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One-Touch Passes, Zero Theme



Y’know what I don’t need when asking for directions?  Options.  “Well, you can either take the 40 to the 105, or you can just stay on 3rd street and take it up to -” NO.  I obviously don’t know WTF I’m doing, which is why I’m asking.  Narrow it down to one route for me and go with that set.  THANKS.


Y’know what else is stupid?  When a bunch of people go out for dinner, the bill comes, and one or a few of the people don’t address it immediately.  It’s not that they don’t want to pay, they’re just not in any rush to deal with it.  The no-rush comes with a hint of “I’m so rich I could care less what the final number even is.” 

I sit there and stress out about the server coming back and looking to run cards or cash, and we haven’t addressed the situation.  WHY ARE YOU ALL SO CASUAL ABOUT THIS, THE BILL IS HERE!  {Also, don’t call it “the cheque”.  You pay bills, you get paid with a cheque.} *nothing to do with this past weekend Char, it’s a saved note in my phone


I recently met Fred Couples ex-girlfriend (who had apparently just installed FJ’s, by the way.  …As in, fake jammers).  Freddy’s been my favourite golfer for as long as I can remember, but I’m a little weirded out by how he was living – at her house, with her roommates.  Hardly the palatial situation I saw for Freddy, his money, his smooth swing and his flowing hair.


I busted out a column for USA Today on how being a free agent is like a choose your own adventure novel.  Spoiler: I didn’t finish the novel without failing the first time.


I like that baseball’s All-Star Game means something.  All fans of other sports (hi, hockey fans) do is complain about their sport’s ASG, so it’s nice that there’s some relevance in one sport.  I don’t necessarily want to take away from the team with the best record, but surely there’s some reward we can give the NHL conference that wins.  Last change in game one?  A designated hitter that gets to roam the ice?  Extra ice girls?  Just something.


Puck Daddy Live Chat at 1 PM EST, lets do dis like Brutus.  Puck Daddy


It’s almost time for the British Open!  I’m pumped – I’ll actually be around the place this weekend, and my good ‘ol DVR machine is gonna let me watch Tiger’s triumphant return to glory (yes, I just predicted he’ll win).  It’s too bad golf’s majors get less interesting as the year goes on (okay, the first two are probably tied), but at least there’s always the, um… Fedex Cup?  Boo.


So far in the “easier to get a passport in Canada or the US” debate, the US is wayyyy out in front.  Chill, Canada, it’s just me, Justin.


Okay, I’ve gotta go chat with the boys at PD!  What’s up in the hockey world that we can discuss today?


17 Responses to “One-Touch Passes, Zero Theme”
  1. Amy Jo says:

    “Chill, Canada, it’s just me, Justin.”

    Bahahahaha made me literally laugh out loud. Then everyone was jealous because your blog is vastly more interesting than everything they were doing.

    Winner is me.

  2. Mike P. says:

    Too funny about the directions. What about when someone asks for directions, then they argue with you? If you knew how to get there, why are you asking me?

  3. Nathan says:

    Curious about your troubles getting a Canadian passport, as my brother and I had no trouble, just a 25 minute wait in a lineup and a two week wait for the passport in the mail (of course different government facilities yield different returns).

  4. Liviu says:

    Very nice column. Couldn’t be truer, either. I faced a similar situation when I was just choosing a college to play for. And then again this past year when I was done with my two years at community college. I’ve got numerous friends in the game that I have a lot of conversations about this with also. It’s kind of an anxiety-inducing time, but what can you do? The one positive that has come from it is that I’ve been able to learn not to freak out and plan every detail of my life five years in advance. Now, I just let the chips fall where they may and make the best of the situation. Who knows what will happen in two more seasons when I’m holding my diploma and I’m a free agent yet again?

  5. Four to Five says:

    Hahahaha I love the directions part, its so true!

    Man, I remember seven years ago when I was able to get into Canada legally without a passport…

  6. Ralphie says:

    As a server I enjoy your take on the bill, when someone asks for the bill that’s my que that they are ready to leave, and in some instances, I am ready for them to leave as well! The dilly dallying that goes on is nonsense, you’re done, pay and go! Maybe I’m just jaded and don’t like customers and dealing with drunk people, maybe I’m in the wrong profession! Please Justin, get your hockey show, I’d love to be the Andy to your Conan!

  7. Randi says:

    A thought occurred to me the other day that I wanted share. I live in Kansas City, well a suburb, and would love to have a NHL team here to be able to see my Red Wings in person 3 times a year. A few days ago a local news station ran a story that should the Lighthouse Project fall though KC could be a potential new home for the team. We’ve been used before, the Penguins did it a few years back to get their new arena, so I try not to listen to these stories. Right now we have a pretty good CHL/IHL team that will enter their second season in the fall. They may not be NHL quality but the tickets are cheap and they are entertaining. If the Islanders to relocate to KC they would fit in with our other major sports teams. The Royals and Chiefs used to be good teams and both won championships at one point but now just end up being mathematically eliminated from the plays offs as soon as the seasons begin. My point is if we can support these two teams we can certainly love the Islanders whether they win or lose. I’m getting ahead of myself, hopefully the Islanders can use the Sprint Area to leverage a new home for themselves on the island.

    Also screw those haters on Twitter, I think your cat pictures are cute.

  8. Marienne says:

    The US wins unless you’ve been married/divorced/changed your name/etc. Then it starts getting mildly ridiculous, especially with the whole “your old birth certificate isn’t valid anymore, shell out for a new one” thing. Though, I think BC did the whole new/official birth certificates thing, too, so maybe that’s just a tie.

    Now, on the flip side, I think getting a driver’s license is about 10x worse in some US states than it is in BC, so maybe we’ll call it a tie. Can’t speak to the rest of Canada, but trying to transfer your driver’s license to Maryland/West Virginia is just an exercise in deep-seated frustration. The US also wins for length of passport duration, hands down.

    I agree on the looking-at-the-bill thing, especially in a group over 3-4 people. If nothing else, it’s courteous to the server to have made at least an attempt at sorting it out, even if you’re planning to linger over coffee for the next hour – especially in places where they’re not used to splitting the check on-demand.

  9. jtbourne says:

    The Bill – Plus, not at least reaching for it implies you’re okay with someone else paying for it. I don’t want to have to ASK friends for their money, so it’s like… Am I supposed to make the “I got this” gesture? Cause I really don’t wanna.

    Ralphie – Well, it appears you’re in the wrong line of work, yes, but you raise a good point: If you plan on sitting around and doddling over coffee, should you wait to get the bill at the end of the doddle-session, or settle it up and then doddle?

    Marienne – You’re basically going over my whole life. In one month, it’ll be the first time I’ve called one city home for a year straight since I was 16-17. How INSANE is that? So I constantly deal with licenses, insurance, passports, and the million other government documents I’m supposed to have (like, y’know, speeding tickets). I LOATHE that stuff. All I know is, it was awfully easy to apply for a US passport, but mailing my Canadian one for renewal has been like bamboo shoots under the fingernails.

  10. Travelchic59 says:

    Be careful with that dual passports thing. The U.S. has problems when they see someone travelling with more than 1. Just came back from Europe and you had to see the crap that some poor young girl was subjected to at JFK because she was carrying more than 1 passport. I understand the security concerns. But I guarantee that poor girl NEVER expected to get the hassles she was subjected to at passport control.

  11. Marc says:

    People complain about the NHL all star game? I think its a gas to watch. I mean the new format for super skills isn’t always amazing but watching the players joke around and play relaxed and joke around is worth it. NFL though – now those fans have something to complain about, I didnt even know they had an all star game til I was 23.

  12. Marienne says:

    Marc – Wait, there’s an NHL Allstar Game?

  13. Marienne says:

    I meant to type “NFL”. (I should not be allowed to type before coffee and/or noon)

    Somewhere, there is a literature professor rolling in his grave at my lack of respect for accurate language use.

  14. nightfly says:

    JB – good column. It’s spooky thinking about perfectly smart choices leading to terrible results, through no fault of our own. You could have hurt your knee in Utah… or in Bridgeport. The puck wasn’t suddenly harder in Boise than it would be in Hershey. You chose what was best for you and yours. You trained. You made the best of what you could control…. and then it all went pear-shaped.

    In some mirror-universe, there’s a goateed version of you that went from the Bears, to the Show, to a fabulous off-season cavorting in Tahiti with a pop star. But maybe that guy’s also a d-bag. Meanwhile, we get stuck with Eric Nystrom’s blog. I’m sorry that you didn’t get more of a go on the ice, but I’m glad to see you doing this and happy with your lady fair.

  15. Steve says:

    I equate Fred Couples to the “The Dude” of the PGA world so why wouldn’t he mooch off of his ex and her roommates? I could see him rinsing back Caucasians and walking around her place mumbling, “the Dude abides…the Dude abides” then going out a winning a tourney later in the day.

    Obviously, I’ve been thinking about this for too long…but I love Freddy.

  16. Farvra says:

    What are the odds of getting a picture up of Freddy’s ex with her new FJ’s ?

  17. Anna S. says:

    Totally late to the party, but the ‘cheque’ thing may be a regional preference; where I grew up, everyone calls the table tab the cheque. Just as one can pay a bill with bills, one can pay the cheque with a cheque. It’s also sort of tradition in these parts to make conversation after the cheque arrives. I tend to think it’s a courtesy thing, to emphasize that it’s the company of the meal one is concerned with, rather than the price.

    Also, I love the idea of a teeny reward for winning the ASG. Raising the stakes a little can only help make what should be a really cool game in principle into something cool in reality.

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