Seinfeldian Lighter FareShareThis
As this writing thing develops, I’m finding that anyone who wants me to write for them wants me to write about my experiences or opinions on all things hockey. Which makes sense, because it’s what I do for a living. And, since I have a notebook full of hockey topics, I’ve got years worth of material (now who’s laughing at my journal?). So, I spend my time these days getting back to a normal lifestyle and writing about my sport for those folks interested in reading about it. Occasionally though, I feel the need to indulge myself, much like a visit to a psychologist, and just talk it out. Here’s what’s been rattling around in my skull.
Important snack update: Orville Redenbachers “Buttery Salt and Cracked Pepper” popcorn is dyno-mite. I’m finding that the thing I missed most about having a functional chew-hole was snacking. Everything is such a process when you have to condense it to smoothie form. I had a few swing-n-a-miss attempts at dinner during that time, including a Chunky Soup Beef Stew smoothie that corkscrewed me into the batters box.
Yes. Do Not Blend.
I know it’s not the most original subject matter, but is there any situation where more people at once are thinking ”here we go, just my luck” than on a Southwest flight when the “C” passengers start rolling aboard? You gotta love fat-guy-middle-seat roulette, where all the A and B passengers have taken every window and aisle seat available, and that guy that has NO chance of getting an armrest down ambles aboard and casually decides who gets awarded 3 shitty hours of thigh to thigh clammytime. In the event of a water-landing, your floatation device is probably eating honey-roasted peanuts.
Bri and I just finished watching all 6 Star Wars movies, and absolutely loved them (we decided that the best way to spell the sound of a light saber is “wuowww”). Star Wars is exempt because they’re science fiction movies, but it brought to light something in movies I’ve been smouldering on for awhile. YOU CAN’T WIN FROM THE HANGING POSITION. Ted Williams hit .406, Michael Jordan’s career field goal percentage is under 50%, but guys in the hanging position with certain death looming below escape somewhere around 80% of the time. If the bad guy is standing over you while you hang, you don’t really have a whole lot of viable moves to chose from. A Jedi maybe, but probably not a Hobbit.
Lastly, the type of stupid stuff I love is fully enveloped in a single 20 postcard book themed “breaking bad news with baby animals”. If you can track this thing down, it’s definitely worth a flip through. I could only find a couple of them online, but come on:
I love that the cats are in the mailbox like they’re new information delivery medium.
So yeah, there’s some of today’s Seinfeldian lighter fare. Go get that popcorn!