Inside The Dressing Room: Kangaroo Court & Apologies
Posted by jtbourne on March 11, 2010 · 22 Comments
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I’ve written before about players putting money towards the team pot for big wins. In that bit, I danced around the best aspect of raising that year-end fund (which, of course, goes to a pizza and pop party that definitely wouldn’t involve, say, a strip club).
Kangaroo Court.
A lot of people are familar with the concept, as a lot of organizations use them as a fun revenue generator.
At the professional level, it’s fun, and a decent amount of money changes hands (another reason why it’s a bitch getting traded or cut – guys party on the pot you chipped in to). At the college level, it’s the highlight of the freaking week, and max fines are only $3 (save for broken team rules, like $15 for being late, etc.).
Random pic of my boy Chuck bout to unload a left, cause when I think of someone I wanna fine, he comes up.
How it works is simple – the dry erase board is hung somewhere visible in the room. The format is basic: when you want to fine a teammate, you write his number under “fined” and your own under “by”.
16 - 12
No need to disclose topics, or any of the who/what/why/when/where/how circumstances of the fine-able offense until court comes around.
Needless to say, on Mondays, a lot of numbers go up on the board from the weekend. Half the fun is harrassing the guy you’re fining, or vice versa. If you’re on the “fined” side, it’s not the money you’re stressed about, it’s the public condemnation/humiliation/verbal-beat-down (Strictly totally clever, Shakespearian witticisms. Yep. Hardly any gay sex jokes.).
What did I ever do to you? Fine then, I’m fining you for _________ (insert petty thing that’d never stick).
The rule is, you can’t fine someone for something that happened previous to the last Kangaroo Court session, which means you have to get away with whatever it is you did for a full week.
When court rolls around post-practice, the fun begins. In college, the seniors are the jury, in pro, the captains. Whoever is running court grabs the board, and it begins.
First up, 16 is being fined by number 12. State your case.
You have to save your best stories for court, preferably bar stories, as you have the whole teams attention. There’s always some gem about a guy throwing a line at someone’s girlfriend, buying drinks for a woman of questionable repute or any other form of debauchery that’s deemed to have crossed the line. (God I want to tell the photo evidence story. We’ll all have to go for drinks some time so I can. All of us.)
The person being crucified, upon just finding out what he did wrong (okay, sometimes you know), has to defend himself to the team and the jury. Then, the ruling comes in, from no fine to three bucks (it’s not about the money, you may have guessed). In pro, the numbers are higher, but it’s still beside the point.
College is an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything, and I can’t remember ever laughing harder at any point during my four years than I did during those trials. Mostly cause I never did anything fine-worthy, and was always on the fun side of it. Which, I can assure you, because it’s my blog, and I have the power to delete comments. MUAH-HA-HAAAA.
*****
You know what’s crazy that a lot of fans never get to see? Guys that apologize to the whole team between periods.
Nate the Great
Nathan Lawson, the amazing/underrated goaltender of the Bridgeport Sound Tigers was always the first person to own up to a bad goal – Sorry about that one guys, I gotta have that. I’ll be better in the third, pick me up – which is just so refreshing. Plenty of goalies tend to believe (or at least act) like they’ve never given up a bad goal, so when you get a good guy like that, you really want to work for him, you know?
It happens after bad penalties too, at the end of a period – My bad guys, that was stupid – kill this thing off for me and lets get back on ‘em.
Of course, then there’s the guys who apologize, then go out and do the same thing over and over, which sort of takes the value out of their words. You know who doesn’t strike me as an apologizer? Matt Cooke. Just a thought.
Anyways, that’s all the totally random dressing room stuff I’ve got for today. Thanks for the support – the site is really blowing up the last couple weeks. You just wait to see how much traffic we get on here for the first round of playoffs when the Islanders play the Caps! Yeah! Islande….no? Okay, probably not.
I'm a hockey player turned writer. After playing for Alaska Anchorage in the WCHA (NCAA), I carried on with a NHL tryout (New York Islanders in 2007) before spending a couple seasons in the AHL/ECHL. My father, Bob Bourne, won four Stanley Cups with the Islanders in the '80's, as did my fiancee's dad, Clark Gillies. I'm now a columnist for USA Today, Puck Daddy (Y!) and Hockey Primetime.com.
I would like to hear the photo evidence story. I don’t plan on being in Phoenix though, so if you’re ever in Ottawa we’ll hit a pub and I’ll get you an audience.
Come on Bourney… quick trip to Houston before the Aeros bust out the golf clubs… I’ll buy you and recuperating-BB a beer or 10 at the Leaf and you can tell that story.
Also, photo credit to the marvelous Fred Trask for that pic of ya’boy Charlie tangling with Mitch Love. Jesus God does Chuck ever have some big feet on him!
On TSN last night during the second intermission they basically said the exact same thing about the goalies that never believe that they have given up a bad goal and blame themselves. Darren Pang and Ray Ferraro we talking about Bryzgalov and how he appears to be the exact opposite of that some (most) of the time, always blaming someone else.
But on another note, the Coyotes looked pretty good against Vancouver.
Bryzgalov definitely is a unique character, and I agree that last night’s game was a beauty. I was impressed w/ the effort from Vancouver – game 14 of the trip, and they played the night before in Denver.
Phoenix is going to make some noise in the playoffs if they can get enough scoring.
When did Gary Bettman lace ‘em up for the Aero’s?
this is great stuff today! Thanks for little peek into the stuff we never get to see.
It’s hard to imagine some players, who are so professional and polite during interviews and in front of fans, letting their inner dog out when the public isn’t around. I suppose we all do that to some extent between our professional and personal lives – but far fewer people are watching.
Now that you’ve teased us with the comment about the photo evidence story – you’re going to have to spill it. You could do a Bourne’s Blog Roadshow – hit some cities with your biggest fan base. We’ll plan the event in our own cities- you won’t have to pay for a drink the entire trip. Bring the future Mrs!
Haha, that sounds great and all, but I’m surprisingly shy about public speaking. Also, in retrospect, that story isn’t THAT great. But we thought it was. Maybe I could just travel the country drinking. That’s pretty much the same thing right?
Exactly like traveling the country drinking – we’ll buy the beer and you tell a few stories. What a dichotomy – former professional hockey player who loves baby animal photos – shy about public speaking, yet you speak on tv and the radio. Telling stories in a bar with free beer is a lot easier than that.
I still don’t know how Nate “I fought The Law and The Law won” Lawson didn’t stick (too long I guess). Isn’t a nickname better when it comes from someone else instead of the guy nicknaming himself?
I remember seeing a Just”incredible” Bourne reference somewhere when you were in juniors. Was that self-applied? And how about “Cap’n Kronsch”? I think that was a gem … then again I think I coined it too.
Oh and … yay for me getting into a comment string before it hits 40.
@Mike – good call. I thought for a second it was Doogie Howser’s Dad.
I’m going with Peter Jacosbon (Dr. Taub on House). It’s about time someone punched that guy’s lights out.
http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2965736192/nm0414907
/Users/Ken_CF/Desktop/Jacobson.jpg
In regards to your “tweet” that Brian Campbell is the NHL’s biggest “He makes how much?!?!?!?” guy, you are close but that only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades. The answer we were looking for was Wade Redden. At least Brian Campbell gets a regular shift.
haha good call Elliott
elliot & neil – still going with Alexei Yashin still getting 2+ from the isles until 2014. including 4.7 next year.
MikeB did you have to remind me??!!! UGH!!!
ya that’s even better MikeB haha nice
That’s my photo of Mitch Love taking on your boy Charlie Kronschnabel in the 2008-2009 season.
Thanks for getting my back Ms. C!
Count me in on the MLP scene.
Hey Fred, you do great work! I have no idea about copyright stuff – if you want me to take it down, of course I will. I literally go online, pick a picture, save it and put it in my blog. Yours was the best!
No worries Justin, I would have let you use it anyway.
Thanks for the compliment.