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Mind-Dump Extrordinaire. …Eh, Fairly Ordinaire, Actually



It’s sad that my own little piece of serenity has evolved to including a couch, a laptop and free time, but that’s where I’m at these days.  I’ll spare you any more updates on our fantasy camp, except to say I’ll be tweeting about it throughout next week, and if you want to know more, check out our poorly-updated, frustrating, soon-to-be-exploded website.

But for tonight, lets lighten my “to blog about” file.  My TBAF, if you will.  I cleaned out most of the junk on the plane, so I’m not even screening what’s left in there, I’m just gonna touch on everything still kickin’ around.  RANDOM TIME!


Dude, this guy is for real. What a sideshow!

I watched the documentary “Bigger Stronger Faster” on steroids (wait, that sounds wrong – I wasn’t ON steroids, it was about them) the other night, and man is it something.  Refreshing, original and intensely interesting, it’s shot from the viewpoint of three brothers that either do them or have done them.  The film attempts to give a more fair and balanced look at a drug they think has an unnecessarily bad rap, with the host playing devil’s advocate in EVERY interview. 

I immediately tweeted something along the lines of “the NHL needs to get out ahead of steroids before some scandal makes them look silly”.  Basically, they need to be proactive before something comes along and makes whatever new policy they’ll inevitably adopt seem reactionary (put me on the record for one “I saw that coming” when “it” breaks). The league doesn’t test enough, some players surely use (“summer cycle!’), and it’s naive to think it’s only a problem in other sports.



Sometimes if we’re out having drinks I think everything is “to blog about” worthy, so I’ll save crap in my phone, and the next day I’ll end up thinking ”what the eff was I talking about?”  Since I’m touching on everything in my list today, I have “Hotel CaliBournia” written down…. and no idea why.  Soooo, yeah, “Hotel CaliBournia” then.


 I got ID’ed for “chicken lips” (fingers) the other day.  In BC, where the drinking age is 19.  I was as confused as you are.  Musta been a tough day for the server or something.


Not sure if you remember, but when the Tiger Woods scandal broke, I FULLY sided with Bill Simmons and thought Tiger should’ve just 100% committed to “turning heel” like a WWE bad guy, left the wife and kids, terrorized any female who would have him (most), and kept killing the field in golf tournaments.  He should’ve started talking trash in interviews, and have given up the whole Sidney-Crosby-facade we all endured for so many years.

Mmmm, meatbread. With bacon!

Well, that’s what KFC has done.  Sure, they never had the greatest reputation to begin with, but they were at least trying to roll with the trends.  “Oh, people want to eat healthy now, well we sell grilled chicken.  We have more options for healthy sides“. 

Then they suddenly realized that nobody who cares about dying young eats at their grease huts anyway, and just decided to make the switch.  Now all the sudden they’re like, “F**K IT. EAT IT, IT’S A DOUBLE DOWN. THE BREAD IS MEAT. HERES THE “BOXMASTER”, EAT IT

Good on ‘em, I say.  Know your role.  You’re a grinder KFC, so get in those corners and make it happen so we can all BURY it.


Hmm, my TBAF includes some unfinished joke about Luongo’s head and BP.  And a joke about Lundqvist getting a “too many (wo)men” penalty.”  Nice of me to build a joke-starter kit for myself.


I'm okay with the fun (less-racist) kind of ref abuse...

This is also probably column-worthy, but….. this is my first year in the blog community, and thus, my first year really interacting with the average hockey fan.  Not that you, out there, are average, but you get my point.  In previous years all I experienced was fans yelling from the stands, shaking the hands of some nice people after games, that sorta stuff.

So here’s what I’ve discovered about myself from really being immersed in the NHL with other fans: nothing makes me lose more respect for one of them than ref blaming.  It’s by no means just in hockey, but I’m BOGGLED by how many people actually think their team got the raw end of the deal every night.  I don’t just mean Canucks and Red Wings fans either.  I mean there’s this CRAZY percentage of people who regularly blame losses on bad reffing.

My question is, if NO ONE in the world can do it well (in those people’s opinion), how hard must that job be?  Making split-second subjective calls that are subject to the scrutiny of millions of people with instant replay and slo-mo?  No sir, I don’t like hearing that crap. Can’t respect ref-blamers.


 Not sure if you’ve ever heard the Propaghandi song “Coaches Corner” before, so there’s your link for an interesting listen.  I suggest listening to it with the lyrics pulled up.  Speaking of, I was recently told Ron MacLean is an occasional reader of the blog.  So hi Ron, feel free to chip in our comments one day!  You’ll be welcomed with open arms, I assure you.


This note was written since I’ve been in Kelowna, so it has nothing to do with some spat at home or anything, rather a chat I had with another married fella: “With the wife, the goal is for her to be at least neutral (not mad not happy), and all can be well.  If she’s in a good mood, great, but at the very least, she’s gotta get to neutral or EVERYBODY is in a bad mood.” 

Married men:  concur?


Okay, off to watch some TSN.  Love that channel, and by the way, I have no problem with them going “expletive deleted” on Talbot’s use of “douche” today.  They’re supposed to keep to some higher journalistic standard than Bourne’s Blog, aren’t they?  Also, good for Talbot for just saying how he really feels.  So, whatever, that topic’s in the past, AWESOME. 

See ya Thursday for a new post, probably about the recent free agent signings! 

(Talbot’s Car Commercial)


43 Responses to “Mind-Dump Extrordinaire. …Eh, Fairly Ordinaire, Actually”
  1. Justin says:

    Great call on the steroids. Care to guess what % of players are on ‘em?
    Either way, I’m glad you brought it up, it’s an important issue, although I can’t say I picture Bettman and crew out ahead of anything.

    I don’t believe in blaming the refs, but I’ve seen bad officiating control games.

  2. isles316 says:

    Propagandhi is one of my favorite bands. That is a sick song. Interesting blog overall.

  3. SDC says:

    I can’t find adequate words to describe how badly I want TIger to make that heel turn, especially now that his wife left him anyways, and also took all his money.

    I concur with relationship neutrality — Like chocolate and watches, the Swiss did something right with that one too.

  4. Ballgame says:

    Hip hip hip

  5. MattyJ says:

    The ref blaming and uninformed fans booing every call against the Sharks is why I’ll never go to a game at the Tank again. It’s unbearable to watch a game there. And it’s no better on TV. That idiot Drew is the same way and he creates a feedback loop of victims between him and the fans. Most unprofessional broadcaster out there (and I see them all with Center, ahem, ‘Centre’ Ice.) It’s a bummer living in SF and not being able to go to NHL games but I’d drive to LA before I’d sit through another home Sharks game.

    I respect ref’s jobs. Even in my beer league I can’t keep up. My wife asked me if I’d ever want to be an NHL ref and I said ‘hell no, I’m not smart enough.’ But perhaps I’d make a good linesman (6’2, 235 lbs.)

    I wish refs still had their names on the back of their stripes.

    One of my favorite pictures (that I took), Mick McGeough’s last game (Ducks @ Kings, April 5 2008):

    Funny how you can’t see his face but just by the way he’s standing you can tell who it is.

    JT, perhaps you should go to official’s school! You’d make a great ref and you’d have endless fodder for your blog. :)

  6. Married men: concur?

    My spin on a good marriage is pretty simple and easy to follow; “If Mama’s happy, everyone’s happy, so make Mama happy”. It’s really not that hard to do. I’ve been married more than 10 yrs this time around (first time I COULDN’T make drunken Mama happy!) and do you wanna know what my wife said turned her on? What makes her day? I’m disabled now and am not able to work, so I’m at home all day, but when she comes home from work, if she gets out of the car and sees me at the back door, THAT melts her chocolate! If you see her with a frown, don’t say anything, go up and hug her. She’ll LOVE you! Simple shit like that turns a woman’s crank, and pretty much gives you the green light for anything you (and your pals) might wanna do later on. Your pal was right. Make Mama happy, and your leash gets alot longer.

  7. crushasaurus says:

    Married men have it fucking easy by the sounds of things. My track record consists almost solely of psycho hose beasts who are only happy if they are being impressed or doing something exciting like DRIVING REALLY FAST FOR NO REASON.

    One day, if standing at the back door to greet your wife when she comes home makes a big difference… life, we have a deal.

  8. ms.conduct says:

    We have such role reversal in our house. If Daddy’s happy, everybody’s happy and I pretty much just wanna be left alone and watch sports. :)

  9. frank says:

    That KFC sandwich looks absolutely disgusting. I need to take 3 or 4 Tums after looking at that photo.

    Going off on a tangent, isn’t if funny how the biggest US sponsors of the US Olympic teams tend to be fast food chains (like McDonalds), candy bars (snickers comes to mind), and beer?

  10. Trevor says:

    “Can’t respect ref-blamers” Hands down the best thing you’ve ever written, couldn’t agree more. The fact that all 30 teams think they are getting bent over by the refs should prove to them all that they are wrong.

    When the best refs in the world can’t do the job properly (according to most, I think they do ), than people shouldn’t complain/bitch about missed calls.

    Roenick was on Fan 960 yesterday and was bashing the refs last year, drives me nuts.

    Once the players stop making mistakes, than we can expect the refs to be perfect as well.

  11. Dave K says:

    At its most basic level- yeah, keep the wife happy. If the guy is unhappy, he internalizes it. The wife senses it, and probalby will ask about it, but ultimately it’ll die out eventually and everyone will move on. If the wife is unhappy, she’ll make sure everyone knows until finally the guy sits down and talks with her. Ultimately, while the talking will allow everything to move forward again, the talking sucks because you are most definitely not allowed to watch TV at the same time. Otherwise you get to have the whole conversation over again, this time about the TV and something blah blah about paying attention.

  12. James says:

    Definitely agree on “Stay Medium” for the wife.

    For me, the real key to a long marriage is marrying the right person. Getting married won’t make things better. For instance, my mom left my dad after 4 years of marriage for the exact same reasons that she almost didn’t marry him.

    On steroids, I always get a laugh when people say “Hockey players don’t use them. They are for getting huge.”

    If cyclists in the Tour De France are using steroids to boost performance, then you can bet that some percentage of NHLers are as well.

    To me, all pro sports should use the Olympic testing program. Random, year round testing is the only way to get things as clean as possible.

    And even then, there will be chemists that are one step ahead of the testers.

  13. KarenfromRochester says:

    That ref-blaming stuff goes on even in high school sports these days, and I can’t stand it! People take their sports waaaay too seriously these days, and I have to believe it has to do with the $ they feel they have “invested” in it, whether it’s buying a ticket or sending your kid to camps and doing travel league. I no longer have much fun watching my kids play sports because of the nutty sports parents that surround me and that makes me so mad.

    I’m not so sure I go along with that “if Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy” stuff either? Why must Mama be handled with kid gloves all the time? That’s what makes little princesses and drama queens and that doesn’t work in the working world!

  14. Dougie says:

    My take on the wife thing is I like to just shoot for the podium…Make it your goal to make the podium that way you’re satisfied with the Bronze but life is gravy when you get the gold…only problem is when you miss the medals she expects diamonds with the next gold…

    I generally don’t have a problem with the refs, it’s when the game is taken out of their hands. I say get rid of booth reviews from the home office in Tahrahna (TO) and leave it to the ref’s call on the ice. So many times this year I”ve seen the ref make the right call only to have it overturned from TO by someone who wasn’t right on top of the action. I would think this would make the on ice officials less diligent about getting the call right for 2 reasons…

    a) doesn’t matter, they’ll probably overturn it anyway

    b) who cares if I make the wrong call TO’s got my back with the video…hey is that Snooki in the stands…oh s#@t NO GOAL NO GOAL… (c’mon Mike Murphy make the call)

  15. TN Hockey says:

    Justin: “I don’t believe in blaming the refs, but I’ve seen bad officiating control games.”

    Thats a ton of truth in that simple line. It also seems to me that the reff-ing in the NHL has been declining in quality over the past couple of years. I used to brag how our officials were light years ahead of other sports but lately, I’m happy if they just dont decide the game or control its flow. I ref’ed teenage and beer leagues for years and I have all the respect in the world for those guys that do the job. Even tho I was acknowledged by most players as the ‘least bad’ ref in those leagues, there were many nights where I felt like I had no business being at the rink.

  16. Nadeau says:

    Chicken Lips EHHH Kelly O’s ???? Miss that place how where the Pachos??

  17. BL says:

    From my own ‘to comment about file’

    1- great blog

    2- you almost confessed to being a gopher fan, at the very least you confessed to not hating them–slightly less great blog

    3- a while back there was mention of some potential “Most Interesting” NHL character posts. If Commodore wasn’t on it, he should be- I’d nominate Matt Greene for that list as well-

    4- If you were good enough to win the refs wouldn’t matter, so keep your mouth shut and play…not sure thats taught anymore, but should be. Everytime I watch a college or professional game and hear people constantly on the refs I picture them as parents at a youth game and cringe…and the terrible reality that their kids will most likely be yelling the same stupid thing at refs 20 years from now…..god help us.

    5- “she’s gotta get to neutral or EVERYBODY is in a bad mood”…close enough. I might change it to “SOMEBODY” but….minor details. If she’s happy I’m definitely not staying out late after beer league, spending money at a golf course, or taking the family to buffet night at the local pizza joint, (she just doesn’t like the place, it kills me)- therefore her being happy does not guarantee EVERYBODY being happy, or vice versa. I’m disturbed by how much thought and reasoning I put into that, I’ll never admit to writing any of it..

    6- Too late for Tiger to turn rebel. He needed to play that card when the story broke- not after he went to whatever rehab he went to, missed a cut and failed to impress in pre-scandal Tiger fashion. On a scale of 1 to sympathetic, I am NOT sympathetic. I am however eagerly watching and waiting for him to put together some amazing comeback story…or simply implode, either one. My only feeling seems to be moderately amused at his current situation. Obtaining an equal amount of admiration from me; Lebron James. I predict his future autobiography includes a chapter about Miami, Cocaine, and scandal. (You can be a superstar and a douchebag (or assmuppet (???) if you will), but i don’t think you should get a free pass for it.)

    7- The next lockout should be named after Kovalchuk, by no means entirely his fault, but he deserves the most recognition. Or, my favorite predict the future scenario- Lamoriello knew exactly what he was doing, had the NHL in his back pocket and signed that deal knowing it would be rejected and force the league/PA to address the issue- BOOM, he’s a genious. The pic you posted of him…some combination of godfather-esque vs. someone I picture negotiating the Cuban Missle Crisis.

    Going from non-commentor to over-commenting in 1 post.

  18. Jarick says:

    Okay I need to jump on a tiny soap box for a second.

    Why is everyone in a tizzy over the double down? It’s a low carb dream. Hell, compare it to the Big Mac:

    Double Down (grilled) – 460 calories, 11g carbs, 23g fat, 60g protein
    Big Mac – 590 calories, 47g carbs, 34g fat, 24g protein

    It’s got 1/4 the carbs, 2/3 the fat, and over twice as much protein. And it’s got-damned delicious.

  19. Christina says:

    This blog makes my day every time. And now.. I’m ashamed to say… I’m craving a double down!

  20. The Franchise says:

    It is my new dream to eat a double down. I thought the I’d seen it all when the Baconater came out, but this is just hilarious and great all rolled (err stacked) into one.

    As for Talbot, good on him. Nothing like creating a little storyline for the marquee game of next season. Will be a great time at Heinz Field, has wind ever impacted a game before? I wonder if the Penguins will strategically place rink to give them the wind at their backs for 1st and 3rd.

  21. Sherry says:

    I’m with Ms Conduct – I just want to be left alone to watch sports. Just yesterday hubby was crowing about how happy he is that it’s not hockey season (he really gets his panties in a bunch during the season because he becomes a hockey widow). Hey, it’s my one indulgence and since I’m a stay-at-home mom, my job is 24/7 – so deal with it boy-o. The whole concept of “managing” the wife is just a little offensive I think – and in my estimation will ulitmately fail. How about just having some mutual respect for and consideration of each other’s wants and needs? Simple.

    Ref blaming is for sissies.

    Love Talbot calling Ovie a douche!

  22. jtbourne says:

    Jarick – Did you just defend the Double Down? Its FRIED CHICKED FOR BREAD WITH CHEESE AND BACON. Nobody called the Big Mac healthy, by the way, it’s a complete nightmare too. You left out a stat: Big Mac: 742 grams of sodium, HALF your recommended daily intake (in just one sandwich!). The Double Down (grilled): 1,430 GRAMS OF SODIUM. Heart attack, one please.

    Dave K – That was my favourite married guy comment, cause you’ve clearly tried that path before and had it fail. Even the “blah blah’s” reek of “yes, I’m trying, can we just get this over with”? So “good hustle” to you for your half-hearted effort!.

  23. jtbourne says:

    BL – We’ll take the over-comment to no-comment. Well done.

    For you ladies who say “it’s not like that in your house” (with the keep-the-wife-at-neutral-minimum theory), I’d say you’re the exceptions, not the rule. Y’know why? YOU’RE READING A HOCKEY BLOG ON A WEDNESDAY IN JULY. Not standard “wifey” procedure, methinks.

  24. jtbourne says:

    TN Hockey – Reffing isn’t in decline, the game is getting far faster, really quickly. And of course there’ll be bad reffing nights. As a commentor pointed out, players mess up too, and they’re packed with talent (too). Only difference is, if you mess up on a play, every human in the building doesn’t feel the need to string you up.

  25. airborne moose says:

    when i play, i prefer to pretty much ignore the refs. They are there to do their job, good, bad whatever. Sure it sucks sometimes, but hey, i figure until i lace up those skates and put that zebra jersey on, i need to just shut my mouth and play. (besides as goalie, i got enough sh*t to worry about)
    When i watch the games, sure i razz the ref, but nothing ugly or uncalled for. its A GAME! ITS PLAYED FOR FUN.
    Granted, sometimes ref’s seem to want to act like they are running things, and are more important, but for the most part, they tend to be invisable.

    I agree with BL about the wife being happy thing. Then i am more eager to get home after hockey, not finding reasons to go fishin, etc…but then again, having common interests and such are very important. Course, if i could find one of those wifey types that are reading HOCKEY BLOGS ON A WEDNESDAY IN JULY…i might have to find a RFA loophole…HA HA

  26. Ralphie says:

    Ahhh Propagandhi, never thought you’d post that, it’s a song basically comparing the intense love for hockey to parents pushing Nazism on children! Great song, great concept! Dear Ron MacLean!

  27. Ralphie says:

    If it gets you in hot water, I apologize for showing you the song! Almost time for a shandy

  28. Christina says:

    Is this now becoming a singles site? ;-)

    p.s. If it weren’t for hockey blogs in July, my summer would be heart-wrenching!

    airborne moose
    “Course, if i could find one of those wifey types that are reading HOCKEY BLOGS ON A WEDNESDAY IN JULY…i might have to find a RFA loophole…HA HA”

  29. Goody says:

    “For you ladies who say “it’s not like that in your house” (with the keep-the-wife-at-neutral-minimum theory), I’d say you’re the exceptions, not the rule. Y’know why? YOU’RE READING A HOCKEY BLOG ON A WEDNESDAY IN JULY. Not standard “wifey” procedure, methinks.”


    And I ‘get’ how it could be misconstrued as being insulting, but it really is true. If she’s not happy, nobody’s happy. Now, the reason for wanting to keep her happy, that’s where the rub is. If you simply want to keep her happy so you can live your life without her nagging you – you’re in trouble. If you want to keep her happy because you love her and genuinely want her to have a happy life with you – you’re on the right track.

    That chicken thing looks disgusting. Now, if it were one piece of chicken with bacon and cheese to be eaten with a knife and fork (chicken cordon-bleu anyone?), yummy, as a sandwich – no thanks.

    Steroids – why is that dude’s right bicep square? I agree with whoever said year-round random testing. Though in the off season when all the guys go their different ways and even to their different countries that might get a little difficult.

  30. Karen From Rochester says:

    hah! Justin-good thought on the “hockey blog on a wednesday in july” statement. I think you have a point there. I often feel like a fish out of water when I’m with a group of women and say something stupid like “how ’bout those Yankees!” or some sports-related thing like that! I’m met with the dead-fish stare, and then they commence talking about American Idol and I’m completely clueless!

  31. minnesotagirl71 says:

    My husband actually “complains” in front of his friends about my reading hockey blogs. I sometimes get the feeling that he is bragging that his wifey knows more about hockey than he does. Married guys – is that actually his way of letting his buddies know that I’m not a typical wifey? Is he proud that I am more of a hockey fan than he is?

    I think both parties in a relationship should do things to make the other happy. It’s really about the small things. I don’t want to be treated like a princess, but a hug when I walk in the door before telling me what a nightmare your day at work was would go a long way toward keeping both of us happy. Another key to a long term marital bliss…make your own fun! Have fun together and laugh A LOT!

  32. Jeff says:

    I’ve been married for 20 years.

    We discovered this be accident. Have a short memory. You can fight like cats and dogs, but make sure the next morning the score is 0-0. That goes for both of you.

  33. TN Hockey says:

    Justin, granted that the game is getting a LOT faster, but I guess my point is that the officiating doesn’t seem to be able to keep up with the flow as well as they did just a few years ago. I’m not advocating it, but maybe it is time to look at how electronics can help that aspect of the game.

    BTW, I really enjoy your perspective and writing. Yours is one of only about 5 blogs on any subject that I read with any regularity.

  34. jtbourne says:

    Thanks brutha, and you make a fair point about refs there…

  35. Kennedy says:

    Less and less refs have mustaches. Reffing is getting worse. The correlation is clear. Only guys with mustaches (or women with mustaches) can really ref a game effectively. They also probably wear jean jackets after the games.

  36. Goody says:

    Hmm… refs not able to keep up with the game… drug testing for the players… hmm… throw that in the old mind blender, give it a second on puree and… perhaps the refs should be encouraged…

    Future ad campaign: picture of a massive ref captioned “The NHL, unlike other professional leagues, our players don’t dope… but our refs do!”

  37. Anna S. says:

    I think there are occasionally bad reffing nights (like the time they called seven minors against my team and not a single power play for, in a game that wasn’t really a chippy affair), but in general I admire the zebras for trying to officiate a game that is ridiculously fast right now. I know it can’t be easy, and speaking generally they do an unobjectionable job, which is all that anyone can ask, I think.

    As to wife issues, I can’t legally get married in the state that I live in, but my roommate and I have lived together monogamously for three and a half years now, so I feel qualified to speak about married life. She and I both have an agreement about our sports-watching: I support her basketball fandom, even if I don’t really understand the game, and she supports my hockey fandom without really understanding it. We do try to keep each other at least at ‘neutral’ on the happiness meter. Often that’s not difficult, but on the days that it is we have a punching bag in the basement, and an understanding that if she tells me to ‘take fifty at the hanging bag’, I actually should take at least fifty swings before trying to engage her in conversation again. I don’t know that this sort of prescribed timeout is the norm in het marriages, but it’s worked for us so far, and we tend to be genuinely happy people.

  38. Sherry says:

    I love it Anna – conflict resolution *and* physical fitness, all at the same time! :)

  39. Brianna says:

    Justin rubs my feet after long days at work.. and I watch PTI.

    Its a win-win situation <3

  40. jtbourne says:

    Ha… the foot rub thing…. not so mututal. Then again, I can barely bring myself to touch my feet.

  41. Brianna says:

    Considering i have more of my mammoth father’s traits, rather than my dainty mother’s… the foot rub thing is brownie point central.

    Just be thankful i dont have bauer bumps.

  42. jtbourne says:

    SEE, good people of the blogiverse, she even knows the lingo. Bauer Bumps. Well played.

  43. fish says:

    on “neutral”:

    when she’s angry, annoyed, frustrated (take your pic) after handling kids at work and me at home (at least I fully realise i’m as much of a handful as any of the 6 autistic adhd children in her classroom, improvement is a mutual project…) I wil try my hardest to at least get a smile on her face. usually the effort itself ( gets her smiling, my antics not so much…) Life is much better when she’s in a good mood, and definitly a lot less fun when she’s not.

    on “steroids”:
    year round testing without warning. Let athletes fill in a “whereabouts” system where they have to fill in everyday where they’re going to be (all belgian atheletes have to do this or the can be suspended for a minimum of 1 year). Let teams hire doctors to test and let thso doctors test players from other teams…

    on “bad reffing”:
    it happens, it sucks, they’re only human and those that complain can’t do it any better. Video replay is a double edged sword here. What might help is not let the replays be broadcast, or let the replay’s be reviewed during stoppages of play by the refs, but that is gonna make a game last twice as long…

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