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At A Glance

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Did Dany Heatley just call Jody Shelley the “best in the league at what he does”?  Maybe he juggles behind the scenes or something.

*****

I think we can put Mike Johnson on our Potentially Good Analyst Watch.  Lets track his development.

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The wife is currently en route to JFK to catch up with her family for five days.  I’m currently at my destination until her return, our couch.  What are the best (and worst) parts of having the house to yourself for extended periods of time?  Show your work.

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Anyone else skeptical of Tocchet’s ability as a coach in Tampa Bay?  Their team isn’t that bad, man.  Not this bad anyway.  Good tenders, couple stars, “extras” like Malone, Hedman…  I’m thinkin’ they need a real coach.  I hear Barry Melrose is available.  Or maybe Don Cherry?

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After writing the Don Cherry bit, I just thought – wouldn’t it be sweet if some struggling US team in a non-hockey market just went full-on sideshow to make money?  Hired Don Cherry, Mike Milbury and Pierre McGuire, traded for Avery, Carcillo, Boogaard, and like, George Parros, picked up some tiny little thrill guys who suck defensively like Afinagenov and Kovalev, put Ron Hextall and Billy Smith in net and just sold the shit outta tickets?  Vince McMahon could be Director of Operations.  It’d be like watching Jersey Shore — “I know I shouldn’t be supporting crap like this, but I just… can’t… turn… away.”

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I think my cat is sneaking acid tabs.

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Yes. 

If this goal was by Crosby or Ovechkin, it’d be being called the goal of the __________ (fill in the whatever length of time you like).  To me, these types of goals aren’t as cool as beating a bunch of opponents with moves, but it’s so awesome it deserves this simple review:

Yes.

 

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I may add to this as the day goes on, but I’ve got a few things to do first!

Comments

33 Responses to “At A Glance”
  1. Char says:

    “The wife”?

    No, no no no no. NO!

  2. jtbourne says:

    …no?

  3. Beaton says:

    Yeah the Schremp goal was pretty sick, he has amazing hands, If he only was faster.

  4. Pat says:

    On paper, Tampa has the talent to make the playoffs. I think their struggles over the last two seasons show the importance of having a stable ownership group and front office. What “big name” coach would want to get involved with that circus? The list of under-qualified cronies employed both in Tampa and Norfolk is comical.

  5. James says:

    If Phoenix weren’t doing really well on the ice this year and the NHL still owned the club, I would say that they should be the reality show club.

    How about Tampa Bay?

  6. James says:

    Oh yeah, perfect programming for the NHL Network, too!

  7. minnesotagirl71 says:

    Having the house to your self:
    Best – do what you want on your schedule without consideration for what the spouse is doing
    Worst – SLEEPING ALONE

  8. Travis says:

    Best – There have got to be some solid neighbor girls, take the time to get to know them better.

    Worst – Having to do all the Women’s-work like cook, clean, fetch beverages, ect

  9. Pete says:

    no wife?

    if you’re a loser like me, it’s all xbox360 all the time.

    if you’re not a loser like me, you catch a few episodes of kiana’s flex appeal on espn classic….

    enjoy!

  10. ms.conduct says:

    Ahhhh, house to ones self. The bad part is that you get lots of unaccounted for time. Idle time, if you will. And idle hands are the Devil’s playground.

    But 5 days isn’t enough time to get into the kind of dire straits that require beer and more than 140 characters to recount. *ahem*

    The hardest part is pretending to your SO that you’re not having a blast running your own show there at the casa. And then the “reentry” period upon their return during which you realize you actually did miss them but still wish they’d leave your new routine well enough alone.

    Best part is everything else, but YMMV.

  11. paul says:

    Best: Doing whatever you, watching whatever you want. Tons of Video games. Eating poorly (my GF doesn’t allow snacks in the house). Not picking up after yourself, making a mess, sprawling out in bed at night. Flat out doing nothing without hearing ‘Are you going to do anything today?’

    Worst: Cleaning up said mess, concealing all of the bad food you ate. Listening to ‘I was gone for ‘X’ amount of time and you couldn’t do ‘A’, ‘B’, and ‘C’.’

    Its a give and take really, with no clear winner….

  12. jtbourne says:

    Great call. I’m a one-time golf addict that is contemplating turning down a free round after not playing in four months, just so I can NOT do A, B and C.

  13. Char says:

    Yes, no!

    She’s not “THE wife.” She’s not an object.

    Actually, to be proper, she’s your “reason for living.” ;-)

  14. greg says:

    the best part about having the house to yourself for a few days: not having to clean up your messes immediately. The worst part is that your messes snowball into a huge mess that you never have time to clean up fully before the wife gets home. That look on her face when she walks in is priceless…it usually says “you’ve been sitting around in your boxers all week drinking beer, ordering pizza, playing on the computer/video games and watching hockey, haven’t you?” Which is usually followed by several of the following questions:

    Did you even get off the couch the whole time i was gone?
    Did you at least remember to feed the dog / cat?
    Did you even brush your teeth or take a shower?

  15. zyllyx says:

    Tampa probably should not have bet on Tocchet.

    *rimshot*

  16. garett says:

    arent people from Saskatoon the best j-bo..so classy!! (minus the couple that booed of course) you know you want to come visit there this summer..especially when its like 190 degrees in the desert..i have a couch for you

  17. Courtney says:

    I like having the house to myself so I can do/watch what I want. On the opposite female end of the spectrum I scour the house (I hate having people around when I clean) and OH MY GOD it actually remains that way for more than 12 hours *dies of shock* at least until he gets back I get the weekend to myself too cheers to semi loafing around =)

  18. Neil says:

    zyllyx: nice!!

    Judging from the comments here, it sounds like everyone is super whipped?? :)

    When my lady is out of town for a few days the living room becomes a recording studio/theatre/gameroom/bedroom. The worst part is that I can have days where I don’t actually speak to another human being between waking up and hitting the pillow…. Oh, and not having the family channel or American’s Next Top Moron on in the background is nice too.

  19. karlooch says:

    If your cat shares the acid tabs being alone could get real weird. The best part of an alone weekend is the peace and quiet like Neil said. Ironically by the end of the weekend the worst part is too much peace and quiet. Perfect timing with NFL playoffs. What is the under/over on how many times the delivery guy rings your bell in 5 days? Great blog

  20. Neil says:

    P.S. Totally right about Schremp’s goal, it would be the most amazing goal of the century if Ovechkin had done it. The most impressive thing for me is that he looked so confident doing it, like he knew exactly what he was going to do as soon as the puck came towards him. siiiiiiiick

  21. John says:

    As a fellow writer I toss in my two cents regarding the wife being away…

    Best part – You have ample time to focus on your work.

    Worst part – You have ample time to focus on your work.

  22. Kerstin says:

    Teach the cat nasty things she would not allow ;-)

    (–> Just preparation for the kids-to-be-there… unfortunately you can not buy your cat a drum kit or something near it… well you could, but…)

    Btw.. what makes you sure she can not control you from NY? Tweeeeeeter :D

  23. Brianna says:

    “The Wife” here!
    I must say… these are some very interesting comments and suggestions about what jb should do in my absence. However, Travis, im gonna have to put the kibosh on your comment… there will be no “getting to know the neighbor girls better” and “fetching drinks”… get a hold of yourself ;)

    Ill have you all know that Justin spent the night in Vegas with his buddy… that’s a pretty good start to his temporary bachelorhood. The rest of his time will be spent watching football, sunning at the pool, and drinking copious amounts of light beer (we had a pretty cookie-filled holiday)… all while bonding with our kitty who is sure to become totally attached to him and hate me for the rest of his life. Thanks for that.

    He’ll have lonely nights, sans boney knees in his back, but im sure he’ll pull through. I will be enjoying brisk (understatement of the year) NY weather, pizza, bagels, and “Gillies pours” for the next few days.

    Justin- rock it out, you won’t get many of these days… and quit making my Mii look like a pedophile.
    <3

  24. minnesotagirl71 says:

    Hey Brianna – nice to hear from you!
    Now is “the wife” reference just practice for when the title is official? Or did you two run out and get married without sharing the details with the Bourne’s Blog readers?

    If he cried over the Winter Classic – he had better shed a tear or two at your wedding!

  25. Brianna says:

    no, no… no marriage just yet. But you are right, if ESPN gets tears and i dont get at least ONE when i walk down the aisle, we’ll have an issue or two :)

  26. Officer Koharski says:

    Bailey with the zealous stick tap on Okposo’s goal tonight. He’s been playing awesome but with every hit he chipped away at his status in my eyes. That was like five demerits in quick succession.

  27. jtbourne says:

    Over/Under on delivery guy bell rings is directly correlated to business days it takes for a check to clear. If I have money, take the over on 2.5. If not, I’ll be digging deep in that freezer…

  28. Marc says:

    justin, have someone bring an onion to the church, just in case.

  29. jtbourne says:

    Haha, your Mii has a cookie duster like Mike “Fluff” Cowan. You know, Tigers old caddy? No? He worked with Nick Price? He’s on someone else’s bag now, I can’t remember who…. Nevermind. You have a big mustache. Almost J E T S JETS JETS JETS time! Weeeeee Gilliespourfiveoclocksomewhereweeeee!

  30. SDC says:

    Sure glad I called you back in the room to see the replay on that Schremp goal… and also that your TV has the ability to rewind live TV.

    Tocchet sucks at coaching because old players suck at coaching (see:Gretzky). What’s the difference between Tocchet and Quinn, or Gretzky and Keenan; tell me it’s more than a few weekend coaching clinics.

    Bri, your Mii is mine! After that hack job you did to mine, you should be thankful the biggest damage was a mere cookie duster!

  31. Simone says:

    re: ” Anyone else skeptical of Tocchet’s ability as a coach in Tampa Bay?”

    Yes! I was bummed when Philly brought in Lava-lamp, really thought he’d be a good fit for the Bolts.

    On the flip side, if Tocchet has had anything to do with Downie’s improvement – then props to him.

  32. TheCanadian says:

    Dude, the wife is HOT! I’d be making hot, passionate phone calls to her while she’s away. Send number! ;)

  33. jtbourne says:

    IIIIIIIIII’m not sure what you just said.

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