{Qualifier: the author of this blog respects the career and accomplishments of NHL great Chris Chelios.  But, you know… come on now.}

Okay, let’s talk about this:  Does he need money, or hate his family? 

Give me a third possible reason for why he’s still playing, and know that saying “for the love of the game” will get you called an idiot.  Unless of course, you’re right, in which case I’ll call him one.  Someone’s gettin’ called an idiot here.

Can I get a review from someone who actually got to watch his game last night? 

I only saw the ESPN highlight package like a lot of you, where they mispronounced his name (like he hasn’t been a Hall-of-Famer since the early fourties), showed a clip of the bad-bounce-off-his-leg goal, a clip of a bad pinch/slow chase, and then ran his “dash one” stat line before moving on to an extended segment of women’s Div. III bowling or whatever it is they prefer to cover.

You know what stat-line I wanna see?  His pension.  What does 26 NHL seasons (x) ”lots of money” pay out when you retire?  Probably still “lots of money”, right?  He played during the financial glory days.  ….and the decade before those glory days.

Also from the “things I want to see” file, is him sharpening knives on his 100% rawhide leather face.  But I doubt they’ll show either of those things.

Twitter blew up after Chelios finally re-cracked the big leagues.  And why not?  It must have been so exciting for Mr. Chelios to get a chance to play at the same level with NHL heroes of his like Rob Schremp, Carlos Gunnarson and Vern Fiddler.

Here’s a few of finest #CheliosIsSoOld jokes Twitter folk were dropping:

#CheliosIsSoOld he tried to block the shot that killed Lincoln.

#CheliosIsSoOld when he was a kid, rainbows were black and white.

 #CheliosisSoOld That the Thrashers are changing the name of their arena to the Jurassic Center.

 #CheliosIsSoOld his first call to the NHL was delivered by a burning bush.

  #CheliosIsSoOld He has a bowl of Werthers Original at his locker, just in case the kids stop by.

 #CheliosIsSoOld that he himself was the greatest thing before sliced bread was invented.

and my personal fave….

#CheliosIsSoOld that his last hip check was at the Orthopedist’s office.

Ahhhh, classic.  Just classic.

*****

How much has the one-timer been revolutionized by Ilya Kovalchuk, Alexander Ovechkin, and most recently Steven Stamkos? (Who, by the way, should be just about ready to drop the “n” and go with Steve.)

A one-timer used to be a way to shoot while the goalie was moving, so there’d be more holes to hit.  But guys couldn’t knock precise one-timers of the post-crossbar elbow like they can now, even as recently as a decade ago.

First off, these guys wheelhouses are about half-a-zone big, compared to someone like myself, where, if the pass isn’t exactly one inch ahead of the direct center of my one-time stance, somebody is getting hit in the neck.  They can pure the thing from anywhere.

And if the person passing puts it ahead of them, and slow enough that they can adjust, holy-good-night-crap-bricks, they damn near put it through the goalies chest with that little bit of all-star-contest-skate-into-it speed.

It’s going to become a standard feature of every new prospect from here forward, like power windows.  If you can’t bomb the one-tee, you can’t score goals.

{Semi-tangent:  Remember how great it was in the NHL 90-whatever games, that you could hit pass-then-shoot, and it’d pass the puck to the best choice guy then bomb a one-timer?  Every goal was a one-tee.  Back-hand slapshot, top corner…. it didn’t matter.  There was no other way to score, unless it was 93, in which case you could just skate across the crease and the goalie would get stuck on the post.}

Disclaimer: the maker of the following vid seems to be pro-Ovechkin’s slap shot.  Call it a hunch.

Definitely.

 Really, just go have a YouTube party watching those guys shoot.  I may add more later in the day.

*****

TGIF – Have a great weekend everyone!

I’ve written before about players putting money towards the team pot for big wins.  In that bit, I danced around the best aspect of raising that year-end fund (which, of course, goes to a pizza and pop party that definitely wouldn’t involve, say, a strip club). 

Kangaroo Court.

A lot of people are familar with the concept, as a lot of organizations use them as a fun revenue generator.

At the professional level, it’s fun, and a decent amount of money changes hands (another reason why it’s a bitch getting traded or cut – guys party on the pot you chipped in to).  At the college level, it’s the highlight of the freaking week, and max fines are only $3 (save for broken team rules, like $15 for being late, etc.).

Random pic of my boy Chuck bout to unload a left, cause when I think of someone I wanna fine, he comes up.

How it works is simple – the dry erase board is hung somewhere visible in the room.  The format is basic: when you want to fine a teammate, you write his number under “fined” and your own under “by”.

16  -  12

No need to disclose topics, or any of the who/what/why/when/where/how circumstances of the fine-able offense until court comes around.

Needless to say, on Mondays, a lot of numbers go up on the board from the weekend.  Half the fun is harrassing the guy you’re fining, or vice versa.  If you’re on the “fined” side, it’s not the money you’re stressed about, it’s the public condemnation/humiliation/verbal-beat-down (Strictly totally clever, Shakespearian witticisms.  Yep.  Hardly any gay sex jokes.). 

What did I ever do to you?  Fine then, I’m fining you for _________ (insert petty thing that’d never stick).

The rule is, you can’t fine someone for something that happened previous to the last Kangaroo Court session, which means you have to get away with whatever it is you did for a full week.

When court rolls around post-practice, the fun begins.  In college, the seniors are the jury, in pro, the captains.  Whoever is running court grabs the board, and it begins. 

First up, 16 is being fined by number 12.  State your case.

You have to save your best stories for court, preferably bar stories, as you have the whole teams attention.  There’s always some gem about a guy throwing a line at someone’s girlfriend, buying drinks for a woman of questionable repute or any other form of debauchery that’s deemed to have crossed the line.  (God I want to tell the photo evidence story.  We’ll all have to go for drinks some time so I can.  All of us.)

The person being crucified, upon just finding out what he did wrong (okay, sometimes you know), has to defend himself to the team and the jury.  Then, the ruling comes in, from no fine to three bucks (it’s not about the money, you may have guessed).  In pro, the numbers are higher, but it’s still beside the point.

College is an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything, and I can’t remember ever laughing harder at any point during my four years than I did during those trials.  Mostly cause I never did anything fine-worthy, and was always on the fun side of it.  Which, I can assure you, because it’s my blog, and I have the power to delete comments.  MUAH-HA-HAAAA.

*****

You know what’s crazy that a lot of fans never get to see?  Guys that apologize to the whole team between periods.

Nate the Great

Nathan Lawson, the amazing/underrated goaltender of the Bridgeport Sound Tigers was always the first person to own up to a bad goal – Sorry about that one guys, I gotta have that.  I’ll be better in the third, pick me up – which is just so refreshing.  Plenty of goalies tend to believe (or at least act) like they’ve never given up a bad goal, so when you get a good guy like that, you really want to work for him, you know?

It happens after bad penalties too, at the end of a period – My bad guys, that was stupid – kill this thing off for me and lets get back on ‘em.

Of course, then there’s the guys who apologize, then go out and do the same thing over and over, which sort of takes the value out of their words.  You know who doesn’t strike me as an apologizer?  Matt Cooke.  Just a thought.

Anyways, that’s all the totally random dressing room stuff I’ve got for today.  Thanks for the support – the site is really blowing up the last couple weeks.  You just wait to see how much traffic we get on here for the first round of playoffs when the Islanders play the Caps!  Yeah!  Islande….no?  Okay, probably not.

I received a great email from a reader today, which I think people should see.  He made the following point:

“Campbell said the Richards hit set a precedent. I’ve not had a problem with the NHL’s suspensions and reasons for suspension this season unlike many others, but this one is absolutely ridiculous. There have been a couple precedents set, and one that directly involves Cooke.

Authors note: the following were video links, embedded below.

Precedent
Suspension
in reference to previously set precedent
 
The Anisimov hit Cooke was suspended for was ‘a check to the neck/head area.’”

Enjoy the videos in succession.

Reference:

Precedent:

In reference to previously set precedence:

Think those hits are accidents?

*****

I wrote a piece for The Hockey News on what I think should be a factor in making head shots legal/illegal.  The GMs made nearly the exact same proposal I was hinting at.  Check it out here.

Here’s my favourite call-up story:

As you probably know by now, I’m engaged to Clark Gillies Daughter, Brianna.

At the time of this story, I was playing for the Utah Grizzlies of the ECHL (that’s me on the left, shortly before my coach became the 64th one I’ve had tell me to smile less.  Hey, I like hockey), and she was finishing her Masters at Stonybrook University, interning and taking classes to become an Occupational Therapist.  Finding time to be together was tough.

Coincidentally, my team had a homestand over Valentines Day – being that Bri was probably going to be said Valentine, she adjusted her schedule (read: skipped classes) to come out on the Friday, and booked her trip to return home on the Sunday.  Not a whole lotta time, but when you see each other once every Wayne Primeau goal, you take what you can get.

The best case scenario for me was to get called up and play in Bridgeport, which was a 70 minute drive from her parents place on Long Island.  My slow offensive start that year wasn’t exactly helping our cause.  But, I had started to pick it up, and we committed to a weekend together in Salt Lake City until Bridgeport needed a right winger… not that we were wishing for their bus to roll or anything (a horrible truth about playing in a farm system).

Her trip took her through Chicago and got to Salt Lake around nine PM, so I had gone to dinner with Jordy Hart, which is when she called.

“No complications or delays in Chicago, just boarding to get outta here babe!”

Beautiful.

I headed home to tidy the place, as is the standard panic move of a dude living with two other dudes who’s previous dude places were dude dorms or with their parents.

About 30 minutes later and five minutes from my place, I got the call from our coach:

I was going up.

I was to drive to the rink, pack my gear, get home, pack a bag and some suits, and my flight was to leave at ten PM.  I’d get in to La Guardia around 4 AM EST or so, hop in the car they sent, and get driven the 90 minutes to Connecticut, either to a hotel, or to make the money-saving move of going directly to the rink for practice (where I was told I could sleep on the couch in the dressing room for a few hours).   ….Thanks.

Oh, and there was that one other minor complication:  Bri was still in the air. 

And where had she departed from?  You guessed it:  La Guardia.  Well isn’t this special.

I was panicked.

I was plotting.

I did the only thing I could do – you can’t turn down a call-up.  I packed my stuff up, and headed to the airport.  I bought her a one-way flight (thank god there were seats) on my flight (annnnd then I was broke), and waited for her to land.

By the time her flight landed and she made it off, it was 9:15 – 45 minutes ’til her return flight, and there I was – hockey bag, sticks, duffle bag, suit bag, and holding her ticket.  No long awaited run and hug.  Minimal smiling.  My travel-weary, bummed out girlfriend cried. 

But I mean… this is a good thing… right?

We flew through the night to La Guardia, and Bri wasn’t willing to give up on our weekend.  Almost 24 hours later, she arrived with me at the hotel, where we dropped our stuff off, and I carried on to the rink, taking the only ride I could get, the sent car.

At least when the weekend was over, I’d still be close by, right?

I barely had time to see Bri over the next day or so before she had to head home, but we were happy because I’d be close.  A week later, I travelled with Bridgeport to Portland, so Bri wasn’t able to drive up on the weekend, but we had made plans for her to come up after work the following Monday. 

After the Portland game, we were standing in line at Tim Hortons, grabbing a snack for the road. I was ahead of coach Jack Capuano in the line, when this conversation happens:

“Boahny (Boston accent for Bourny) – Yoah goin’ t’ the ahll-stahh game tomorrow, aight?  When we get back, yoah flights at seven outta La Guahdia, the cah will pick you up just aftah three.”  Yup, A.M.

“Oh.  OH.  Okay….”  *thinking* “Was that just weirdest send-down ever?“  I had a hunch I wasn’t being flown back to Bridgeport after the game.  I was right.

The ECHL all-star game was in Stockton, California – not so close to New York, for you geography buffs.  After the full day of travel, I was the last guy to arrive.  Some of the players were fully dressed for the skills competition, taking place in 20 minutes – that’s how tight my cross-continent adventure was.  I was gonna have to bust it to get my gear on in time for this thing to start.

I literally didn’t even know:  What fucking event am I in?

I checked the schedule, hoping for a little time to warm up and a little information about what I was to be doing.  And there is was, in 17 minutes:

FIRST EVENT, 7:00 START
PUCK HANDLING/AGILITY SKATE

FIRST UP:  JUSTIN BOURNE

*****

A few pictures from our call-up:

(1) Had airport security take this picture after they red-flagged us to SEARCH BOTH OUR BAGS.

(2) St. Patty’s Day with my roomate after getting called up the second time for a couple months, Kip Brennan.

(3) Bri and I get artsy by this awesome old building.

(4) This thoughtful pic look familiar?

(5) Not a bad ocean view from our spot on the Sound.

(6) Didn’t have my sticks when I first got called up – what was meant to be up around the goalies ears was up around the middle of his logo.  Sighhhhh…..

Not that my blog is particularly focused in the first place, but I’m due to unload a whole crapload of half-baked thoughts.  Some may be on the same page as you, some may be a complete waste of seconds of your life, but hey – I’m pretty sure it was the variable interval schedule of rewards that got the rats coming back the most in the Skinner box, so it only makes sense.  Start hitting the lever, my pretties…. 

*****

My BlackBerry only allows me to send 160 characters in a text.  Hey phone, you’re not Twitter.  My archaic, older machines used to let me go long and send it in two parts, but my new one won’t?  ….At least I don’t have to use AT&T like iPhonies, I guess….

*****

The NHL Network did interviews with Sidney Crosby and Ryan Miller post-Olympics, and largely focused on the final goal.  I realize Ryan Miller’s head is shaped like an ice cream cone, but did we really have to sit him down and give him those few extra licks?  The guy was all over him, like the last goal was a Miller meltdown.  Hockey plays kinda happen quickly there, Tom Brokaw.

*****

Crosby turned down the chance to do the Top Ten on Letterman, as he has before.  My guess for “why?” is because there’s nothing more patronizing than reciting jokes about hockey written by people who have zero idea about the sport to begin with.  Okay, team, we need ten jokes involving sticks, ice and gold.  Let the hilarity begin.

*****

I used to chat with my mom after a close playoff game I was in, and she’d say that at times she was near a complete and utter emotional meltdown …yet I never was.  It occurred to me after the Canada/US final that Mom is right – when you care about the result of a game, it’s far easier (stress-wise) to be playing than watching.

*****

Let’s bring this picture into focus:  Nobody is ever allowed to say “eye-hand” in reference to “hand-eye” coordination again, okay?  Good talk.

*****

Commentators always give goalies shit for looking behind them like they’re shaky, which they might be.  But if it’s your goalie, aren’t you glad he’s doing it?  If he isn’t certain he has full possession, isn’t it kinda like crossing the street…. no harm in checking?  If you aren’t sure, damn straight have a glance, and sooner than later.  I don’t need a puck limping across my goal line, thanks.

*****

I have a petty grudge against American Olympian Ryan Suter for calling me a “bender” in college a half-dozen times, so I’d like to take this opportunity to extend a retro-active, Canadian “ha-ha” to him (said like Nelson from the Simpsons) on his crushing overtime defeat.  What’s that you say?  He’s rich, in the NHL, and an Olympic silver medalist?  Touché.

*****

Best backhand(s) in the NHL:  Patrick Kane, Evgeni Malkin, Henrik Zetterberg.  Come accept your awards.

*****

I’m stoked about The Marriage Ref, even though it has nothing to do with marriage.  Really, it’s just a topic for three really funny people to BS about.  Consider my DVR set.

*****

For this years trendy, surprise Stanley Cup champion pick, I predict people predicting San Jose.  Everyone knows you’re not supposed to, based on their past playoff failures.  Thus, it’s a talented team that people shouldn’t pick – the perfect formula for all us talking heads to take as a “shocker that might come true”.  The goal isn’t to be right – hell, being right in the majority might actually be worse than being wrong.  So here comes everyones attempts at “right in the minority”.  See, look what a great hockey mind I am!

*****

As I’m fairly tall, and somehow I shrink all my shirts up over time, I think I see how old men end up wearing their pants under their nipples.  Shirts miraculously get shorter, so the pants gotta come up to compensate.  I’m like the Hardy Boys, knocking out one mystery at a time.

*****

In Tiger’s apology speech, everytime he started to tear up, he put it on lock and got it together.  Isn’t that the ultimate testament to the guy’s mental ability?  To just put the kibosh on tears and re-focus?  Impressive.

*****

And last, if you feel like reading a real column I wrote, you can check out my thoughts on why it’s harder to score towards the end of the season, for USA Today.  I think that’s enough mind-puke for one day.  Happy Tuesday.  Not the biggest day in the sports world.  You may have spend time with your family today.  ….Ugh.

Interesting timing – I was going through some columns that I had deemed unfit to release from a few months ago, and found this one about what David Booth can do to avenge getting his brain shaken by Mike Richards (short answer: nothing).  But after Matt Cooke played the role of Richards in a recent re-enactment with Mark Savard, it seems relevant again.

*****

What Now?

-by Justin Bourne

Mike Richards scrambled David Booth’s eggs so thoroughly that the guy was no longer free range. It happened on a hit you’d be polite to describe as “questionable”.

Confined to the couch and bed, he avoided exercise like all concussion-cases, letting things heal themselves using the best known medication – time – and has since made his return to the Florida Panthers.

He watched Mike Richards get punished in the form of… um… he got punished by… er… really, he didn’t even get a game suspension?  What the crap?

From David Booth’s perspective, you have to think the fella’s a little pissed.  He narrowly missed being named to the US Olympic team, and was denied the chance to prove his worth over the course of this season, while Richards snuck onto one Team Canada as one of the last forwards chosen (they like that he plays a physical game, you see).

Without their top goal scorer (Booth had 31 goals last year), the team is currently a few points out of a playoff spot, and just behind… the Philadelphia Flyers, who are now technically in the playoffs.

Needless to say, the aftershocks of a decision made by Richards that happened in a split second are still reverberating throughout the Eastern Conference standings.

Florida played Philly about a month back and lumped them up 4-1, even without their star Booth.  That was nice, but had they had him all season, who knows how many 2-1 games would have gone Florida’s way, or shootout losses would’ve gotten nullified with Booth in the lineup.  Game breakers are tough to come by, and to be so close to the playoffs without theirs, the Panthers have a right to gripe.

In these cases, when you or a teammate gets drilled, people always tell you to beat them on the scoreboard.  That doing that is the best revenge.  That the scoreboard is where it really hurts.

Is it though?  What’s Booth supposed to do when he comes back, try really really hard to win?  You don’t think he was doing that before, and every other night of his career?  He can’t control how the rest of his team plays.  Maybe he’ll show up with his “A” game to beat the Flyers the next time they play but Florida won’t win.  In hockey, you’re just one piece in a big team puzzle.

Tying to beat up your assailant isn’t the right answer either.  Though noble, by the “fight him” logic, the toughest guys on the ice have free rein to destroy people, because you can’t ever get real physical revenge on a fight-winning human like George Laraques (though I’m sure Nicklas Kronwall would like to try, stick in hand, of course).  You can always try, but if you get hit by a tougher dude, the only thing you get by going after him when you’re healthy is a chance to be made unhealthy again.

Also, there’s the whole moral thing, which can be a hassle.  You’re supposed to be above that, you know.

There’s the idea that the player who injures another player illegally should be out as long as the player he injured, but that theory’s got more holes than an OJ alibi.  I won’t even go into that theory.

So if you’re David Booth, how do you avenge the Richards hit? 

Maybe you don’t.  Maybe you just take your lumps, acknowledge you play in a contact league, and that hits like that – whoever’s to blame for them - are periodically gonna happen.

But that’s frustrating bullshit too.

The second you see Richards you’re going to want to hit him with a tire iron.

There’s just nothing you can do.  When you get seriously injured in the NHL, not only do you suffer temporary and long-term health concerns, you suffer the mental misery from not having a way to settle the score.

This is why the reaction towards dangerous hits from the league is so crucial.  Low-balling the seriousness of a hit is a crime nearly as bad as the hit itself.

I’m a Canadian hockey player who loves watching the rough stuff.  But in an era where players have to answer less and less for their actions on the ice, we need to hold them more and more responsible from the offices off the ice.  Especially in light of the recent data the NFL has been digging up about the seriously harmful long term effects of concussions.

The only way to get players to exercise more caution is to keep dropping suspensions that get players to snap awake like we dumped cold water on them.  They’ll bitch, they’ll complain ….and they’ll stop finishing “questionable” plays.

Too little, too late for David Booth, but don’t worry.  He’ll get ‘em on the scoreboard, where it hurts the most.

*****

Authors note:  As you probably know, David Booth did try to fight Mike Richards.  After seeing how it went down,  I was glad it happened.  Nobody got hurt, Richards gave Booth his fair shot, and it was over.  That said, other than gaining respect in the hockey world, nothing changed in the big picture.  Booth missed half a season while Richards didn’t miss a shift, the Panthers are still just out of playoffs, and Booth missed the Olympics while Richards has a gold medal.  And, Richards team will most likely make playoffs.  Some of you may not have thought that hit was bad, but I did, so I’m just using it as an example to illustrate a point.  This article isn’t just about those two.

Occassionally, I’m going to do a little feature called call-up madness, explained, where I’ll answer any questions you have (email me) about what goes on behind the scenes of an NHL farm system.  Today, I’ll talk about something I never personally got to experience, but still know how it works from being around it.  You know, the part of playing professionally where you get rich: the NHL call-up, and how it affects your bankroll.

I go forehand, he gets back to jam his toe - and the puck - against the post.

“Show Dough” is the term used to describe making NHL money by everyone not making it, AKA players in the AHL/ECHL and beneath.  The term is best served slathered in jealousy and bitterness.

You’ve heard the all-too-true stories: guy signs a big deal and has a Cadillac Escalade by the end of the week, cause, y’know, how else are people gonna know he makes show dough if he keeps his old car? (See how nicely the bitterness sets off the phrase?)

One of the fun parts about playing professional hockey below the Escalade pay-grade is that you get used to the fact that you could be rich or broke with a call-up or send down on any given day.  You have to, or you’d go crazy trying to Gilloly your teammates (that reference too dated yet?), so you sort of get numb to the whole thing.

What this means is, sometimes the mook who accidentally drinks his own chew spit, has no front teeth and made out with that chick-at-the-bar-that-turned-out-to-be-a-dude will just suddenly get “rich” when the phone rings one day.  It’s really weird to see who changes (and how) with the show dough earned from a call-up.

When guys permanently make it, they tend to quickly adjust to the next tax bracket, so they don’t really appreciate it like the guys who only get to go up for a couple days – because that couple days of show dough sounds glorious.

To over-simplify, league minimum is somewhere around (or maybe a bit above now) $450,000.00 a year, so getting called up for ONE SINGLE DAY is pro-rated to $3,000.00 in your bank acount, $2,000.00ish after taxes.  That means a week in the bigs equals $21k, $14 after tax. 

In Bridgeport, staring at the Sound, fantasizing about show dough.

These call ups are for real.

For a guy making $50,000 a year, a very common AHL amount, a few day call up is a nice kick in the pants.  And for guys who have an NHL deal that make more than the minimum when they go up, it starts getting crazy.  Upon getting sent back to Bridgeport with the rest of us shlubs, Jeff Tambellini told me that his call-up (around three weeks or so) had earned him more than he made over the six/seven months of the entire AHL season.

So often, you’ll see a guy who gets called up to an NHL team for a few games get sent down for the two days between games, and fans go “well what the hell was that all about?” — and the answer is pretty obvious.  If a guy is making $300 a day in AHL, they stand to save $2,700 for every day they don’t have to have the kid practice, travel, or rest on an NHL roster (also why it’s nice to have your affiliate team close).  Clearly, not the best thing for the kids ability to succeed, but hey, them’s the breaks - you can take the days you get or don’t, bud.

Just thought I’d fill-in those of you who didn’t know how call-ups got paid, because hey, I’m here to help.

Next week in call-up madness, explained: coaches that dress extra guys for warm-up, then tap one or two of them on the shoulder to tell them they aren’t playing, just before the game…. and why they should be ice-picked in the face for doing it.

Used to collect $32 a day in meal money with me in Utah. Not no more.

{Note: at Islander camp, we got $100 a day for meal money, in an envelope just stuffed with hundreds for the week ….and they provided two meals a day, including an omlette station with our buffet breakfast.  Guys under contract got $1500 for the week for “meals”, somehow.  ECHL “per diem” as they eloquently call meal money (which you only get on the road, of course), is up to $34 a day.}

Not sure if you caught it yesterday, but David Booth squared up and fought Mike Richards last night, which was the greatest thing in the history of the NHL ever.  I think.  Oh, and he had a goal and three assists.  And he’s on my fantasy hockey team.  I love David Booth.

Puttin' on the foil.

Think Team USA could have used one more goal scorer?  God it sucks that he didn’t get to play for his country… If I were Booth I’d have waited til Richards dropped his gloves, picked my stick back up and tried to crush his hands.  I’m just really proud of the guy for sticking up for himself against a tough character in Richards, that’s old time hockey.  Toe Blake n shit.

*****

Mercifully, that trade deadline is over. The paint has dried.

But in the end, I like the paint colour.  I’m so excited that the Coyotes got Wojtek Wolski.  Living here in Phoenix, who did you want to go see play, who sold tickets?  Jovonovski?

Coyote fans are in for a treat.

I finally have some real insentive to go.  I love that they were so aggressive, I was just completely blindsided by it (seeing that they’re spending the leagues money and all.  But this makes so much sense!  This is what I’ve been saying!  If they want to make it here, they can’t do it without having a team worth watching!).  I’m not so sure if I stand by my prediction of “sell” now that they have five new guys in the lineup working to make a first impression on Tippett.

So yes – I like the moves my “hometown” boys made, trading for the offense I thought they lacked, and that I thought was going to catch up with them.  Even picking up Petteri Nokelainen was a great move, this guy is just waiting to blow up.  The only thing I don’t really get, is trading for Morris and Schneider.

The Phoenix Coyotes are leading the NHL in goals scored by a d-corp.  They’ve been solid defensively, playing in front of a guy they trust.  So what’s the point in bringing in offensive d-men when you’re doing great in that area, when the two guys coming in are both a “little” suspect defensively?  Now your defensive-liability-list is starting to look a little scary (and old).  It’s a good thing Tippett is such a good coach.  ….Plus, anytime you can get Vandermeer out of steady rotation you’ve improved your team, so good for the Coyotes there.

*****

The NHL Network asked the question “who improved more, Washington or Pittsburgh?

Washington added: Joe Corvo, Scott Walker, Eric Belanger and Milan Jurcina.

Pittsburgh added: Alex Ponikarovsky and Jordan Leopold.

Wait, I'm on a real team now?

So many people loved Olympic hockey, because you didn’t have to sit through the shifts of tough-humans-who-can-skate-but-not-play-hockey like, oh I dunno, Scott Walker.  Admittedly, I don’t know much about Belanger (step up, Wild fans) or Corvo (step up, that-one-guy-from-Carolina-who-occasionally-defends-his-team-that-we-haven’t-really-heard-from-much-this-year), so I’m not really sure what happenend with Washington, I just know that any team adding Scott Walker is confused about how winning happens.

As for Pittsburgh, they made two golden, golden moves.  For me, last years Stanley Cup win was so incredible, because I thought they did it on the backs of about four or five guys, not a full team.  I figured it was going to be a lot harder for them to repeat than people thought.

With these moves, they picked up depth on D – Leopold is a hell of a player – as well as some size and scoring in PonikathankgodI’moutofToronto.

So early ruling, until we hear from readers – Pittsburgh gets the verdict over Washington…. likel usual.

There’s nothing more deflating than waking up for the ever-exciting trade deadline day and realizing it probably won’t be that exciting, ever.

That said, there’s too many teams missing puzzle pieces for nothing to happen, so let’s hold our breath until it does, and talk it out here — LIVE BLOG, WEEEE!

The radio portion of Hockey Primetime.com – Primetime Radio – is playing at the bottom of the page, featuring my Dad (Bob Bourne), Mikko Koivu and myself as guests. Listen if you’d like!

Snap back to reality, and just like that, the multicolored rings, skin-tight lycra and Giant Inflatable Beavers are a thing of the past.  Last night, the puck dropped on Colorado – Detroit, and some very important points changed hands.

Before last nights NHL game, I was seriously contemplating putting a chunk of money down on Detroit, but simply don’t have a large chunk of it, which makes putting it somewhere kinda difficult.

I once heard that the NHL, gambling-wise, is the most predictable of the major sports.  That is to say that, for the most part, the good teams are usually the good teams, and Columbus will flouder in perpetuity.  I almost made that bet, because there’s still some inevitable leveling that needs to happen for the NHL season to get back to normal, and two teams played last night that moved in the directions they’re probably going in the second half.

And that’s no knock on Colorado – I believe in them a lot more than a few of the other surprise teams – it’s a testament to Detroit’s being-Detroit-ness, and having too much team to miss the playoffs.  Combine that with the now-healthy/running-out-of-time factor, and picking against the Wings (who have a rested goalie) down the stretch is madness.

Here’s five teams (as stocks), and I’ll letcha know what to do with your money!

Detroit:

As I just mentioned, they’re decent.  Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, Johan Fransen, Tomas Holmstrom, Brian Rafalski, Nicklas Lidstrom, Nick Kronwall and the discovery of Jimmy Howard are the oh-so obvious reasons why (oh, and that Babcock guy).  They haven’t been healthy, and haven’t had a chance to be “them” yet.  BUY!  BUY!

Phoenix

I wrote an article at the start of the year for the Arizona Republic trying to defend the fans lack of attendance here.  My defense for them was, the team has sucked, sucks and will suck (you can teach English as a second language using that sentence, PS).  It turns out that that wasn’t a very smart angle to take upon moving to Phoenix, as it’s made getting credentialed in the press box a skosh harder, only made worse by the fact that I was horribly, horribly wrong.

So to take the angle I’m about to take is not something I want to do.  It’s just…. look, Coyotes fans:  Your roster has to catch up to you eventually, but that’s not a good argument for you because you love your roster.  Try this on: your d-corps is playing over their heads out of this world (leading the NHL in goals by d-men, really?).  They’ve done great up ’til now.  But Anaheim is about to get a bunch better.  Detroit is too.  So is St. Louis.  Then you’ve got San Jose, Chicago and the rest of the conference to contend with.

The problem?  11 of your last 15 games are on the road (I want to say nine in a row at one point).  I’m not sure how far I expect the fall, but it’s definitely out of home ice advantage.  So sorry, sell. (NOT LITERALLY, BALSILLIE, PUT YOUR WALLET DOWN!).

Anaheim

As Hiller showed with the Swiss in the Olympics, he’s the real deal.  Anaheim did a great thing in committing to him.  What they haven’t done great this year, is win.  I’m sure last year the system of finish eighth then reveal your true colours isn’t exactly the game plan, so I think we’ll see them revealved a little sooner this year.  San Jose is praying I’m wrong – they see the potential 7/8 seeds as Detroit/Anaheim and are already packing for an early summer.  Buy yourself a little bitta Duckstock.

St. Louis

Since Davis Payne’s arrival, St.Louis has been 11 – 8 – 3, not exactly setting the world on fire.  But any team that’s leaning on a foundation of David Backes, TJ Oshie, Eric Johnson and an under-achieving goalie can get itself righted.  They’re young guys, for sure, but they’re gaining experience and confidence as they go, so buy, BUY, BUY!

Buffalo

Down the stretch, I’m less trusting of the teams that have blown expectations out of the water, because there’s a reason people didn’t pick them to finish that high in the first place (looking at their roster, how can they be this good?).  People knew Ryan Miller was good, but “world’s best” good?  They may falter because they use this guy for not just a crutch, but a walker with tennis balls on the front to slide around on.  (Would you rather finish fourth with a burned-out Miller, or sixth/seventh with a rested one?  They should let him chill down the stretch a bit).  Miller has, in the past, started much better than he’s finished, because he’s a slight guy who gets overplayed and worn down.  Look for reality to set in a bit for the Sabres, sell!

Worth Mentioning:

I think the Kovalchuk trade was huge for the Devils – I’d be picking them to drop without that move.  But there’s another reason why it’s tough to pick them to drop:   The bottom half of the Eastern Conference is horrible.  Just horrible.  Atlanta, Florida, Carolina…. there’s just too many free wins for the boys at the top to pick teams like NJ to drop.

I’d mention the Isles as a team headed south if there hadn’t already set up permanent residence there (Hey, Ricky’s hurt!) ….2-8 in their last ten (horrible prediction – the Isles finish in the bottom five, get crazy lucky and win the draft lottery, then a few months later trade some sparklingly talented kid for draft picks cause they don’t actually want to have to pay too many good players). 

As for penny-stock moves, I think you’ll see Tampa Bay and Toronto finish the season stronger than the first two-thirds.

So there ya have it!  Where am I a horrible idiot (Jim Cramer from Mad Money), and where am I an awesome genius (Justin Bourne from Bourne’s Blog)?

*****

Tomorrow I’ll be live blogging trade deadline day with the team at Hockey Primetime.com (here, on my blog), from like 9:30 a.m. (EST) til forever.  I’ll be on a few radio shows.  I’ll be texting my friends that play for dirt.  Come by and say hi!