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Hockey Quick Hits



(Yes, that’s Dustin Byfuglien and TWISTA playing NHL 2K9 in the preview picture.  Twista hardly looks stoned.)

UPDATE: I forgot to mention this earlier, because I have the memory of a goldfish, but I was supposed to plug THIS.  My brother is auctioning off an autographed Bryan Trottier Hall of Fame stick for charity.  Bryan gave it to Jeff to help raise money for Kelowna Sledge Hockey.  Go place a bid, you Isles-loving bastards!


Look, I’m all-Isles over here, and not trying to sabotage my own team, but… HEY. REST OF THE LEAGUE.  Tavares is lurking backdoor on the powerplay for tap-ins.  Might wanna address that in your pre-game discussions.


Sickkk jersey.

Sickkk jersey.

The first heavily circulated Tiger joke, as I tweeted yesterday: “What’s the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?     Santa stops at three ho’s.”  Ba-doom-boom-ching!


As Bill Simmons explained, sports hate and real hate are different.  Sports hating a player has nothing to do with needing a reason or an explanation, sometime you…. you  just… god I HATE that Bob Barker Milan Lucic.  Who do you inexplicably sports hate?


Head to head fantasy hockey is like the card game “war”.  This is how I’ve justified performing worse than Ashley Simpson on SNL.  Sometime you play your ace against a two (y’know, put up 30 points in a week your opponent has like, 12), and it feels like a total waste.  Sometimes you play a queen against a king.  The draft is really just the “deal”.  Looking forward to contrarian comments from other league members (whom I sports hate.  Like, all of them.)


If you billet junior hockey players in hopes of saving a nickel on the money the team gives you for boarding a kid, you’re pure evil, and should let the kid move out today.


Beer of the completelyarbitrarylengthoftime: Yardhouse Pale Ale.  Maybe I was just in the mood for one, but man, I thought it was great.




The only thing more frustrating than Dustin Byfuglien is the spelling of his last name.  I do like that there’s a “fugli” in there, because he is.  And the hint of “alien” at the end would explain his general on-ice appearance.  I figure it’s a mish-mash word, like Butt-f****ing-ugly-alien or something.  I sports hate him.


Don’t you get the impression that Toews reputation for being Serious Steve makes the Blackhawks that much more of a legitimate playoff threat?  He can keep 20-Cent and The Butt-fugly One focused on the right goal, you know?

*****kings uni

Do the Kings have the most underrated jerseys in the league?  Those whites are sick.  Other than the original six (we all get it, they rule), who has the leagues most underrated jersey in your opinion?  All votes for the Panthers will earn you permanent site dismissal.


And last, I’d like to thank Handsy Kopitar for snapping his 214 game goal-less drought last night.  He morphed into a crappy fantasy pick-up faster than Kirstie Alley circa Cheers.

(Thanks to Jeff from Illinois for helping keep the blog in business with a donation.  Happy Thursday, all!)


51 Responses to “Hockey Quick Hits”
  1. ms.conduct says:

    You know who I sports hate? Cory Schneider. I know it’s not entirely his fault that he’s not in the show, but My God, I’m so tired of hearing how unfair it is that Van hasn’t brought him up for good and what a noble, team guy he is for not pouting about it.

    Maybe if you hadn’t stunk in every single call-up opportunity except the most recent one, you’d be up. And Manitoba media need to just get a room with the guy and get it out of their systems. We bow to thee, Cory!

    In fact, I just friggin sports hate Manitoba completely. From their TRAVELING AHL beat writers to their overhyped goalie to the playoff team they purchase for themselves every year to stealing Marco Rosa from the Aeros to their sellout crowds. I sports hate them so much. I hope their majestic antlers just fall off.


    Apparently had something to get off my chest there. Thanks, Bourney.

    Kings black third is the best jersey in the history of man. Modern take on a throwback design. Sexy beast. I seem to be in the minority on feeling that way though, so I’m calling it under-appreciated.

  2. MWL says:

    Ok, first of all Dustin is one of all of the byfuglien’s that is awful looking. I played the Roseau boys growing up…man, his cousins were awful looking. I’m sure they had good personalities…

    As far as jerseys go. I love simplicity, so the Kings is great. I also like the wild’s 3rd uni, but hate their white one…i still don’t know what logo is. Prolly a rip off of a seawolf…

  3. Mike says:

    As a Hurricanes fan, I hated the Detroit Redwings. The 2002 Stanley cup playoffs did it for me. The whole David vs. Goliath theme. I got over it though. I have recently started hating Sidney Crosby. I get sick of hearing about him. He is a great player, and I’m sure a good guy. I just get sick of the whole media overexposure. I hate pretty much all of the NFL. Their signature dances, the off field antics. On the brighter side I do love puppies and ice cream.

  4. Steve says:

    Being from Buffalo and an avid Sabres fan, I have saved up an irrational level of sports hate for Daniel Alfredsson. His squeaky clean, playmaking, “I can score on you from anywhere” style drives me nuts. I actually hate him even more for stooping to hate him in the first place. It’s horrible, but I need him in my sports life.

    Somehow I hate him even more than Chris Neil who tried to kill then-Sabre Chris Drury with a blatant late hit…like I said, irrational.

  5. T Jones says:

    Tavares has been sitting back door for tap in’s his whole career, he had one or two that way in the world juniors last year. The best jersey in the show right now has to be edmonton’s or the islanders retro’s there both classic’s with a bunch of history why either team got rid of them is beyond me, but I would advise that both teams go back to wearing them full time asap.

  6. Blake says:

    My sports-hate is reserved for three players (not on the roster of either the Toronto Maple Leafs or New York Rangers…I just plain sports-hate those teams out of principle). Matt Cooke, Jaarko Ruutu and Alexander Burrows. Can’t stand ‘em. It stems mostly from their role antagonizing the Wild, but even after two of the three have moved on, I just can’t find it in myself not to hate them. I mean, hell…I personally think that Duncan Keith should be given a medal for attempting to not-so-subtlely remove Cooke’s head from his body.

    As far as my most underrated jersey, I’m going to have to go with the Thrashers baby blues. God do I love those. I love the color and I love the ‘ATLANTA’ down the left sleeve. Other than that, I’d say the white Coyotes jerseys…But they just need a new logo.

  7. St. Cloud Gopher says:

    First things first: Fantasy. As the third place team (Hotdogs and Hullways) I like to think of myself as a smart dream-league kind of guy. I live by one basic rule, whether it be fantasy football, baseball, golf, whatever; stick with your team. Multiple moves may be necessary—especially with an auto draft—but I don’t be the guy that is making the max moves per week. Every now and again I hit the waiver wire or FA’s. But that’s to dump a sever under-performer.
    2. Sports hate: There are many on my list, but the top 3 spots are, in order, 1. Nick Punto, T-2. UND/UW hockey, 3. Nick Punto.
    3. Best non-O6 jersey: Love the Oilers brighter blue, blaze orange throwbacks, and the Flyers in orange. Yeah, love the make-your-eyes bleed tangerine.

  8. zyllyx says:

    My hockey sports hates:

    * Marty Turco.
    * Chris Pronger.
    * The Greater Toronto Area.
    * Phoenix-based Red Wings fans.
    * Pierre McGuire.
    * Joe Beninati.
    * Richard “Big Dick” Rodier.
    * “Ole Ole Ole.”
    * David Shoalts.
    * Dan Carcillo.

  9. jtbourne says:

    St. Cloud Gopher – two thoughts on your fantasy theory. Well three. One is that I like that you have a theory. That’s good.

    Two, is that your theory sucks. Not because it isn’t working, but because we’re in a free league where the whole point is to have some fun, and the fun of it, for me, is that a GM’s work is never done. There’s always some guy who’s having a breakout season that you can sniff out before the rest of the league. Like David Backes. That guy’s been a huge pickup for me. Fuck.

    And three, that it’s easy to say “don’t make many moves” when you’re in third, but when you’re in 17th, and your team loses every week, wouldn’t you be a fool NOT to recognize you have problems and make major changes?

    PS – I sports hate Carolina, Jarrrkkko Ruuuttttuuuu and Scott Walker.

  10. PVeltkamp says:

    I sports hate Daniel Alfredsson, Chris Neal, Jason Spezzas goofy ass smile… ahh hell I sports hate the senators family. Including the fans, who are only fans when they are winning, otherwise they don;t cheer for anyone, they just cheer against the Leafs/Habs.

    JB – I apologize for the drubbing you are going to receive this week in the pool. Look on the bright side, if I had goalies it would be A LOT worse.

    I think the most underrated jerseys are the Flyers. Another classic look that hasn’t changed, and now that they went back with the Orange it is even better!!

  11. Dan n St Paul says:

    I would hate Jesus if he played for the Yankees.

  12. PVeltkamp says:

    ohhh after reading an above post I have to agree with sports hating Pierre Mguire. It might even be a bit stronger then a sports hate!!

  13. Char says:

    I reserve my hate for guys that try to gouge eyes out (Steve Ott) or abuse their own teammates (Sean Avery, on top of everything else he’s done; IMHO that’s the worst possible thing you can do).

    I also can’t blame athletes for how they’re regarded by the media. If they insist on lauding Sidney Crosby, what’s he supposed to do about it?

    And I know you said you don’t need en explanation, but I can’t help it — I’m curious. Why Lucic?

  14. jtbourne says:

    PVeltkamp – I accept your apology for the beatdown in the midst of receiving. What I cannot accept, is “I’d be doing better if I had better players”… I mean sure, I’d have three more goals this week if Martin Erat was on my team, but I sure as hell don’t want him. I wisely drafted the oh-so-gifted Carey Price to ensure success in the goalie stats (…okay fine, he’s killed me all year up til now). Comeeeebbaaackkk Bettin’ man!

    Char – you gotta grasp “sports hate” better. I ACTUALLY don’t need a reason. There isn’t one. I just…. he just… ugh, I wanna bottle him and punch him simultaneously, which we be an incredible feat of ambidexterousity.

  15. ann says:

    I’m usually not slow with nicknames for guys, but the way you broke down Dustin Byfuglien’s name almost made me spit coffee on my keyboard. LOVE it (and will forever think it watching a ‘Hawks game)!

    As for jerseys, I really like any of the thirds that are in any way retro. Love the Flyers, Isles & Oilers, and even to an extent the Wild. I do like the Kings as well, especially the dark ones – I really like the letters & numbers.

  16. Mike says:

    “I would hate Jesus if he played for the Yankees.”

    I hear you my brother..I hear you..

  17. jtbourne says:

    The Jesus deal with the Yankees fell through anyways, apparently they thought Granderson had better range in center.

  18. Char says:

    Fair enough. I guess I’m just not irrational enough. ;-)

  19. jtbourne says:

    Char – Haha, right? Embrace your sports fan lack of logic, I know you have it. There must be someone you just don’t want to succeed but don’t know why?

  20. Amy Jo says:

    I’m sure they do a lot of amazing charity work and are saintly souls that Jesus loves very much, but I’m convinced that Getzlaf, Thornton, Setoguchi, and Luongo murder kittens in their spare time. Look out Tyson! I have no proof, but damn I HATE them.

    When Thornton started the fight with Getzlaf in the playoffs last year, I have never prayed so hard for their spontaneous combustion. It would have been glorious to see. Fists one minute and POOF ….charred asses the next!

  21. M says:

    I once saw Getzlaf murder a kitten and then eat it. He told me it was to cure his baldness.

    Heatley is the devil. He told Getzlaf to eat the kitten. There will never be any forgiveness to a guy that publicly announces wanting a trade and then invokes a No Trade Clause. He lost ice time because he was sucking and then blames the coach. No matter what the stats look like Ottawa got the better deal, he will do something similar to the Sharks in the end.

    The rest of them I’ve learned to respect for being good at what they do, even if they’re screwing my team.

  22. Char says:

    Well, I can’t stand Derek Jeter, but that’s because he’s a smarmy twat. I’m always hearing “You gotta love Derek Jeter,” and I’m alway screaming “NO, I DON’T!”

  23. Ally says:

    I sports hate anyone with the last name Staal. And it seems that they(or the media) tries to play off the whole “brothers playing against eachother-OH NO!” angle all the time. Does anyone care? Really…. I think not.

  24. jtbourne says:

    Nobody cares. Zero. Total. People. Including their parents, who are f***king OVER IT.

  25. PVeltkamp says:

    LOL at smarmy twat…. LOL

  26. Greg says:

    i have lots of hate for corey perry and chris pronger….

  27. Mike says:

    Did you ever see the Staal brothers drinking game? Pretty funny. Single shot if the sod farm is mentioned.

  28. derek_com says:

    I’ve seen a kegerator get built with billeting money.

    This doesn’t quite count as a sports hate since I have an explanation, but I hate Eddie Olczyk as the color guy for the Blackhawks. There are times when he has something good to say, but most the of time he speaks to quickly and he fails to analyze what just happened properly. There have been times when I have adjusted the audio settings on my TV so that I only really here hockey sounds.

    (me watching a hawks game)
    Eddie: blah blah blah STOP IT RIGHT THERE! Huet needs to be out on top of his crease here.
    Me: No Eddie, he doesn’t. Tavares is lurking on the far post. Huet has to cheat back a little so he has a chance to get to his post. He is doing a good job knowing the shooters options.

    When he is doing NBC games and is #3 on the color guy depth chart I don’t mind him. Probably since when he does get to talk, he has a second to think before he speaks.
    I just find it weird that I can’t stand him on one station, but don’t mind him on another.

    I don’t care what anyone says, all 3 of the Wild’s jerseys are sweet.

  29. Ally says:

    That is HILARIOUS! If only I could be the genius to come up with this stuff first….

  30. Neil says:

    I hate (er, I mean, sports hate) the Flyers for throwing an offer-sheet at Kesler they knew Vancouver would match. And for drafting, trading for, and signing guys with a reputation for being dirty and wreckless, like they figure they’ll win if everyone on their team is an asshole (which, in their defense, is the only reason they were any good in the 70s). Then, when these players go 30 miles over the line and take someone’s head off, the coach and GM in Philly come out and say “This clearly isn’t even an illegal check” or something so f-ing ludicrous that you know they’re high-fiving in the back room. If it’s a bad hit, you say it was a bad hit or keep your mouth shut, don’t come out in the media and say the guy turned, or should have had his head up, or whatever. If the league is suspending your player and the victim can’t walk up a flight of stairs, have some class and shut the hell up. Or the heroic Bobby Clark questioning Lindros’s toughness while the guy fought with multiple concussions that ultimately ended his career early. Or Lindros’s father writing a letter to the organization complaining that their recommendations for dealing with his son’s collapsed lung would have led to his death (Keith Jones disobeyed the team and took Lindros to the hospital instead of on the plane back to Philly, and Lindros’s later criticism of the team’s doctors led to him being stripped of the captaincy). Or Clark forcing Lindros to sit out because, GASP, Eric didn’t want to play in Philly anymore and didn’t think being a RFA meant he had to stay (who the hell does he think he is?). Or playing such a meat-headed style of hockey that your international opponent actually leaves the ice, and only comes back because someone told them they wouldn’t get paid? Thanks for that little extra push towards wrestling on ice guys. Your team is garbage, Philly.

    I find fantasy player adds/drops are a lot like lagging stocks, it’s really easy to get ruled by your emotions and get into a pattern where you pick good players but end up dropping them (for a loss) before they flourish because you get scared or impatient. I agree with Bourne, you have to move guys if you’re getting hammered (in part because streaks and droughts are so common), but at the same time, if you a pick a guy for a few good reasons, you can’t drop him in two or three weeks even though those reasons are still valid. That’s more or less how I lost all of my money in the stock market, but it taught me a lot about fantasy hockey.

  31. Courtney says:

    I like the Kings jerseys, though the third one reminds of the UPS logo, still going back to black and silver is fun. Maybe nostalgia but the classic Isles jerseys (no pseudo chevrons, no gordons fishermen – duh) The Devils are another good one.

    I sports hate the Rangers and the Flyers, and Rob Blake, Mark Messier, the Yankees (and yes Derek Jeter is a smarmy twat that was awesome!)

  32. minnesotagirl71 says:

    I sports hate Jarome Iginla and the freaky Sedin twins! Blegh!

    Love the Yard House! Try the Moo Shu Egg Rolls. I had a brush-with-Justins there a few days ago. Chatted with Justin Morneau (I sports love him!) and then went to say hi to Justin Bourne..but he had disappeared.

  33. Maria says:

    ahhh another stab at my boy lucic…he really is awesome! annd I sports hate alot of people buuuut one in particular that I cannot beleive no one has mentioned (although they may have i just didnt completely read ever comment…my bad its 4 degrees out here i dont have to do anything i dont wanna..) Sean i think if i saw him walking down the street i wouldn’t be able to not throw something at him…ugh dirtiest hockey player ugh i sports hate him!!

  34. Neil says:

    I LOVE the old blue and yellow sabres jerseys. I like the old Vancouver Millionaires ones, the new ones aren’t as nice, and I love Hartford’s old greens.

  35. angus says:

    Sport hate Jaroslav Spacek, and I do have a reason. He looks like a fat 10 year old boy with a beard.

    I love the LA Kings new 3rd jerseys. I don’t care if black is played out, they are awesome.

    Also, I don’t think it is phyiscally/mentally/emotionally possible to hate Derek Jeter. Just finished reading Joe Torre’s ‘The Yankee Years.’ Jeter said more with just a look than 90% of captains could do with 1000 closed-door players-only meetings. (And is it just me, or are the closed-door meetings hilariously over hyped by the media?)

  36. Madeleine says:

    I sports hate all of the Senators and their fans. Even if you are from Ottawa you shouldn’t be a Sens fan.
    Also hate Carolina, but I’m not sure why.

    More than just sports hate, I LOATHE Sean Avery. Guy could play for the Leafs and I’d still hate him.

    As for underrated jerseys, I’m partial to New Jersey, Calgary, the Canucks, and Dallas. As for those of you that like the Flyers jersey, IMHO fugliest jersey ever. (though gotta say if we extend this outside the NHL, the Brampton Battalion have the ulgiest jersey in existence. Makes me want to puke.

    But really, was the “butt-f**king” part really necessary? Maybe you didn’t mean it that way, but that’s how it sounds.

  37. Jbrown says:

    I hate Buttfuglyalien a lot. I don’t know why.
    I also hate Turco and all of the New Jersey Devils from 2007-2008, but we everyone here knows that already.

  38. Doug says:

    For the best Non-Original 6 jersey, I’d have to go with New Jersey (white) or St. Louis (white). LA is nice, but seriously…. purple automatically disqualifies a jersey from being great.

  39. John says:

    Sports hate Jonathan Papelbon.

    Any of the semi-old school teams that go retro look sharp. Flyers, Sabers, Isles, Oilers. I actually wish the Kings would do the full-retro once in a while with the all-gold get-up from the 70′s, Marcel Dionne style. But I agree, their current third looks sharp. I also dug their Gretzky-era black and silvers.

    I remember digging the California Golden Seals unis as a kid. Players wore white skate for a season if I’m not mistaken. I don’t know if that franchise morphed into a club that exists today, but if so they outta break out the old look once in a while for fun.

  40. Andrew says:

    I always wondered about the equipment situation in the pro’s and on college teams. What do you get for free? What do you pay for? Goalies? Skates? Sticks? Protective? How often do players get new jerseys? Every game? Every few games? Only when needed? Having played on many youth, high school, travel, club college, and now beer league teams, the shit has always been expensive, how good do pro’s have it?

  41. Deirdre says:

    If I have to hear another sermon from Mt. Messier I’ll puke. I thought it would get better when he retired, but they keep wheeling him out to talk at us. hate.

  42. jtbourne says:

    Haha, umm, pretty short answer actually. Everything is free, paid for, provided. In 36 college games I used generally used two dozen one-piece sticks. Most guys used two pairs of skates a year, I usually only needed one. The goalie gear is exciting for everyone on the team when it shows up.
    As for the jersey’s, most teams have home, away and thirds – the minor league teams generally just wash ‘em and reuse those three sets all year, except for the promo ones (someday’s there’ll be new, different ones in your stall you wear that one night, sign, and auction or something). NHL teams generally get a new set or two throughout the year.

  43. Ashleytheclimber says:

    In the spirit of beer and holidays, I feel the need to plug Great Lakes Christmas Ale. So good they’ve written a Christmas carol for it.

  44. Mac'r says:

    Sports hate: Max Talbot and Tyler Kennedy.
    EVEN more sports hate: The officiating in the Finals last year…

    As for best Unis, my vote is for the Coyotes white, man that’s sharp!

  45. Officer Koharski says:

    Soon to be best jerseys Atlantic-wide is Islanders retro away jerseys. Bridgeport’s aways this season look great, I can’t wait till the Isles bring them out. I plan on buying one but I’m not sure which player to get. Certainly not Tavares, he’s sick but too generic. Okposo is a nice choice but I always try to pick the under the radar guy, Bergenheim perhaps. I just hope he can get some consistency and not make me embarrassed to wear the sweater.

  46. jtbourne says:

    This is just a thought, OK (that’s what I call you now, Koharski), but why don’t you get the player you like best? Like, if it’s Tavares, fuckkit. If you love Mark Streit, rock it. You gotta be proud of it even when the guy leaves. My point here, is, if it’s Sean Bergenheim… completely rethink it.

    Random note: I’ve learned that when people like something, they smile, move on, and return to the site later. When they dislike it, the go out of their way to comment immediately. Giving the topic of “sports hate” gave everyone a chance at a good ‘ol bitch, and I freakin’ love it. I might make this blog negative town, and we can all just sports hate people together. A support group of haters. Weeeee! I sports hate Phil Kessel!

  47. Andrew says:

    Thanks for the quick reply. Nice to know someones on the other end of the cable coming out of the back of my computer for once.

  48. Andrew says:

    Oh and sports hate: Sean Avery. No place for classless play. I’m all for tough customers But an all out disregard of respect for the game is unacceptable. He has an absolute lack of class and obviously doesn’t care if people know.

    Beer plug: Jomo lager by Star Hill Breweries. Delicious.

  49. My sports hates in no particular order (and they’re mostly oldies) …

    Rick Comely – he went slow motion bald in a weird pattern …
    Dallas Drake – I fucking hate old-NMU … I couldn’t care less about new-NMU
    Aaron Voros – more thigh-goals than anyone eVAh (and is a bender) …
    Kurt Warner – I might bitch-slap him first if he was standing next to Glenn Beck …
    Rod Brind’amour – That’s YOUR upper lip? Really? I want to pierce it with a needle and see if it pops …
    Al Arbour – I know … I know … no cookie for me for posting that here … Hockey’s Tom Landry …
    Ivan Lendl – Fucking robot …
    Bob Costas – pretentious little dork … I hope someone in Vancouver rips off his head and shits down his neck …
    Rhett Rhakshani – good hockey player but I hate those overly flushed rosy cheeks disturb me …
    Keith Tkachuk – japanese furniture vandal …
    Chris Chelios – same as above …
    David Backes – He’s a Hackes …
    Sutters – or should I say Mrs. Sutter for being a baby factory …

  50. mattycakes says:

    I love the old Dallas Stars blacks. The ones they first showed up to Texas in, before the odd-looking green star patterned things they won the Cup wearing in ’99. The new blacks are nice I guess, and maybe this is just nostalgia and homerism getting the better of me, but those were my favorite jerseys. As far as current jerseys go, I’m a sucker for anyone who puts their name in a diagonal fashion across the front of the sweater i.e. Rangers, Colorado’s 3rd jersey, etc

    I sportshate the hell out of Bryan Marchment (just like every other Dallas fan). I also tried my damnedest to try and sportshate Joe Sakic and Stevie Y back in the day because they caused me endless amounts of grief, but it’s hard to hate players who garner some of your utmost respect. However, I can sportshate Sean Avery all day and all night long. I blame him (and the now HOFer who brought him to town) for all the punishment the hockey gods bestowed upon Dallas last year.


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