The Front Nine (Sports Thoughts)

Before we begin, a video: The very second Tracy Porter makes the interception and runs it back for a touchdown, everyone knows the game is over.  Take a couple second gander at how this bar in New Orleans felt about that:

Um, they were excited.

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Alrighty – my TBAF (To Blog About Files) are stuffed full.  It’s time to play 18 holes – nine today, nine tomorrow.  Let’s tee off:

#1) 

Charging is defined as taking more than three strides (or maybe it’s two, whatever) before hitting a guy.  The problem with that definition is, IT’S HOCKEY.  You’re taking strides to get everywhere.  When a hit becomes available, you’ve been taking strides, so the question becomes… How long do you have to coast to nullify a charge?  If you’re hustling on the backcheck, and some guy starts to cut to the middle, how are you supposed to skate to legally be able to separate the man from the puck?  I think we need to make charging more about intent than about a physical description of the play.

Affectionately known as "Snatch". Seriously. Like, the radio guy calls him that on air.

#2) 

For the first time this season, I checked out some ECHL stats yesterday, and was pleasantly surprised.  Turns out my boy Ryan Kinasewich is leading the league in points, which is awesome.  It’s the guys sixth ECHL year, and he’s got a million ECHL points, but I guess AHL teams are like… Nope, he just scores too consistently, it’s really annoying.  He wasn’t drafted.  He doesn’t fit our mold of ”big and young.”  I just checked – he’s played 264 ECHL games over six seasons, with 362 points (156 goals, 32 so far this year).  He’s still only 26.

#3)

I haven’t gotten around to doing the research yet, but I think it’s a fair question to discuss:  I haven’t seen Ilya Kovalchuk play much (like the rest of you), but everyone loves to spout that he’s a defensive liability.  I’ve looked for it in the past few games, and haven’t seen it. 

He’s a career -84 or so, but has played on mostly bad Atlanta teams, playing the other teams top line or top shutdown line.  From personal experience, I can tell you the team and line you’re on makes all the difference in that category, and it’s only fair to judge a player’s +/- against those teammates.  What was Atlanta’s even strength goal differential while he was there, -400?  No way someone that big and talented can be as bad as I keep hearing on D.  I’m just not buying it.

Far too one-handable.

#4)

No league does a championship trophy like the NHL.  Are you shitting me, Stanley Cup?  How perfect are you?  All tall like that, with a nice weighty feel (I’m told).  It’s a substantial prize worth hoisting over your head.  And with all the mystique around touching it, and the keeper of the cup in white gloves, it just makes a guy think: the NFL should be ashamed of itself.  This is America.  Bigger is better, right EntireCountry?  That’s your damn sport.  Now go build a better goddamn trophy and do the name Lombardi some justice!

#5)

Brooks Orpik (Pittsburgh) and Andrew Macdonald (New York Islanders) look so much alike it’s bizarre.  I will continue hammering this point home until I get an amen.

Fine, maybe these pics don’t do it perfect justice, but just wait til A-Mac lets it get stubbly.  It’s boggling.  The only reason I’m not making “twin” claims is that A-Mac doesn’t do that prolonged, distant stare that Orpik favors.  Thankfully.

Goal and an apple vs. STL

 #6)

For forwards, playing well without getting points sucks.  Your point total from a given game rarely tell the story of how you played, so it sucks when you make all the right decisions and don’t get rewarded.  Stastny finally got a couple points last night, but he’s been playing better than his production.

 #7)

A few nights back, I was watching a Red Wings game in which Bertuzzi snapped his head back to fake getting high-sticked (a move I didn’t think people actually did without some level of contact).  He successfully drew the penalty (even “checked” for blood!), putting the Wings dangerous powerplay unit on the ice.  A day later, I saw Alexander Semin to something similar. 

So my question is:  if we suspend players when they do something we don’t want in the game (cheap hits), why shouldn’t we suspend players for that play, in obvious circumstances?  They’re cheating, and we want that out of the game, right?  I’m not talking embellishments.  I mean, “dude, that stick never got above your logo”.  I’m talking about sitting beside Bertuzzi and watching the play with him and going, “Look – you intentionally tried to fuck over the refs and the legitimacy of the game there.  We don’t need 10 year olds in the NHL.  Go sit in the corner for a few nights and think about what you’ve done.”

#8)

Bob Gainey stepped down.  As DownGoesBrown tweeted “Gainey “voluntarily” stepped down the way I “voluntarily” leave the bar after the bouncer tells me he’s kicking me out”.  Thought that was the best analogy EVER.

Yeahh-eya-eyaeya, it's a party in the USA.

#9)

I want a golfer to write a tell-all book. And nothing to do with Tiger.  I just imagine it’s such an interesting lifestyle.  Do some guys fly private planes, and some fly coach?  There must be such a discrepancy between the quality of life for the top and bottom golfers.  Who “makes it rain”, who’s a cheap prick (Ben Crane right?  Has to be Ben Crane), who are the A-holes (Phil?  Really?  FIGJAM!), who’s a drunk (Anthony Kim, eh?), all that stuff.  I need to know!

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So there you have it!  The front nine ended on a golf topic.  Chime in on what you know about, want to know about, or just type some words into the comment box.  We’re a big happy sports (okay, largely hockey) discussion site.  Dive in.

Topics of Interest

 Thanks to everyone for the wonderful support of my brother’s situation.  He’s doing very well today!

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Did you hear about the woman who just got arrested for prostituting herself for world series tickets? (that wasn’t a set-up for a joke, believe it or not).  Her online ad had herself described as a “buxom blonde willing to get creative in a trade for World Series tickets”.  Once an undercover officer said he had the tickets and arranged the “trade”, she was cuffed and charged.  That actually happened.  Baseball tickets.  Go sit in the corner and think about what you… tried to do, woman.

{“Buxom” falls into the list words I use and understand, but would find it hard to define.}

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The Naked Shootout (for those of you who don’t know what it is)

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The naked shootout that the Tampa Bay Lightning attempted was funny -- especially within the team.  Really, they don’t know what’s going to end up happening themselves.  Guys just come up with stupid games (as people know, mustache boy -- loser grows a ’stache -- has caught on, but guys play for dumb stuff every day.  Bagel Boy (loser gets bagels for the next morning), Juice boy (loser pours everyone gatorade), and the most frightening of my career -- earring boy (loser gets a temp earing for two weeks).

But I’m a little bothered by the public gushing about the naked shootout.  Mostly cause I think it’s not that funny, and because I can tell it’s going to catch on, despite being one of the lesser shootout games.

The  Idaho junior Steelheads (17 year olds, I guess?) did it too.  Kids that age are not mature enough for the naked shootout to be “dumb funny”, so it’s just dumb -- they think its the nudity that’s funny, not the public demeaning of a teammate (silly kids… they’re way off).  I want to slap those kids.  Then, to compound the problem, some woman who sees it calls the cops.  Right, because THATS what we need the nations police doing, stopping 17 year old boys from being harmlessly dumb.  Don’t worry.  To quote an officer “The investigation is ongoing”.

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We were musing -- in the spectrum of “difficult jobs to get as a homosexual”, do you think  there are many that would be harder to have than men’s hockey coach?  It’s such a homobphobic culture.  Is this why I don’t know of any?  And on that thought, does anybody know of an openly gay hockey player?

I mean, statistically, there has had to have been hundreds.  And, it’s no myth that women’s hockey has it’s share (one female ex-college player told me “it’s creepy watching them give each other they eye in the room”.  You can’t make that stuff up).  But to this day I know of zero.  I have a few guesses on ex-teammates (Tassone? Probably Tassone right?).  But still, zero.

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Fill it up again!

So what if Anthony Kim, young PGA tour stud parties his ass off?  There is no sport that it matters less in.  It’s not a team game, so if he hurts his game, he only hurts himself.  Not everyone strives to be the best human ever at their sport, some are just happy getting paid (ie. me). 

It’s not tennis where being at the peak of your physical prowess is key.  Fine, it’ll hurt his chances (and liver), but the guy is doing just fine the way he’s doing it.  I just can’t fathom why anyone cares, and why the story is on TV.  I like him so much more knowing he likes to put back a few shots the night before he hits a few shots, and he still kills it at the games highest level.  Win one for the guys who’d do it the same way, AK!

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I spoke with an unnamed professional coach about a month ago (possibly one that had been drinking) with a “scoop” for me to write about.  He was being blackmailed by a player that he was going to have to cut.  This player saw the writing on the wall, and I guess the year before, the coach had swung at the kid after a game.  That’s really all I’ll say about that, but isn’t it crazy that stuff happens behind closed doors?

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I’ve tried to explain a few things to rec league players on my blog, since I’ve recently become their liason between pro and their style of hockey. Now it’s your turn to explain something to me.

In your game, is there some “don’t shoot through screens” etiquette?  Yesterday a guy came down one on one on me, then blasted one into my foot.  I’m limping today, and was irate for about two seconds.  Then I thought “it’s hockey, you have no right to be mad”.  And now i’m thinking… “don’t I”?  I’ve held back a number of times from firing it into a crowd so far.  What’s the etiquette on this?

Friday at The Masters

Before I launch into today’s golf coverage, I just want to make quick mention about another big sports day coming up: April 14th. 

NHL draft lottery day, where enduring a season of misery has earned the Islanders the scant 48% chance of securing John Tavares.  Apparently Hedman’s no slouch, but that organization can hardly afford anything less than the best.  After all, how else will Kansas City win the cup in 2012?  (Cool it Isles fans, I’m just playin’, I’m just playin’…)

And as mentioned in yesterday’s comments, that Bruin’s/Canadiens game yesterday was dynamite.  Bill Simmons, the sports writer who broke up with the Bruins years ago citing lockout related differences, has vowed to take them back for playoffs.  I think he’ll like his new girlfriend.

Friday at the Masters:

1.  Danny Lee, the 18 year old Japa Chi Kor Asian kid that was making his Masters debut, had this to say in his pre-tournament press conference: “The first time I played the course, I didn’t understand why so many players struggled here.  It’s an easy course”.  I’m glad that as Colin Montgomery limps into the sunset of his career, I have a new player to hate on the horizon.  Lee was 11 over par after two days, only 20 shots back.  Musta got some tough bounces.

2.  Serious Leaderboard assessment:

Saturday is “moving day” in golf, where the stage gets set for Sunday, and anyone who plans on contending to win better make their move up the board.  Maybe the biggest name aren’t on the top of the board, but they’ve all got a foot on the bottom rung of the ladder.  Woods (-2), Mickelson (-3) and Garcia (-4) are poised with a host of other big names to fire at some flags and make their move.

The scary thing for those guys, is that it’s not just one player up there around nine under, it’s a handful.  Somebody is going to continue to play well, so players can’t count on somebody faltering, like Woods needed O’Hair to do last week.  At 48, Kenny Perry is a legitimate threat to win, far more dangerous that some of the other names near the top.

If none of the other top guns get hot tomorrow, Jim Furyk and Anthony Kim are a couple names not likely to move the wrong way down the board.  I almost mentioned before the tournament that Kim is a guy who needs to play poorly to not contend.  His B-game is better than most players A.  He made 11 birdies yesterday, a Masters course record, en route to shooting the low round of the day, 65.

I was right yesterday in guessing minus nine would lead heading into the weekend.  I think it’ll be 10 under heading into Sunday, meaning that dangerous group at two under will need to shoot around 67 to get into the mix for Sunday.

Bad weather is the best thing that could happen to Tiger’s chances.  He can deal with it, others can’t.

3.  Less serious assessment:

Phil has made headway into de-stuffing his shirts, but something still doesn’t look right.  The guy is definitely thin enough now to where I shouldn’t be seeing nipple.  Maybe his under-shirt issues go beyond a once-evident brownie batter fetish.

Tiger rocked the baby-blue on black today, and looked better.  I think everyday these guys dress they should picture a highlight being shown in 15 years and avoid anything that would make the kids in 2024 go “really?”.  Because, Tom Kite’s glasses, really? 

Apparently, straight from the course to racquetball.

I’ve got a few more tidbits on today’s play, but I’m back in Kelowna, and my brother is apparently making seafood wraps and caesar salad.  This, I gotta see.

Everyone enjoy your weekend, and remember the coverage switches to CBS, and gets even better tomorrow.  See ya then.