Videos and Conversation Starters

WAKE UP!  Let’s get today goin’ with three must-see videos:

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You only need the first 30 seconds or so of this next one. A “fake robbery” prank gone wrong… I love how shady the guy is after, like “nothing to see here…”:

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Have you seen “Jersey Shore” yet?  God I hope not.  Unfortunately, some of us live with east coast girls who think reality TV is hilarious, and I’ll admit, this one is tough to turn away from for all the wrong reasons. For my Canadian friends, here’s a sneak peek at the high-quality television MTV is running these days (by the way, a million thanks to the news anchors for their insightful commentary on the show.)

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(*high-pitched* WHAT GUY DOES THAT??)

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Thinking: "I haven't used this thing in years, since I discovered hockey."

 I understand how some things are tough for countries to change, like for the US, it would be expensive to switch to the reasonable system of measurement, metric.  What I don’t get, is why it would be a huge, raging difficulty for both Canada and the US to simply change our national sports to what our countries national sports actually are. 

Really, Canada?  Lacrosse?  At least Americans can debate over a couple stupid loopholes, like the word “pasttime”.  What’s our excuse for ignoring the obvious?  And not to sound like Seth Meyers and Amy Poehler, but REALLY, USA?  Baseball?  Can you be proud of yourselves being represented by A NON-CONTACT sport?  That doesn’t seem very American to me.  What gets better ratings, the Superbowl or MLB playoff “action”? 

The toque can't overcome sabotage, bastard.

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Jose Theodore spent two months sabotaging my fantasy hockey team from the inside, like a double agent.  After the discovery of his bad intentions and his subsequent release, he went back to his true owner, whoever it is I’m playing this week (I believe that’s you, AiH). 

 Theodore nearly put up a shutout for my opponent (head-to-head league) in a 6-1 win with a huge save percentage.  I wanted to like you, Jose, I really did.  In the prime of your career, you wore a toque on your helmet for an outdoor game.  And now, all you have are reservations for one at Justin Bourne’s Sports Hate Bar and Grill.

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Isn’t having “divisions” in sports just a generally horrible idea?  In all seriousness, why do we need them, just to lower travel expenses?  What would be so bad about just having two conferences and the top teams making it?

Yeah that seems fair.

It just makes no sense to me that you can get the three seed in playoffs when you don’t have the third best record in your conference.  It also make no sense to me that good teams like the Toronto Blue Jays routinely have to take the no-jock crotch-kick of being in the same division with the Yankees and Red Sox, while teams like the Washington Capitals get 20-some night-off-free-W’s a year by being good enough to coast past Carolina, Florida, Tampa Bay or Atlanta once every few games.

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 Happy humpday.  Time to start holiday shopping?

Lawson Translation

The Islanders have signed a third starter, Martin Biron, to a one year, $1.4 million dollar contract.  I just. don’t. get it.

So then, we’re admitting DiPietro is beyond being a functioning goalie, right?

I mean, it makes no sense to sign someone to well over a million dollars if you intend for them to play in the AHL.  And we aren’t going to trade Biron or Roloson, both of whom we just signed, or we simply wouldn’t have signed them.  So this was the Islanders admitting DP is a no-go, wasn’t it?

Lawson reads the play before you do, and plays the puck like Marty Turco

The Sound Tigers had a stud in net last year in Nathan Lawson, who didn’t see NHL games at the end of the AHL season strictly because the BPST’s needed him too bad (truf).  If they were looking to lock up a talented kid with scads of potential starter for the Sound Tigers, they had Lawson in their hands (statline: 2.16 GAA, .927 Save %, 19 wins, 9 losses -- better than Mannino in every category).  Who knows if he’ll sign without getting a NHL -- AHL two way, which the Isles won’t do (15 years looked crazy, but 4 NHL goalie contracts looks bat-shit crazy).  So should we shuffle Laws into the “Islanders squandered talent” bin?  They better at least lock him up for Bridgeport somehow, and soon… or someone will.

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Ahhh, the Red Sox got rid of Julio Lugo, at last.  He never really fit in there, did he?  Never quite had the swagger, always kinda looked weak.  I’m sure Sawks fans shed zero tears, and are already demanding results of the new guys.

By the way, has the Sox morphing into the Yankees over this decade turned anyone else off?  So much for the scrappy underdog taking down those Rockefeller-esque Yankees.  They’re just poured outta the same mold at this point.

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Like me, you may find it hard to sit through 36 seconds of “metal”, or whatever we’re calling that genre of “music”, so you may want to mute this.  I think I actually like it better with sound though.

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So good news, for those of you who have subscribed to the blog.  You’re about to get your first bonus offering from Bourne’s Blog!  I’m going to take questions from now until the Hockey Greats Fantasy Camp that you may have for any of our ex-NHL stars, ask those questions, and do a fun little question and answer write up for you.  I think I may do this throughout the year with current NHLers that I’m still in touch with too.

I feel safer when he wears gloves.

So, you have your pick, ask a question to any of the following:  Battlin’ Billy Smith, Dave Semenko, Bryan Trottier, Dale Hawerchuk, Doug Bodger, Steve Shutt, Ron Flockhart, Cliff Ronning, Larry Melnyk, Gary Nylund, Clark Gillies, or of course, my Dad.

Two weeks from now that crew will be on the ice with our guests, pulling groins, tweaking backs, and generally keeping ibuprofen providers in business.  Lookin’ forward to it!