Shark Psychology, Shane Doan’s Injury, and the Shake Weight
(My lastest piece for The Hockey News is here, on fans implying the league is against their team. Though I admit, there could be refs like Tim Donaghy trying to influence things for their own gain, THERE IS NO grandiose puppet-master pulling pro-Penguin strings. Exhale. Exhale.) Follow me on Twitter here.
Today’s blog has the potential to be a bit weird. Or at least angry. I’m one of those people that allergy season treats about as well as Clark Gillies treated Ed Hospodar’s face (two-word hint: reconstructive surgery).
I spend about a month every year feeling like when you have a cold, and whichever side you lay on, your bottom nostril is plugged – only last night, I was priveleged to have both sides shut down. So I sat on the couch at 3:45, started eating watermelon and started writing this, strictly because that seemed like a better option than the only other thing I could think of, sticking my head a blender and hitting “liquify”.
Before I launch into hockey playoffs – have you seen the actual commercial for the “shake weight”? The first few times I saw the ads, I mumbled “wtf”, and chuckled like every other male on the planet. For those of you who don’t care to follow that link, just know that the product SNL parodied is actually real. Here’s the good stuff:
Ahhh, priceless. SNL was gold last week. If you’re a fan and missed it, you gotta check out Andy Samberg in the Hip Hop Kids skit. “What’re the odds?!” “…That a bear would be in a bear cave? Like 100%!”
*****
Okay, on to hockey:
Daniel Carcillo reacts to scoring goals like Keanu Reeves reacts to going on totally excellent adventures.
*****
The Sharks knotted their series up at two, after Joe “I’m getting a bit of a reputation for doing this” Pavelski buried one top corner on Craig “really, Brodeur’s year was better than mine?” Anderson. And for the Sharks, thank god he did.
But if I’m in that San Jose room, I’m still a little rattled at going to overtime again.
Not seeing this nearly enough.
For an underdog to pull out a playoff upset, they need to get some bounces, and they need to get some calls. Unlike the top dog, they know that every game is going to take maximum effort for them to have any hope of winning.
Even with that formula, in a best-of-seven series the underdog can’t get the breaks every night. Usually along the way, like in the case of Washington/Montreal, the better team will just have one of those nights where they play to their potential, and win 5-1. Or like how the Pens looked like defending Cup champs just a few nights after losing game one. And I suspect one of these nights we’ll see the same thing in the Nashville/Chicago series, where they’ll play the type of game where the better roster gets some luck, brings their work ethic, and wins in convincing fashion. Not saying Chicago will win the series (wait, yes I am), but they’ll have a night where they flex their muscles.
For San Jose, holy shit fellas, strike a pose.
There hasn’t been a single game out of the four where a Heatley/Marleau/Thornton/Pavelski/Boyle-laden team can put together a convincing win? I don’t care how good their goalie is, pick some corners, move the puck, what the f**k!
If you want any of us to believe in your squad (and you want to believe in yourselves), we gotta see some something bodybuilder-like, and soon. Oil yourself up, get a fake tan, and flex those offensive muscles tomorrow.
*****
When Valterri Filpula banked the puck off the back of Bryzgalov, it landed on the goal line in the only conceivable way for it to not continue moving across the line, and I immediately thought the Coyotes were just destined to win. Turns out, Jimmy Howard and Henrik Zetterberg had something to say about that.
(Phoenix takes the best overhead pics. Love this one from game three.)
Two seconds PDF (Pre-Doan Face).
.
As a hockey fan, it’s frustrating having Doan miss time in this series. One, because no one in the entire NHL deserves playoff hockey more than him (and I mean that – he’s like Steve Nash. 98% of the league would have bailed on this organization for a better title shot by now), but also because I want what everyone else wants – a clear winner. A way to say “this is the better team” definitively. But Shane Doan is such a crucial piece of the Coyotes puzzle, the Red Wings getting wins with him not in the lineup feels like we all go cheated. (Rumour is he’ll play in game five, so yay to that!)
Kudos to the Red Wings though, they took care of business on home ice with the other team’s captain out, just like they’re supposed to. And all the while, Zetterberg keeps performing like a first ballot Hall-of-Famer.
*****
So, this was brought to my attention yesterday: The Ref Cam. It’s in a USHL game, Chicago vs. Green Bay. We need more of this.
Can you imagine how much refs would resist a product that proves the offside they just whistled down was actually the wrong call, but the guy just made a panic decision? Horrible feeling. Thanks for the video, Jeff:
(What a toolbox reaction from the goalie)
*****
Before I shut’er down for the day, I need to say a major thank you to reader Steve Croteau. Steve noticed that a couple times I’ve bitched about not actually having a computer, which means I wreck my fiancee’s all day, with a combination of food, grease and questionable downloads.
So, since his family was moving on to a new one, he sent me their old Dell, which works wonderfully (and only weighs slightly more than Todd Bertuzzi). Now Bri and I can be on Facebook/Twitter at the same time and never talk, awesome. Ooo, and I can live blog more now, cause she’ll have stuff to do. So goooo Steve! Thanks again, man.
*****
If you didn’t get enough randomness (or shake weightery) today, here’s an entertaining display from a couple of college baseball teams during a rain delay. It’s worth a couple chuckles.
Thoughts From A Hockey-Centric Mind
Hockey-centric, because “boob-centric” isn’t generally considered class “a” journalism.
I’ve decided to spare you my weekend golf tale of woe, because you have zero reason to care about my double bogey on the par 5 18th to shoot a +1 (73) after making seven birdies as a six handicap. Oops, so you got the Coles Notes version. I’m still rattled.
Hockey’s gettin’ good, and here’s what’s on my mind….
*****
Yesterday, I had a friend of the blog send me a gambling tip – as in, he’d found an extremely fair line to bet. I misunderstood the bet at first, but now I’m wondering….
Gamblers of the world, unite! Have you seen any great odds for the playoffs or rest of the regular season? Let’s track ‘em down for each other. I haven’t bet online since last season, but I’ve followed way too closely this year to not put a couple down before playoffs.
And if you haven’t seen good odds…. confident in your team? Care to make a bet? I’m sure it’s illegal, so we won’t bet money (wink), but chuck it out there and see if someone else’s team wants to take the other side of the bet. For example, I bet the Islanders don’t lose a single game in playoffs this year. Any takers?
*****
Mouthguards, you may know, are spit-out-able. To be sure you always have one amongst all the travelling, misplacing and chewing on them, when you go get a custom mouthguard in professional hockey, they make you up a couple. In the NHL, I’m sure they have stacks of them on backup. And when they do come out of your mouth, you can pick them up.
So why was Sidney Crosby jawing at Jimmy Howard after the whistle with that stupid clumsy thing in? Afraid he was gonna get suckered? Or just prone to really awkward looking confrontations?
You guessed it. Angry-Faced Sid (AFS from here forth) is awkwaaaard (but not super awkward, like it must be every time Tiger’s phone vibrates for a text, and he and Elin look at it, then at each other, then back at it…. and he grabs it).
*****
Is it just me, or is “hockey is for everyone” the most obscure slogan ever coming from a sport played predominantly by upper-middle class largely white kids from cold-weather climates?
I like “history will be made” a lot though, because, frankly, (hockey) history will be (Max Talbot!). Legends are built, as demonstrated by how nobody scoffs when you imply Ruslan Fedetenko is an effective player – because of all his game winners in playoffs with the Lightning (jokes, jokes, he’s a great person and good depth guy).
*****
I still think overtime should go to three-on-three before the shootout. In that 3 on 3, penalties are penalty shots, it’s 2-on-1 after 2-on-1, and wins come by a more hockey-like and awesome fashion. Haters be damned, if they saw it in action, they’d pee their old wooden Montreal Forum seats they bought off eBay and sit in to watch road games on their old bunny-eared no-def TV’s.
*****
I’d like to see a stat on which team has played the most back-up goalies in the league this year. Gotta be Toronto or Edmonton, right?
*****
In defense for some bad looking hits: it’s really hard, if you’re forechecking a defenseman going back on the puck with intent to finish your check like your coach wants (and get the puck), to pull up or recognize he’s put himself in an unsafe spot. It just is. Just ask my no-longer intact sternum & clavicle, sometimes you’re just gonna. get. hit. hard. in hockey.
*****
Recently added to the list of things I never knew existed but I now co-own by the rules of common-law living: “Sconces.”
*****
Happy Tuesday – it’s pouring here, a perfect day for writing. Expect a flood of articles in the near future.
NHL’s Quarterly Review
Alright, NHL, let’s do a little quarterly review and see if you deserve a raise.
Mmhmm…. yep… mhmm… everything looks pretty good. Off to a real nice start. Just a couple things: We’ve discussed head shots a few times now, and it doesn’t appear you’ve done anything to fix that problem. You see, we’re attaching a cover sheet to all our TPS Reports now…
Oh, and, tone down the injuries. Then you can get your raise.
*****
Our USA Today bi-weekly Power Rankings came out today, and look pretty good. My own Top Ten Teams is little different – here’s how I see it thus far.
- Chicago Blackhawks
- New Jersey Devils
- San Jose Sharks
- Washington Capitals
- Pittsburgh Penguins
- Calgary Flames
- Colorado Avalanche
- Buffalo Sabres
- Columbus Blue Jackets
- Detroit Red Wings
We aren’t all going to agree, but feel free to sway my opinion – why am I wrong (or right) on this? Oh, and keep in mind, it was submitted before last nights games.
*****
And the race for the Hart Trophy? Here’s how I see the first quarter:
- Alex Ovechkin
- Ilya Kovalchuk
- Ryan Miller
- Anze Kopitar
- Marion Gaborik
Thoughts?
What about D-Rol? Can we call him D-Rol?
*****
How much higher would Dwayne Roloson’s status be if his name wasn’t Dwayne? Dwayne has to be the english language’s worst male name. Y’know, aside from some ahem… football player names (see: D’Brickashaw).
Like Blaze. Blaze Roloson. We’d be like… “Damn. That Blaze is quick. What an apt name”. Just like that. That’s what we’d be like.
*****
Congrats to college teammate Jay Beagle on his first NHL goal. Excuse me while I take a kerosene shower in a room full of candles.
*****
When USA Today ran my article on gay slurs, a lotta stuff happened. All the sudden I was on the phone with GLAAD, discussing getting media trained to speak on TV about the issue. And, courtesy a few less-than-polite readers, I found out that, apparently, contrary my own (or fiance’s) knowledge, it turns out that I myself am not-so-into the ladyfolk.
Most note-worthy was an email I got from Brendan Burke, son of Leafs GM Brian Burke. After that, I corresponded with him and his brother, and got the go ahead from big Burke to write Brendan’s story. That same day, Brendan found out he had the opportunity to have his story be seen by more eyes, and heard by more ears, so I let the story be told with the most exposure possible. ESPN’s John Buccigross posted Brendan’s story today (and did a nice job), and tomorrow, he’ll be plugging Bourne’s Blog and running a little response I gave him during our email correspondance. So everybody be on your best behaviour when our new guests arrive then. Dress nice.
*****
Anybody else get the vibe that Detroit is gonna limp around all year, beat some teams, lose some games, start getting healthy in Febuary, start clicking in March, and be the world’s scariest 6/7/8 seed? Y’know, assuming Jimmy Howard gets hot too? (insert “Chris Osgood is a Hall-of-Famer” comments here. ….Yeah, and maybe he’ll bring Kurt Warner as his date to the induction)
I do love me some hip-hop culture though.
*****
I’m really looking forward to the Flyers getting home ice in playoffs (again), looking nearly unbeatable (again), putting up a really good fight (again), and having their hearts ripped out by weak goaltending when they need it the most (again).
*****
I’m also really looking forward to the chaos that is playoffs, since some of the best teams in the league have mediocre goaltending. I think Chicago and Washington have the best teams, but by having ”decent” goaltending (too generous?), the door gets opened up for teams like Calgary, San Jose, and… and… f**k. Why am I having trouble convincing myself New Jersey is a top team, especially after such a great start?
*****
Thanks for your continued support of the blog. If you don’t already, you can follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/jtbourne
I'm a hockey player turned writer. After playing for Alaska Anchorage in the WCHA (NCAA), I carried on with an NHL tryout (New York Islanders in 2007) before spending a couple seasons in the AHL/ECHL (last year was 2008-09). My father, Bob Bourne, won four Stanley Cups with the Islanders in the '80's, as did my fiancee's dad, Clark Gillies. I'm now the web editor for theScore's hockey blog "Backhand Shelf."
