The Sedins, Free Skating at Fenway

When the Sedin brothers got drafted 2-3, it was a bit hokey.

As in, yes Mr. Burke, it would be neat if there was this pair of odd-looking Swedish brothers with crazy twin-sense that could dominate the league, but come on.  Tons of brothers have played in the NHL, and nobody got to call “we’re a package” before.  Lame.

Would you be more surprised to find out Tigers a cheater or they're robots? The Tiger thing, right?

A lot of Canucks fans, used to being dumped on by their team, figured they were too soft.  They started calling them “The Sedin Sisters” and all that stuff.  College kids were taking a shot every time one of them got knocked off the puck, and were needing their stomachs pumped by the third period.

Well, for those of you who hadn’t noticed yet, the investment has been seriously paying off.

Fans in Vanvouver definitely know by now, but is the rest of the league’s fan base aware?  Aware that these guys are in the leagues top 20 players, and there’s probably only a couple player-pairs on other teams you’d rather have?  They were scary good last night.  Again.  In the past, I’ve just said “scary” (read: appearance).  But they’d make me damn nervous if I was a defenseman and they had solid possession.  They certainly don’t need it long to score.

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 I just read Deadspin’s article about free skating at Fenway before the Winter Classic.

What a neat thing that the people putting on the game have done for the fans (the article is about how scalpers got the free tickets first and are selling them for human babies + a Kings ransom).

I just wanted to mention something about the skate, and it isn’t meant to take away from the intent of the promoters letting people skate – it’s a really nice solution actually.

I’ve gotta believe they’re having people out there skating, because (not sure if this is common knowledge) new ice is awful.

Playing professional hockey means playing in a big buildings, which also tend to host concerts, basketball games, conventions and all that other jazz.  For the most part, they’re able to just lay boards over the ice and make that the floor, but occasionally you’ll play somewhere that they just put the ice back in.

Pleasedon'tlettheFlyerswin, pleasedon'tlettheFlyerswin...

ITS HORRIBLE.

The ice comes up in big chunks, the puck slides like it does on a driveway, and it feels like the rink is uphill in every direction.

Only once it gets carved up, flooded, hacked apart, flooded, scarred and healed does it function like a normal sheet, which, I’m sure, is why the promoters have the rink in early and are “letting” locals have a free skate on it.  Well played, good sirs.

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Congrats to Michael Vick for winning the Eagles award for commitment to the principles of sportsmanship and courageppppfffffffffffff!!!  Haha, sorry, I almost kept it together there.

He really won that award though. 

Commitment to sportsmanship and courage, or to not breaking parole and paying off his debts?  Yep, kids, there goes a shining example of how to do it right.

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Here are some of my thoughts on shot blockers.  Oh, and check back tomorrow for an extra special Christmas edition!  Santa is guest blogging!  Or Jesus might – still waiting to hear back from his PR guy.

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Thats all for today folks.  Happy holiday shopping.  I’m gonna go buy my fiance a knife set, because it’s the easiest present you can wield to make the line shuffle left… OR ELSE.

Are You Ready For Some Football??

Things I felt like bringing up today:

Google Analytics, as I’ve mentioned before, is amazing.  Without telling me the specific information on users, it tells me fun stuff like what cities people are checking my blog from (shout out to readers in Nykoping, Neuilly-sur-Marne, Ramat Gan, and Cagayan de Oro…seriously), what site referred them to me, and what internet connection speeds my readers were using that particular day. 

Where am I going with this? 

I have to know:  Who the hell are you, people connecting via dial-up internet??  It’s not even cheaper at this point.  I’d never checked that stat until yesterday, when four of my readers apparently connected via dial-up.  I just want to know so I can call every single one of you and knock you off your respective modems.

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NHL TV’s “portal” site is pretty neat.

This summer I met a couple of the guys who were working on the launch of this site, and it really did turn out great – fully functional, with plenty of hours to be wasted.  And the best part is, each team has an individual page (great news for all you rabid Hurricanes fans), and each video comes with the “share” URL, so I can chuck them into my blog when relevant.  Or when not.  I’ll wait for something good to go up before I waste your time.

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Today’s walk-up-to-bat music is probably “Run This Town Tonight” – Rihanna, Jay Z and Kanye, off Jay Z’s just-released album, Blueprint III (of course, I’d have the music guy start it after Rhinna’s part – possibly cutting right to Kanye’s verse {2:50}).  Parental Advisory – Explicity Lyrical Content:

PS – Kanye’s — “Whatchu think I rap for, to push a f****n Rav 4?” — is my favourite rap line in awhile. 

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 And the big news:

HEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOO FOOTBALL SEASON!  I feel so… American for being this excited.  But I can’t help it, I just am.  

football football football football

The new look Jets with Sanchez under center?  Rodgers ready to throw a disgusting amount of touchdowns?  Brett goddamn Favre is a Viking?  They’re letting Michael Vick play again?  It’s all too much.

The NFL is the only sport that holds a candle to the NHL in the “highlight montage to music” category. 

Can’t we make this a channel?  Just non-stop videos of music paired with crazy-sick sports highlights?  Who wouldn’t watch this?  The Masters has ownership of first place overall on “montages-that-make-me-wanna-cry”, but the NFL and NHL share first place in “montages-that-make-me-want-to-punch-every-face-I-see-in-the-next-ten-minutes-cause-I’m-so-fired-up”.

So grab your case of beer, book your Sundays off, and get into it.  Jets at Houston this weekend, J-E-T-S Jets-Jets-Jets!

ConVick

As a blogger, it’s mandatory that I comment on Michael Vick (it’s in the fine print).  Most of what I’ve read on Vick is redundant drivel, full of hate, and devoid of information.  I’ll try to do better, minus the information part.

Your standard work-release program

Vick is a guy who once signed a contract for $130,000,000.00 over 10 years, and chose to run a dog-fighting ring.  If we can agree on anything, it’s that he’s got some wires crossed in his kitchen, right?

It’s easy to tear a strip off Vick, and he more-than deserves it.  And of course, where is the humanity in some borderline soulless human signing another multi-million dollar contract and getting the second chance at life, which he denied countless dogs?

There isn’t any.

And further, it’s easy to point the finger at the Eagles and say they’ve got blood on their hands, too.  It seems more than any other sport that football is win-at-all-costs.  A sport that almost says “we don’t care who you are or what you’ve done, we just want to win.”  And in reality, that’s what makes football so much fun to watch.  It’s a 16 game season where every game matters, and men put everything they’ve got for effort on the line (hang your head in shame, baseball).

There is no sport that serves as a better metaphor for the rest of the working world than football.  Football has produced more life-mirroring cliche’s than I care to dredge up (see: Lombardi, Vince).  In the end, it’s a rat race of people trying to get ahead under the guise of a team sport, and sometimes, those who fight dirty are the last ones standing in the end.

Is Vick just a heat-deflector for McNabb?

But Vick’s not getting ahead.  I’ve always been a “things happen for a reason” guy (speaking of cliche’s), so I feel like Vick’s seeming re-acceptance by the NFL as just the next step in the real punishment he deserves.  Things are going to be miserable for this guy.  Philly?  He signed in Philly?

There’s no worse team in the league, probably in any sport, to go play for if you were worried about fan harrassment.  This guys life might be in danger (this is your chance to get in the headlines, PETA!).  He’s going to be a pinata for sitcks and stone’s that’ll break his bones and words that’ll seriously hurt him.

I’m so glad he didn’t go somewhere out of the headlines like Detroit.  With the ramped up media coverage in the City of Brotherly Abuse of Quarterbacks, we’ll all get to read the hilarious signs, see the funny costumes, and generally join in the torment of Philly’s for-now backup quarterback.

He was with people in jail who probably thought he didn’t commit much of a crime.  Now, he’s being chucked into a ginormous population of people who think he did, and fortunately, some of that same ginormous population occasionally lack the social grace to edit their verbal slander from the sidelines.  What a treat for viewers!

You know what else I take from all this? 

Our lack of belief in our ability to rehabilitate people.

I’m still sort of unclear whether jail is meant to be a miserable holding spot where we punish those who victimize our society, or whether we’re trying to help these people get better.

He did his time.  Is it possible he’s thought about what he’s done, understands it, and feels endless remorse?

Not one of my readers believes that.  Doesn’t that tell us something about our belief in prison’s ability to make people better?

But let’s stick to sports.

Vick is going to say and do all the right things for the first little while.  The second he scrambles for a 40 yard touchdown run, Philly fans will be on his side.  The second he throws a pick, however, Philly fans will come back with the bark and bite of 40 thousand pitbulls.

There’s only going to be one thing more fun to watch than Michael Vick fighting for survival in, and out of an Eagles uniform this year, and it’s approaching quickly:

Vick has been released.  The Eagles have signed him.  The NFL has re-instated him.  The fun part?

PETA?  Your move.

Aimless, Arbitrary, and Awesome

On a daily basis, I scribble down random thoughts I have and dumb things I do.  Periodically I print a few. This, is a.d.d. at its finest:

A buddy came up with a great way to avoid misleading player stats in hockey, and now it seems so obvious.  Why is points-per-game a stat, when it should be points-per-minute?  Wouldn’t it be easier to dig up diamonds in the rough if you could prove that some kid who scores every tenth game is twice as productive as someone scoring every fourth game, simply because he gets a fraction of the playing time?  Seems like a practical stat, no? 

(Fact: using this simple theory, Sidney Crosby is still nine times as productive as Taylor Pyatt.  In other ground-breaking news, people like ice cream in the summer.)

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Today, I remembered to answer a business call in my most professional voice while driving.  Unfortunately, I didn’t remember that I was pumping “Hot Steppa” in the car.  There’s a chance it detracted from my credibility.

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An expression I recently heard and liked:  “If at first you dont succeed, try doing it the way your wife told you”. 

no she didn't.

An expression I recently saw and loved: 

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I just hate Carlos Mencia so much.  I just watched six hour-long DVD’s on the history of comedy, the pioneers, the classics, the gems.  The fact that he gets mentioned at all on a DVD with so many great names rattles me.  Who does he think he is, acting like he’s doggedly fighting to raise minority awareness or something.  Ha! to that.  He exploits them for a living.  He makes Mexican jokes that appeal to the slower class, and aren’t that clever.  He’s basically Larry the Cable guy without the likability.

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An old joke from the “Make ‘em Laugh – The Business of Comedy” box set that I still love is about the trials and tribulations of Nelson Mandela, who endured 27 years of jail time and torture, to finally get freed to his home and his wife.  Six months later, divorce.  Chris Rock, fake-quoting Mandela:  “I can take beatings, abuse, torture and misery, but I just CAN’T. TAKE. ANY MORE OF THIS WOMAN!”. 

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How important is having a solid pillow?  To phrase it like Seinfeld, who arrre these people who want the squishy, supportless pillow?  They must exist, since hotels strictly cater to these people who clealy enjoy resting their head on a napkin and six feathers. I hope you’re comfortable, because you’re RUINING IT FOR THE REST OF US.

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Michael Vick got re-instated by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, I assume because he believes that everyone deserves a second chance, except dogs that suck at fighting.  Those we drown permanently.

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What is it about awful pants that’s satisfying the jones for booze in John Daly?  Maybe just feeling like an extremist again?  I hope this new image overhaul is panning out for him, cause I know it’s been a huge pain having to adjust the contrast on my TV everytime him and his pants make a cameo.

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What was so immovable when they built the Houston Astros new stadium that they had to build an uphill slope in centerfield?  An indian burial ground?  Used PED needles from the 90′s?  Maybe hockey teams should look at designing some completely arbitrary features like this.  Maybe a random ramp at one of the blue-lines so guys can do freestyle skiing moves mid breakaway.  Canada would dominate that sport.

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Has anyone heard an interview with the classic band “Spinal Tap”?  Can we get them a radio show or something?

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Jimmy Fallon is money in the late night spot, but it makes me not want to watch when he has to do those awful “commercials” where he holds a Sprint phone up and talks about how and why he loves it for a minute or two.  They have to realize this is a major turn off soon. Embarrassing for Fallon, no?

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I had no idea Hawerchuk was the first to jump on the Lemieux-Gretter ’87 Canada Cup goal pile until I saw a random clip yesterday.  I’m gonna ask him some question about that when he’s at our fantasy camp like “why were you an entire zone behind at the time”?

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There!

That cleans my idea locker out a bit.  What are your thoughts?