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Post-Thanks Thinking

 

So, the Mrs. rocked thanksgiving.  I accomplished the elusive six pound day – by “six pound day”, I mean that from breakfast to bedtime (according to our fancy new scale), I stuffed six solid pounds of delicious animal flesh and casseroles into my being.  Puke.

Since I’m already a Canadian cliche (career based on hockey), and spent yesterday being the American cliche (football, beer, general gluttony), today I thought I’d be a media cliche – here’s a list of (hockey writing-related) things I’m thankful for:

I got the magic fist

I got, the magic fist

Patrick Kane reeeeaally wanting his change. 

That was a fun story for everyone. 

You know those high-school movies, where they really exagerate the roles?  Nerd, jock, hot/mean-girls etc?  Doesn’t Patrick Kane remind you of one of the mean girls that makes everyone else feel bad?  I really get the vibe that he makes little sounds and gestures that make people feel bad without him ever using words.  Like “pssshh” or “cch” or just a f**king smirk.  Smug little bastard.

High Definition TV

Periodically, games on the Center Ice package aren’t in high-def, but I feel the need to check them out anyway.  It makes my eyes bleed.  Thank you, advancing technology.

"God hit 'enter' too many times between my nose and mouth, no?"

"God hit 'enter' too many times between my nose and mouth, no?"

Recently discovering how ugly Pascal Leclaire is

I’m really excited to have a new punchline.  I’ve been beating up the WNBA now for about ten months now, but really, he looks worse than they play.  Okay, that’s not fair to the WNBA.  He looks as bad as they play.  ….And they play BAD.

My commentors

That one is serious – it’s tough to read most hockey forums without trying to find a way to digitally punch someone.  Most people keep it pretty smart down there, have some great insights, and are consistently more funny than me.  We’re like a little family over here – don’t be afraid to chime in. 

On that topic, I have the power to completely edit anyone’s comment.  It’s hilariously unfair.  I’m dying for somebody to write something overtly ridiculous and hateful so I can edit their entire comment to say how awesome I am and how much they enjoy my awesomeness and they look forward to reading more awesomeocity from me.  That’ll be awesome.

Finally, the chance to play with Richard Park!

Finally, the chance to play with Richard Park!

John Tavares

God, it was agony watching an Andy Hilbert - AnyoneElse two-on-one last year.  One of those “I’m an Islander fan” years, where I’d be watching Columbus/Atlanta on another channel while their game would be on.  Thanks for finishing 30th last year, boys, you’ve made this year infinitely better.

 Ken Juba

He's lifetime-undefeated at this game. Legendary.

He's lifetime-undefeated at this game. Legendary.

 

My mom’s brother (and thus, my Uncle), was a sportswriter/editor for the Star Phoenix, the major Saskatoon newspaper for years.  I’m saving the whole explanation of what he’s done for me for another day, just know this – he edits every column I write, he works with media for a living (so his advice is money), and he makes sure I don’t do stuff like write about how disappointed I am in John Buccigross for not plugging a link to my blog anywhere in exchange for passing on the Brendan Burke story like he said he would.  See, if he edited my blog, that sentence wouldn’t be there.

NHL on the fly

Living in the US, it’s the life-blood of the hockey fan.  Now, if we could just get Kevin Weeks/Gary Green/Dennis Potvin/Dave Reid to un-suck, the show would be killer.  I KEEP MY RATES LOW, JUST READ THE RIGHT SIDEBAR.

But Leclaire's the ugly one, right Bourne?

But Leclaire's the ugly one, right Bourne?

Ovechkin

Anytime one player is that much better than the best players in a league, it’s confusing to watch.  Is Crosby’s shot soft?  Is Malkin slow?  Why is Datsyuk so lazy?  This guy throws the scale all off.

Boobs

Thought I’d clarify the gay thing.  Big fan of boobs over here.

*****

Forgot to put this up before: The Toronto Sun issues a “clarification” here.  ….Thanks guys.  The apology for misrepresenting who I am made it into a phone call as well.

The Upside of Unhealthy Love

 

I love people who love sports.  A lot of people like sports.  But it’s those few die-hards that cross the line to “love” that makes watching fun.  And I’ve learned that it’s fun to be so committed to a team, or a game, or a program that if affects your mood for the night.  Sure, that means sometimes you get put in a funk on a night that could have been fun, but there’s nothing like your team winning on a night where people are primed to go out.

I learned from Keith Johnson in Utah.  I was always a sports fan, but I just watched, and picked the team I wanted to win any particular game with very little rhyme or reason.  Not KJ.  Red Sox, Giants, and UConn basketball, everybody else can burn in hell.  I lived with him in 07.  The Red Sox became World Champs, and the Giants won the NFL Championship.  You should see the video of him dancing on our coffee table after the Giants won.  He didn’t even enjoy the game, just sat there in silence, misery even.  It seemed inevitable that the Patriots would find some way to get it done.  He was so sick that the Giants were about to lose, and they were about to lose, that he didn’t even get up for the David Tyree catch, he was so certain it wasn’t really happening, or it was going to be overturned, something.

My Uncle Ken has been a fan of St. Johns basketball since they were, um, good.  I used to get St. Johns t-shirts for Christmas when I couldn’t have told you if it was a sports team or a religious figure.  These guys were clearly getting something out of their sick committments.  So I decided to make the leap.  And like some bad relationships, the good part is just so so good.

My teams are the Isles (shocker), the Jets (is it a problem that I like the Patriots too?  It’s tough not to love Boston sports), and the Mets.  It hasn’t been a pleasant ride recently with the Mets, what with the consecutive stomach punches they’ve dealt their fans in the last two seasons, but I’ve enjoyed the ride.  I always chuckle a bit when I walk into a deli in NY for lunch (which is daily when I’m there) and hear someone, in their best I-can’t-believe-that’s-not-a-parody-of-an-Italian, say:

“How bout the F#$%? Mets last night?”

When your team wins, it can change the whole mood of the day.  Have you ever been a part of a big group of people yelling at the TV and high-fiving?  On the togetherness scale it’s comparable to church.  Any game can be made interesting if somebody in the room truly cares.  People pick up on his energy and support him or her.  So why not be that guy?  Every time your team is on you can recruit new friends and fans, get into it, grab a beer!  I know I’ve got friends at home who are Canuck fans that truly care about the team’s success.  The difference, as a friend told me, is that no game makes you think  oh, oh this is good, oh, oh, this is bad more often than hockey.  The energy in a room full of true hockey fans is electric.

But the east coast is an amazing culture to root with.  The New Yorkers get a lotta bumps about being rude, but even when they’re nice it seems to comes off as rude.  I’ve found they’re no-less decent than my hometown of Kelowna.  In general it’s a smart, funny group that I really want on my team, even with having to listen to them pour abuse on Brett Favre like gravy on potatoes.

So I went from an ankle on board to the whole body, and I’ll be on the bandwagon through thick and thin.  When I move to Boston, I think it’ll be fun to argue with the mass-holes about both of our ridiculously over-budgeted teams.  I’ve got a Sox hat and a Green Monstah shirt, but not because I want the Sox to win, I just love the sports culture in Beantown.  It’s a young group of obsessive fans, and since I don’t hate the Red Sox (Yankees fans do that), they’re a fun group to drink with.  It’s a blast to have a sports conversation with people who know their stuff, and can personally call plays.

“Watch this, Strahan gets fired up after a pass down the field, he’ll go offside here”

TWEEET!  Offside.

Wow.

Go NY Jets-Mets-Isles!

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