The Front Nine (Sports Thoughts)

Before we begin, a video: The very second Tracy Porter makes the interception and runs it back for a touchdown, everyone knows the game is over.  Take a couple second gander at how this bar in New Orleans felt about that:

Um, they were excited.

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Alrighty – my TBAF (To Blog About Files) are stuffed full.  It’s time to play 18 holes – nine today, nine tomorrow.  Let’s tee off:

#1) 

Charging is defined as taking more than three strides (or maybe it’s two, whatever) before hitting a guy.  The problem with that definition is, IT’S HOCKEY.  You’re taking strides to get everywhere.  When a hit becomes available, you’ve been taking strides, so the question becomes… How long do you have to coast to nullify a charge?  If you’re hustling on the backcheck, and some guy starts to cut to the middle, how are you supposed to skate to legally be able to separate the man from the puck?  I think we need to make charging more about intent than about a physical description of the play.

Affectionately known as "Snatch". Seriously. Like, the radio guy calls him that on air.

#2) 

For the first time this season, I checked out some ECHL stats yesterday, and was pleasantly surprised.  Turns out my boy Ryan Kinasewich is leading the league in points, which is awesome.  It’s the guys sixth ECHL year, and he’s got a million ECHL points, but I guess AHL teams are like… Nope, he just scores too consistently, it’s really annoying.  He wasn’t drafted.  He doesn’t fit our mold of ”big and young.”  I just checked – he’s played 264 ECHL games over six seasons, with 362 points (156 goals, 32 so far this year).  He’s still only 26.

#3)

I haven’t gotten around to doing the research yet, but I think it’s a fair question to discuss:  I haven’t seen Ilya Kovalchuk play much (like the rest of you), but everyone loves to spout that he’s a defensive liability.  I’ve looked for it in the past few games, and haven’t seen it. 

He’s a career -84 or so, but has played on mostly bad Atlanta teams, playing the other teams top line or top shutdown line.  From personal experience, I can tell you the team and line you’re on makes all the difference in that category, and it’s only fair to judge a player’s +/- against those teammates.  What was Atlanta’s even strength goal differential while he was there, -400?  No way someone that big and talented can be as bad as I keep hearing on D.  I’m just not buying it.

Far too one-handable.

#4)

No league does a championship trophy like the NHL.  Are you shitting me, Stanley Cup?  How perfect are you?  All tall like that, with a nice weighty feel (I’m told).  It’s a substantial prize worth hoisting over your head.  And with all the mystique around touching it, and the keeper of the cup in white gloves, it just makes a guy think: the NFL should be ashamed of itself.  This is America.  Bigger is better, right EntireCountry?  That’s your damn sport.  Now go build a better goddamn trophy and do the name Lombardi some justice!

#5)

Brooks Orpik (Pittsburgh) and Andrew Macdonald (New York Islanders) look so much alike it’s bizarre.  I will continue hammering this point home until I get an amen.

Fine, maybe these pics don’t do it perfect justice, but just wait til A-Mac lets it get stubbly.  It’s boggling.  The only reason I’m not making “twin” claims is that A-Mac doesn’t do that prolonged, distant stare that Orpik favors.  Thankfully.

Goal and an apple vs. STL

 #6)

For forwards, playing well without getting points sucks.  Your point total from a given game rarely tell the story of how you played, so it sucks when you make all the right decisions and don’t get rewarded.  Stastny finally got a couple points last night, but he’s been playing better than his production.

 #7)

A few nights back, I was watching a Red Wings game in which Bertuzzi snapped his head back to fake getting high-sticked (a move I didn’t think people actually did without some level of contact).  He successfully drew the penalty (even “checked” for blood!), putting the Wings dangerous powerplay unit on the ice.  A day later, I saw Alexander Semin to something similar. 

So my question is:  if we suspend players when they do something we don’t want in the game (cheap hits), why shouldn’t we suspend players for that play, in obvious circumstances?  They’re cheating, and we want that out of the game, right?  I’m not talking embellishments.  I mean, “dude, that stick never got above your logo”.  I’m talking about sitting beside Bertuzzi and watching the play with him and going, “Look – you intentionally tried to fuck over the refs and the legitimacy of the game there.  We don’t need 10 year olds in the NHL.  Go sit in the corner for a few nights and think about what you’ve done.”

#8)

Bob Gainey stepped down.  As DownGoesBrown tweeted “Gainey “voluntarily” stepped down the way I “voluntarily” leave the bar after the bouncer tells me he’s kicking me out”.  Thought that was the best analogy EVER.

Yeahh-eya-eyaeya, it's a party in the USA.

#9)

I want a golfer to write a tell-all book. And nothing to do with Tiger.  I just imagine it’s such an interesting lifestyle.  Do some guys fly private planes, and some fly coach?  There must be such a discrepancy between the quality of life for the top and bottom golfers.  Who “makes it rain”, who’s a cheap prick (Ben Crane right?  Has to be Ben Crane), who are the A-holes (Phil?  Really?  FIGJAM!), who’s a drunk (Anthony Kim, eh?), all that stuff.  I need to know!

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So there you have it!  The front nine ended on a golf topic.  Chime in on what you know about, want to know about, or just type some words into the comment box.  We’re a big happy sports (okay, largely hockey) discussion site.  Dive in.

Getting The Twit-ch

Today’s blog is brought to you by Pete’s Party Palace, located at 6492 Fairweather Drive, entirely because it’s an excuse to show one of my thousands of moose pictures from college.

Did you know that there is a group of people on the PGA tour that refer to our chubby-go-lucky pal Phil Mickelson as FIGJAM?  Not the coolest nickname in the world, but it’s also a little mysterious, right?  I assume you’re thinking it’s something about his need for a man-zier, but if you were, you’d be wrong. 

It stands for “F–k I’m Good, Just Ask Me”.

In a related story, Phil has apparently been seen grooming his back in preperation to be Tiger’s doormat at the Masters this year.

Yet still, I love Phil.  He’s allllmost entertaining enough to make me watch tournaments that Tiger isn’t in (okay, he is).  I’ve just never seen a sport where second place is so far behind first for such an extended period of time.  I guess Federer was dec. for a while there.  FIGJAM must want to give Tigers other leg a “stress fracture” so he can actually be the big dog he apparently thinks he is.

Cool picture Tigs, just keep that hat on.  I think Tiger’s been feeling the recession a bit too, just in not in the pocket book.

Is anything more fun to watch than the Cleveland Cavalawesomes do their mimed displays of pure team chemistry?  I just wrote a draft on team chemistry, and Cleveland is clearly built on it (plus they have that James guy).  I haven’t seen routines like that since touchdown celebrations in the ’90′s.  Do we have a clip for that?  We don’t?  Hmm. Okay, just show Lebron.

That works.

Pardon The Interuption, or PTI as it’s better known, is the best talk sports program on TV today.  Its so good it makes other shows unwatchable.  The chemistry between Kornheiser and Wilbon is so great that they can argue without belittling the other guy, and name-call without sincerity.  Plus, they kinda know what they’re talking about.  Tony Rially is great and Kornheiser waves a Canadian flag at the end.  Sold.

On the topic of TV, I caught a lil highlight package on the NHL network the other day, and saw two plays that excited me to a questionable degree.  Ribeiro goes through his legs, and Kopitar looks bored scoring a one-handed breakaway goal.  A few weeks earlier Ribeiro scored on his own one-handed shootout move. God I love the new NHL.  Here’s the through the legger:

Okay, now.  Twitter.  Stupid Twitter.  I’m at the age where I’m fighting against most technology, because even though I know it’s great, I can’t afford it.  And if I could, it’d just change to something cooler the next day.  So I tried to plant my feet on any new social networks, or popular cultural waves, but the current is pretty strong.  I added my Twitter page to my blog (up to two followers), but I’m just not so sure about it.  I don’t even own a phone fancy enough to update it from anywhere other than my couch.

I can’t fathom the attention this stupid site is getting.  CNN reports it as real news, SportsCenter gets its updates from it, and 13 year girls get to let everyone know why Ben and  Tristan were sooo stupid in home room today.

The only reason I want it is because it seems to be at the crest of some new media wave, and I’m occasionally funny.  It seems like an opportunity to entertain.  The problem is, I hate the damn thing.  I don’t mind being alone, lost, and not thought about.  So it’s on my readers.  I’m tempted to take it off.  Do you hate Twitter?  Like it?  Should I buy in?  What’s your stance?

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