The Front Nine (Sports Thoughts)

Before we begin, a video: The very second Tracy Porter makes the interception and runs it back for a touchdown, everyone knows the game is over.  Take a couple second gander at how this bar in New Orleans felt about that:

Um, they were excited.

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Alrighty – my TBAF (To Blog About Files) are stuffed full.  It’s time to play 18 holes – nine today, nine tomorrow.  Let’s tee off:

#1) 

Charging is defined as taking more than three strides (or maybe it’s two, whatever) before hitting a guy.  The problem with that definition is, IT’S HOCKEY.  You’re taking strides to get everywhere.  When a hit becomes available, you’ve been taking strides, so the question becomes… How long do you have to coast to nullify a charge?  If you’re hustling on the backcheck, and some guy starts to cut to the middle, how are you supposed to skate to legally be able to separate the man from the puck?  I think we need to make charging more about intent than about a physical description of the play.

Affectionately known as "Snatch". Seriously. Like, the radio guy calls him that on air.

#2) 

For the first time this season, I checked out some ECHL stats yesterday, and was pleasantly surprised.  Turns out my boy Ryan Kinasewich is leading the league in points, which is awesome.  It’s the guys sixth ECHL year, and he’s got a million ECHL points, but I guess AHL teams are like… Nope, he just scores too consistently, it’s really annoying.  He wasn’t drafted.  He doesn’t fit our mold of ”big and young.”  I just checked – he’s played 264 ECHL games over six seasons, with 362 points (156 goals, 32 so far this year).  He’s still only 26.

#3)

I haven’t gotten around to doing the research yet, but I think it’s a fair question to discuss:  I haven’t seen Ilya Kovalchuk play much (like the rest of you), but everyone loves to spout that he’s a defensive liability.  I’ve looked for it in the past few games, and haven’t seen it. 

He’s a career -84 or so, but has played on mostly bad Atlanta teams, playing the other teams top line or top shutdown line.  From personal experience, I can tell you the team and line you’re on makes all the difference in that category, and it’s only fair to judge a player’s +/- against those teammates.  What was Atlanta’s even strength goal differential while he was there, -400?  No way someone that big and talented can be as bad as I keep hearing on D.  I’m just not buying it.

Far too one-handable.

#4)

No league does a championship trophy like the NHL.  Are you shitting me, Stanley Cup?  How perfect are you?  All tall like that, with a nice weighty feel (I’m told).  It’s a substantial prize worth hoisting over your head.  And with all the mystique around touching it, and the keeper of the cup in white gloves, it just makes a guy think: the NFL should be ashamed of itself.  This is America.  Bigger is better, right EntireCountry?  That’s your damn sport.  Now go build a better goddamn trophy and do the name Lombardi some justice!

#5)

Brooks Orpik (Pittsburgh) and Andrew Macdonald (New York Islanders) look so much alike it’s bizarre.  I will continue hammering this point home until I get an amen.

Fine, maybe these pics don’t do it perfect justice, but just wait til A-Mac lets it get stubbly.  It’s boggling.  The only reason I’m not making “twin” claims is that A-Mac doesn’t do that prolonged, distant stare that Orpik favors.  Thankfully.

Goal and an apple vs. STL

 #6)

For forwards, playing well without getting points sucks.  Your point total from a given game rarely tell the story of how you played, so it sucks when you make all the right decisions and don’t get rewarded.  Stastny finally got a couple points last night, but he’s been playing better than his production.

 #7)

A few nights back, I was watching a Red Wings game in which Bertuzzi snapped his head back to fake getting high-sticked (a move I didn’t think people actually did without some level of contact).  He successfully drew the penalty (even “checked” for blood!), putting the Wings dangerous powerplay unit on the ice.  A day later, I saw Alexander Semin to something similar. 

So my question is:  if we suspend players when they do something we don’t want in the game (cheap hits), why shouldn’t we suspend players for that play, in obvious circumstances?  They’re cheating, and we want that out of the game, right?  I’m not talking embellishments.  I mean, “dude, that stick never got above your logo”.  I’m talking about sitting beside Bertuzzi and watching the play with him and going, “Look – you intentionally tried to fuck over the refs and the legitimacy of the game there.  We don’t need 10 year olds in the NHL.  Go sit in the corner for a few nights and think about what you’ve done.”

#8)

Bob Gainey stepped down.  As DownGoesBrown tweeted “Gainey “voluntarily” stepped down the way I “voluntarily” leave the bar after the bouncer tells me he’s kicking me out”.  Thought that was the best analogy EVER.

Yeahh-eya-eyaeya, it's a party in the USA.

#9)

I want a golfer to write a tell-all book. And nothing to do with Tiger.  I just imagine it’s such an interesting lifestyle.  Do some guys fly private planes, and some fly coach?  There must be such a discrepancy between the quality of life for the top and bottom golfers.  Who “makes it rain”, who’s a cheap prick (Ben Crane right?  Has to be Ben Crane), who are the A-holes (Phil?  Really?  FIGJAM!), who’s a drunk (Anthony Kim, eh?), all that stuff.  I need to know!

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So there you have it!  The front nine ended on a golf topic.  Chime in on what you know about, want to know about, or just type some words into the comment box.  We’re a big happy sports (okay, largely hockey) discussion site.  Dive in.

The Kovalchuk Trade, And A Must-See Gear Link

Man.  You guys loves you some gear talk.  The second part of this entry picks up where we left off, a bit.  However, there’s something a little bit more relevant to discuss today:

The Kovalchuk Trade

 The Devils?  The Devils.  Really?  The Devils.

Get ready to hear "dynamic" way too often.

I guess I was hoping for somewhere a little bit…. sexier.  I mean, no offense to you, Devils fans – you guys have every right to be stoked.  Not only are you now legitimate Cup contenders, but the rest of us (sorta) benefit from Kovy playing in more “important”, widely broadcast games. 

But when I think of the amount of exposure I get to NHL stars, Parise wasn’t too far behind Kovalchuk in the ”great players I never see play” department.

So whatever.  From the hockey fan aspect, I’m a little bummed about the deal.  But lets look at the deal beyond Justin’s self-interest, something we rarely do:

My first, and somewhat ridiculous thought, was “as an unrestricted free agent, you can sign anywhere you want, right?  Could Kovalchuk feasibly sign back with Atlanta?  Would that be looked at as the most evil thing ever, or is that legit?”

Only reason I thought that was because of the legitimate quality of the offers Kovalchuk reportedly received from Atlanta: $101 million over 12 years, or $70M over 7.  Does he think he’s going to get much more than that somewhere else?  Those deals would have made him higher paid than both Ovechkin and Crosby (in the early years of the deal).  Who turns down offers like that from a team you claim to want to play for?  No, I think I deserve MORE than half a million dollars a year over what that Ovechkin dud makes.  Nobody, that’s who.

{In the event he can’t sign with Atlanta as a UFA this summer for some reason I’m unaware of, then my bad.  That was just my initial reaction.}

So that was my brief conspiracy theory.  Maybe Ilya and the Thrashers just agreed that they don’t have “it” this year, and were conspiring to stock up for next, when he’ll then re-sign with them.

{By the way, I really like the name “Ilya”.  It’s just badass to say.  I might name my dangly rec hockey alter ego “Ilya”.}

Back to life, back to reality….

I thought Atlanta made a pretty nice deal.  Bergfors and Oduya are above average additions to any team, plus Cormier and the first-round pick are packed full of positive maybe (or maybe Cormier will get charged with more elbow-related assaults), so who knows how this trade looks in five years.  It could look really good for ATL.

Forhead save!

As for New Jersey, good on ya for taking a swing at this year.  I hate the half-commited thing the Flyers do every year – it’s what I keep bitching about with Washington.

Yes, we acknowledge we’re good enough to win the Cup.  Yes, we acknowledge our goaltender isn’t good enough to win a Cup.  No, we don’t intend to do anything about that.

So the Devils smell themselves as a three(ish) seed, see themselves winning round one, mayyyybe round two at best, but see that they’re going to have to beat Pittsburgh or Washington to have a shot at the Cup.  And, as it stood, they couldn’t go blow for blow in a game that ends in a football score.

Now they can.

You can only lean on Parise and Zajac so much – believe me when I say, this was a huge puzzle piece for them.

By the way, if you’re in the West, you’re going  YES.  Another team to make getting out of the East that much more miserable. 

The West feels that misery, like, every year.  San Jose, Detroit, Chicago and in the past, Anaheim and even Vancouver have all taken turns rallying on each other for extended series.  By the time the Western Conference champion shows up to the final, they’re a ragtag group of replacement players, while the winner in the East has generally had one,/one-and-a-half difficult series instead of at least two.  (How about San Jose getting a just-healthy Anaheim as an eight seed last year?  Or whoever gets Detroit this year?  It’s just a deeper conference.)

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Nice work, you comment machines.  Our stick-taping conversations grabbed us a link from Uniwatch - if you’re a sports gear fiend, this blog is amazing.  The sub-heading describes it best “The Obsessive Study of Athletics Aesthetics”.  The site is amazingly well written and thorough – definitely check it out.

Some hockey-tagged postings are here (including something you Wild fans will love – a behind the scences dressing room tour of their gear).  College hockey posts are here.

I used team-colored grip tape pretty much everywhere I went, because it’s fun to make your stick pretty, and I actually liked how the product feels.  Further links to pictures are provided on the site (like to certain players Olympic sticks), but for now, here’s a sampling, taken directly from Uniwatch’s trip to the Wild’s stick room:

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Holy crap, humans.  It’s Super Bowl weekend.  Should be a doozy, so tear it up!  Zima’s for everyone! (They still make those?)

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BREAKING FRIDAY NEWS UPDATE: My cat is cute:

I guess I should get up and do something...

"ceilingfan, ceilingfan, ceilingfan..."

Can't get enough of this pic - "nombottlenommmm"

At A Glance

Did Dany Heatley just call Jody Shelley the “best in the league at what he does”?  Maybe he juggles behind the scenes or something.

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I think we can put Mike Johnson on our Potentially Good Analyst Watch.  Lets track his development.

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The wife is currently en route to JFK to catch up with her family for five days.  I’m currently at my destination until her return, our couch.  What are the best (and worst) parts of having the house to yourself for extended periods of time?  Show your work.

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Anyone else skeptical of Tocchet’s ability as a coach in Tampa Bay?  Their team isn’t that bad, man.  Not this bad anyway.  Good tenders, couple stars, “extras” like Malone, Hedman…  I’m thinkin’ they need a real coach.  I hear Barry Melrose is available.  Or maybe Don Cherry?

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After writing the Don Cherry bit, I just thought – wouldn’t it be sweet if some struggling US team in a non-hockey market just went full-on sideshow to make money?  Hired Don Cherry, Mike Milbury and Pierre McGuire, traded for Avery, Carcillo, Boogaard, and like, George Parros, picked up some tiny little thrill guys who suck defensively like Afinagenov and Kovalev, put Ron Hextall and Billy Smith in net and just sold the shit outta tickets?  Vince McMahon could be Director of Operations.  It’d be like watching Jersey Shore — “I know I shouldn’t be supporting crap like this, but I just… can’t… turn… away.”

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I think my cat is sneaking acid tabs.

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Yes. 

If this goal was by Crosby or Ovechkin, it’d be being called the goal of the __________ (fill in the whatever length of time you like).  To me, these types of goals aren’t as cool as beating a bunch of opponents with moves, but it’s so awesome it deserves this simple review:

Yes.

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I may add to this as the day goes on, but I’ve got a few things to do first!