Pre-Season NHL Stuff

Thoughts from my first Phoenix Coyotes pre-season game:

(1)  Matt Greene, now of the LA Kings, played for the U of North Dakota when I was in college.  I always thought he was a bit of a liability for them (based on his big, lumbering nature), but UND was one of a few teams that had an NHL (as opposed to olympic) sized rink in college, so he made it work.

Plus, if he hit you, it hurt really, really bad.  He was unaware of the battle going on between him and my roommate Charlie Kronsch.  The battle was that Matt frequently gave Charlie stitches in the chin (wearing the full cage in college makes for a lot of chin stiches), and Charlie wanted to return the favour.  But every year for poor Chuck, here’s your new zips, courtesy Greener.  Final score, Greene, 17, Kronschnabel, 0.  Oh, and by the way Char, Greene is in the NHL now.  18-0.

(2) When the puck first drops to start the game (especially during camp, pre-season, and weekend games), its understood that the pace is freaking intense – like, max effort, until that first whistle.  “Set the tone” stuff, ya know?  It has to settle down from there.  It was nearly ten minutes before the Yotes game saw a whistle, and I got a big kick out of guys trying to keep the pace up on their second, and third shifts.

(3) Was Balsillie there?  No, seriously, was he?  I couldn’t help but think he had to be watching from somewhere, if he’s such a big fan of hockey that he wants to own the team…

(4) They asked the fans “Shane Doan Trivia”, which I found hilarious, because…. what are their options?  Coyote history trivia would just end in “Doan” anyway, so you might as well narrow it down a bit, right?  Nice move.

(5) I feel really bad for writing an article about the Coyotes sucking after having been to a game.  The article I wrote, sadly, was accurate – just seeing the fans that do support them and hearing the interviews with the guys made me feel a bit guilty.  Sorry, guys.

No Waaay?

Way!

(6) The highlight of the night was a Shane Doan jumbotron commercial for a bank, where a fan is taking money from the ATM, and Shane misunderstands the meaning of “free checking” and hits the guy from behind.  He has a line at the end of the commercial, and that’s when it hit me.  Shane freaking Doan is Keanu Reeves.  Right?  I mean, isn’t he?  The hair… the tone… it was all just so obvious this whole time.  I cannot believe I missed this prior to now.

(7) The rink setting in Phoenix is amazing.  One of the best I’ve ever seen.  Not only is the rink nice, new and ideal for watching a game, but everywhere outside it is just so great.  Fountains with half-Bellagio water shows, a Jimmy Buffet margaritaville, restaurants and bars, Irish pubs and shopping, it’s just too perfect.  If they do manage to survive, I’d go just to linger outside under the misters and drink a few pints in front of the outdoor TV’s.  Heaven forbid this team starts winning, they might just get popular.

(8) They charge more for Pittsburgh and Detroit games.  Just thought I’d pass that along.

(9) They still charge $8.25 for a beer.  Isn’t that unbelievable that they can do that?  A draught beer costs a restaurant something like 37 cents.  Movie theater owners would hear that mark-up and call it preposterous.  I’d have boycotted if it wasn’t a Coyote’s pre-season game, which are the most drink-inducing words you can string together on this side of “bachelor party”.

(10) I’m still a big fan of the sleek RBK jerseys (though not the Coyotes colors/logo).  Nice evolution to the look of a hockey player.

(11) Just how dumb is wearing no visor nowadays?  I don’t even feel the need to make my case beyond that sentence.

"The look"

(12) There are few things as satisfying as skating behind a d-man into a nicely chipped puck with a ton of speed already going.

(13) The t-shirt shoot: I think they shot 900 t-shirts to the 450 fans, (both ballpark figures).

(14) Bryzgalov just looks like an NHL goalie.  They have that structure and size you don’t see from the amateurs.  He also has the tendency to get beat five-hole like NHL goalies, a phenomenon that never ceases to boggle me.  For some reason, I think 40% of goals in the NHL are scored five-hole.  It’s absurd.

And that was game one, pre-season.  I’m looking forward to going to more games and having my “to write about” list grow.  I think I need to write about the momentum of skating, and what a bitch having to actually stop is.  Not that I chose to stop all that much, but still, I hated it when I had to.

The OTHER Involuntary Nap

My last post was called “The Involuntary Nap”, regarding the Boise state player who was taunting LeGarette Blount, only to find himself waking up from a short, less-than-refreshing nap a few seconds later.

The rarely photographed upright Kronschnabel

My college roommate Charlie Kronschnabel saw the title and text me “damn, I thought I was gonna get some ink”.

Well you are now, Kronsch.

Charlie suffers from nap-attacks.  Although “suffers” is probably the exact opposite of the word I should have used.

I’m still not sure if I pity or envy his special breed – you know, that unique group of people out there that struggle to make it through a two hour DVD?  As much as the nap attack seems like a crappy affliction to be stuck with, it has to have some upsides to have so many supporters, right?

Making entire flights disappear must be nice.  And if you have six hours of sleep before your alarm, you manage to get six hours of sleep.  I guess there’s a few things I envy.  But for every hour you’re out, you’re missing an hour of… just… stuff, aren’t you?  Is life that intolerable? 

The nappers are almost like wine connoisseurs to me.  I enjoy wine.  I can tell which ones I like.  But they really seem to get something more of the same liquid, something special that I’m not.  It’s the same with art collectors, or that girl on “e” at a concert who seems to be feeling the music on an entirely different level than I am.

But what I really don’t get, is the involuntary nap.  The “oh, shit, did I just fall asleep?” moments.

It takes me forever to fall asleep, and these nap fiends do it unwillingly? 

That’s almost just rubbing it in my face, like, I’m up at 2:30 a.m. tossing and turning and they’re like, “what, can’t fall asleep?  God, it’s so easy it’s sometimes I do it by acci-zzzzz”.

Don’t you feel yourself drifting?  What’s going on in your head that you’re thinking so few thoughts at any given time that the machine can just power off without closing all the programs?

I used to have a theory that um… less intelligent people… tended to fall asleep quicker, on an “ignorance-is-bliss” level.  There isn’t much processing going on, very little worrying, etc, but that theory is about as solid as an alibi from OJ.  There are plenty of geniuses who can turn it off like a light switch.

The financee fiance is a hell of a napper in her own right, but back in college, Charlie used to fall asleep mid conversation.  And as much as I’d never say it to his face, the guy is usually pretty damn sharp.

So I’m opening it up to the readers for input. 

Love it or hate it?  What’s the norm when it comes to the time it takes to fall asleep?  Do you know any involuntary nappers (or are you one)?

Dorm 608

Good morning.

Today is day three of the Tostito’s Destroy Your Liver Bowl, co-sponsored by my college roommates.

The sad part is, we’re getting older.  Last night we ended up in comfortable clothing and drinking red wine on the couch – a sad state of affairs when you can’t put back-to-back nights together anymore.

The facts are, my metabolism is slowing down, my hangovers are getting worse, and I’m financially incapable of paying for Canadian alcohol.

Yellow Tail, Cabernet Sauvignon:   Boise: $5.99 —Kelowna: $14.99

18 Coors light:   Boise  $15.99 — Kelowna: $33.99

Fourteen dollars, tuna sandwich, we think that’s fair (Seinfeld reference, anyone?).

Anyhow, we’ve been having a great time.  Nothing like guys one-time slap-shooting your putt O.B. to remind you “I’m not really playing for score today”.  Not that I’m a conspiracy theorist or anything, but the guy who kept the score won the money:

Ha, sorry, I was looking for an excuse to work that guy in there.

*****

So yeah, I’m on the verge of a complete playoff prediction meltdown this round.  I’m already at the point where I’m drifting from nightly playoff devotion and catching up in highlight packages.  I’m upset.  It’s golf season.  God I hate the Hurricanes.  Better analysis soon.  And by soon, I mean when I feel like it.

*****

Um, as a complete 180, has anybody seen the colorful gobbling bird in the preview for the animated movie “UP”?  I laughed my ass off the first time I saw it.  Gobbling might be my all-time favourite laugh-inspiring sound.  Thats him on the left.

I wonder how blogging about Pixar films is going to go over with the guys…. I’m sure that’ll hardly lead to any abuse.

*****

Today plan is to drive into VanCity, hit up Granville Island, verbally demean a couple guys I ultimately respect and start feeling guilty about calorie consumption and neglect of work.

And by start feeling guilty, I mean willingly remain oblivious.  Hope everyone is having a good Monday at work – we’re thinking it’s Mimosa time!

*****

THE CAST OF CHARACTERS

Charlie Kronschnabel, PICTURE NOW REMOVED BECAUSE CHARLIE HAS A REAL, IMPORTANT JOB.  The post-hockey-tape-removal-rash was HI-larious.

Nick Lowe, in his amazing technicolor hung-overalls.

And lastly, Brandon Segal, wearing a curious-looking yarmulka: PICTURE ALSO REMOVED DUE TO REAL JOBITIS.

Those, were my roommates.