Coaching Around The Canadiens, End of The Detroit “Yankees”?

 

Once again, the purity of playoff hockey has been tainted by some Coyotes ownership clus-f**kery.  Anytime someone works the just-created ”clust-f**kery” into a blog’s first sentence, you would think it’s gonna be a rant – but no-no, my pretties.  We’re gonna talk fun stuff, ’cause eff this noise.  Just let me know what’s happening when it happens. 

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For starters, a quick thank you:  For reading and commenting so responsibly, and with such a great sense of humour.  Our comment section seems to work more as a conversation, with links shared, jokes, and nobody doing the whole “you don’t even know” thing.  It’s a game – we play it for fun, follow it for fun, and when it gets un-fun, it’s time to find something else to do.  (PS, the Rangers, the Oilers, and the Hurricanes suck.   Yay!  )

Thanks for following me on twitter (we’ve still got some room for growth on that one).  And a special thanks to those of you who’ve donated to the blog.  This thing works like one big job application for me, which thus far hasn’t made me rich, so it’s you folks that have kept the blog running.  I’ve received donations ranging from $5 to $300 dollars (and a 2005 HP!), and believe me, I ain’t playin’ the stock market with it (though I do occasionally donate some to a local bar…. but only when The Hills is on at home and I need to watch hockey.  ITS FOR THE GOOD OF THE BLOG, BRIANNA.)

We hit our first 30,000 visit month!  Let’s keep growing this thing. 

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Now!

Onto the “just how seriously do we take the Canadiens?” question.  Which, I hope is a short conversation in the Penguins locker room right now.

Very.

As we’ve previously discussed, their less-than-thrilling rope-a-dope style continues to be oddly effective.  Instead of three minutes, however, they generally take beatings for three periods, only to land massive haymakers at the end of six of their last 11 fights.

At times, you get the feeling that a Pittsburgh player could just stop in the neutral zone with the puck and Montreal would leave him be ’til he tried to cross the red line.  It’s like the world’s longest game of red rover, and the Canadiens are a bunch of WWE wrestlers who’ve interlocked hands.

….We call Malkin! over…

I don’t even know what to say anymore, which, I get the vibe, is a similar feeling Bylsma and Bodreau have had.  Someone has to coach their way around this Canadiens team, and I get the hunch hard work and go-go-go isn’t the answer.  I’d like to see more patience, and a “don’t fire ’til you see the whites of his eyes” mentality on Halak (and maybe give him some of the Big Cess treatment).  When a goalie’s hot, contrary to popular opinion, I’m not of the “shoot more, shoot from everywhere” mindset.  You just end up keeping him warm and alert, not to mention you’re wasting valuable possessions.

Stanley Cup champions have to find a variety of ways to win, have to be versatile.  We’re gonna find out in the next week if the Penguins are as one dimensional as a commenter recently suggested.

{PS – is it possible to not be crazy-intrigued by Subban?  He’s the bright light for Montreal right now, just a super-interesting guy/player.}

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Johan Franzen had a thousand goals and fourteen assists in a 7-1 Red Wings win last night.  Yesterday, I suggested Detroit would win handily (4-1, I think?) just to make all the Sharks supporters “poop just a little”.  And shat themselves, they have.

I’ve never heard so much talk about a potential 3-0 comeback. 

My dad always talked about how hard it was to get that fourth win in a series to close a team out.  Which is doubly scary, since the pressure-pendulum has swung the Sharks way.  The ball is in your court now, fellas. 

My prediction:  Wings take a close game five in San Jose, but San Jose pulls their sh*t together and wins in Detroit in game six.  I also predict that if I’m right on that, the media is going to drag us to hell and back with overreactions about Thornton’s legacy, Marleau’s future, and other mind-numbing circular arguments.

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I heard a few “end of an era” talks about Detroit – the one I’ve linked to there is especially…. what’s a PC word for retarded?  I’ve done some research on the Wings (ooo, I’m a journalist), and here’s what I’ve discovered:

Players under contract until 2013:

Pavel Datsyuk
Johan Franzen
Henrik Zetterberg
Dan Cleary
Valtteri Filpula
Brian Rafalski
Niklas Kronwall
Brad Stuart

Yes.  They’re going to be terrible.  Especially with Triple Gold Club Member Mike Babcock as their coach (47 years old, a Stanley Cup, Olympic Gold, World Championship Gold, World Junior Gold, and 10 wins in the Stanley Cup finals in the past six seasons)

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Back to Canucks-Blackhawks today, round two in Vancouver.  Will the Canucks win?  Will the reffing be atrocious?  WILL CECIL FIELDER ON SKATES SCORE ANOTHER GOALIE “MAULING” HAT-TRICK?  Also, Boston plays.  I’m calling Philly by two.

Last question of the day:  I need help spelling two things.   1) hattrick, hat trick, hat-trick    (2) commentor, commenter… or …commentisaurus rex? (Be thankful I don’t refer to friends of the blog as “puck buddies”, like my favourite hockey site Puck Daddy.)

TGIF!  Have a great weekend folks.

Cinqo de OhMyGod, He’s Not Wearing Teeth On TV

 

So, does Darren McCarty not have teeth, or does he just choose not to wear them?  And as a follow up, which of those two things would be more messed up?

On the “doesn’t have them” hand, he’s just said eff it.  I’m not doin’ the whole teeth thing.  People know I played hockey, they know I was a tough, they don’t expect me to have any chompers.  It’s a hassle, it’s expensive, I’m just not doin’ it.  I don’t care if I’m an analyst with Versus.  I’m not going through with it. (note: I actually like having him on the panel there.  A little personality never hurt anyone.)

On the ”chooses not to wear them” hand, he’s completely socially oblivious.  Because he knows enough to have the teeth, but doesn’t think TV is the right time to be wearing them.  He’s gone through the whole procedure.  Dentist appointments, fittings, root canals, who knows.  But he deems national television an unworthy tooth-sporting event.  I guess he didn’t think many people were gonna see him.  After all, he is on Versus.  BOOM!  So if not then…. WHEN?

My best guess:  He knows he looks better with them in, but they inhibit his ability to speak clearly.  You know, without having a lisp or something.  (Which probably just comes from getting your brain puchisized for free for a dozen+ years, but hey, I’m fine with blaming the teeth.)

{Random tooth tale: My college teammate got a new retainer-style front jib right before our road trip to Minneapolis.  We went out that night after our game for his 21st birthday.  Gets cross-eyed drunk (t-bombs at Brothers), goes home and pukes in the little hotel garbage can by the desk.  The next day, he wakes up at 4:45 hungover as all hell and frantic about missing our 5:00 a.m. team bus.  He throws his stuff together but can’t find his tooth.  So he has to check, y’know?  Nauseous and near-puking, he looks in the can and sees a glimmer of steel from the retainer of his front tooth.  ….And plunges his hand in.  GAG.}

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Sharks/Wingys

Last night the Detroit Red Wings blew a two-goal lead at home to the always clutch, unwaveringly relentless Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau.  You just can’t beat consistency when it comes from team leaders.  (“…well you should, cause I’m layin’ it on pretty thick.”)

 

Great goal. 

Frankly, Jimmy Howard let them down.  I don’t care how many great saves he made over the course of the night – the Shark’s first tally in the dying seconds of the first period was a terrible, momentum-swinging moment, and the goal line sneaker is, as usual, frowned upon.

I swear to god, when it was 2-0 Wings I almost tweeted “Was there anyone out there who didn’t think the Wings were going to pump San Jose tonight?”  And really, it still would’ve been a fair question.  Didn’t we all think that the first game at the Joe was going to be an “oh yeahhhh, now I remember, the RED WINGS, right…” night?

But  San Jose didn’t give up against a tough team in their home barn, and the big boys answered the bell when it was rung.  If you’re a Bill Simmons reader, you know the value of them somehow having the “no one believed in us” factor (the same way the Coyotes did), despite being a one seed.  That’s a dangerous combination, no?

Two things: 

1) Sometimes when a team is down 3-0, you can pretty much stop watching the series.  But with the reputations of these two teams (choking dogs, straight-up winners, respectively), doesn’t this kinda fit the formula for a series that could still get real scary, real quick, IF yaknowhatImean?  I say the Red Wings win the next game handily, like, 4-1 or so, just to make even the most ardent Sharks supporter poop just a little.

2) In fairness, San Jose does look like the team who’ll be moving on, which makes me uber-excited for the Western Conference finals.  Either series would be awesome (vs. Van or vs. Chi), because all three teams have fan bases and teams that can never seem to get over the hump, but deserve to.  Looking into the future: I think I’d pick the Sharks to beat Chicago, but not Vancouver.  I’ll explain when the time comes.

Pitt beats Montreal two-spit

Thus far, this series is only interesting for Penguins and Habs fans, which is probably somewhere near 50% of the total fans of the sport thanks to bandwagonners and traditionalists.  Watching the Habs is like watching a cup-winning Devils team, only without the confidence.

And really, that’s it: Montreal is playing this well because they lack confidence (umm, and they’re smart), so that know they have to play the perfect team defensive game to have any hope.  Whiiiiich they keep doing.  So when they run into a hot (decent?) goalie, the mere 18 shots they’ve generated in two of the four games is simply not going to get it done, even with shutting down the Penguins high-flyin’ offense.

Sorry Habs fans, but you’ve got too much skill and talent on that team to be this boring.  This isn’t who you are. 

Last thought: How badly do you think Scott Gomez’s career highlight reel was squashed by being at his peak during “The Devils Years”? (Which is a memory that makes most hockey fans shudder).  I may have said this before, but if I could pick any guy to carry the puck in on the powerplay, I’m going with him.  He’s just so light on his skates, man.

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That’s all for today people.  Join me at 1PM EST on Puck Daddy’s site for a playoff hockey chat.  I’ll be saying things like “oh big time”, “but that’s just not true” and maybe even “arrrriba!”  Don’t miss out.

The floor is now yours to discuss McCarty’s teeth.

Picks, Coyote Tix and Quick Hits

 

I did a bad job of explaining my predictions before the second round (less “bad job” and more “completely didn’t do it”), and now I have the advantage of having seen a game from each series.  So, my bad on that.  Thus, in the interest of keeping this entry from War and Peace-like length, I’ll cut to the chase on why I picked whom.

I picked Detroit, and explained it was because I can’t pick against The Zettersyuk.  I intend to do an old school, serious piece of prose about the poetic way Datsyuk plays later today.  Sheer artistry.

I picked Vancouver on the Luongo-is-better-than-Niemi tiebreaker, and because I only recently discovered that bandwagon Blackhawks fans are plutonium-level-volatile right now.  They’re entering the “holy crap, if we don’t win this year….” panic phase , where they’re studying salary cap rules at all hours of the night, and realizing that Hossa is basically becoming a one-man Buffalo Bills of the early ’90′s. WIDE RIGHT!  WIDE RIGHT!

I picked Pittsburgh because…. forget it, same reasons you did.

I picked Boston on the Rask-is-better-than-Boucher tiebreaker, and because Jeff Carter and Simon Gagne aren’t playing.  Also because Philly likes effing with it’s own fans by pretending it wants to win the cup, when really all the owners want is to get deep enough to get a few more home games for revenue. (Emery is out for the year?  It’s trade deadline time?  I have an idea…. what it we ride out this average goalie/great team thing and see where it takes us?  Haven’t tried that yet.)

I will say this about the Boston/Philly series – I would have predicted these two teams to be in the second round at the start of the year.  Surprisingly, they both struggled during the regular season, but I do actually think they’re more than capable of being competitive with the best teams.  The right eight teams made it from the East, and if you had looked at the rosters they went with for playoffs like eight months ago, you probably would’ve picked Boston to beat Buffalo, and Philly to beat Jersey.

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During Olympic time, I wrote a blog on Luongo the night before the gold medal game, on the topic of him making me feel slightly uneasy when he’s in net, for whatever reason.  (I took it down for fear of looking like a dissident at such a positive time.)

To me, this is his career-defining series. 

Team vs. team, Chicago and Vancouver are pretty even – maybe Chicago is a little better.  Vancouver’s advantage is supposed to be in net.  When he’s won, he’s almost always had the better team.  When he’s lost, he’s almost always had the worse team.  He’s not getting any younger, and this is one of the first occasions I can remember that it’s his series to win or lose. 

If he wants to be the player Canuck fans think he is, now is his time to shine, like the bright lights hitting his greasy hair.

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My buddy bought a Phoenix Coyotes playoff ticket package, which for those of you that don’t know, means you buy them right through game seven of the finals.  If your team doesn’t make it that far, you get reimbursed.

If they don’t call him soon to offer him tickets for next year instead of just sending him a cheque back (which it appears they’re going to do), it’ll be disheartening as a guy rooting for the team to succeed here.  Coyote’s marketing: he’d take the tickets, I’m telling you.  Make those calls while their season is fresh in everyone’s mind.  DO THIS RIGHT!

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The guys from PTI asked Dwight Howard to pick who he thought should be the league MVP, and he named two players, neither of which were Lebron.  What a hater.

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I’ve seen the Marc Savard reaction to his overtime winner about eighty-hundred times thus far, and I’m still 100% on getting chills.  I love that shit.  Great stick-to-crowd toss.

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I just found out that Jaroslav Halak made 800K this year.  Vesa Toskala made 4SHMIL.  If you believe that there’s any justice in the universe, expect a bank error in Halak’s favour, where he collects 3.2 million, then passes GO for an extra 200 bucks.

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Have to mention this (sorry in advance): yesterday I heard “throwing the snake” used as the all-time-funniest euphemism EVAR.  Some guy, just off the cuff: I bet Jim Ballsillie is so depressed after losing the Coyotes he just sits around “throwing the snake” all day, if you know what I’m sayin’.

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And last but not least, some quick thoughts on each series for ya, while I’m on my way out the door:

San Jose/Detoit:  San Jose has had success so far in playoffs with the complete and utter absence of it’s best players.  Last night, Thornton got the GWG and Heatley had three assists.  This should scare a lot of teams in the West, like say, Detroit.

Vancouver/Chicago: Don’t expect another VanCity beat down.  That Chicago team is too talented, cocky and proud to get run-over like a dog on the highway again.  They need their young gunners to act like THIS DOG and pull them in the right direction, as I fully expect them to do.

Montreal/Pittsburgh: Hey, lookit them Canadiens go. Part of the reason Detoit is so good is because they’ve always been able to get offense from skill (Datsyuk/Zetterberg) or grit (Holmstrom/Franzen).  Jordan Staal was the second part of Pittsburghs offensive equation (and the first part of its defensive one).  Washington didn’t have a second way to score against Halak, and I think it’ll really hurt Pitt that they lost a big chunk of their second style too.  Seems like Halak can make every first save in the book, and Montreal’s D is doing a great job of clearing away second chance opportunities.

Philly/Boston:  The best news for Pittsburgh, who will eventually win that series or I’m folding my blog and becoming a monk, is that this Philly/Boston series is close, so it’s going to be a war.  The teams hate each other.  It’s a battle of attrition, and the winning side is going to limp in front of the conference-finals-firing-squad on one limb.  Pittsburgh, Merry Christmas…. you’re in the finals.

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In case you missed it:  On Friday I uncovered footage of Ovechkin and the evil genius boss who sent him to Earth to capture the Stanley Cup.  You can watch it here.

Changing Tires, San Jose Trying To Keep The Wheels On

 

The Brooks Laich changing a tire story is great.  Our tendancy is to blow things out of proportion, so lets not do that here – it was just a really refreshing thing to hear.  As I’ve been saying, it makes me proud to be a hockey player.  Or maybe just a human.

I learned to change a tire in the summer of 2008, because I read somewhere it’s one of the basic things you need to be able to do to consider yourself a man.  That, tie a tie, and something else…. climb a frozen waterfall in bowling shoes or something.

The year I was taught (and by “taught”, I mean holy-crap-its-so-easy-Paula-Abdul-could-figure-it-out) I was staying at the Gillies and training before my AHL tryout with the Hershey Bears.  Mapquest told me it was about five hours from Long Island, and our check-in and first meeting was around 3:00PM.  I was on the road by 7:30AM to give myself lots of time.  Sadly, my GPS took me down Manhattan’s 34th Avenue, which slowed me considerably.  The second I got through the Holland Tunnel, I saw open road, and hit the gas.  Got ‘er right up to 70 before hitting a pothole deeper than a Jack Handy thought.  Immediately, my car started pulling hard to the right.  F**k.

I’m talkin’, car packed with literally everything I owned, and I had to unload the trunk to get at the spare.  Baseball glove, lamps, pillows, the works.

Anyway, because I knew what to do, I coasted into town on a bike tire just in time to check-in, and start the hellacious injury-riddled season that led to me being a writer.  Shoulda known that was “don’t go” sign.  At least I got a Hershey chocolate bar at check-in, I guess.

(1) San Jose Sharks vs. (5) Detroit Red Wings 

This is a tough one to call, because of the mental gift the Sharks have been given; this time, hardly anyone expects them to win.

Even though they’re the one seed, they’re playing the perceived one seed.  And for Thronton, Boyle and crew, they’ve never had the luxury of even semi-underdog status before.  70% of people are picking Detroit to win, which is SO. NICE. if you’re on San Jose.  It free’s you up to just play.  Not sure why it’s different, but it is.

So then it’s obvious that I’m picking…..

DETROIT IN SEVEN

Wait, what?  Here’s how I made my pick:

Goaltending: It’s a pick ‘em, as far as I’m concerned.  Evgeni Nabakov is supposed to be better, and has lots of experience.  Unfortunately, he hasn’t exactly built a reputation as a clutch playoff performer during those experiences.  And we have no idea about Howard in playoffs yet.  We do know that in the same game he can be good, he can give up a shot off the draw to Vernon Fiddler that hasn’t gone in since pee wee hockey.  Sure, it’s a factor that could affect the series if one guy gets too hot or too cold, but I’m expecting them both to be right around par.

Defense: Slight edge to Detroit.  Studs like Lidstrom and Rafalski are getting a little older, but they can still get it done.  Niklas Kronwall is one of my new favourite players (I LOVE THIS COMMERCIAL), and Brad Stuart is above average.  San Jose has Dan Boyle, but after that all you have is the corpse of Rob Blake and Douglas Murray.

Offense: Both teams have great forwards, just in different ways.  Datsyuk and Zetterberg are unlike any other two forwards in the NHL – talented, shifty, f***ing crazy smart, and defensively aware.  San Jose’s top dogs are good at… getting goals.  But, there is three of them.  Then there’s the bonus guy: Joe Pavelski.  He’s the wild card (who’s off to a great start in the series) that can put SJ over the top.  Can he keep being super-human?  Will Detroits gritty studs (Holmstrom and Franzen) prove to be too playoff-built to be stopped? WILL I STOP ASKING RHETORICAL QUESTIONS?  (I only “kinda like” this commercial in comparison, but still good)

Coach: Babcock.  BabcockBabcockBabcock.  I’d pick him vs. a super-coach that combined the know-how of Scotty Bowman, Phil Jackson and Bill Belichick.  Mclellan is apparently a good coach, but Mike B could coach the Jersey Shore cast into British accents.

So, when it came down Detroit’s experience and confidence vs. San Jose’s first crack at mental underdoggery, I gotta take the uber-beast, Zetsyuk.  Datsberg.  Whatever…. they are just way too special to pick against.

Other series predictions explained later, but I’ve picked Boston, Pittsburgh and Vancouver for my other three.  The Vancouver pick goes against everything I said about Chicago all year, but after watching a series where goaltending mattered so much (the Halak v Varladore trial), I’m taking Luongo over Niemi every time.

TGIF, kids.  Our weekend plans have been taken care of with the $26 we spent yesterday – a $13 inflatible pool float with a cup holder, and 18 Coors light for $13.  Weeee!

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One more thing – Just tinkering around this morning, and I discovered a lil conversation between Ovechkin and the evil genius from his home planet, who sent him to Earth to capture the elusive Stanley Cup.  It’s pretty intense.  Watch it here.

Coyotes/Red Wings Analysis, Habs/Caps Preview

 

The Phoenix Coyotes are done.

They pushed the two-time defending conference champion Detroit Red Wings to the brink before petering out in game seven, effectively losing to the conference’s one seed dressed as a five.

Sadly, game seven looked like the last lap of a 1500 meter Olympic race, where the leader came out of the gate sprinting instead of pacing himself.  There was simply nothing left in the Coyotes tank.

Detroit took it to them for the majority of the game, starting from a Martin Hanzal penalty early in the first, and carrying on until Nicklas Lidstrom’s second goal, for which he immediately looked sincerely apologetic. 

Positives were few and far between for the home squad.  One, was that it might have been the best performance from a goalie who gave up six goals I’ve ever seen.  The Wings were just relentless, and as you expect from a proven team, just when they needed to get it done they got big performances from their stars.

Datsyuk looked unflappable.  Captain Nick Lidstrom sniped a pair.  Even some sasquatch named Bodd Tertuzzi or something scored.  When the core of a team who’s won the Cup once and the conference twice in the last two playoffs has the switch flipped to “on”, you expect it to look like that 6-1 win did.  (I found myself cursing the Coyotes for beating LA and Nashville down the stretch… wait for playoffs!  Dress your back-ups back-up!  LET GRETZKY COACH.)

The Coyotes were missing Shane Doan, arguably the biggest cog in their team-first machine.  With him in the lineup, who’s to say how momentum changes?  Doan played like a man possessed when he was in the lineup, which would undeniably affected Detroits older d-corp over a long series.  It could have been one more straw on the back of Detroits camel (what?).

Between the pipes, there’s only one play I’m pinning on the Almighty Bryz – Brad Stuart’s goal, which was Detroits fourth, scored in the period’s dying seconds, HAS to be stopped.  I realize it’s a breakaway and a tough save, but great goalies come up big in big moments, and that fourth goal was a twist of the knife in Phoenix’s side.  And it was Brad Stuart half-falling, not Pavel Datsyuk opening up before pulling it cross-crease.  Phoenix needed a save there, and when they didn’t get it, I would’ve flipped to a different game had one been on.

At the other end, Jimmy Howard made 32 saves in a one (bad) goal against performance.  If you’re like me, you didn’t feel fully comfortable that he would play well in there (the same way Luongo makes me feel).  And though he did play well (great at times), he had the luxury of not facing any tough shots until his team was up about three goals.  Not taking anything away from the guy (who again, 1.00 G.A. in his first game seven, rookie year), but it’s a little easier to play when the team in front of you looks like they put in a pre-game cheat code.

So that’s where it ends for this year’s Cinderella story.  The carriage is a pumpkin again, but good will come of this, Coyotes fans.  You guys got your team “back”, a lot of attention, and plenty of hope for the future.  And Wojtek Wolski!

(I’m writing a more thorough analysis for a column I’ve pitched to the AZ Republic as a bookend to my pre-season column.  I’ll keep you posted on that)

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As we move closer to round two’s start, I’ve been thinking about a comment the blog received yesterday (totally random thought before I forget – blog hits have been killer for a non-team-specific site.  Almost 9,000 hits last week or something like that, so thanks so much for your support.  And that includes you crazy Maple Leaf fans sent this way via DownGoesBrown).  It’s a valid point on why predictions are interesting to read – basically, it’s fun to assess what’s fair to expect, not what will happen.  The comment is towards the bottom, by reader “Brett”.  Check it out here.

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Mini preview, Capitals Habs:

Here’s what’s “fair to expect” tonight.

Underdogs often succeed by outworking the superior club that’s trying to get by on talent alone.  And thus far, Washington has tried to get by on talent alone.

Now it’s like the Capitals are in the library working on a bonus credit project they need just to pass at the end of the semester, while their friends are out drinking because their semester is over.  Had the Caps just done the work in the first place, they wouldn’t be in this situation.  (*author may or may not be able to relate to this)

Anyways, if work ethic is equal, which it should be in a game seven, the Capitals will smoke the Habs like salmon, the same way Detroit showed who they really were when the chips were down.

The Caps, for all the unnecessary abuse they take {and they do take abuse, it’s crazy.  I’m no Caps fan, but it’s like old school hockey people are annoyed that they have the gall to think they can win playing a tic-tac-toe style over a (*coughslightly-more-Canadian*cough) boom-bam-hit-and-jam playoff style}, the Capitals have won some playoff games with this team. 

Their style is money.  If they had half a goalie, they’d be unstoppable (I guess Theodore is small enough to qualify for half).  For all of you that want less concussions and more skill, cheer for teams like the Capitals that apparently have a team-imposed “everyone touch it before we shoot” rule.  Something about their style reminds me of ultimate frisbee.

Halak looked unbeatable in game six, but that had to be a tiring night.  Players always have trouble falling asleep after high-intensity games - more on that in the future, it’s awful.  So he gets a short sleep, hops on a plane, maybe touches the ice once in two days before tonights game, and tries to give a repeat performance.  But if (no no, when), the Caps generate another 40-50 shots (money on the higher number there), I can’t see him doing it again unless he’s in crazy good shape.  Hey, maybe Price’s start will end up helping him in this series after all. 

Montreal has one thing Phoenix didn’t – a couple guys who can make game-breaking plays.  Cammalleri (and even Gomez if he blacks out) can do it.

Montreal’s best hope is to challenge Washington’s shaky goaltending and offense-first defenseman in the first period (after weathering the initial storm), and see if they can’t get one more out of a jello-legged Halak.  Cause you never know.  You never know.

But sometimes, you have a pretty good idea of what to expect.

5-2 Capitals.

Conference & Cup Winners, Mild Schizophrenia

 

Predictions are the most ridiculous thing I have to do in my line of work.  People who write about sports for a living shouldn’t be rewarded for their ability to predict the future, but rather for their ability to cover the past.

But whatever, it’s fun to do anyways, so put on your seatbelt.  There’s some more tough calls to be made.

In reality, there are only five legitimate Stanley Cup hopefuls:

Pittsburgh Penguins
Washington Capitals
Chicago Blackhawks
Detroit Red Wings
San Jose Sharks

Quick thoughts on each club:

Penguins:  The Penguins are an all-around solid team.  Good at every position, play as a unit, and have proven they can do it.  Plus they have some Cindy kid or something I heard about somewhere.  And didn’t some guy on their team win the Conn Smythe recently?

Capitals:  A one-dimensional offensive juggernaut that is so strong at it’s one dimension, they don’t look so bad in other areas.  If the other team never has the puck, you don’t have to play defense.  A nice perk.

Blackhawks: Grossly talented, huge fans of riding shirtless in limos - you almost get the impression that it’s leaders (Toews and Kane, mainly) are so young they don’t even realize the pressure.  Naturally, this makes them twice as dangerous, like how baby scorpions are more venemous than the big daddy’s.

Red Wings:  What’s talented, gritty and experienced all over?  Datsyuk and Zetterberg are disgustingly good, and they’re up for the Selke every year since they lead the league in take-aways.  So nothing special, just good D, nice grit, good goaltending and great coaching.

Sharks:  The big line they rely on to win doesn’t play with any youthful pep.  What they do do, is put skill and smarts in front of quality goaltending and get the job done.  Assuming the job they were trying to get done is making the playoffs.

So!  To the results show:

WESTERN CONFERENCE FINALS

CHICAGO vs. DETROIT

This series makes me nervous to even think about, there’s so much talent on the ice.  Did you see game 82, where Detroit had to win to get the fifth seed?  Teams like Edmonton and Toronto were watching that on TV going, “man, someday I’d like to play in that league.”

EASTERN CONFERENCE FINALS

PITTSBURGH vs. NEW JERSEY

What sucks about the East is, Pittsburgh puked away the TV dream of a conference finals with Washington by placing fourth.  What they almost certainly did do, is guarantee us getting to see that series in the second round of playoffs.

The Pittsburgh/Washington series is kind of a crapshoot.  It went seven games last year, and if both teams are healthy, it very well could go that far again this year.  One of these two teams will be missing guys by then, and the healthier team will prevail.  If they’re both healthy… what’s changed from last year?  Knuble and Leopold?  Not all that much.

For the two and three seeded Buffalo and New Jersey, it means that one of them gets to prove they were the real deal this year by earning the right to lose to Pittsburgh in the conference finals.  Quite an honor.  How bout that gift of a bracket?  Buffalo, Boston, Philly and New Jersey.  Anyone’s guess.

STANLEY CUP FINALS

PITTSBURGH vs. HOLY CRAP I HAVE NO IDEA WHO WOULD WIN THE SERIES BEFORE WOULD BRIAN CAMPBELL BE BACK DOES HOWARD WITHSTAND THE PLAYOFF PRESSURE I BETTER PICK SOMEONE LET’S GO WITH….. DETROIT!

Pittsburgh/Detroit, huh Bourne?  Way to take it out on a limb this year.

You want a limb?  Fine, here goes….

….AND THE WINNER IS…

THE PENGUINS!  NO WAIT!  THE RED WINGS!  NONO, PENGUINS!

THIS IS WHY THE PLAYOFFS ARE FUN, PEOPLE.

In all seriousness.  Ahem.  I choose:

The Pittsburgh Penguins. Sorry about the boring answer.  I’d love to see the Hawks or someone win.

Hey, the Isles dynasty was built on a core group of dudes who knew how to win.  I see a formula here (ignore the fact that Detroit has it too, and now that they have solid goaltending, are a much better model of the old Islanders).  Whatever, I had to pick someone, and Detroit is the more likely to lose in round one.  I’m taking Pittsburgh.  Good luck to all!

 

2010 NHL Playoffs – The Bestern Conference

 

I’m picking the Sharks to win the Cup.

*waits*

AhhhhGotcha!  They suck.  Let’s make some picks.

*****

SAN JOSE SHARKS (1)

vs.

COLORADO AVALANCHE (8)

Before the season, I didn’t have Colorado pegged to be a playoff team.  Halfway through the year I looked Barry Melrose level wrong on that (y’know, the guy who didn’t think Stamkos was gonna amount to much of an NHLer?  Love the guy, but he’s building a solid reputation for his wrongitude).  By the end of the season, I had almost come full circle back to right.

They’ve got a ton of badass young talent.  But I wouldn’t bet on Colorado to win this series if Vegas doubled the odds and you paid for my wager.

Contrary to my “they suck” joke about San Jose to open this blog, I don’t think they suck.  I’m picking them to go deep – like, conference finals deep – but I wouldn’t pick them to win a series against Chicago or Detroit (both would be epic series), and the bad news for SJ is, both those teams happen to be in the Western Conference.  Which they’re in too.

I think you’ll see a great first round out of big Joe and crew, cause they’ll be fired up as all hell to prove themselves.  More than any team in the NHL this post-season, they know an early round exit means a bunch of people getting new zip codes in the off-season.

Colorado’s pace will be amazing, and Stastny will be money.  But with Nabokov in net, the Avs upset hopes are some of the lowest in the league this post-season. (Here comes an Avs sweep after that prediction, huh?)

PREDICTION:  SHARKS in FIVE

*****

CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS (2)

vs.

NASHVILLE PREDATORS (7)

Shocking truth – I don’t think Chicago’s goaltending is bad as every human on Earth seems to think it is.

Now Washington – Washington has two horrific goaltenders.  Antti Niemi and Cristobal Huet may not be the elites of the league, but they certainly aren’t the dregs either.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, Nashville – despite reaching 100 POINTS this year – was EVEN in goal differential during five-on-five regular season play.  Well that’s not very good, is it?

If they struggled to create offense in the regular season, I can’t imagine it’s going to go much better in the tighter checking post-season.  And if you could sum up the general point I’ll be making in my predictions, it’s that “teams that score by committee are f****d”.  Depth is good.  No-big-guns is bad (though I will race you to pick Hornqvist in fantasy hockey next year).

In reality, the Predators are not going to lose because of the Predators.  They’re going to lose because they’re playing a team that’s gone all-in this year.  Every chip they’ve got has been pushed to the middle, with very little regard to what happens after this season.  This equals one thing: an all-star team.

Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, Duncan Keith, Brent Seabrook, Kris Versteeg, Patrick Sharp, Dave Bolland, Dustin Byfuglien….. really I could just type roster names til I’m out of them.  This one won’t be close.

PREDICTION: HAWKS in FOUR

*****

 

VANCOUVER CANUCKS (3)

vs.

LOS ANGELES KINGS (6)

As Bob McKenzie adamantly pointed out today, the LA Kings finished two – count ‘em, two – points behind Vancouver in the standings. It’s not so much a “3 vs 6″ matchup as it is two 4.5 seeds going at it.

This is one of those series you know is going to go six or seven games, but I’m not sure why.  Vancouver is better in net.  And up front.  And on D.

That’s not to say LA isn’t strong in all those places, because they are (101 points!).  But those Sedins have gone from point-getting and bothersome to venemous and unbelievable.  Both sides have game breakers in this one, which is why it’s going to be a blast (which, incidentally, is why Boston/Buffalo is going to be a painfully long, close series – they don’t have any).  It just so happens that the Canucks have the better ones.

Luongo finally took a step passed his “never won anything” reputation in the Olympics.  As shaky as it may have been, or whatever you may think of him, mentally, that’s huge for a guy’s confidence.  You want him in net over either of the Kings tenders, every time.

The Canucks will miss Willie Mitchell.  He’s a big part of that d-corps, but he’s not the only piece.  The Canucks will get it done, but the Kings will take a lot out of them.

PREDICTION: CANUCKS in SEVEN

*****

PHOENIX COYOTES (4)

vs.

DETROIT RED WINGS (5)

You may remember, eight or nine days ago, I wrote a column on how unfortunate (but inevitable) it was the the ‘Yotes would draw the Red Wings in the first round. 

Nothing has changed since then.

{Well, one thing has – there’s the movement, started via Five For Howling‘s Travis Hair (@TravisHair) on Twitter, to have Coyote fans throw fake rattlesnakes on the ice, I think after warm-up (check out #ThrowTheSnake on twitter).  I know folks will be worried about it costing the ‘Yotes a penalty, but it rarely does after the first occurance at any given game. 

You’ll get a warning, so just don’t do it after the first “hey stop that” (if the team has half a marketing brain – and I think they do – they’ll embrace this.  They could sell them, jack the price up and cash in).  Either way, it’s a great bit of potential hockey culture down here in the desert.  I’m tellin’ ya man, the fans need something to call their own, and this can be the start of Phoenix’s first “own thing”.  I’m on board.  But anyways, back to the series….}

These are the two best coached teams in the NHL.  Babcock coached his team through a kabillion injuries and somehow got them to 100 points for the bloody TENTH STRAIGHT YEAR, while Dave Tippett took a team most people picked to finish one place behind last, and at times, teased being the conference’s best.

The Coyotes have rock solid goaltending in Ilya Bryzgalov, which was going to be their huge advantage in a playoff series.  Unfortunately for them, Jimmy Howard found his game at the NHL level, learned to battle, and got himself into MVP talk, somehow.  At the very least, he’s a Calder top two.

But here’s where I rehash that same old point – when a game needs to be broken open, Coyotes fans will bite their fingernails halfway off everytime Henrik Zetterberg or Pavel Datsyuk has the puck.  Scoring by committee isn’t impossible, you just hope that your committee doesn’t have a first round defensive opponent of Nicklas Lidstrom, Brian Rafalski, Niklas Kronwall, Brad Stuart and crew.

At the other end, guys like Lepisto, Vandermeer and Michalek (okay, and Jovo at the defensive end) – as good as their years were – probably aren’t going to be able to stop the mix of Datsyuk/Zetterberg skill with Franzen/Holmstrom grit.

Here’s the thing.  I WANT the Coyotes to win.  I want this team to look like a great “buy low” deal for the contemplating future owners.  I want a hockey culture here.  I’m jumping in an RV with about a dozen other guys, driving up an hour before the game, getting my white out on and cheering like everyone else (yes, for the ‘Yotes).  But as a sports writer, I have to be honest.  I’d be surprised if the Coyotes won.

But then again, Coyotes fans, you may recall…. I’ve been wrong about them before.  Here’s to hoping they surprise me again.

PREDICTION: RED WINGS in SIX

*****

(Leastern Conference picks later today)

Best Week Ever – The Sportsgasm

 

ITS MASTERS WEEEEEEEK!

And every other great sports week.  Let’s dive in:

The twenty-team BBHL (Bourne’s Blog fantasy Hockey League) is down to two, and somehow, someway, I’m still alive (didn’t expect to add that to my BWE {best week ever}), did ya?  And that’s with Carey Price as one of my two goalies.  Yeesh. 

I’ll admit, I got muchos lucky in the semi-finals – drew the guy who wasn’t paying attention enough to start the right guys or even have a chat (read: make a bet), but I’ll take it.  Also, if you’re the dude who wasn’t paying attention, you have no chance of being invited back into the league next year (…without heavy bribery).

But whatever, I’m still happy.  On to the finals!

*****

Le Tigre has a press conference at 11:00 a.m. my time (2 EST) – I’m not going to live blog it, mostly cause I have other stuff I’m supposed to be doing (like, um, my job), but still, expect a tweet barrage.  Expect that all week, really.  I predict Tigs to announce Dr. Drew as his new caddy.

*****

The funniest thing George Lopez does is call himself a comedian.  Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.  Back to being positive…

*****

The Detroit Red Wings are only two points out of fifth in the West, just behind the Nashville Predators – If they catch them, Phoenix plays them in round one, which would but about as lucky as Ben Stiller in Meet The Parents (that poor guy just can’t catch a break!). 

 …..Oh god I just checked the schedule… Phoenix plays Nashville on Wednesday.  Who’s Phoenix’s ECHL affiliate?  Can they call those guys up?  Can I sign a one day deal to help them lose?  Can we dress reader “zyllyx”?  Make the Coyotes wear rollerblades?  SOMETHING?!?

*****

The worst thing to happen to the Washington Capitals Stanley Cup hopes is drawing the Flyers in round one, which as it stands right now, they would.

If it’s Boston or Montreal (Montreal especially), they’ll breeze through that first round.  Philly, unfortunately for the Caps, plays a bit of a physical game, and is suffering from the frustration of earning the awful moniker ”best team that never gets it done” in the East (maybe the league – San Jose has had a couple playoff collapses, but the Flyers have been legit contenders for a decade and never got it done).  It’d suck (for them) to have their dangly skill team to face a group of hungry, aggressive dudes.

*****

This whole “Henrik Sedin leading the league” thing is pretty awesome.

Nobody in the league has chemistry like him and his brother, as evidenced by his highlight reel.  When you watch Sid or Ovy’s, for the most part, you get the miraculous one man rushes, nifty moves, clever dekes and the lightning shots.

Henrik’s reel is far more impressive from the “utilizing your teammates” standpoint.  He fires behind-the-back no-lookers that end up directly resulting in goals.  Not neat “almosts” or plays that guys go to the bench and say “that woulda been awesome”, but tape to tape, spinning, no look, tap in goals.  They (Daniel and Henrik) almost never have to shoot the puck through a goalie, since they can just dish it around him.

Very impressive stuff.

*****

THE MASTERRRRRSSSSSSS!

The par three tournament is tomorrow, the press conferences are today, my orgasm is Sunday and the tournament starts Thursday.

For last years list of “Why I Love The Masters“, follow that link – that was puked out stream-of-consciouness style, so I’m sure I could add even more to it. 

Expect Tiger to start slow, but be a threat if he can find a way to make the cut (even when he’s been active, his first round at the Masters is his worst, with a stroke average above 72 on day one).  I’m pumped!  I’ll be live blogging it Sunday from one of those Cover It Live things if you want to watch it with me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Predictions coming Wednesday.

*****

What a way to start the baseball season – with a Yankees loss (in Fenway).  Ahhh, spring.  Inhale, exhale that loss…. smells fresh.  Go Mets!

*****

My buddy Nick gets to my place tonight, so I don’t expect a lot of double blog entries, even though this is the ultimate week for it.  But, like I said, expect the tweet barrage.  You’ll be hearing from me!  (Go RIT!)

Western Conference Playoff Spots

 

The battle for playoff spots in the West is always a little more intriguing when some unexpected teams blow up and have good seasons, and this is one of those years.  Phoenix, Nashville and LA are all better than I expected, and I think better than the rest of the West had hoped.

So without really any ado, here’s how I see the bubble teams finishing up:

4th, Vancouver Canucks, 52 games played, 66 points

The only reason the Canucks get a blurb in the “bubble teams” section at all is their upcoming road trip.  They set an NHL record by being gone for something like six weeks, and playing 14 straight road games (Olympic preparation in Vancouver).  They’re 22-7-1 at home, but below .500 at 10-11-1 on the road this year.  If they survive the trip at .500, they’ll be in great shape.

{Only Washington, Pittsburgh and San Jose have scored more goals than the Canucks this year, and only New Jersey, Buffalo and Chicago have given up less.  Not bad, VanCity.  Not bad.}

5th, Phoenix Coyotes, 52 games played, 63 points

The ‘Yotes have played the majority of their games to date at home in the friendly confines of Jobing.com Arena (29), where they’re a dominant 19-8-2.  On the road, the Coyotes are an even 10-10-3 (23 games), sort of how your record is supposed to look.  With a third of the season left to play, they’re in position to push for a quality playoff spot.

Have you noticed a trend in the teams that are “overachieving”?  The Coyotes, Sabres, and Avalanche all have similar team builds, to some extent.  They’re fast over big, mostly young over mostly old, they’ve got great goaltending and most importantly, their top six forwards are almost all interchangeable as ”first line” guys.  Instead of the NBA method – pay one player to be your star and build around him – they all seem to be deeper teams without “that guy” to watch out for (the top two scorers from the teams I just listed are Tim Connolly and Paul Stastny, both below a point a game at 48 points in 51 games).

The Coyotes are going to make playoffs this year, but to have any hope of moving beyond a quick round one exit, they need to finish in 5th or 6th – 7th or 8th (versus San Jose or Chicago) would be hopeless.

6th, Los Angeles Kings, 51 games played, 61 points

The Kings seem fragile, don’t they?  Points are always easier to come by before Christmas, just like wins.  When Anze Kopitar has Ryan Smyth to help him out, he’s useful, but his production has seriously slowed down.  He just doesn’t seem like a guy who can get it done when his opponents key on him, they way the real elite stars can.  That says to me he’s not ready to be “the guy” on a team that needs one.  They’re good enough to win even with him struggling, so they’ll hang on to playoffs, but you certainly get the impression they aren’t headed the right direction.

7th, Nashville Predators, 51 games played, 61 points

I almost included the Preds in the group of “overachieving teams with the same build” from the Coyotes paragraph, but in the end, I didn’t think their Dan Ellis or Pekka Rinne deserved to be in the same class as Bryzgalov, Miller and Anderson.  Nashville could be the best team to miss playoffs this year… and I see it happening.

8th, Detroit Red Wings, 51 games played, 58 points

The depressing part for the teams on the wrong side of the playoff cutoff line looking in right now is, you’re not trying to catch Detroit’s 58 points, you’re looking at Nashvilles 61.  Detroit has played with half a team all year.  They’re the best coached team in the league, with some of the best names in the entire NHL in their dressing room (even with all they lost from last year).  The Canucks and Avalanche can start stressing now about which one of them is going to get unfortunately stuck in a (4) vs. (5) battle with Detroit.

9th, Calgary Flames, 52 games played, 58 points

What the hell happened to the Flames?  I feel like I fell asleep for an hour and they dropped a half-dozen spots.  Hmm.  1-8-1 in their last ten, with six straight losses.  By all logic, the Flames should be okay:  great goaltender, maybe the best defensive trio in the league, and a couple of guys up front who can score.  For me, the major difference between their offensive firepower and the teams “overacheiving” this year, is that their goal scorers aren’t young and energetic.  They don’t have that legs churning, relentless effort type threat right now – they’re scary in the “HolyCrapDon’tLetHimShootFromThereAWww.  They scored.” type of way.

10th, Anaheim Ducks, 52 games played, 55 points

This is the difference between the Eastern and Western conference.  The 10th and 11th place teams in the West are still really good (so are the Isles, but um, I just…. crap).  The problem is, they can’t all make playoffs, and Anaheim didn’t get off to a great start.  I don’t think they’re good enough to have a huge second half and make up for it.

11th, Dallas Stars, 52 games played, 55 points

I was waiting for them to end up in this spot in the conference, and here they are.  Dallas is a good team, but when teams like Phoenix and LA are good too, it toughens up their usually soft division.

12th, Minnesota Wild, 52 games played, 54 points

I don’t know a lot about Minnesota this year, and that’s not a good sign.  I do know when you’ve pinned a chunk of your offensive hopes on Chuck Kobasew and Andrew Ebbett, you’re in a whole heap of trouble (both are good enough players, but very shutdownable.  Yep, I can make up words on my blog.)  I guess their go-to guy is Havlat, I’m just not sure what else they’ve got.  I’m sure my oddly heavy Wild readership can fill me in on them, but from what I can tell, they don’t have a hockey teams chance in Phoenix snowballs chance in an oven.

13th, St. Louis Blues, 52 games played, 54 points

I’m sticking to my guns on the Blues, especially with the addition of Davis Payne.  They’ve got good top six forwards, good goaltending, and hopefully enough D to get into contention during the last few weeks.  I still think they’ll make a push.

 

Scott Gordon and Halle Berry (…No Connection)

 

So, I’m sure I’m not alone in periodically liking (or disliking) something for reasons that are unbeknownst to even myself.  When the Islanders hired Scott Gordon, a guy I’d never heard of, I liked it, but wasn’t sure why.  Let me try to explain it to myself:

Some owners hire coaches to give their fans the impression they hired a good coach.  You know, a guy with a name, something that won’t cause a huge negative ruckus.  This means you end up recycling coaches based on fame, not success, and before you know it, Mike Keenan is running your franchise.

I’d love to see more coaches with lower level success work their way up the ladder.  Mike Babcock didn’t get the Red Wings job based on his days as a player, he got it cause he won with every damn team he coached.  I think the game today is well-suited for a young coach who understands the more free-wheeling NHL (hint: defense-first is still your focus), and I wouldn’t be surprised to see the hiring trend in this direction continue (again, St. Louis hiring Davis Payne was exceptional – he’s doesn’t have Babcock’s NHL success yet, but I believe he’s got the same ability).

So good for teams that hire Davis Paynes and Scott Gordons – if Tampa Bay would do the same, they’d find out real fast what sort of team they’re actually dealing with.

Islanders are in a playoff spot in the middle of January, Rick DiPietro just got a shutout, and a 19 year old is leading the team in scoring.  And the Red Wings are currently in 9th in the West.  AND THE COYOTES ARE TIED FOR HOME ICE ADVANTAGE AT FOURTH.  I’m dizzy.  I need to sit down.

*****

I doubt many of you watch much ECHL hockey.  So far this year, I’ve watched zero minutes and no seconds, so I know where you’re coming from.

Well, the Victoria Salmon Kings (real name) scored a goal so ridiculous it ran on ESPN SportCenter yesterday.  Yeah, it’s that good.

The goal made me think two things – one, that at that level, there are a few kids that are going to be legit NHL studs mixed in with a few who’re going to be legit rec league duds (though not many, you’d be surprised at the quality).  What that means is, occasionally, someone gets burned so bad they should be forced to take their gear off and quit.  If that were the case, the Islanders Andrew Macdonald would’ve put entire teams into retirement during his months in Utah.

Secondly, it made me shudder at the sound of their goal song.  I was twice on teams that eliminated Victoria from playoffs, but when you’re on the wrong end of a game there, and that crowd gets fired up, it’s real easy to post a plus/minus that looks like Tiger got hot at The Masters. 

Oh, minus five, good hustle Bourne.

*****

Really, Dwayne Johnson… “The Tooth Fairy”?  I guess we can finally start calling him “The Rock Bottom”.

*****

I watched the Golden (Halle Berry’s) Globes on Sunday night, and thought it might be worth mentioning that I, like pretty much everyone else, love me some Ricky Gervais.  That guy is money.  Also, Halle Berry continues to defy human aging laws.  ———->

*****

Puck Daddy wrote an interesting bit on Mike Richards battle with the media.  The guy is the perfect captain for that team o’ douches. 

Here’s what sucks about how fun it is hating them: if they can get some GD goaltending (I feel like I’ve written that before), wouldn’t you not want your highly rated team to play them in the first round of playoffs?  If I’m Buffalo or New Jersey, I’m praying the Isles or Panthers sneak in.  I’d be interested to see the betting lines on them come playoffs, they might make for a sneaky round one money-maker.

*****

That’s all for today!  Sorry no Monday post – I was super busy watching FIVE STRAIGHT HOURS of Dexter with Bri. 

NHL’s Quarterly Review

 

Alright, NHL, let’s do a little quarterly review and see if you deserve a raise.

Mmhmm…. yep… mhmm… everything looks pretty good.  Off to a real nice start.  Just a couple things:  We’ve discussed head shots a few times now, and it doesn’t appear you’ve done anything to fix that problem.  You see, we’re attaching a cover sheet to all our TPS Reports now…

Oh, and, tone down the injuries.  Then you can get your raise.

*****

Our USA Today bi-weekly Power Rankings came out today, and look pretty good.  My own Top Ten Teams is little different – here’s how I see it thus far.

1. Chicago Blackhawks
2. New Jersey Devils
3. San Jose Sharks
4. Washington Capitals
5. Pittsburgh Penguins
6. Calgary Flames
7. Colorado Avalanche
8. Buffalo Sabres
9. Columbus Blue Jackets
10. Detroit Red Wings

We aren’t all going to agree, but feel free to sway my opinion – why am I wrong (or right) on this?  Oh, and keep in mind, it was submitted before last nights games.

*****

And the race for the Hart Trophy?  Here’s how I see the first quarter:

1. Alex Ovechkin
2. Ilya Kovalchuk
3. Ryan Miller
4. Anze Kopitar
5. Marion Gaborik

Thoughts?

*****

How much higher would Dwayne Roloson’s status be if his name wasn’t Dwayne?  Dwayne has to be the english language’s worst male name.  Y’know, aside from some ahem… football player names (see: D’Brickashaw). 

Like Blaze.  Blaze Roloson.  We’d be like… “Damn.  That Blaze is quick.  What an apt name”.  Just like that.  That’s what we’d be like.

*****

 

Congrats to college teammate Jay Beagle on his first NHL goal.  Excuse me while I take a kerosene shower in a room full of candles.

*****

When USA Today ran my article on gay slurs, a lotta stuff happened.  All the sudden I was on the phone with GLAAD, discussing getting media trained to speak on TV about the issue.  And, courtesy a few less-than-polite readers, I found out that, apparently, contrary my own (or fiance’s) knowledge, it turns out that I myself am  not-so-into the ladyfolk.

Most note-worthy was an email I got from Brendan Burke, son of Leafs GM Brian Burke.  After that, I corresponded with him and his brother, and got the go ahead from big Burke to write Brendan’s story.  That same day, Brendan found out he had the opportunity to have his story be seen by more eyes, and heard by more ears, so I let the story be told with the most exposure possible.  ESPN’s John Buccigross posted Brendan’s story today (and did a nice job), and tomorrow, he’ll be plugging Bourne’s Blog and running a little response I gave him during our email correspondance.  So everybody be on your best behaviour when our new guests arrive then.  Dress nice.

*****

Anybody else get the vibe that Detroit is gonna limp around all year, beat some teams, lose some games, start getting healthy in Febuary, start clicking in March, and be the world’s scariest 6/7/8 seed?  Y’know, assuming Jimmy Howard gets hot too? (insert “Chris Osgood is a Hall-of-Famer” comments here.  ….Yeah, and maybe he’ll bring Kurt Warner as his date to the induction)

*****

I’m really looking forward to the Flyers getting home ice in playoffs (again), looking nearly unbeatable (again), putting up a really good fight (again), and having their hearts ripped out by weak goaltending when they need it the most (again).

*****

I’m also really looking forward to the chaos that is playoffs, since some of the best teams in the league have mediocre goaltending.  I think Chicago and Washington have the best teams, but by having ”decent” goaltending (too generous?), the door gets opened up for teams like Calgary, San Jose, and… and… f**k.  Why am I having trouble convincing myself New Jersey is a top team, especially after such a great start?

*****

Thanks for your continued support of the blog.  If you don’t already, you can follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/jtbourne

Chelios, T. Fleury, and Mrs. Warner

 

Each year, the NHL welcomes a host of new names and faces to the fold, while offering those same, reliable names that you’ve come to know and love.  Or at least know (see: Avery, Sean).

For 114 years, you’ve become accustomed to seeing Chris Chelios in the league, either as a Montreal Canadien, Chicago Blackhawk, or Detroit Red Wing.

For those same 114 years (*figure may not be exact), Chelios has been the quintessential stay at home d-man.  I don’t mean this in a disrespectful way, but this year, it would be nice to see him do just that — stay at home.

I like Chris Chelios.  I like the fire he’s played with, his passion for the game, and the fact that he seems like a pretty sharp guy in interviews.

I don’t think it’s like the Brett Favre thing, where by playing (and playing worse every year) he’s destroying some statue-worthy legacy.  He’s Chris Chelios for flip’s sake.  Worthy of warrior-like respect, but probably not a guy that kids pretend to be in street hockey.

“I’m Chris Chelios!”

“No I’M Chris Chelios.”

“Mommmmmmm!”

My problem is that the whole thing is embarrassing, because you shouldn’t have to tell such a distinguished veteran like him that it’s time to head for the door.  Ushering someone with a career like his out the door probably didn’t just embarrass Chris, it probably embarrassed Detroit as well.

He put them in the awkward position where they had to admit, “look, maybe you can still play in this league somewhere, but we can only dress 6-7 defenseman a game, and we’re the Detroit Red Wings.  We can find 60-70 defenseman better than you by tomorrow and have them under contract by dinner”.

And I have to believe that most NHL teams could make the exact same statement.

Even if an NHL team had to pull up some young kid from the American League that would struggle the way Chelios seems to be these days (forwards are somehow sneaking behind him in the neutral zone for breakaway passes with all the stealth of golf shoes on bubble wrap), at least the kid would be on the improving side of the bell curve, and the team could justify some early struggles to pay for some later success.

So anyways.  You always hope that the great ones will quit before they’re fired, but I think we’re long past that point with Chelly. 

*****

The other familiar name that’s rumoured to want his face back in the NHL this year is Theo Fleury.

…Seriously.

In all reality, this has become a really sad story.  Theo had kinda been on the path to self-destruction with some drug use in his later NHL years, and probably took a few good seasons off the end of his hockey career.

For a lot of guys, when the NHL money runs out, it’s tough to find another job that pays an above average wage to have fun (for some stupid reason).  So, it’s easy to understand why he would want to make a comeback.

To think he’s capable of it, in his situation, is downright delusional.

At one point after his “retirement”, Theo was playing in a Canadian Native league, where the Chief of the tribe was paying him a ton of money to have him as a ringer (thousands per game – the same team Gino Odjick was playing on).  Regardless of how serious the level of hockey is, you can’t blame the guy for saying yes to that much money.

So um, at least he’s been on the ice.  But my “guess” is that Theo couldn’t even be effective in the AHL right now. 

The game has simply gotten too fast and strong to be effective at his size, and past his quickest days.  The guy is 5’6″ and 40 years old.  I can’t even believe I wasted text on this topic.

But, let’s hope he finds something that makes him happy, because I can promise you, Theo Fleury has less of a chance to play in the NHL this year than I do, and I’m at the point where using the stairs makes me sweat.

*****

Back in my blog’s early days, I made a little, one-line/ borderline inappropriate joke about the upgrade of Kurt Warner’s wife, Brenda.  Well, sure enough, at the Cardinals game Saturday night, there she was, sitting across the row from me.  I thought it’d be funny to get a picture with her for a follow-up joke, but it backfired a bit when the picture came out looking totally normal, with her looking great.

 Wish I didn’t look so creepy and happy about it.

*****

That’s all for today!  Stay tuned on the blog this week – I’m settled and back at work, and have a plethora of hockey related topics to bat around with you readers.  What do you think?  Will someone pick up Chelios?

Two – Spit Detroit

 

The fact of the matter is, Osgood is outplaying Fleury, and Detroit plays the best team defense I think I’ve ever seen.  They look like the Devils during the trap and smother days, but they do it without making fans feel like they ordered the Nyquil Big Gulp from the concession stand.

Random thought: Can Babcock win the Conn Smythe?

I gotta say, I loved seeing Malkin realize he was 6’4″ and give Zetterberg a little scare at the end of the game.  I can promise you, guys in the Red Wings room are dying laughing about Zetterberg engaging with Malkin, even throwing punches, but leaving one glove on.  If I may Don Cherry up this blog a bit, that really is something only a European player would do.

I’m pre-frustrated for the “Sid has been shut down” coverage that’s coming.  Sid was a flurry of skates and will, creating a couple great chances: Walking out from behind the net and hitting the inside post; feeding Guerin for a one-time in front that rattled off the inside post; slicing through the D at mach speed and throwing a quick snapper that Osgood kicksaved like only Billy Ranford could… he’s still damn near everywhere.

I made a comment to my Dad today, something to effect of “how long can they count on fourth liners for offense?” in regards to Detroit, but apparently they can do it all the way to the Cup.  Abdenflavour, or whatever that kids name is, is shooting rabbits feet with horseshoes I think.  That, or Fleury is single-handedly crushing the entire city of Pittsburgh.  Either or.

Zetterberg is making game changing, Stanley Cup earning plays, like drapping himself across the goal-line to stop Sid from making it 2-2 in the third, right before Allenskater scored to make it 3-1.  TSN turning point. 

Big game coming up in Pitt – here’s to hoping for a long series.

Friends and fam – I’m sans cell phone ’til I get to the States to buy a new one, probably on Friday.  I finally had to take Old Yeller behind the shed and thank it for the memories.

Pittsburgh. Detroit. Stanley Cup Finals.

 

Alrighta!  The finals.

(2) Detroit vs. (4) Pittsburgh

Let me start by saying great move to Commish Bettman on moving up the first game of the finals.  Great move.

Hockey is a winter sport that runs too far into the summer.  If hockey were to be removed from the consciousness of borderline fans, they’d definitely welcome summer and forget about it.  Not only are the first two games on NBC (congrats to Americans on finally getting some coverage), but they come a mere three days after Detroit’s win.  Let’s soak it alllll in.

Here are my thoughts on this series:

As other people have mentioned, there seems to be a parallel between Wings/Pens and the Islanders/Oilers back to back finals matchups, one that not many people know.

The Islanders got thumped in the finals of their Drive for Five by the Oilers, but if I may defend… they were without seven starters from the year before due to injury.  These guys were sitting in the stands, while that young and dangerous Oiler squad playing what was basically a different team, but in the same jersey.  Oh, and um, Dad was one of the injured.  Not that I’m biased.

This year, the Wings seem to be limping into the final.  I can’t help but wonder if maybe what it takes to win the cup takes such a toll on your body that it gets harder and harder to stay healthy wth short summers and longer seasons, or if it’s just coincidence.  Either way, Lidstrom is back, but obviously hurt, Datsyuk is out, Ericsson is out… It sets up well for the Pens.

In goal, I like Pittsburgh.  I know that by now, we should all respect Chris Osgood.  I think he has like, 19 Cups or something, I just find it really hard.  He obviously does what it takes to give his team a chance, but I just don’t think he has that “next level” like Fleury does.  Ossy is either a Hall-of-Famer or an AHL all-star. 

I definitely like the Red Wings on D – their transition is super dangerous with Rafalski and Lidstrom, plus, Chelios brings the average age of the D corps up eleventy-six years, so they seem super wise. 

Without Datsyuk, Detroit still has good frontmen, but I think they’re over-achieving.  How long can you rely on major contributions from guys like Cleary and Helm?  Good players, for sure, but not as threatening as that other side.  Even defending Conn Smythe Zetterberg and Franzen don’t compare to Sid the Gretzky and Markgeni the Malssier.

I know Zetterberg will shadow Sid again, but this year The Kid knows what to expect.  Hockey has evolved to hinge heavily on special teams, so now a good powerplay can win you games.  Your goalie has to be your best penalty killer, and I just don’t believe in Osokay.  That powerplay is gonna win. Pittsburgh. The Cup.

Plus, I’m pullin’ for Guerin - the Red Wings have already had their turn.  Go Pens!

Round Three

 

Alright everyone, conference finals!

Despite being down to one game a night, I’ll still be in a committed relationship with my Sharp Aquos.  Here’s what I see going down in part three of Stanley’s Saga:

(2)Detroit Red Wings vs. (4) Chicago Blackhawks

I. Am. Pumped about this series.  It could be a wonderful thriller - but here’s my concern:

It may not be that close. 

For those of you who watch basketball, the defending camps are the Boston Celtics.  This year, they’re minus KG and in general, not very good.  But they keep that win-train packed with coal and cruise along nonetheless, because they’ve won before.  You really do grow more comfortable in difficult situations when you’ve been through it before.

The Red Wings have the same knowledge and comfort, with the small difference that they’re really good.  And well coached.

The hawks are well coached too, but man, do they seem fragile.  Did anybody watch the interviews by the young guns talking about this series?  These guys seemed more vulnerable than Luongo in a big game (ooooo, totally kidding Canucks fans, just thought I’d try to alienate another fan base).

The Hawks only chance to win is to get off to a great start in the series.  If they fall behind, I don’t see them having the confidence to make the same bounce-back they did in the last round.

Sometimes when you know you’re up against a better team, the guys on the lesser team - when it’s just them and a buddy - will openly admit “we’re f***ed”.

Wings in five.

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (6)Carolina Whalers

Dear Matt (and the rest of the Canes fan),

Granted, your team had Ron Francis, the least-celebrated great player in NHL history (I dare anyone to argue that).

Beyond him, as you know, I find your team inherently unlikeable.  I started out by refusing to comment on whatever series they were involved in.  But now they’re in a third one.  Sigh…

If they win the cup, I vow to write a long, scintillating piece for The Hockey News on how awesome they are, scintillation not included.  Any other result… and I plan to continue to drag them through the mud.  I just can’t help it.

Sincerely,

jb

This series:

Sadly, the Canes are nicely tailored for playoff hockey.  The good news is, they were nicely tailored for playoff hockey in 90′s.

Yes, again, I will be betting against Carolina.  It’s like “The Secret” – if I just keep sending out what I want, it will come to me.  Did I reference “The Secret”?  Yes.  That’s how desperately I want Pittsburgh to win.

Fancy-pants Malkin is gonna wake up, and Sid is going to produce less, but regardless, he’s still a constant threat.

This series goes six, with the  Pens taking it in front of Benedict Cower (or was it Bill?), and when that happens, I won’t have to carve my name next to “Brooks was here”.

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