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Things That Matter: Sports and Music




Music:  It’s so deflating that my passion for football is shared with a group of people who feel that an “Opening Kickoff” concert would be best played by the Black-Eyed Peas and Tim Mcgraw.  I stomached every second of every song just so nobody could invalidate my hatred with a “you have to really listen to it all” garden-variety response.  It’s awful.

Its a real testament to technology that the Black-Eyed Peas can be successful in the music world today.  F*** they’re painful.  And then Tim Mcgraw gets up and plays the exact same song I would write if I were trying to do a parody of everything that’s awful about country music – “Southern boys like beer and football and hats and rodeos…” (*may not have been exact lyrics).

Musically, I’ve got broad tastes – I’m all over the map.  And I’d never try to defend the rap music I listen to when I’m in a good mood.  With the baseball “up-to-bat” songs, I just like a little swagger in the step if you’re not trying to funny with it.  Maybe this one’s not quite up-to-bat worthy, but it definitely gets the “volume up” honor when it comes on in the car {random thought: the car is almost officially named.  Public release coming soon}. 


Bourne – alienating hockey fans through rap music, one reader at a time.


Football:  Steelers tight-end Heath Miller has a farmer tan so ridiculous that the white-ness extends past his jersey length.  I love it.  Way to really emphasize your whiteness in the NFL.


Football:  Troy Polamalu is freaking scary.  Could you imagine playing “jackpot” with him as a kid?  “500, dead or alive”… annnddd Troy gets 500 points.  Again.


Hockey:  How much does watching old highlights of NHL games half-taint the stats of players in those days (sorry Dad… I’m just sayin…)?  The goaltending is sinful.

I was watching a game on the NHL network - some classic game, mind you - that ended in a triple overtime, on-the-ice five-hole shot, and not a single player tried to behead the goalie who let the shot in.  If an unscreened shot goes in on-the-ice five-hole nowadays, goalies (by law) have to let every fan in the first three rows punch their face.  And teammates get two punches.


Hold on, lets waste 45 seconds as a group...

Hold on, lets waste 45 seconds as a group...

Baseball:  Why do I have to sit through intentional walks in baseball?  For that matter, why does anybody? 

If the team wants to put the guy on base, can we not accomplish that using our big-boy words?  Like, exchanging dialogue with the ump wouldn’t be okay? 

“We’re just going to throw four pitches very far away from the plate because we’d like this player to get to first base.  Permission to skip those steps?”

“Yes.  Take your base.”  Done.

Or even better… you can put the guy on base in one pitch by just hitting him with the ball.  Maybe you miss him with the first couple (evasive bastard), but you can save time by trying again on the next pitch.  If I pitched in the AL and didn’t have to bat, I’d have 0 intentional walks, and 53 intentional rib injuries (a new – but valued – stategory).


19 Responses to “Things That Matter: Sports and Music”
  1. Will77 says:

    Slow day at work, so I thought its way past time to finally post a comment even though I’ve been reading the blog for a couple months. Gotta say I love the stuff on here. I’m a long island guy and spend quite a few summers at the Rinx playing with Higgins, Komi, Webb, etc… wondering if you were ever down there?

    Anyways, more on topic… always been a big fan of “at-bat” songs as well, but if you’re going to go Fabolous, I’d suggest My Time instead of that one. Also, you’ve got to check out Jay-Z’s Young Forever off the new album. Not really an at-bat song, but its awesome.

    Ditto on the classic goalies. It wasn’t even like the Sakic Curve was invented yet, 3/4 of the goals I see in replays are no more then 4 inches off the ice. You’d think they’d pick up on that

    And the 4pitch intentional walk is one of the biggest displays of asinine activitiy in all of sports. Its a good thing baseball games don’t take forever as is.

  2. jtbourne says:

    You should comment more, good start.

    Yeah, I spent a summer on Long Island where I went to the Rinx three or four times – I lived with Jordy Hart, so he took me out there with the guys (his Dad owned the joint at one point).

    I haven’t got the new Jay-Z album yet, but it’s on today’s “to-do” list. I’ll check that out for sure.

  3. JD says:

    Tim McGraw – how poor were those vocals last night? If you’re a country singer you don’t have stellar vocals, what DO you have? Original lyrics (umm…), wicked instrumentals (er…), eye-popping stage production (hardly)? I can see how people like the genre (easy to sing along to, makes for some good beer drinkin tunes) and I don’t begrudge any of the artists for getting rich through it (I can’t stand people who hate on musicians for “selling out”, as if the money was offered to themselves they wouldn’t take it), but last night’s was one of the worst live performances I can remember seeing. And that’s one of, if not THE biggest male star they have. And if it makes any difference, I’ve heard ol’ Timmy is a complete asshole too, so that kinda makes it easier to hate his music.

  4. eyebleaf says:

    We have to sit through the intentional walk b/c sometimes the pitcher loses it, and can’t hit the catcher. Think about it, there could be a man on first and second, and he’s got to walk the batter, and he has to throw the ball perfectly enough so that there’s no chance the hitter can hit it, and no chance that the catcher misses it. Like pitchers who struggle to make the routine throw to first base on a comebacker, it can be tricky.

    It’s very rare that a pitcher screws up in this situation, but when it happens, it’s quite the awesome.

  5. jtbourne says:

    For the ratio of times that happens to times it doesn’t (once every…. 2.5 months?) I think it’s safe to abolish it. The point after a touchdown kick seems thrilling by comparison.

  6. Will77 says:

    yeah, I’ve actually wrote a post a couple times, and then my manager will come by and I have to X out the window. Its like he expects me to be doing work. I think he needs serious professional help.

    Probably hit the ice with you then a couple times. I’ve been playing there during the summer for about 6 years (though I still barely understand what Alexei says when running drills). I’ve known Chris’s brother Kevin for a while, so thats how I got hitched into that. Great group of guys though. Every year Eric Ny decides to remind Webb of the first time playing with them I put the puck between his legs and went around him… and had a very personal meeting with the boards the next shift out there lol

    Anyways, I always hope during an intentional walk, they fake out the hitter and pitch one down the middle while he’s not expecting it. Just to see his face. Its like going for 2pts on the PAT in football.

  7. JD says:

    Bourne, how many/which ones of the 30 for 30 docs have you seen? As good as Simmons is making them out to be?

  8. possum says:

    There’s no situation where you have a runner on first and second and you intentionally walk the batter. I guess maybe if you were up by more than four runs and Jesus himself were batting, but that scenario would play out as such fewer times than the pitcher misses the pitch out. Baseball is a sport steeped in tradition, leave the IBB and 86 the DH.

    As for the meat of this entry….the BEP and McGraw are part of what’s wrong with the NFL. How’d they get 50k people out there for the concert? I have no clue because musically it’s the football equivalent of watching handicapped 4 yr olds play.

    What’s that, Plax? You shot yourself in the leg? Go to jail. For a long time. Dante, you got shitty, ran over somebody and killed him? He’s a foreigner, just sit for 30 days and we’ll call it squarsies. At least the NHL is a struggling joke, the NFL is an over inflated joke of a joke.

  9. Officer Koharski says:

    Man I work at a gritty warehouse and I thus have to listen to Hot 97(NYC Hip Hop station) for 8 hours a day. I was a big punk in high school but they are slowly recruiting me. Throw it in the Bag, however, is horrible. Sorry, man. But Rap music about spending and buying shit is garbage, it’s like they’re missing the point. Some really good rappers are MF Doom and Raekwon, as well as Ghostface and the whole Wu Tang crew.

    Check this song out, tell me this doesn’t beat the pants off Throw it in the Bag. MF killing it to Wayne’s beat:

    Now THAT is how you walk up to the fucking plate. I dare you to throw that goddamn ball at me.

    And this is Raekwon’s new stuff. Staten Island Gutter Punks

  10. John says:

    Goddamn, those old NHL games are a blast to watch. The other day I caught the 79 Rangers vs Russian Red Army on a show MSG Network does called The MSG Vault. Espo, Greschner, Disco Ron Duguay, Tretiak, Kharlamov. What fun. The Russian team beat the Rangers I think by three goals, but it was the same Russian team that went to Lake Placid two months later in the 1980 Olympics, and we all know how that went down. The 79 Rangers were a very good team, they made it to the finals against the Habs that year. It only makes Team USA’s accomplishment in the Olymics that much more mind-boggling.

    I’ll never forget this. I was watching the CBS evening news with my folks, Walter Cronkite was anchoring. All of a sudden he stops his delivery as something is obviously coming over his earpiece from his producer. Mind you that the game was not shown live for some idiotic reason.

    “…in a stunning upset Team USA has defeated…” etc. But the thing I got the biggest kick out of was when Cronkite said “…to put this in perspective it’s as if a junior varsity college football team had gone out and defeated the Pittsburgh Steelers…”

    I gotta shout to Officer Koharski! You got great taste brother! Wu-Tang is outta control, and Raekwon is the balls! His ’95 hit “Glaciers of Ice” is in my top ten. In my thespian days I had the pleasure of playing opposite Rae in what I believe is the only acting work he’s ever done, a movie called “Coalition”. He was great fun to work with, and half the battle was keeping a straight face when the director yelled action, cause we were constantly cracking each other up in between takes. Great to see that he has new stuff out.

  11. SDC says:

    I like Koharski’s swagger. “A Milli” is a dope track, remixed or not, and I’ve been a Wu-Tang fan since high school. The Raekwon song is a bumper. There is a lot of garbage rap, but when Eminem decides to play the intelligent thinking Marshall Mathers side, instead of the burping, farting, juvenile Slim Shady, it’s pretty thought provoking. The Game’s got a lot of strong lyrics, again inbetween the self glorification of everything he has and can do.

    If I’m headed up to bat, currently I’m trottin’ to one of these:
    50 with Luda – I Get Money
    Dogg Pound – Attitude Problem

  12. SDC says:

    I can’t find the clip, but in the movie “Mr.Baseball”, there’s a great scene where former MLB’er Jack Elliot (Tom Selleck) is being intentionally walked in the Japanese league. On the 4th pitch he steps into the outside pitch and knocks it out of the park. Then he’s called out for stepping on the plate. I guess there’s always the possibility of this happening too, in addition to the aforementioned overthrows.

    I’ve been trying to think of another sport’s time-wasting equivalent, but the more I think, the only good examples are from baseball. Showing bunt then pulling back for a ball, the pitcher pick-off non-throw, and anyone calling time-out at anytime are all serious channel changers I’d lump in the same category.

  13. CMK says:

    Here is something much worse than Tim McGraw & B-EP starting the football season: Def Jeezless Leppard starting the NHL season. Un freakin’ believable.

  14. Maria says:

    Are you a fan at all of college football? I go to a pretty decent sized school in Massachusetts and our football team is 1AA so we aren’t that big of a football school. But i am in Minnesota for a semester at the U of M and just experience my first Big10 college football game…annnd needless to say it was AMAZING! If u ever get a chance to go to any division 1 college football game i highly recommend it!! it was nothing ive ever experience before when it comes to sporting events! juust wow

  15. Marc says:

    Now, not that I disagree that college football isn’t the best kind to watch, but that was the home opener for the Gophers in the brand new stadium. The gopher football isn’t anything to be that excited about. :P

  16. Dad says:

    What you youngsters seem to forget is, yes the goaltending is hilarious to look at now, but to get a shot meant taking a very heavy piece of lumber to your biceps and whatever the bone might be called there. And if you scored, you were told in no uncertain terms to never do it again.

    I always did listen well.

  17. Maria says:

    Marc– i never said they were good! hahah. they played airforce and they played like they were playing ohio state…which should be an interesting game…hmmm…but its more or less the whole fan experience…not even the actual game! haha if that makes any sense haha..

    and hey home opener at the new stadium…i infact was part of history :)

  18. Tom Curran says:

    Just like any sport, athletes(yes, I’m including goalies!!) have become more advanced physically and in their technique over-all but just like with any other position, great is great and a bad goalie is a freakin’ drugstore Indian! Your dad probably dreams he could have faced a corpse like Dan Cloutier !! Granted, I look back at replays of the 70′s and my hero Dryden looks very non-superman like!!
    Judging by the comments on your blog, I’m thinking that yourself and your readers are not the demographic that the geniuses at NFL marketing are really trying to reach with the BEP’s!! Slam! by Onyx an old school “up to bat” rap

  19. Char says:

    What makes intentional walks interesting is how many pitchers totally lose command after issuing one. How many times have we seen an UNintentional walk follow a intentional one? Naw, you have to leave it as it is; it’s also not unusual to see a pitcher throw the ball to the backstop on an IW. Just too many things can happen to make it “automatic.”

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