Canada-Russia, Rambling Theory on Journalism

 

…And the collective blood pressure of Canadians recedes to a normal level.

That felt good, didn’t it?

How quickly Canadian outlook turned around.  All the sudden we’re in the final four with Slovakia, the USA and Finland, which is a draw we’d have sacrificed siblings to have before the tournament.  A final four with Russia, Sweden and the Czechs would certainly provide a little more stress, wouldn’t it?

You have to think, with so many great players and only so much ice time to go around, it would be real easy to have a guy go a game or two without points and say he’s slumping.  It’s been nice that Canada has thrown in 28 goals over their five games so far, cause it’s alleviated a lot of the inevitable finger-pointing at guys who may be playing well without the production (by the way, does that slug Toews even have a goal yet?  Do something, ya bum).

All coaches say a derivative of the same thing:  winning cures everything. 

When you lose, as the boys did to the US on Sunday, everything gets dissected.  That’s what people like me do – we write about the game and the team everyday, so it’s only natural to try to figure out the cause of the problem.  But when we win, there’s not much to talk about.  They did what they were supposed to do.

Which brings me to a point I’ve been waiting forever to make about writing/broadcasting:  I understand how you end up with controversial idiots in the most well known positions in sports coverage.

Because, without a polarized opinion, you don’t get the readers – there’s no uproar, no fervent agreers or passionate dissenters.  they’re not linking to your article to comment on it (good or bad), and most importantly, there’s no discussion.  People leave a well thought out, reasonable piece of writing and go “well, yeah…. sure”.  But they meet their buddy at the bar later and go “did you see what that dick Woody Paige said on Around The Horn yesterday”?  And Woody goes to the bank again.

The hardest part about being a writer and having deadlines, I’ve noticed, is that often, a game like last night happens.  Canada executes flawlessly, Luongo gets a B, the sound bites are reasonable and polite, and that was that.  What the Canadian team accomplished last night deserves far more than a “great game, that looked easy” analysis.  To play that well under the pressure that last nights game carried would’ve taken phenomenal mental focus and physical effort.

But it isn’t as easy for the post-game analysis to generate lasting discussion when a game is so cut-and-dried, so networks hire guys like Mike Milbury who are unafraid to say things like “Eurotrash”.

For a game to look that easy against names like Ilya Kovalchuk, Alexander Ovechkin, Pavel Datsyuk, Evgeni Malkin and Alexander Semin takes posititonal team play, responsible defensive awareness, and NO weak links.  Those guys are building hall-of-fame careers on snapping through weak links, and Canada managed to provide none.

To gain readership, it’s tempting to blast guys all the time – to shred Ovy for being a no-show or Nabokov for playing poorly.  Or I could write something incendiary about how the European style of play is fancy but ineffective for winning when it counts, but I wouldn’t believe it myself.

I thought it was just an exceptionally well played game by the deeper team.  Underdogs can win any game, because the better team may not play well.  But “any team can win any night” isn’t true – the better team always has the first opportunity to play well and win, which is why the media (me) lambasted Canada instead of praising the US for the game last Sunday.

And that, my friends, is a ramble.  Weeeeecanadaweeeeee!

(UPDATE: I throw a few guy-on-couch beer-in-hand style comments on players in the comments section.)

*****

Big shout out to the Slovaks for taking out Sweden.  I’m not saying it’s going to be an easy win against them, but I am saying it should be a whole hell of a lot easier than it would’ve been playing the stacked, defending goal-medalist Svedish fella’s.  {Can we please get Sweden to stop wearing those saltwater taffy uniforms and do something reasonable?  I know those are your colors, just mix in some white somewhere or something, good god.}

*****

Today is the gold medal game of the Women’s final, and I’m sad to say, I haven’t watched nearly enough of our ladies kicking ass and taking names.  I intend to watch today – what should I be watching for, lady fans?

Canadian Lines, Getzlaf, and Ovy on Jagr

 

I ran this song a while back, but I figured I’d run it again because I’m “Beggin’” Team Canada to figure it the f**k out.

 *****

Goooood morning!  It’s a new day, and I’m feeling much better after spending yesterday dealing with Canada’s loss like a bad breakup.  Face it, accept it, and move on kids.

Today’s the public disembowling of Germany, (still with me on that right?  Guys?) so that’ll feel good.  Nothing like beating up some kid at school cause you failed a test.  Now let’s talk lines:

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a big fan of the concept of “chemistry”.  Sure, you might figure out the tendencies of your linemates after a few games, but the only people that I believe have true ”chemistry” are the Sedins.

I like the term “clicking” better, because that’s what it is.  Alex Burrows “clicks” with the Sedins, because his style suits what they need to be successful, that being, they need the puck to be effective, and he goes and gets it. 

So I’m not sure that keeping Heatley/Thornton/Marleau together is as necessary as we’ve all been acting.  The only guy really benefitting from that line is Marleau - the other two are on pace for the same years they always have.  The line is just so deadly because there’s three dangerous players on the ice, not cause they have any particular chemistry (in fact, Thornton got more points the year he played with the CHEECHOO train). 

Here’s what I’d like to see:

Nash – Crosby – Staal
Toews – Thornton – Heatley
Marleau – Richards – Getzlaf
Iggy – Morrow – Perry – Bergeron

…Or something to that effect.  The point being that Staal and Toews are playing too well and are too effective to be toiling with Brendan Morrow and Patrice Bergeron on the fourth line.

What would you like to see with who-where-when-why-how? (Or just answer the who part, maybe).

*****

I was explaining to a buddy how Getzlaf plays last night, and it’s tough to describe, so bear with me.  I’ve skated with him a bunch in summer hockey, and here’s the best I can do:

You know the move where a guy comes down on a defenseman, stick to the middle, and fakes a shot while pulling it between his own legs, then picks it up on the other side of the d-man?  You know the move I’m talking about?

Point is, kids from 13 and up do the move.  Or the move where, a guy is standing behind the net, a d-man comes to get him, so the player banks it off the back/bottom of the net and picks it up on the other side of the d-man?  You know those moves.

Anyways, most players reach a point where, they can do them all very easily, but they stop working, because professional d-men aren’t retarded and we’re not playing Junior B anymore. 

Well, apparently, if you’re 6′4″ 235, you can still do them.

Guys occasionally read his somewhat-obvious, junior-style moves, but he’s so big that he just out-reaches, or out-muscles guys to make the play work.  His reach makes such a difference, and he uses his body well.  So, it’s not that his moves are lame, that’s not my point - you can’t blame the guy for using moves that work, no matter where they came from.  It’s just that he’s not exactly… a revolutionary, he’s just one of those guys that are physically built from birth to have success at hockey.

The problem is, when the moves don’t involve muscle and size, ie. sneaky passes, he’ll sometimes look like a junior player again.  Whiiiich might by why last game, he had flashes of looking too young to buy booze in Alberta.

*****

I figured I’d weigh-in on an entry by my buddy Greg Wyshynski over at Puck Daddy, who chose to question the legality of the Oveckin/Jagr hit.  My thoughts: if we ever change a rule that makes that body check illegal, I’m switching favourite sports.

Jagr, in open ice with full possession, tries to cut back across the grain on a guy who’s coming from that direction (redundant, but REALLY, Jagr?).  Again, with the puck – not like he was trying to corral a pass. 

If you can’t hit a guy then and there, with no strides taken and your shoulder down, holy shit our game has no hope.  Sure, his head gets hit because it’s in the way of his body (read: down), but that’s not a “head shot”, as the dangerous infractions have been termed - surely we can discern the difference between that hit and Richards-on-Booth, no?  The point of contact is to separate the man from the puck, like Ovy did, not the head from the body, like Richards tried.

Our game won’t be served well if we implement a black-and-white interpretation of head shots - Jagr buries his head to fully commit to the direction change, and Ovy is sure as shit allowed to hit him there, otherwise everyone should skate around head-first for protection (the hit starts at the 50 second point of the video). 

So yeah.  I vote “legal”.

(I wish I had longer video to show how long Ovechkin goes without taking a stride before the hit, haters.)

*****

Canada.  Germany.  Anyone wanna put something on Germany against Canada?  I’ll give you odds.

Post-Thanks Thinking

 

So, the Mrs. rocked thanksgiving.  I accomplished the elusive six pound day – by “six pound day”, I mean that from breakfast to bedtime (according to our fancy new scale), I stuffed six solid pounds of delicious animal flesh and casseroles into my being.  Puke.

Since I’m already a Canadian cliche (career based on hockey), and spent yesterday being the American cliche (football, beer, general gluttony), today I thought I’d be a media cliche – here’s a list of (hockey writing-related) things I’m thankful for:

Patrick Kane reeeeaally wanting his change. 

That was a fun story for everyone. 

You know those high-school movies, where they really exagerate the roles?  Nerd, jock, hot/mean-girls etc?  Doesn’t Patrick Kane remind you of one of the mean girls that makes everyone else feel bad?  I really get the vibe that he makes little sounds and gestures that make people feel bad without him ever using words.  Like “pssshh” or “cch” or just a f**king smirk.  Smug little bastard.

High Definition TV

Periodically, games on the Center Ice package aren’t in high-def, but I feel the need to check them out anyway.  It makes my eyes bleed.  Thank you, advancing technology.

Recently discovering how ugly Pascal Leclaire is

I’m really excited to have a new punchline.  I’ve been beating up the WNBA now for about ten months now, but really, he looks worse than they play.  Okay, that’s not fair to the WNBA.  He looks as bad as they play.  ….And they play BAD.

My commentors

That one is serious – it’s tough to read most hockey forums without trying to find a way to digitally punch someone.  Most people keep it pretty smart down there, have some great insights, and are consistently more funny than me.  We’re like a little family over here – don’t be afraid to chime in. 

On that topic, I have the power to completely edit anyone’s comment.  It’s hilariously unfair.  I’m dying for somebody to write something overtly ridiculous and hateful so I can edit their entire comment to say how awesome I am and how much they enjoy my awesomeness and they look forward to reading more awesomeocity from me.  That’ll be awesome.

God, it was agony watching an Andy Hilbert - AnyoneElse two-on-one last year.  One of those “I’m an Islander fan” years, where I’d be watching Columbus/Atlanta on another channel while their game would be on.  Thanks for finishing 30th last year, boys, you’ve made this year infinitely better.

 Ken Juba

 

My mom’s brother (and thus, my Uncle), was a sportswriter/editor for the Star Phoenix, the major Saskatoon newspaper for years.  I’m saving the whole explanation of what he’s done for me for another day, just know this – he edits every column I write, he works with media for a living (so his advice is money), and he makes sure I don’t do stuff like write about how disappointed I am in John Buccigross for not plugging a link to my blog anywhere in exchange for passing on the Brendan Burke story like he said he would.  See, if he edited my blog, that sentence wouldn’t be there.

NHL on the fly

Living in the US, it’s the life-blood of the hockey fan.  Now, if we could just get Kevin Weeks/Gary Green/Dennis Potvin/Dave Reid to un-suck, the show would be killer.  I KEEP MY RATES LOW, JUST READ THE RIGHT SIDEBAR.

Ovechkin

Anytime one player is that much better than the best players in a league, it’s confusing to watch.  Is Crosby’s shot soft?  Is Malkin slow?  Why is Datsyuk so lazy?  This guy throws the scale all off.

Boobs

Thought I’d clarify the gay thing.  Big fan of boobs over here.

*****

Forgot to put this up before: The Toronto Sun issues a “clarification” here.  ….Thanks guys.  The apology for misrepresenting who I am made it into a phone call as well.

Cleaning Out The Attic

 

A mind-puke, from the grey matter of Justin Bourne.

___________________________________________________

First, does Ovechkin have red highlights?  I find it odd that a Russian guy who has mastered the use of the minimalist punchline on the mic has stolen fashion secrets from legions of Hello-Kitty-rocking female Japanese teenagers.

*****

Also on Ovie, how about the time it takes him to get that mouthguard out of his mouth after he scores a goal?  I get the feeling maybe it’s like a variation of the movie Speed, where if he has it in for more than five second after a goal it detonates on his molars.

*****

Repetitive advice for young NHLers who think going no-visor makes such a difference that it’s worth the potential life-altering eye-damage:  Get serious.  Sid the Kid and The Great Eight wear them.  “Alfredsson, Datsyuk, Malkin and more wear them?… no - I’m Kyle Wellwood, and I need the wind slicing into my eyes when I skate.

I propose this question to the readers:  Who is currently the best non-visored player in the NHL?

*****

Blogs are generally negative, and I’m really trying not to follow suit.  It’s easy to sit on your couch and say everyone sucks.  So I’m looking for a positive on ‘ol Gino Malkin.

…

… …

yyyeeeeaaaaaahhhhh…

(Damnit, I did it anyways)

*****

Things currently thumbs-up-worthy in my book: 

Music accompanied by a piano, DVR, Jimmy Fallon, Lebron James, Cabbie on the Street, Tortarella getting all “New Yorkish” when he’s fired up, SportsCentre/SportsCenter hosts, the jersey and punch of a spectator in Happy Gilmore, and Bill Guerin apparently making Sid feel included by beaking him.

Thumbs down – wait, let me adust the system, I’m no Ebert.  We’ll call the good stuff “goals”, and the bad stuff “slapshots to the jaw”.

Slapshots to the jaw to:

The over-use of Glen “Big Baby” Davis’s nickname, recording and watching Celtics/Bulls game six with extended time – which only covered the first two overtimes, Doc Rivers, Peter Laviolette, Bob Mckenzie, hell, almost every hockey pundit, rumours of Brett Favre returning, and the constant worry about the laptop/sperm-count-correlation.

*****

Alright kids, that’s all I’ve got for you today.  Congrats to the Canucks fans, your boys are up 2-1.  If I hadn’t dogged them since I was a fetus, I’d celebrate with you.  My b.

OV/DC

 

(2) Capitals vs. (7) Rangers

Some notes:

a) First things first, a game with no Sean Avery.  Bold.  Delicious.  Refreshing.

Not that I think the guy is capable of learning or anything, but there’s nothing like a national shaming to knock a guy down a peg.  I think the Ranger train may have hit a penny on the tracks…

b) Matt Bradley, my God.  What I was expecting (a semi-awkward deke followed by him catching an edge) did not happen, and man was it awesome.  A tremendous personal effort to put the Caps up one and get rolling.

c)  Kozlov is awful.

d)  Um… Ludqvy?  What the mo happened on that goal?  The worst part?  I didn’t have time to make a bet on tonights game, and he’s clearly hungover.  Curses.

e)  I love how they cut to a shot of Tortarella after every Ranger penalty like he might turn green, rip his shirt, and physically strangle an equipment manager.

*****

f)  I just got home from my brothers where I watched the remainder of the game (aka it was on in the background while we drank and grilled cheeseburgers).  Ovechkin proved his mettle for the ten millionth time (was he serious with that goal?  My God.  For all my readers, I want you to know Ovechkin is better than me at hockey, just for a little perspective), and the better team won by playing up to their potential.

Wasn’t tonight exactly how the series was supposed to go?  The Caps would thump-up the outmatched Rangers and we’d wait to see who they’d play next?  When I see a team so clearly better than their opponent and play like it, and then realize they’re down 3-2 in the series, I have to ask questions about their coach.  Bruce Boudreau should not be free of examination in all this – those guys needed to be ready for playoffs.  Forget who you’re playing… it’s playoffs.

I have not yet – and won’t – waver from my Capitals prediction until they’re eliminated.  I think they’ll win in OT in MSG on Sunday, followed by another beatdown from Russiatown in game seven.  The Caps will advance.

g) After my early game mention of Tortarella, the guy basically did the exact thing I mentioned he might, except he turned green and had to be restrained before he killed a fan with a stick.  No wonder they cut to the guy 1500 times a game.

Aw, Sidney. You're A Good Boy.

 

I figured it out Canada.  I know why hockey isn’t being embraced by the rest of the world (read: the United States).  Personality.  Thank God Ovechkin showed up, he’s given our game a chance.  The problem started with great ambassadors to the game like Gretzky.  Sure, the Gretzky trade to L.A. was probably the single biggest influence in bringing the game to Americans, but it wasn’t his playing or his personality that damped enthusiasm.  It was his level of class.  

It didn’t do harm in his era, because there was still a volume of loud mouth entertainers playing at the same time (Tiger Williams used to ride his stick.  Actually.  That happened).  The  problem became that kids grew up idolizing Wayne and in turn were speaking with respect about their opponent and modestly about their own contributions. I respect Gretzky’s public persona, and wish we could sell that game to the US without a little unnecessary flair, but I’m not sure it’s possible.  They love that stuff. 

Kids wanted to be Gretter.  And our parents wanted the same.  Whaaattt a wonnnderful example he set.  Cordial, polite and professional, he simply achieved the highest goal:  Win.  Facts and polite smiles at every turn.  Other leagues have their biggest stars saying the most obscene things and creating sub-plots fit for theatre (Slapshot reference: how about the implied storyline that never develops any farther then “He’s been living in semi-seclusion in Northern Quebec, Andre “The Poodle” Lessard…”).  These sub-plots are everywhere in hockey, but they exist behind closed doors.  Frankly, the media isn’t savvy enough to dig them up.  I think the guys covering the NFL wiretap the room or something.

But take Sidney Crosby, Gretzky’s protege.  What a player.  Whether you think he’s the best, or a baby, or whatever, you can’t deny that he’s good.  But he’s the last thing the NHL needed.  A superstar saying the right thing.  Sean Avery wasn’t a fair representation of the NHL (though he was of himself), but, man.  ESPN couldn’t get enough of this guy.  I literally didn’t know Mats Sundin played for the Canucks until I got home on the weekend.  But I knew how many pinstripes were on the suit Avery was wearing at his internship for Vogue.  I knew his dating history, his slightly effeminate manner for an agitator, and could have diagnosed him with a psychological condition. 

If Mike Comrie would say”I could care less that we lost, I’m going to Hannah Montana, er, Hillary Duffs birthday party tonight”, like he’s actually thinking, people might follow our game a bit closer.  Everyone in America cannot wait to hear what Terrell Owens says after he finishes a game with 1 catch for 8 yards.  It’s a soap opera.

(I enjoy both the hat, and that the clip helps my case at the start, in the middle, and to finish)

And thats whats lacking in our game.  We don’t need constant rule fixes, highlighted pucks or outdoor games (but those are great, keep those going).  The teams and the league need to stop worrying so much about bulletin board material.  You know, those apparently motivating comments like “The Islanders defence sucks” before you play the Islanders.  You know what?  The Islanders defence does suck.  Just because they know that you think it, doesn’t mean they can stop anything. 

This black-balling of flair from the game may be the NHL’s biggest turn-off, including Gary Bettman.  Coaches love to warn their team about the evils of disrespecting your opponent in the media and how it’s going to give them fuel.  It’s just not true.  Plus, you can respect your opponent and still say something interesting and relevant into the microphone can’t you?  Hockey definitely leads major sports in regurgitated answers.  Phrases like “gut check” are nauseasting.  I used to think it was because hockey players aren’t that smart (they aren’t), but I reeeeeaaalllly don’t think basketball or football players finished with higher GPA’s.  But it’s just not necessary to be so wary of what we say.  Never once in my career have a I thought “I can’t believe Steve Defenceman doesn’t think our team can score.  I’m gonna score so many more goals now to prove him wrong”.  I was already trying to score. 

Please, coaches, Gary Bettman, team captains… loosen up.  Let the fans see a little of that passion,  and a few of those storylines that stay buried.  I promise it will be more fun if they notice that right from the drop of the puck #17 has been clipping #22 in the mouth with his elbow everytime they line up for a face off.  I promise if will be more fun if more people notice your game.  Enough Sidney.  You’re a good boy.  You’re a good boy.

     Okay, maybe we could use a liiiittle censorship. 

I haven’t seen an NHL highlight in the US since that clip.  Loosen up boys.