Gary, Unharried

Everyone seems to hate Gary Bettman, and I think I’m supposed to too.  I’m just not certain why.

Sure, I know he can seem smug and unlikeable.  And I haven’t always agreed with everything he’s said, or the way he promotes (or rather, doesn’t) the NHL.  But overall, I think he does the job pretty well.

Canadians, more than anyone, hate the guy.  Check out the Macleans magazine interview with him.  I couldn’t get over the questions he was asked, like he has some grand plan to royally f**k the game, screw Canada specifically, then disappear into the mountains somewhere.

Look, I even used a non-weasely picture of him.

Somehow to the interviewer, the fact that Canada didn’t get another hockey team overshadowed the more important stats – that the league has been doing better in all the major categories (revenue, attendence, merchandise, etc.) for four years now.  The game is fun to watch again, players are earning fair contracts, and teams that we once feared we’d lose (I’m looking at you, Alberta) are on solid ground thanks to revenue sharing (and a stronger Canadian dollar).

I can’t imagine how much Bettman has learned in his days as Commissioner.  This guys knows the ins and outs of the job better than any new guy handed the baton would, and think – is there really a commissioner in any sport that’s liked?  David Stern (NBA) is an asshole, right?  Bud Selig (MLBA) is an asshole too, isn’t he?  And what of Goodell (NFL)?  What’s he so mad about in all his interviews?

It’s a tough, unpopular job.  You’re the figurehead that absorbs the abuse, in Bettman’s case, the chastising taken for trying to restore the league into the American consciousness.  Just because you disagree with the guy doesn’t make him a pedarest or something.  He hasn’t committed an actual crime along the way that I’m aware of, did he?  Did he test positive for steroids somewhere along the line?

There were times in the US when the NHL was a punchline.  Not only were no highlights shown on TV (or respect given anywhere, really), but I think I only heard about the league when metaphors for dead things were needed.  Yup. Dog got hit by a car. I walked out the front door, and he was just layin’ there, deader than the NHL.  Poor thing never had a chance.  Sports radio hosts crucified it.  These days, those same hosts are scrambling to get to know the league again so they can at least hold a conversation on our resurgent sport.

The league has done a great job of taking Crosby and Ovechkin, making them saviours, and watching the game grow with them.  Crosby winning a cup?  No small potatoes for a league that certainly needed a boost like that.  People actually tuned in to watch it happen (watch, this year it’ll be an Atlanta/Nashville final).

I’m not saying I wanna hang out with Bettman.  Let’s just acknowledge that he has done some good for the game, and that he might have one of the toughest jobs in America.  Probably the toughest job in sports.

If you read my blog, you probably like hockey.  And Bettman has done well to bring the game back into the “major four sports” category.  You can’t hate on that.

*****

Just don't eat me coach, and I'll listen... Just calm down, and don't eat me.

Random sidebar: The coach of the Kansas Jayhawks football team is “under investigation” (what, for eating porkribs for breakfast?  Have you seen the size of this guy?) for apparently “grabbing a player, jamming his finger into his chest”… and something else inconsequential.  There might be more, but I just heard that much on SportsCenter.

I’ve been sitting on stories about my junior coach, waiting to turn it into a five part series or something but… f**k.  These kids are reporting their coach because he got slightly physical?  And they’re football players?  No wonder they’ve started losing games.

My junior coach had a “f**k up and get hacked” rule.  You didn’t listen, he shot a puck at you.  And not low.  He pinned me to the glass with his stick under my throat for laughing while he was explaining something.  Skated nearly the length of the ice after seeing me laugh.  It wasn’t cool, but whatever.  What, I’m gonna quit cause I have to listen?  Report it to SportsCenter?  Get a lawyer? 

Man up, Kansas.

*****

One more thing.  To the woman he did this to her poodle for Halloween… go sit in the corner and think about what your life has become.

The Rise of Hockey

Now that I’ve 100% accomplished getting straight people to be nice to gays (phew, glad that’s over with), I’m tackling getting hockey on TV in the US.  Next week I’ll end racism and cure cancer.

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Hockey isn’t just re-emerging, it’s resurging.  So why did I have to buy DirecTV’s NHL package to follow it?

Can I get the language of origin, please?

I’ve railed about this before, but hockey’s lack of prevalence on American television is startling.  To date, I’ve spent the majority of my life in hockey-soaked markets like Canada and Alaska, so this is all new to me.  Here in Phoenix, I’ve had to track down a hockey bar recently nicknamed the “Hoser Hut” (Cactus Jacks) to catch a conversation on anything frozen that isn’t a margarita.  The game is too good these days to fall behind the PBA, poker and a SPELLING BEE in television ratings.  I mean… right?

Almost a decade ago, with defense at a premium, and “interesting” at a deficit, Gary Bettman recognized that it wasn’t a complete overhaul the league needed, but a makeover.  And look how pretty it is now:

Nineteen of the 24 US-based NHL teams (through October 18^th) had seen increased or level TV ratings from last year at this time.  The Anaheim Ducks, New Jersey Devils and Florida Panthers have made the biggest strides, with over 100% increased viewership over the first few weeks (while a third of NHL teams saw more than 50% gains).  Sportsnet Chicago saw the Blackhawks set their all-time record in one day ratings on October 14th when the team played a regular season game against the Oilers. 

That was nice of all their fans to squeeze in for a picture

And for the most part, attendance has mirrored the ratings – 18 teams are even or improved in that category already, with the Boston Bruins, Washington Capitals, New Jersey Devils, Florida Panthers and Columbus Blue Jackets leading the pack in percentages gained.  Aside from the Bruins, please re-read those team names.  Yeah.  Things are going well (sidenote – this information is from the NHL’s media site, where they included Atlanta in that group – I refuse to include them based strictly on seeing one game on TV where their attendance was worse than a swine-flu giveaway).

And NHL.com is getting more hits than Joe Mauer, up 25% from this time last year, and up 36% in unique visitors.  They’re selling NHL gear quicker than Usain Bolt riding a cheetah (or would that slow it down?… fine, YOU come up with 100 metaphors a day) , and video plays are up a whopping 139% so far.

Stewart Cink is tweeting about the Thrashers.  ESPN Sports Guy and basketball guru Bill Simmons is re-connecting with the Bruins after divorcing them years ago.  The once-mainstream NHL is slowly leaking back into the public consciousness.

And, rightfully so.  Watching hockey has replaced “doing literally anything else” on my “what I feel like doing tonight” list – a complete change from what it was five years ago.  So why is it so hard to get a game covered by anyone other than The Little Network That Could, Versus (who, by the way, is also at all-time NHL ratings highs)?

Oh look, he's wearing his save percentage...

These days, Ovechkin is so nationally famous that even ESPN dares to occasionally run some of his highlights (the worldwide leader in sports they feel like covering), Sidney is more famous than Bing, and teams in major original six markets are good again (welcome back Ranger/Blackhawk fans.  Didn’t hear from you for awhile there).  Fine, Toronto isn’t good, but they could be stay popular if they went over 40 years without a cup.  …wait…

The reasons for this swell of public interest have been discussed in plenty.  But still, it’s refreshing to hear any positivity when it comes to the NHL.  Us hockey people took a beating in the 90’s there, when goalies were wearing Michelin Man style gear and the Devils were forechecking agressively, only holding up when the other team had possession.  Or were about to.  Or were in the vicinity.  That vicinity being the same half of the ice.

I know Bettman must want a TV deal as bad as anybody, so why do most people down here have to drive to their Friend-With-Pirated-Canadian-Satellite’s house to catch a game that wasn’t filmed on a Motorola Razr?  After we get the head-check thing sorted out (which I could do over lunch while eating a hotdog), it’s time the NHL made getting a good TV deal its major goal.  That should be the league’s own metaphorical Stanley Cup.

Because 2-0 scores no longer means the game is over.  Tic-tac-toe goals are a thing of the 80’s – we’re now seeing tic-tac-tac-tic-tac-toe goals (anyone catch the Capitals passing play five/six days ago? I was like a bench player in And1 basketball, standing, screaming, taking off my shirt and spinning it around…)

He's feally rast.

Every night, new young talent is meshing with resurgent names from the dark, defensive days (one rhymes with Tall Bariya), while the speed of the skating and snapshots have reached levels once thought unreachable.  Gary basically has an empty net breakaway here, and just needs to slide this one in. Get this on American television, somehow.

NHL highlight packages are truly highlights (as much as I enjoy a good dunk from a seven-footer with three foot arms or a diving catch, there’s nothing like hockey’s reel).  Even the often-sassed-by-hockey-fans network ESPN has started to include around three plays in their nightly top ten from our much improved league.  Plus, they love them some Melrose over there (I have to admit, I do too, but it’s hilarious because you know he’s about the 74,000^th smartest hockey man in America)

The Winter Classic is a big enough hit that they can afford to gouge the fans again (how nice).  And high-definition has almost voided the “I can’t see the puck” mantra chanted by fans in the heavily-defensive ‘90’s/early 00’s (what, Fox’s laser-streaks didn’t fix the problem?).

Before national coverage could be expanded, the sport has needed to qualify as “watchable” again.  And it’s exceeded that.

Bettman has applied the league with the right make-up, gave it a nice haircut, and helped it to fit into its old skinny jeans.  Now it’s time to find the league a dancin’ partner.

So come on, Bettsy-boy.  You own the ‘Yotes now, that’s over with. Step up on head-checks first, and get a TV deal second (head-checks article coming… fittingly, it’s still stored in my head).  There’s your agenda.

This is what I'd look like with a mustache.