because…. forget it, same reasons you did.

I picked Boston on the Rask-is-better-than-Boucher tiebreaker, and because Jeff Carter and Simon Gagne aren’t playing.  Also because Philly likes effing with it’s own fans by pretending it wants to win the cup, when really all the owners want is to get deep enough to get a few more home games for revenue. (Emery is out for the year?  It’s trade deadline time?  I have an idea…. what it we ride out this average goalie/great team thing and see where it takes us?  Haven’t tried that yet.)

I will say this about the Boston/Philly series – I would have predicted these two teams to be in the second round at the start of the year.  Surprisingly, they both struggled during the regular season, but I do actually think they’re more than capable of being competitive with the best teams.  The right eight teams made it from the East, and if you had looked at the rosters they went with for playoffs like eight months ago, you probably would’ve picked Boston to beat Buffalo, and Philly to beat Jersey.

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During Olympic time, I wrote a blog on Luongo the night before the gold medal game, on the topic of him making me feel slightly uneasy when he’s in net, for whatever reason.  (I took it down for fear of looking like a dissident at such a positive time.)

To me, this is his career-defining series. 

Team vs. team, Chicago and Vancouver are pretty even – maybe Chicago is a little better.  Vancouver’s advantage is supposed to be in net.  When he’s won, he’s almost always had the better team.  When he’s lost, he’s almost always had the worse team.  He’s not getting any younger, and this is one of the first occasions I can remember that it’s his series to win or lose. 

If he wants to be the player Canuck fans think he is, now is his time to shine, like the bright lights hitting his greasy hair.

*****

My buddy bought a Phoenix Coyotes playoff ticket package, which for those of you that don’t know, means you buy them right through game seven of the finals.  If your team doesn’t make it that far, you get reimbursed.

If they don’t call him soon to offer him tickets for next year instead of just sending him a cheque back (which it appears they’re going to do), it’ll be disheartening as a guy rooting for the team to succeed here.  Coyote’s marketing: he’d take the tickets, I’m telling you.  Make those calls while their season is fresh in everyone’s mind.  DO THIS RIGHT!

*****

The guys from PTI asked Dwight Howard to pick who he thought should be the league MVP, and he named two players, neither of which were Lebron.  What a hater.

*****

I’ve seen the Marc Savard reaction to his overtime winner about eighty-hundred times thus far, and I’m still 100% on getting chills.  I love that shit.  Great stick-to-crowd toss.

*****

I just found out that Jaroslav Halak made 800K this year.  Vesa Toskala made 4SHMIL.  If you believe that there’s any justice in the universe, expect a bank error in Halak’s favour, where he collects 3.2 million, then passes GO for an extra 200 bucks.

*****

Have to mention this (sorry in advance): yesterday I heard “throwing the snake” used as the all-time-funniest euphemism EVAR.  Some guy, just off the cuff: I bet Jim Ballsillie is so depressed after losing the Coyotes he just sits around “throwing the snake” all day, if you know what I’m sayin’.

*****

And last but not least, some quick thoughts on each series for ya, while I’m on my way out the door:

San Jose/Detoit:  San Jose has had success so far in playoffs with the complete and utter absence of it’s best players.  Last night, Thornton got the GWG and Heatley had three assists.  This should scare a lot of teams in the West, like say, Detroit.

Vancouver/Chicago: Don’t expect another VanCity beat down.  That Chicago team is too talented, cocky and proud to get run-over like a dog on the highway again.  They need their young gunners to act like THIS DOG and pull them in the right direction, as I fully expect them to do.

Montreal/Pittsburgh: Hey, lookit them Canadiens go. Part of the reason Detoit is so good is because they’ve always been able to get offense from skill (Datsyuk/Zetterberg) or grit (Holmstrom/Franzen).  Jordan Staal was the second part of Pittsburghs offensive equation (and the first part of its defensive one).  Washington didn’t have a second way to score against Halak, and I think it’ll really hurt Pitt that they lost a big chunk of their second style too.  Seems like Halak can make every first save in the book, and Montreal’s D is doing a great job of clearing away second chance opportunities.

Philly/Boston:  The best news for Pittsburgh, who will eventually win that series or I’m folding my blog and becoming a monk, is that this Philly/Boston series is close, so it’s going to be a war.  The teams hate each other.  It’s a battle of attrition, and the winning side is going to limp in front of the conference-finals-firing-squad on one limb.  Pittsburgh, Merry Christmas…. you’re in the finals.

*****

In case you missed it:  On Friday I uncovered footage of Ovechkin and the evil genius boss who sent him to Earth to capture the Stanley Cup.  You can watch it here.

Devils Jenga Blocks Fall, The Sharks Flex Some Muscle

 

Happy Friday folks.  And believe me, it is a happy one over here!  My SOB of a brother is staying with Bri and I until Tuesday (wait… sorry mom). 

You may remember Jeff from earlier blogs.  Like his coverage of the paralympics, or that time he stopped breathing a few months ago and almost died, or where I explained that sledge hockey is a well-organized car accident.  Or, you Isles fans may remember him from my Dad’s Islanders-Hall-of-Fame induction, where the team donated Jeff the money for a new, multi-thousand dollar sled for sledge hockey, which he promptly used to t-bone my uber-ghetto sled and nearly made me need my own wheelchair.  (Who needs gifts when you get to shake Alexi. Freakin’. Yashin’s hand.  *gasps, fans himself, faints.)

Either way, we’re extremely pumped to have him – wasn’t sure he was gonna make it there for a bit, now the guy’s got a new shunt and he’s brand spankin’ new.  Crazy.  I mean, overnight, the guy got a new lease on life.  Miraculous.

Anyways, we’ll be sitting at McFadden’s outside Jobing.com Arena tonight before/during the Coyotes/Red Wings game (sold out of accessible seats, boo), so feel free to come say hello if you see us.

HOCKEY!

 

As the New Jersey Devils remembered last night, the moment your season ends is surreal.

You’re sitting in your stalls, largely in silence.  Okay, complete silence, except for that one guy who has to be different, and is taking the tape off his socks.  Nobody wants to be the first guy to take his jersey off.  After an extended period of time, coach makes some statement to the team, usually the nicest stuff he’s said all year (unless you’re a two-seed that loses in five games).

I mean, anytime Logan Couture and Dwight Helminen can take the game over (and your big line gets the chance to score meaningless goals again), you have to be impressed….. don’t you?  No?  Hmm.

Well, either way, they are still a one seed, which means if (sorry, when) they get by the Avs, they would draw the lowest seeded team left.  Whoooo you probably wouldn’t pick them to beat anyways.  Ah well.  At least it won’t be a total post-season write off this year.  It’ll be like a serious car accident where nobody dies – it was horrible, but at least there’s some upside.  No one died.

*****

The only team I’ve probably been harder on this year than the Coyotes has been the Senators.  I’ve yet to give the Sens an ounce of respect.  As far as I’m concerned, they have a couple good forwards, solid defense, and mediocre goaltending.  Not exactly the formula for a fear-inducing playoff team.  Plus, fifth in the Eastern Conference rarely equals “Cup contender”.

But still, good for them for not rolling over in Pittsburgh last night.  They came to play and managed to squeak it out.  But, unfortunately, just as Sens fans (MikeB) would expect, I’m chalking that one as a loss to Pittsburgh, not a win for the Sens.  I don’t care who you’re playing, if you win the Cup the year before, and have the chance to close out your round one opponent at home in game five and blow it…. yikes.  I got a dollar that says a Penguins player gets hurt tonight and misses game one of round two.  Karma for not closing.

*****

Time to walk to get bagels and coffee with Jeff.  Tough life, this blogging (as I overdraft and end up paying $38 for my bagel and coffee.  Maybe it is a tough life.)

As a tribute to my bro, here’s the type of stuff he loves.  He couldn’t wait to have me watch this.  Jeff loves “…my brain hurts…”

 

How “Too Many Men On The Ice” Happens

 

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G’mornin’ friends!

Some wonderful hockey last night, wasn’t there?  The Canucks and Bruins games were great…. And let’s call a spade a spade: Miro Satan went from being a borderline waste of a paycheck to worth every penny in one play. 

But anyways.  As you may have noticed, these great playoff games have been plagued by the same thing every hockey head will be talking about this morning: Too many men on the ice penalties.

So, for those of you pulling your hair out this morning going “how. the f**k. does that happen?”, I figured I’d help.

How “too many men” happens:

Where to start, where to start….

This penalty, though almost always publicly blamed on the coach (by themselves, by the commentaters) is nearly never the coaches fault.  It’s also almost never the defensemen’s fault (actually, I can’t ever remember a time when it was).

Yep, it’s us forwards.

Coaches call the next line by the center’s last name.  So for the Canucks, Sedin-Sedin-Burrows goes by “Sedin, you’re up”, and the two wingers just know that includes them, unless otherwise specified.  But specifications come often.

“Sedin, you’re up, Kesler, play left side”

Automatically, Burrows is supposed to know that means he’s not going, since he’s the usual left winger.

But sometimes, you just shut off after you hear your center’s name called, or there’s some crowd noise after the name, whatever.  So if it doesn’t register with Burrows that he’s not going, two left wingers end up jumping the boards.  In loud buildings and tight games, some coaches get super involved to make sure the guys know who’s going next, maybe by physically grabbing the usual winger and making sure he knows he’s not going.  Some coaches switch to shoulder taps and individual “you’re going’s” when the building gets crazy.

Sometimes players are just brain-dead and think coach called their line when he didn’t, and they jump.  (This happens often when your center’s last names are, say, Morelli, Pelley and Nelly, like my BCHL team from many years back.)

Then, when coach calls your line, it’s the player’s responsibility to clarify who you’re changing for.  Like, physically, out loud, clarify it with your line mates, even if you’ve been changing for the same guys all season, every shift, because coaches are always tinkering with lines and forward positions.

Burrows is a good example – he can play left or right side, so if Vigneault double-shifts him once, he may have him play left with the Sedins, but right-side when he’s out there with Kesler’s line.

So the next guy, who thinks Burrows is a left winger says “I got Burrows” and his right winger will end up having to say ”nono no, he’s playin’ right side dude.”

If that conversation never happens, Burrows comes to the bench, both wingers jump out thinking he’s their change, and voila, too many men.

There are times, of course, when it is the coaches fault.  There’s a certain level of responsibility that lies with him to clearly communicate his next unit.  {I’ve only played on one team where the head coach didn’t run the forward lines, and for those who do run them, think about how time consuming that is.  Armchair coaches love to say “I can’t believe coach made (blank) decision”, but half the game he’s looking down at namebars on the bench or his scratch sheet in his hand to figure out which personnel he wants out there.}

He has to make it clear who’s up, or he’s to blame (still, he’ll rarely admit it was his fault once the dressing room door closes.  Players have to listen closely).  But often, he’ll assign a line to go next, and only two guys will be able to change, while the third gets stuck out there (don’t change going into the d-zone, etc.).  So the coach, seeing two of the guys out there from the line he assigned, will sometimes think the change is complete, and call out the next line.

Let’s say the right winger is still waiting to get out there with his line, and the right winger on the ice changes.  It’s the coaches responsibility to notice this, and tell the right winger who still hasn’t got out with his two liney’s to ”sit this shift out, let’s start getting the next line out as a unit”.  Often, if the coach doesn’t make that fix, both right wingers who’ve been called will jump, and again, voila.  Too many men. (This usually gets caught if your team communicates well – if either right winger calls out his change, the other will usually hear that, and turn to the coach for a decision: finish this change, or start the next unit?)

There’s a million ways it can happen, but I think in general, I’ve covered the most common.  Hope I helped get your head around it.

Still, you’d love to know who caused the meltdown in the Sabres case, leading to the Bruins double OT winner.  Good rule of thumb – if you notice that the coach has sent a good player to the box (maybe one who’d normally kill penalties) after a too many men call – where he can pick who sits from the guys on the ice - it was probably that guy’s fault.  It’s priceless how often the scatterbrain who jumped the boards when he wasn’t supposed to gets chosen (in yell form) to go sit the two minutes.

Anyways, I’ll probably do some further playoff discussions in another post.  The “Too Many Men-ifesto” went on waaaayyy too long.

Happy Thursday!

(UPDATE: Upon further review, I can’t help but notice that even though I explain how it happens, I fail to mention that it shouldn’t.  A little communication goes a long way.

Also – Darren Dreger brings up a good point in his mini-blog today.  In the playoffs, matchups could be a reason why it’s happening so often.  When you’re matching the other teams top guy, the second he hits the ice, you’re supposed to change immediately to get out there against him, so you’ll often take the next forward – assuming you’re a forward – even if it’s not your exact position.  This leads to pure madness on the bench, and why some coaches shy away from trying to match lines)

2010 NHL Playoffs – The Leastern Conference

 

Washington Capitals (1)

vs.

Montreal Canadiens (8)

For whatever reason, I don’t like many teams that wear red.  For example, there’s just about nothing I want to watch less than a New Jersey/Carolina series, as attested by my coverage of said series in last year’s playoffs (blatant refusal).  To make those games worse, I feel like there’s just something grinding about watching the actual colour red play red.  Anyone feel me on that? (Mmm, aesthetically soothing Canucks colours…)

For some reason, this red vs. red battle doesn’t bother me quite so much.  Like most hockey fans, I love to watch Washington.  And Montreal, though a puny little excuse for a Washington challenger, is kinda fun to watch this year too (fun like those tiny toy cars “Hot Wheels” were as a kid).

The only way Washington’s round one series had any hope of being interesting this year was if Philly had the eight seed.  It would’ve been awesome watching Carter and Richards going buck-crazy, being playoff performers out there, scoring goals….. and still losing by football scores, like 21-14.  Thatta been great.

Not much to say here, except the obvious: Washington just has way too much firepower to lose.  If the Canadiens give them so much as a scare, I fear for Washington when they play a better team.  I rate Montreal’s chances, as a percentage, at beat-it-dont-even-try.4%

PREDICTION: CAPITALS in THREE

*****

New Jersey Devils (2)

vs.

Philadelphia Flyers (7)

I think this was a tough card for New Jersey to pull, simply because I can’t believe how badly the Flyers have underachieved this year.  I mean, 88 points, in the East?  How is that possible, with their roster?  Before the season, I noticed that their back end had good transition/powerplay guys such as Pronger, Timmonen and Carle, and I remember thinking “crap, they’re gonna score a ton of goals this year.”

Combine that with with some of the games best forwards: Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, Simon Gagne, Danny Briere and crew (Claude Giroux is no slouch. Hell, Van Riemsdyk is sick too.), and Philly has a wonderful hockey team.

So what the hell is going on there?

Riiiighht, goaltending, right.  I’ve seen this play before.

On the other side of the coin, I was completely surprised by New Jersey’s record this year.  Any time you have Brodeur in net, your team can’t be bad – but past him, I didn’t see a reason for them to have much success.  I knew Parise and Zajac were great, but then what? (That, and I kinda figured Elias and Langenbrunner were past their best-before dates…. guess not).  I kept waiting for this team to trip, but it never happened.

With the addition of Ilya Kovalchuk, the Devils finally have that dynamic offensive punch you always felt that they lacked in the past.  It gives them two really solid lines (though they admit they can’t find a spot for Kovy that clicks), and combined with Brodeur, it’s become pretty clear that their season wasn’t a fluke.

{I have to point this out for the millionth time – can you BELIEVE that Kovalchuk is 230 pounds?  I’d have been off by 60 if you had made me guess two months ago.}

But looking at their D -  Andy Greene, Mike Mottau, Bryce Salvador, Colin White, Paul Martin, Mark Fraser, Martin Skoula and Anssi Salmela.  I dunno… it doesn’t feel very Cup contender-y.  They have, however, done a great job at keeping pucks out of their net this year (y’know, first-in-the-league-good, at 191 over 82 games – 2.32 per), but something about them makes me nervous.  ….And it probably has something to with NJ’s (okay, Marty’s) meltdown in the final minute of game seven against Carolina last year.

If you put the leagues most average goalie in the Flyers net - say, Dwayne Roloson – I think I’d pick them to win this series.  I like their roster that much more.  But Parise, Zajac and Kovalchuk shooting on Boucher makes it a dicey situation.

In the end, New Jersey has done too good of a job defensively to lose their first playoff series, where defense and goaltending are emphasized.  I think they’ll see round two, but barely.

PREDICTION: DEVILS in SEVEN

*****

Buffalo Sabres (3)

vs.

Boston Bruins (6)

If I were the Buffalo Sabres, I would be pissed at how the final playoff seeds ended up falling.  They (like New Jersey) were so close to getting to play an obviously worse team like the Rangers or Thrashers.  But noooo, Boston and Philly had to get their shit together at the last second, and squeak in.

This sucks, you see, because Boston and Philly aren’t as horrible as they desperately tried to convince us all they were this year.

One of the few guys pushing Ryan Miller for the Vezina this year is Boston’s Tuuka Rask.  Combine that solid goaltending with Buffalo’s Phoenix-like offense (three lines of second line forwards = good team/not great), and we may see some low scoring games – especially when you consider that Buffalo has the league’s best goaltender, and Boston can’t score (206 goals all year, good for second-to-dead-last).

But, every time you think a series is going to be a defensive suck-fest, it ends up amazing.  Using that logic, this could be a thrilling, high-scoring series.  The only people I care to see play are the goalies.  I’m not saying Derek Roy and David Krejci aren’t exceptional hockey players, I’m saying that nobody is circling dates on their calendar to see them when they come to town.

I see Boston being the better team in this series, bringing the play to Buffalo, shooting, skating, hitting, exhausting themselves, and Ryan Miller chucking up the frustrating stone wall.  Then I see the Sabres working hard and smart, capitalizing on a few nice plays, (maybe a powerplay or two?), and winning games by scores like 3-2 and 2-1.  They probably win a couple of the - oh, let’s say three – games that go to overtime.

I really wanted to pick an upset here – and the Sabres and Devils are definitely both on my “upset watch” list.  But Ryan Miller is the best goalie in the world today, and that counts for something in playoffs.  I’m siding with him.

PREDICTION: SABRES IN SEVEN

*****

Pittsburgh Penguins (4)

vs.

Ottawa Senators (5)

Congratulations, Ottawa.  You finished ahead of the slovenly pack of droolers in the East.  You stayed out of the “who’s gonna make playoffs” fracas.  And in the process, you convinced me that you’re actually a good team.  I was wrong about you.

The bad news is, you’re basically about as lucky as the Coyotes in the West.

Had Pittsburgh caught New Jersey, as they should have, you’d be playing Jersey instead.  And I like your odds there.

What I don’t like, for you, is going up against the defending Stanley Cup champs, who are healthy, and about to flip it into “game on” mode.  You’re toast.

The Penguins probably slow-played their hand a little bit too much this year.  Didn’t do enough to grab the really high seed that guarantees they get to coast through round one.  Over the long haul of playoffs, having to play a good Senators team to start things off is really going to grind on them physically.

But as far as this series goes, Pittsburgh is still Pittsburgh.  Between last years Cup champion team and this year, they cut off a couple guys that were acting as anchors, and picked up depth assets in guys like Jordan Leopold and Alexi Ponikarovsky.  You take a team that’s won the cup and make them better?  They don’t lose round one.

PREDICTION: PENGUINS in FIVE

*****

So that’s all she wrote for round one, folks!  I’ll keep a running total of how my predictions went as we go (though I won’t follow how many games it took to get it done – that’s really just there to demonstrate how confident I am in the winner I picked). 

GAME ONE OF M***********G PLAYOFFS STARTS TONIGHT!

THROW.    THE.    SNAKE.

Eastern Conference Playoff Spots

 

Bear with me, hockey fans… In my last blog, I made a couple football predictions – I said the Colts would beat the Jets 24 – 17 with a late pick thrown by Sanzchez:  Colts beat the Jets 30 – 17 with a late pick thrown by Sanchez.  I also said the Saints would win on a late field goal, 31 – 30:  The Saints won on a late field goal, 31 – 28.  Damn.  I should make this a football blog.

Now that my back has been sufficiently patted, I’ll move on.

*****

Dennis Wideman, a member of my fantasy hockey team, was minus three when he got hit in the face with a puck last night.  He celebrated by returning and moving to minus four.  I’m celebrating by publicly chastising him on my blog.  Dennis Wideman sucks.

*****

Spots 6 – 13 in the Eastern Conference standings are separated by three points right now (55 points to 52 points), with the Senators in 5th, ahead of the pack by five points (60).  Unfortunately for Ottawa, they could be on the wrong side of the line come playoffs. 

If we bring them into the mix, because lets face it, they are in the mix, that means there’s nine teams vying for four spots.  Here’s the who’s out/who’s in predictions, according to my dumb self:

5th, Ottawa Senators, 53 games played, 60 points

As I just alluded to, I don’t like the Sens team this year.  They’ve got one of the best lines in the NHL with Spezza and Alfredsson, but that’s really the only leg they’ve got to stand on.  Mediocre goaltending, suspect D, and just not enough firepower to get it done (also, they have to play essentially shorthanded when Kovalev is on the ice notgivingafuck for a living).  They’ll be in the battle for the eight spot in April.

6th, Philadelphia Flyers, 51 games played, 55 points

Didn’t I just write about them being a scary low seed?  Apparently they made a push.  Philly is definitely one of the teams who’ll stick, and with the return of Emery, I think they’re looking at the five seed, just high enough to “upset” a then-staggering Buffalo or New Jersey.

7th, New York Rangers, 52 games played, 55 points

I remember thinking the Rangers would finally be one of the leagues top teams this year, but with Torterella proving himself to be more of a yeller/motivator than a guy focused on strategy and keeping his team level, I’m not sure what to think.  I can see them getting into playoffs as a seven seed, and, anytime you have a legitimate goaltender in playoffs, you’re going to stress out your opponent.  Maybe they can pull it together by then.

8th, Montreal Canadiens, 53 games played, 55 points

I’m calling them “in”, but if I’m wrong anywhere, it’s here.  I think we knew they’d be a team fighting for a playoff spot this year, so every night matters.  That means they need to stay healthy to squeak in – either way, the Capitals are going to ROLL OVER them if they earn this spot.

9th, Boston Bruins, 51 games played, 54 points

The Bruins will make the playoffs, probably as a six seed, and why not: proven goaltending, some good d-men including shut-down defender and Norris winner Zdeno Chara, and enough pieces up front (when healthy) to put the puck in the net.

10th, New York Islanders, 52 games played, 54 points

My Isles need to fight tooth-and-nail to win every possible point on every possible night, cause it’s a long-shot.  Coaching and goaltending are keeping them afloat right now, so two things have to happen down the stretch for them to have any hope (barring trading for Kovalchuk or someone else substantial):  The d-corps will have to play way over their collective head (after Streit, their D are basically all 5th/6th d-men on most teams), and the young guns (Tavares, Okposo, Bailey, Moulson) need to find some way to keep/improve their pace as the point-getting gets tougher after Christmas….  It always does.  Here’s to hoping!

11th, Florida Panthers, 52 games played, 53 points

Losing David Booth buried the Panthers this year.  They’ve actually got a pretty squad over there – not many teams can afford to have a 30 goal guy miss the season (while banking six million of your teams money), especially not perennial strugglers like Florida.  Their hopes hinge on him returning sooner than later.

12th, Atlanta Thrashers, 51 games played, 52 points

Only Carolina and Toronto give up more goals than the Thrashers, and they’re talking about trading the major cog in their offensive machine in Ilya Kovalchuk.  They need Kari Lehtonen to be who he can be ASAP if they’re to have any hope.  Which they don’t have much of.

13th, Tampa Bay Lightning, 51 games played, 52 points

Tampa’s a good team.  I mentioned my “Tocchet is a bad coach” theory before, and after a little roster evaluation, I’m even more certain of this.  Lecavalier, St. Louis, Ryan Malone, Stamkos, and Tanguay can all play, while they’ve got some good role players, average d-men and good goaltending.  I see them battling for that 8th spot with Ottawa and Montreal come April.

*****

That’s all folks!  Agree?  Disagree?  Let’s hear it!

Clark Gillies is the Chardonnay of Men, Apparently

 

I can’t help but laugh at this:

The NHL Alumni Association is selling wine.  It appears they’ve partnered with “Ironstone Winery”, put the names of a few random NHLers on the bottles, and are giving an unspecified “percentage” of the sales to the charities of the players on the bottles.  But that’s not the funny part.

Clark Gillies….. is on the bottle of Chardonnay? 

How did they chose to assign guys to types of wine, comedic value?  I love that their description of Clark as ”a ferocious competitor whose rugged play led his teams to win championships” is one of the first lines under “Clark Gillies: Chardonnay”.   …Ooo, you beast, you.

On a somewhat related note, his charity – the Clark Gillies Foundation – does raise sizable chunks of money (recently gave a million dollars to a local hospital) and can always use your help.  Forget “percentages” – check out the video about his charity here if you haven’t seen it yet, and feel free to donate… the money will go straight to helping children on Long Island.  Also, I’ll give you a dollar if you don’t cry after watching it.

*****

 Marty Brodeur is the NHL’s all-time shutout leader, taking over the lead from Rollie Melanson.  Or some other old goalie.  On a somewhat serious note, the most impressive part about Marty’s career has to be his durability, right?  70-75 games a year at that high level? 

So, whaddya think?  Best in the history of the NHL?  (By the way, can we really try to compare Brodeur to guys like Johnny Bower?  What a wasted conversation that is.  Let’s keep it apples to apples, not apples to no-mask-stand-up-goalies-taking-shots-from-guys-using-tree-trunk-sticks-on-roller-skates-in-a-completely-different-game.)

*****

For the first time since Richards decapitated Booth, the Flyers played the Panthers.  And thank god, the Panthers beat the stuffing out of the Flyers – four goals and four fights is a decent response to Richards knocking four months of Booth’s lifespan.

*****

The Blues hung seven goals on the Oilers, exacerbating the misery that is being an Oilers fan in a year where the Flames don’t suck too.

*****

The Coyotes won their seventh straight home game.  A certain blogger is starting to think they’re good.  How could he not?  Have you seen their roster??

*****

 Congrats to Nate Thompson for scoring his first of the ye- … wait.  So that empty net miss would have been his first of the year?  *head in hands* …ho-ly shit.

*****

That’s all I got for now folks – my brother is here, and since its the 22nd, we need to start Christmas shopping, dude-style.  ….At Lowes.  (Ratchet sets for everyone!)

Dustin Brown, The Flyers, The Preds

 

Did you see the Kings/Flames highlight package from last night?  Mark Giordano pwned Dustin Brown so many times I thought they accidentally clipped one highlight and ran it on loop.

Brown’s a fantastic player, but by the third time he was in the neutral zone trying to hustle around a forward wide with the puck all I could think was ”…dude, even a puppy learns from a few newspapers to the snout…”

*****

Not sure if you saw the Deadspin article about the Flyers yesterday, but it was stirring the pot about rumours than Jeff Carter is, um, affiliated with Scott Hartnell’s wife.  TMZ stuff aside, I actually learned a few things about the Flyers in it, and I was wondering what was true.

Do Pronger and Richards actually not get along?  Does the team party too much?  Do they simply hate each other?  I gotta call some people.

I will say this about the Flyers (especially in the wake of Neil’s Flyer-hating comments on the “sports hate” blog) -- it feels right that they’ve resumed their role in the league as the WWE-like heel.  Just bad guys being bad guys, villains that every team wants to destroy.  After going through their roster, I can tolerate four players.  I like Gagne and van Riemsdyk, while admiring the skill of Briere and Carle.  That is all.

*****

The Predators of Nashville have accumlated a record of 235-6, or something.  (21-11). Say wha now?  I’ve been doing Power Rankings every two weeks and was utterly oblivious that they were doing so well.  And you know who else is still rocking the party that rocks the party?  The Phoenix Coyotes.  Tell your friends.  Go buy tickets.  Do something.  The West is chaos!  The East is chaos!  THE NHL IS CHAOS THIS YEAR!

*****

Our rec league team has accpeted the challenge to play a local midget team (not little people.  High school juniors/seniors.  I wish it was little people.)  Full contact.  I’ll post pictures of the black eye I have from fighting some kid who had the audacity to hit me.  Or of my collapsed lung, from having to actually hustle.  Whichever happens first, I’ll take a picture of it.

*****

 

 

Dear Flo, from Progressive commercials:  I loved you, we had our fling, but it’s over.  Stop making commercials now, please.

***** 

‘

(The clipped line is: “But is having this minor skill worth being so unattractive?”  …all jokes people, just jokes.)

*****

Big ups to Islander not great Nate Thompson, for reaching number one on ESPN’s Not Top Ten.  Here’s bad footage that doesn’t do his empty net shot proper (in?)justice:

‘

“…and SOMEHOW Thompson missed!” — Gotta admire that hustle though.

*****

Have a great weekened everyone!  Thanks for reading!

NHL’s Quarterly Review

 

Alright, NHL, let’s do a little quarterly review and see if you deserve a raise.

Mmhmm…. yep… mhmm… everything looks pretty good.  Off to a real nice start.  Just a couple things:  We’ve discussed head shots a few times now, and it doesn’t appear you’ve done anything to fix that problem.  You see, we’re attaching a cover sheet to all our TPS Reports now…

Oh, and, tone down the injuries.  Then you can get your raise.

*****

Our USA Today bi-weekly Power Rankings came out today, and look pretty good.  My own Top Ten Teams is little different – here’s how I see it thus far.

1. Chicago Blackhawks
2. New Jersey Devils
3. San Jose Sharks
4. Washington Capitals
5. Pittsburgh Penguins
6. Calgary Flames
7. Colorado Avalanche
8. Buffalo Sabres
9. Columbus Blue Jackets
10. Detroit Red Wings

We aren’t all going to agree, but feel free to sway my opinion – why am I wrong (or right) on this?  Oh, and keep in mind, it was submitted before last nights games.

*****

And the race for the Hart Trophy?  Here’s how I see the first quarter:

1. Alex Ovechkin
2. Ilya Kovalchuk
3. Ryan Miller
4. Anze Kopitar
5. Marion Gaborik

Thoughts?

*****

How much higher would Dwayne Roloson’s status be if his name wasn’t Dwayne?  Dwayne has to be the english language’s worst male name.  Y’know, aside from some ahem… football player names (see: D’Brickashaw). 

Like Blaze.  Blaze Roloson.  We’d be like… “Damn.  That Blaze is quick.  What an apt name”.  Just like that.  That’s what we’d be like.

*****

 

Congrats to college teammate Jay Beagle on his first NHL goal.  Excuse me while I take a kerosene shower in a room full of candles.

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When USA Today ran my article on gay slurs, a lotta stuff happened.  All the sudden I was on the phone with GLAAD, discussing getting media trained to speak on TV about the issue.  And, courtesy a few less-than-polite readers, I found out that, apparently, contrary my own (or fiance’s) knowledge, it turns out that I myself am  not-so-into the ladyfolk.

Most note-worthy was an email I got from Brendan Burke, son of Leafs GM Brian Burke.  After that, I corresponded with him and his brother, and got the go ahead from big Burke to write Brendan’s story.  That same day, Brendan found out he had the opportunity to have his story be seen by more eyes, and heard by more ears, so I let the story be told with the most exposure possible.  ESPN’s John Buccigross posted Brendan’s story today (and did a nice job), and tomorrow, he’ll be plugging Bourne’s Blog and running a little response I gave him during our email correspondance.  So everybody be on your best behaviour when our new guests arrive then.  Dress nice.

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Anybody else get the vibe that Detroit is gonna limp around all year, beat some teams, lose some games, start getting healthy in Febuary, start clicking in March, and be the world’s scariest 6/7/8 seed?  Y’know, assuming Jimmy Howard gets hot too? (insert “Chris Osgood is a Hall-of-Famer” comments here.  ….Yeah, and maybe he’ll bring Kurt Warner as his date to the induction)

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I’m really looking forward to the Flyers getting home ice in playoffs (again), looking nearly unbeatable (again), putting up a really good fight (again), and having their hearts ripped out by weak goaltending when they need it the most (again).

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I’m also really looking forward to the chaos that is playoffs, since some of the best teams in the league have mediocre goaltending.  I think Chicago and Washington have the best teams, but by having ”decent” goaltending (too generous?), the door gets opened up for teams like Calgary, San Jose, and… and… f**k.  Why am I having trouble convincing myself New Jersey is a top team, especially after such a great start?

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Thanks for your continued support of the blog.  If you don’t already, you can follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/jtbourne

The Perfect Salary Loophole

 

In an attempt to postpone the slow but steady journey from hockey player to fat cynical writer, I’ve given these so-called “Perfect Pushups” a try.  I gotta believe any product with “perfect” in it’s name is probably not the most reliable item to exchange legal tender for, but c’mon…  that guy on the box is jacked.

Anywho, they’re money.  They really are.  They better be, cause it’s shirt-off weather in Phoenix about 13 months a year, and I need to make some changes.  Apparently, a day of writing burns roughly four calories, and that sack of chocolate covered pretzels I just humbled contained a number similar to the national debt.

Moving on.

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How about those shade-ball owners in the NHL abusing the salary cap loophole?  I mean, come on.  For the Flyers to claim with a straight face that they think Chris Pronger has seven good playing years left is pretty feeble, isn’t it?  He’s got the operating speed and mobility of an early 90′s desktop computer, and they didn’t think it was just a little too obvious that they were trying to circumvent the salary cap?  I’ve seen more subtlety in Andrew Dice Clay jokes. 

For the uninformed, here’s a quick rundown of how and why you’re seeing massively long contracts:

NHL teams have a salary cap of $56.8 million for the 2009-2010 season.  The cap hit that each player costs is simple: the dollar total of their contract, divided by the amount of years.

Thus, in the case of Marion Hossa and Chris Pronger, they were signed to long term deals where they make the league minimum in the last few years, so the teams yearly cap hit comes down.  For example, Hossa signed for 12 years, roughly 60 million dollars.  But, he actually makes nearly 8 mill a season for the first seven years, then peanuts for the last five.  Instead of taking an eight million dollar cap hit (which is what they’re paying him), his contract works out to a five million dollar hit (60/12=5), so they Hawks are free to spend more money.

And now, an outside firm has been hired to figure out if the teams were intentionally signing guys to contracts that they weren’t actually going to play out.  Apparently, they’ve called the Hardy Boys, Sherlock Holmes, and the Scooby-Doo crew to crack this difficult case.  Pronger, $525,000 (league minimum) at 40?  Noooo, I’m sure he intends to play, right?

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Everytime I think about writing a book (which is becoming more often), this clip brings me back down to earth with a laugh.  Then I make a martini.

 ”

Ahhhh, crap that’s funny.

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So, our first celebs arrive tomorrow to hang out for a day or two before our Hockey Greats Camp starts, and I’ve got good news:  I will be blogging.  I’d be a fool not to.  Last year one of these guys told my Egyptian friend he looks like a half-chewed caramel.  These guys are a gold mine for material.

Over the  next day or two, the following is the group of gents we’ve enlisted to help make our camp a success (chosen on a formula of what great guys they are times how good they were):  Dave Semenko, Bryan Trottier, Steve Shutt, Billy Smith, Gary Nylund, Clark Gillies, Doug Bodger, Dale Hawerchuk, Ron Flockhart, Cliff Ronning and Larry Melnyk.  27 Stanley Cups between em.  Not bad.

I’ll be tweeting the frequent gems that stumble out of these guys booze-holes as the week goes on.

(Last year, the same tale was rehashed a half dozen times: A player gets beat when an opponent - frequently cited as being Pierre Laroche -- puts the puck between his feet and goes in to score.  After getting berated by his coach, the player says “Gee, I guess I shoulda kept my legs closed” to which the coach responds “No, your mother shoulda“.)

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And last, one more thing - Brianna gets here on Tuesday, marking the start of “NeverApartEverAgain time”.  Married men, pour one out for me.  Looking forward to it, honey!