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No game provides a better highlight package than hockey.

Even ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports (that they carry) sneaks a minimum of four hockey highlights into SportsCenters top ten, despite not being able to devote a hot eight seconds of actual coverage of the sport during the rest of the show.  The bastards.

In all other sports, you can only go as fast as your feet can take you, and though it can be hard to deal with catching and throwing while moving at top speed, it’s not total chaos (can we teach Usain Bolt to catch and wear a Jets uniform yet?). 

Sometimes you take a few crossovers in hockey and are suprised to find you’re suddenly moving mach six.  You get that reckless feeling and start looking for someone to mow over; you can’t waste that speed.

Adrenaline, sharp skates and hard ice are a dangerously fun equation.

Football is the closest rival.  A good throw, a great catch, a big hit; it all makes for a nice package.  But everything starts from scrimmage and has a plan.  Basketball and baseball have amazing plays, but they don’t allow many opportunities for something totally different.  It’s all the alley-oop dunk, three-pointer or block; the outfield diving catch or the double play.  Thanks, seen it.

Every broken play in hockey can become something great.  There’s rarely a moment where you can send a text mid-play, like between pitches, between plays, while the ball is being walked upcourt or during the 53rd timeout. 

A hockey highlight package is a quick, intense smorgasbord that goes something like: dipsy-doodle dangle, back door tap-in.  Rockin’ glove save, some guy gets blown up in the corner and yard sales his gear across the ice.  Breakaway,  Fight.  Short-handed odd-man rush. Kick-save, shoot-out,, game winner, thanks for playing.

Dnews Grizzlies V Salmon Kings

I’m ragingly biased, sure.  But come on.  Check out my roommate last year tying up the game in the last minute.  That’s exciting stuff.

Speaking of goals, I can’t let this bit go that I found on Townie awhile ago…

Former NHLer Randy Moller calls the Panthers games on the radio, and took calls on the Dan Le Batard show, looking for suggestions on how he could spice up his goal calls.  Fans called in, and stuffed him full of more pop culture references than SNL, taking lines from shows like Wedding Crashers and 30 Rock.  Check it check it:



Okay, new topic:  Are we done with the commercials offering  “bailouts”?  It’s a “taste bailout” from Domino’s.  It’s a “wallet bailout” from Subway.  The people at the Mattress Ranch are offering to bailout my lower lumbar.  I see what you’re doing, and thanks, but I think it’s safe to say that horse is dead.

Annnyyyways, tomorrow morning my piece on surviving the locker room is up on  Enjoy!




11 Responses to “Highlights”
  1. JD says:….ahah priceless

  2. Vinny says:


    that dude wins

  3. GBCK says:

    We’re gonna need a bigger boat is off the charts. is awesome too. But nothing, and I mean nothing is funnier (for about 3 people) than lower lumbar bailouts from the mattress ranch.. “Have another night of bliss, across from JC Penny on Artic is where we is, save big bucks at the mattress ranch”

  4. Neil says:

    Those calls are awesome, there is actually a second set that is equally long and probably on Youtube somewhere.

    You’re getting me PUMPED for hockey my friend. Is that you in the background of the pic behind the goalpost?

  5. megkat says:

    Anyone who can reference George Michael’s “Careless Whisper” into a goal call is friggin’ awesome

  6. Marie says:

    talk about exciting, mary flichel with the game winning goal with .5 seconds left on the clock in the whole game. amazing stuff!!

  7. jtbourne says:

    Way to go Flicks and way to go Steelies! He’s one of the good guys out there, and a constant threat with that bomb one-timer. Thanks for the update!

  8. jtbourne says:

    Negative, I was on the ice somewhere though, cause i got a butt-end in the eye in the celebration. Hey, I’m meeting with the NHL’s VP of marketing for coffee Thursday. Should I yell at him? Anything I should pass along from a fan of the NHL?

  9. Vinny says:

    Tell them the way to really generate hype around the playoffs and get people excited for the NHL is humor. You know what was the most popular NHL produced ad this year? The Kane/Toews for ASG commercials released by the Blackhawks. These were posted on blogs and and went over really well. If the NHL wants to reach out to the internet elite (young people!) they need to infiltrate the blogosphere and release stuff that makes people laugh, juxtaposed with sick goals and some rough stuff. I think so many more people would be into the NHL if they got introduced the right way.

    Here are those commercials btw

  10. Hockeyman says:

    AMEN on the highlights.

    Mollers calls were featured on the Howard Stern show yesterday.

    And ESPN totally missed THIS highlight!

  11. Andrea says:

    I couldn’t agree more about these bailout commercials…but I just saw this one today. THIS one I’m OK with.


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