I’ll Take Potpourri For A Thousand, Alex
Posted by jtbourne on March 9, 2010 · 40 Comments
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Not that my blog is particularly focused in the first place, but I’m due to unload a whole crapload of half-baked thoughts. Some may be on the same page as you, some may be a complete waste of seconds of your life, but hey – I’m pretty sure it was the variable interval schedule of rewards that got the rats coming back the most in the Skinner box, so it only makes sense. Start hitting the lever, my pretties….
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My BlackBerry only allows me to send 160 characters in a text. Hey phone, you’re not Twitter. My archaic, older machines used to let me go long and send it in two parts, but my new one won’t? ….At least I don’t have to use AT&T like iPhonies, I guess….
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The NHL Network did interviews with Sidney Crosby and Ryan Miller post-Olympics, and largely focused on the final goal. I realize Ryan Miller’s head is shaped like an ice cream cone, but did we really have to sit him down and give him those few extra licks? The guy was all over him, like the last goal was a Miller meltdown. Hockey plays kinda happen quickly there, Tom Brokaw.
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Crosby turned down the chance to do the Top Ten on Letterman, as he has before. My guess for “why?” is because there’s nothing more patronizing than reciting jokes about hockey written by people who have zero idea about the sport to begin with. Okay, team, we need ten jokes involving sticks, ice and gold. Let the hilarity begin.
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I used to chat with my mom after a close playoff game I was in, and she’d say that at times she was near a complete and utter emotional meltdown …yet I never was. It occurred to me after the Canada/US final that Mom is right – when you care about the result of a game, it’s far easier (stress-wise) to be playing than watching.
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Let’s bring this picture into focus: Nobody is ever allowed to say “eye-hand” in reference to “hand-eye” coordination again, okay? Good talk.
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Commentators always give goalies shit for looking behind them like they’re shaky, which they might be. But if it’s your goalie, aren’t you glad he’s doing it? If he isn’t certain he has full possession, isn’t it kinda like crossing the street…. no harm in checking? If you aren’t sure, damn straight have a glance, and sooner than later. I don’t need a puck limping across my goal line, thanks.
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I have a petty grudge against American Olympian Ryan Suter for calling me a “bender” in college a half-dozen times, so I’d like to take this opportunity to extend a retro-active, Canadian “ha-ha” to him (said like Nelson from the Simpsons) on his crushing overtime defeat. What’s that you say? He’s rich, in the NHL, and an Olympic silver medalist? Touché.
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Best backhand(s) in the NHL: Patrick Kane, Evgeni Malkin, Henrik Zetterberg. Come accept your awards.
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I’m stoked about The Marriage Ref, even though it has nothing to do with marriage. Really, it’s just a topic for three really funny people to BS about. Consider my DVR set.
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For this years trendy, surprise Stanley Cup champion pick, I predict people predicting San Jose. Everyone knows you’re not supposed to, based on their past playoff failures. Thus, it’s a talented team that people shouldn’t pick – the perfect formula for all us talking heads to take as a “shocker that might come true”. The goal isn’t to be right – hell, being right in the majority might actually be worse than being wrong. So here comes everyones attempts at “right in the minority”. See, look what a great hockey mind I am!
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As I’m fairly tall, and somehow I shrink all my shirts up over time, I think I see how old men end up wearing their pants under their nipples. Shirts miraculously get shorter, so the pants gotta come up to compensate. I’m like the Hardy Boys, knocking out one mystery at a time.
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In Tiger’s apology speech, everytime he started to tear up, he put it on lock and got it together. Isn’t that the ultimate testament to the guy’s mental ability? To just put the kibosh on tears and re-focus? Impressive.
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And last, if you feel like reading a real column I wrote, you can check out my thoughts on why it’s harder to score towards the end of the season, for USA Today. I think that’s enough mind-puke for one day. Happy Tuesday. Not the biggest day in the sports world. You may have spend time with your family today. ….Ugh.
I'm a hockey player turned writer. After playing for Alaska Anchorage in the WCHA (NCAA), I carried on with an NHL tryout (New York Islanders in 2007) before spending a couple seasons in the AHL/ECHL (last year was 2008-09). My father, Bob Bourne, won four Stanley Cups with the Islanders in the '80's, as did my fiancee's dad, Clark Gillies. I'm now the web editor for theScore's hockey blog "Backhand Shelf."
Have heard lots of people criticize that Miller goal. “That was a bad goal.” BAHHHHH. Screw you. He was amazing all tournament and that’s what you focus on? It’s like coming home with an A in Advanced Calculus and your parents demanding to know why it’s not an A+.
I was looking behind me A LOT last night. My eye-hand coordination sucks.
Kidding. Whoever says that for real should have their writing privileges revoked.
Not impressed with Marriage Ref. Mainly because the host is so desperately unfunny in comparison to the guests. Tina Fey looked 90% of time like she was thinking, “I hate pretending to laugh.” Me, too, Tina.
Good stuff about Suter, watch a lot of WCHA hockey and have friends that played at SCSU and the UofM love hearing the stories about the chirps that go on…how about a post about the best stuff you heard on the ice…obviously which is appropriate to the general reader
Brett Hextall was a chirp machine when they destroyed SCSU 8-1 a few weeks ago…never have seen a player skate by the bench asking for 17 in so many different ways…I think he was in Coach Motzko’s head
A cynic might say that Tiger did his best to try and squeeze out a tear in an attempt to look remorseful. Since I’m a glass half full guy, I think those tears were genuine. I think he had all those lost endorsements in mind!
Yeah, I was pleasantly surprised by how funny The Marriage Ref has been. As much as I like his stand-up though, Tom Papa’s laugh has to be the worst part of that show.
Yeah, I’m with you Jhett, like I said, I really enjoyed it – gotta disagree with Ms. C – I think Tom Papa is really funny in a “you can tell that without the restraints of a major network primetime show he’s probably a ruthless dick” type of way. He seems like not swearing and keeping it “Seinfeldian friendly” is killing him.
Dude, Skinner box – I’m impressed.
I think its less stressful when you’re playing and not watching because you have a hand in the outcome. You’re not screaming at the TV and spraying beer around like you are while watching… you’re going on the ice and in ‘game mode’.
Datsyuk has a pretty sweet backhand too, and Franz Nielsens shootout backhand is apparently the most epic move ever.
Lastly, Tiger was choking back those tears thinking “Now I can only sleep with one woman for the rest of my life…”
To add to the mix. I don’t know if you have seen either of these yet:
http://www.patspapers.com/blog/item/what_if_everybody_flushed_at_once_Edmonton_water_gold_medal_hockey_game/
http://www.thestar.com/staticcontent/776280
Both are really neat things about the gold medal game. They both mostly contain pictures so they are easy on the brain.
In reference to your San Jose pick….I am a huge Islander fan and your dad’s team could have easily won 7 cups in a row, starting in 1977. Sometimes even the most talented teams need to lose in order to understand how to win…if that makes any sense. The same thing happened in the mid ’90′s to the Red Wings, and I still haven’t forgiven them for not being in the finals in ’94 to beat the Rangers. I enjoy reading your blog and keep up the good work!
Did somebody mention backhanders?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSyAWGDXpGQ
That graph is great, MikeB – I had seen it, but thanks for sharing with others!
And Char – that’s a special backhand? He barely gets it halfway up the net!
Random rant not related to your post:
What’s the deal with sticks these days costing more than all of my protective equipment combined? I’ve been playing for 13 years and over the past few years stick prices have gotten out of control. I grew up during the whole composite shaft/replaceable blade generation and got used to shafts lasting through at least a couple blades before they broke.
Nowadays, I can’t own a stick for more than a month or so (easton, bauer, or ccm at ~100 flex) before I watch half of it slide along the ice like a dead fish. I wouldn’t have a problem with this if, as a grad student, I could afford to replace it, but at a minimum of $100 a piece, I just can’t afford it. My helmets last forever, my skates last at least a year or longer, and who cares if my gloves have palms or my shin guards have straps? Any suggestions on affordable stick models? I just want it to stay in one piece for a decent amount of time.
Got any used lefties laying around?
“Dude you comin’ out tonight?”
“No, I can’t afford to go to the bar tonight, I broke my stick again in beer league”
“You can use my old backup”
“No I can’t, you’re right handed, I’m a lefty…and your 2 feet shorter than me”
“…all right man whatever, I’ll see ya when we get back. You’re gonna miss survivor hour”
“wait hold on a minute. what kind of stick is it?…Oh, its a Louisville Rubber? From 1992? With a Stevie Y curve?…I guess you’re right, I can make it work”
If I could recommend any stick to you, I’d recommend the Louisville rubber sha… Oh you’ve tried that. I LOVED those, and they lasted a decade, f’reals. I’d suggest going shaft/graphite blade. Feel is almost identical, but replacement blades are $60 not $200. You’re right though, total robbery either way.
The longest lasting one pieces are (rather, were) the original blue CCM Vector and the green Easton Synergy grip. Both no longer get made. I don’t really know, because, not to be a dick, but all my sticks are pro stock, last 18 days before self-destruction, and force me to the deep-but-getting-shallower well for another (thanks to Okposo for hating the lie of a dozen he ordered, which the trainer gave me when I got sent down). Righty though bud, sorry.
Ok. Maybe it’s just my naivety……..
But what the hell is a bender?
Ankle bender. Weak ankles. Can’t skate. All that good stuff.
yea miller lost the game the same way that sid won the game …. how bout the other 2 goals dint they help lose the game to in millers case or win it in sids case?
yea wtfs up wit eye hand …. i never heard that n heard it like 100 times in the past month …. i also never heard of the post as a utility pole …. i kept hearin that n was like whats that?
mikey
rewski, from what I’ve learn from breaking sticks is that the cheaper they are the longer they last. May sound backwards but it sort of makes sense from a manufacturing standpoint. On the 200$+ sticks they are probably clearing 100$ each, and on the 40$ TPS piece I can buy at ProHockeyLife they probably aren’t making much more then a few dollars. That said there is a cutoff point at which you can tell if you are using a terrible hockey stick or not (in my opinion) and that is around the 150$ mark. I’ve found that the sweet spot is right at that point, they’ll last at least 3-4 months and as a student I don’t feel terrible replacing one every 3-4 months. The real trick to buying the good stuff and not worrying so much about cost is finding a friend that works is a sports store. They often get sticks at cost+10% (or something like that). It’ll usually cut the price in half on the highend sticks and 1/4 on the cheapies.
Or just go online with a bunch of friends and order some prostock models, lots of times you can get 6 or 8 prolevel sticks (S17, ONE95, VAPOR60, 10K, 8.0.8, V10, and occasionally some other models for half price or less. Still running you 500+ but you get lots of sticks (usually you can choose different patterns for each stick, although selection of patterns and flexes varies from time to time). Also is the mystery bag option. Some online retailers offer it. 3 sticks R/L hand but no choice of brand, flex or pattern. Just a guarantee of a higher end stick, often for an extremely low price.
For the two piece scene there has been a lot of success with the Warrior shafts on team that I play on, everyone likes them, and I have yet to see one break. Its just a matter of convincing yourself that a shaft that costs 150$ is going to be worth it in the long run.
That was long. But I’m avoiding some more important things right now.
The rubber was easily the worst stick ever made except for that triangle one some company had out for a while and the Stevie Y curve looked like a horse shoe. And I definitely don’t have the capital to be picking up 3-6 sticks at a time. (That’s like 8349827423891 cases of Zima!)
Haha, duuuude, I literally used the Rubber (well that sounds bad) in junior A. With the biggest hook I could find – Coffey or Yzerman. Light, couldn’t adjust your hands on the stick by a mm, and couldn’t keep it below neck height.
COOUUNNTT IT!
Regarding bender, I was thinking only of the British slang as I’ve never heard of ‘chicken legs’ being called a ‘bender.’
And backhands? We’re gonna talk backhands with no mention of Sidney Crosby?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuW3yTxZ1HE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ar4X9WXrew http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgEf6LuQxpM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXzYcCfCJkY @ 00:57
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMBNoyO7n-g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zw1neip7p40
…Er.. Right, but I meant FAMOUS players. Not sure who that Kid is.
Now the late nineties Ultra Light, that’s another story. effin tanks. Even the old Z-bubble grips could hang in there for a good amount of time. But alas, those were the days of mommy and daddy’s check book (oh yeah I worked at the rink and got great “discounts” too). I guess I’ll just have to sell that 2nd kidney I’ve been hangin on to. Maybe my room mate will let me have one of his, he’s still got two….that uppity bastard.
I used wooden sticks until two years ago and I’m still using that first one-piece stick I bought. I got it from Costco for $39, and I’ve bought three sticks since, just for something new, but none came close in comparison to that Costco deal, and I was even able to return one for refund after I used it because I’m slick like that.
I’ve also never broken a stick in two, I’ve only broken the blade from regular wear and chipping.
My brother is a large man and he can only use wooden Sher-Wood 5030 110flex as every one-piece that he’s used feels like the aforementioned rubber in his hands.
To help with the blackberry texting issue… Try going to crackberry.com. There’s an app called “textender” that allows u to write as many characters as you please. Costs a few cents, but worth it.
variable interval schedule lol
I’m glad Sid said no to Letterman, I love Dave and think he’s the undisputed king of late-night but he did nothing but mock hockey until the U.S. was hyped to win the Olympics, then it sneaks it there with part respect/part mockery. Sorry Dave, you’ll have to get the Survivor XIV rejects or the cast of Jersey Shore to read the top ten. And the worst…. he did a Canada vs. USA hockey fight joke/sketch and the “Canadian” player was wearing a white and blue maple leafs sweater! Not cool Dave, not cool.
Mike Myers on Jimmy Fallon the other night was hilarious.
Regarding your best backhands comment:
Malkin takes the gold when it comes to backhands only because of that reverse wraparound, skating away from the net backhand he scored against Cam Ward and Carolina in the playoffs last year. That is personally my favorite highlight reel goal ever because I’ve never even seen that move attempted, never mind executed, before…by anyone.
Ooooohhh my gaaaahhhdd… I just checked out the marriage ref after seeing the plug here Bourne. Sooooooooo baaaaaaad. I thought I’d follow Jerry off a cliff but he proved me wrong, I don’t mind fluffy TV but that felt like Nick and Jessice’s prime-time variety show with a dash of the View and a sprinkle of Two-and-a-Half Men. I’m with ya ms.conduct.
Crosby point-blank from the slot is a bad goal? Um….
Bourne actually had that triangle shaft that Rewski referenced, but seems to not “remember”… seriously a terrible idea.
On my team this year, I’ve seen more Warrior, Easton Stealth’s and Nike-Bauer/Bauer one pieces blow up than any other brand. No brand is impervious, but I’d steer clear of those brands based on market research, if I were in the market for a new one.
Also, it seems that people actually in relationships or marriages seem to like “The Marriage Ref” , and single people haaaaate it. Except for you Neil, you’re an anomaly. It’s not like, best-show-ever material, but it’s funny. Also, Larry David’s on next week, so I’m tuned in.
Height matters? ::scratches head::
Actually Krejci had an absolutely sick backhander shootout winner earlier this season, but alas it isn’t on Youtube.
Hate to blow your theory, Dave, but I’m QUITE married (regardless of what my affections for certain goalies might indicate) and hate the Marriage Ref. Though not for the marriagy stuff. But for the lack of actual funny. Other than Tina Fey, who I have a monster girl crush on.
Then again, I might easily fall in that “anomaly” bucket with Neil.
Fact is, my fave internet friend may be you, Ms. C, and damn sure one of my fave non-internet friends is Neil, which leads me to this conclusion:
You’re both dumb idiots with bad taste. All things Seinfeld rule.
LOL
I’m in the same boat Ms.conduct, I don’t have anything against a show about marriage/relationships/whatever (I’ve been with my lady for almost 8 years), but so far 50% of the special guests have made me nauseous and the jokes seem a bit…. Leno….
Maybe I should drink when I watch it, that turned me into a fan of Jersey Shore, which I’m pretty sure is the worst show on tv.
Haha, or maybe I should NOT drink when I watch it? That could be it.
50% ??? There’s only been 6 guests so far, and Jerry was on twice! Tina Fey was good, Baldwin also good, Kelly Ripa was……actually not that bad, and the write off was Eva Longoria. The Bourne-Cunning Alliance stands– Corbett and Ms. Conduct, you two are out of your minds. All things Jerry!
Hahaha! I love it. I heart Jerry, too, but I swear he looks like a very bored, rich man whose wife said, “Go get a job” and NBC said, “Here’s this dumb idea we have” and he said, “Why not?”
He should be the host, frankly, and then it would be epic. EPIC!
BTW, 9 year wedding anniversary today and I don’t know a single thing we’d go on that show about. I’m NOT asking Mr. C if he’d say the same.
Ignorance is bliss.
Congrats on nine years to Mr and Mrs C! Love it when a relationship can handle a little pro-athlete/rock star/actor lust!
I’m married and think the Marriage Ref is a really bad show. Saw the first episode and thought “Really – that’s all there is?” I can laugh at and take sides on my own and my friends relationship squabbles, but to watch other people’s on TV? Sorry – need a little more substance with my humor. I think drinking before the show would make me like it even less….
Random hockey thought:
4 on 4 is so much more exciting than 5 on 5, its ridiculous. And it has the advantage of eliminating the Matt Cookes and all the other marginal goons from the rosters of the league, and gives the Mike Richards(eseses) of the league more game-critical things to do on the ice. The only people who could possibly hate this idea would be the NHLPA, 90 year old hockey traditionalists, and red communists.
And then for overtime, we could go 3 on 3. Even more ridiculously awesome. 15 – 2 on 1 chances in ten minutes, guaranteed, or the whole rink attendance gets a slice of pizza.
Even Phoenix would be successful with these changes.
Haha, vek, I love the tone of your proposal. I hate the idea of going 4-on-4 like, for reals, but I love the slice of pizza. I also love some 3-on-3 overtime, it’s the tits. I also hate red communists, even though I’m a socialist Canadian. I’ll formally submit your ideas to Bettman to see what he thinks. Oh, he just wrote me back. He says the only change is that the league is gonna expand in the south. Kentucky and Mississippi just got franchises, thanks to you egging Bettman on.
So Dave, there’s been four guests so far, and two of them were Kelly Ripa and Eva Longoria….. my math checks out.
I was counting Jerry as a guest (he was sitting in the guest chair, and won’t appear every week), but i guess you weren’t. I didn’t like Eva either, I only said Kelly was better than expected. Your math, your scenario, your results, your opinion… ok, you’re entitled. Surely no one wants another Canucks fans debate…