Round. Freaking. One.

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Isles got the first pick!  Isles got the first pick!  John Tavares: welcome aboard, son.  On with the post-season preview:

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‘Twas the night before playoffs, and all across the league, the analysts vote Flames, despite young Kris Versteeg…

*Predictions in bold

(4) Chicago vs. (5) Calgary

Really only addressing this series first because “Versteeg” rhymed with “league”.

You know when you start filtering things through your own bias, how you can convince yourself there’s no way you’re wrong?  This is what happens when I make sports predictions.  The second I decided the Chicago Blackhawks were going to win this series, it became painfully obvious.  Here’s why:

Teams, like relationships, are either getting better, or worse.  Whether it be chemistry, luck, or just some subtle change, like adding vinegar to baking soda, a switch gets flipped.  The Flames are in disarray.  Phaneuf is still googling a funny comeback to Avery’s comment, Rene Bourque will still be carrying the mandatory post-injury piano, and I’m still mad at the Flames for letting Tampa Bay win a Stanley Cup – thanks for that.

Anyways, the Blackhawks are getting better.  They have young studs who’ll be near impossible to wear down, solid goaltending, and d-men that are capable of making solid, quick first passes out of the d-zone, which gives them a quick transition game.  The Flames are making their way back from injuries, but it always takes a few games to get the rust off.  Flames, extinguished.

(1) Bruins vs. (75th) Habs

Okay, they finished eighth. 

I’m jacked for this series.  Expect it to look how playoffs are meant to be played, that pace that, even as a player watching the start of the game from the bench you go “wow, there’s no way the pace can stay this high”.  The Boston Bruins played 82 games this year, and sport a loss column that reads 19.  Les Habitants will give ‘em a good push, but the B’s aren’t going to get beaten 4 times in the next seven, as awesome as the fans in the Bell Centre are.

(1) Sharks vs. (8) Ducks

The NHL only puts just over half of their teams in the playoffs, 16.  This means that these are all above average teams.  When you account for injuries and other circumstances, a teams final record is probably plus or minus five for a margin of error, in terms of describing how good a team they really are.  I think the Ducks are better than their record shows, but they aren’t good enough to take four from the San Jose Sharks (loses? 18.).

The Sharks are frickin dynamite, but it still periodically befuddles me that a teal team from San Jose, California is a legit cup threat… I guess they are.

(2) Washington Capitals vs. (7) New York Rangers

Anyone who saw the sea of red in DC last year knows they aren’t going to lose to the Rangers.  The Washington Capitals are cup contenders, a team that had a good playoff experience last year, a load of firepower, and too much going for them to worry about the ever dysfunctional Rangers.

I’d be suprised if the Caps did anything but walk into MSG, dispose of the Rangers, and wait for round two.  Maybe Theodore isn’t a premier goalie these days, but New York is basically a team with only one line to shut down – a good line, sure, but if you had to take a first line off one of these playoff teams to start a team with, any chance you’d wanna start it with names like Avery and Zherdev?

(2) Red Wings vs. (7) Blue Jackets

What’s going to be frustrating for the pesky Blue Jackets, is figuring out that you can spend a whole year trying to eek into playoffs, and a team like the perennial contending Detroit Red Wings can swat you in under a week.

It’s so hard to just make playoffs, and the teams that grind for so long to make the cut often lack the foresight that teams that made the playoffs in January have.  The Blue Jackets will not survive their encounter in Hockeytown.

(3) New Jersey Devils vs. (6) Carolina Hurricanes

This series is on my “do not watch list”, simply because the other options are so tantilizing, and the Hurricanes continually have okay talent in a non-hockey town with mediocre jerseys and do well.  Stop it.

Oh, and the New Jersey Devils have… let me check my notes… Martan Brodure?  Cam Ward is no slouch, to be sure, but I’m ready for the Stall brothers to form a baseball team and go away or something, God I’m sick of them.  Why doesn’t somebody like Ovi have a plethora of brothers, even Okposo, just someone with some flair?

(3) Vancouver Canucks vs. (6) St. Louis Blues

First off, let me boldify Vancouver Canucks before everyone in B.C. boycotts my blog.

I think it was a tough break for Van to end up with the Blues, teams don’t end up with crazy good records in the second half by chance, so clearly, they’ve found something that makes them click.

The good news for the Canuckleheads, is that they’ve been hotter than Marisa Miller down the stretch themselves.  Okay, that was hyperbole; they’ve been hot. (why do I know that’s the only comment Bri will bring up from this whole bit?)

In the end, good goaltending - as the cliche goes - wins championships, and the Canucks have the leagues best.  I expect the dangerous (and sexually questionable) Sedins to have some of the pressure taken off them by the Sundin line, a line that won’t be facing the Blues top defensive pair.  They should be able capitalize on that, and hopefully give the Canucks a little boost.

(4) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Philadelphia Flyers

How long can the Flyers be an elite team without being the leagues best?  They’ve been in playoffs seemingly every year, and never as the last seed.  They’re always good, a major threat from the Eastern Conference… but never good enough.

Briere is one the most dangerous forwards in the league.  He can do a scary amount of smart, quick, creative things, and man can he finish.  If you put Luongo (hell, even Fleury) on Philly how scary would they be?

Crosby is an elite kid that takes a beating, and say what you want about his crying, he takes it to the hoop the next shift, and the next shift, and the next shift…  Then they have the leagues leading scorer, a goalie primed to come into his own, and a new found leader in Bill Guerin, a guy you want to play for.  I’m praying we get to see Pitt and Washington, Boston -  New Jersey… there’s some classics to come.  The Pittsburgh Penguins will prevail in a series that’ll go at least six.

So that’s that hockey fans!  My dumb two cents on the weeks to come.  I realize I didn’t exactly roll the dice on too many of those, but those are my thoughts, take ‘em or leave ‘em.  I just wrote my next THN piece about why the first round is the best – because bluntly, it is.  I’ll post that link when they post the bit.  Enjoy the playoffs, no dinner-at-the-table for weeks yaaayyyyy!