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My Column Schedule, The Niemi to NYI Rumo(u)r



First and foremost, an “I love you” and a “get well soon” to my dear Mom, who had her third vertebrae-fusing back surgery in about two years this morning.  Hope this is the one that keeps the pain away :)


Also on the get well soon train…. A year ago today, Breezy and I pulled into Phoenix, Arizona in the 117 degree heat, and set up shop.  Today, coincidentally, is also the first time in that year that Bri will be coming home from work for a sick day.  Tomorrow, also coincidentally, is the first time we’ll headed back together to NY for a little family vacay.  Needless to say, she isn’t pleased with the timing of her illness.  Get well soon kiddo.  Like, by tomorrow soon.  But no rush.














My appearance has changed since moving to the desert.


The Jets lost to the Giants last night, and my boy Sanchez threw a pick on his first play in the new stadium.  On the upside, Eli Manning got drilled and spilled blood, so you can’t fully consider the game a loss.  Also, Fireman Ed got mean with a 3/4 buckled Giants fan (via Deadspin).  Nice.


Like when I write words into sentences about hockey? 

Not sure why I think the simple JB logo is so baller. I want it off-centered on a straight black pro-fit

Well good.  You’ll be seeing a whole fuckton of them this year.  (If you haven’t noticed, I’m done putting asterisks in swear words on Bourne’s Blog.  Who was that protecting, just out of curiousity?)  With 94.6% certainty, it looks like I’mma be a daily columnist (five steady days a week), only my columns will be distributed around a few different sites. 

I’ll release the exact where-and-when dates September 1stish, but you can count on the sites being The Hockey News, Puck Daddy, USA Today and Hockey Primetime.  Thus, all my serious hockey stuff will be in column form, and my blog will become A) a place to find my days-old columns and links to my just-released ones  B) a daily purging of all the stupid shit I think about, including un-columnable hockey thoughts, cat pictures, and sarcasm-laced booze references.  and C) a place to count on finding reasonable, smart and fun hockey people (sounds like I’m running a singles site) who can answer all of our questions about whatever.  I seriously learn more in my comments section than I do anywhere else.

The point is, I won’t be abandoning Bourne’s Blog, but I’ll no longer be waking up at 6:30, reading stuff, then writing it.  It’s gonna become my end of the day, cathartic, content-posted at night spot.  So, ya know…. let me know if it starts sucking balls and I’ll do something about it.

Not so much heree, or herreee, but....


How do men that shave everyday do it?  I’ve got a bit of a leather face – I can pretty much just get to ‘er with minimal preamble (or whatever you wanna call hot towels, lotions etc).  But if I shave on consecutive days you’ll see more red bumps than the time I spilled Kool-aid on that braile book. 

Am I not leathery enough yet?  Should I just go George Hamilton on the Hasselhoff roast and let my face turn into whatever-the-fuck-it-was he had going on?


My colleague Lyle Richardson of “Spector’s Hockey” (the bang-up rumours round-up site) made mention of the Islanders rumour (via the New York Post and Chicago Tribune), saying that Antti Niemi could possibly maybe oh-god please sign with the New York Islanders.  The next sentence however, points out that Katie Strang, the Islanders beat writer, says her sources say ”not true”.  Soooo, there’s that.

Look good in royal blue, no?

My thoughts:  I’ve found it hard to get a feel for the quality of Katie’s inside info this year.  It’s not like she’s ever been wrong, and she’s wicked at her job, but she’s just come off her first year at it, she’s young, and people don’t automatically tell you things until you create your own relationships with those well-embedded in the organization.  Why would anyone tell Strang anything (and no offense to Katie, again, she had a great first year) that they didn’t want to be public knowledge?  Nothing to be gained.  She’s basically the Isles ”going public” outlet, and until there’s something to “go public” with, she’s probably still somewhat in the dark about behind the scenes.  Also, that was a lot of me talking out my ass and hoping she’s wrong.

I’m not saying the rumour is legit, I’m just pointing out that GM’s (and the like) are very cautious about what they say to people whose job it is to give messages to the public.  Plus, Niemi for $2.75?  That’s too exciting a rumour to not find some justification for it’s possible legitimacy.

Yeah!  Strang doesn’t know.  They’re signing him for sure!  Right guys?  Guys?……


 So, sadly, that’s all for me until I’m back from Long Island on Monday.  After that, no more delays or trips or gaps in posts - just five days a week, uninterrupted coverage of nothing in particular.  Which I’m sure – phew – is a huge relief for everyone.  Ooo!  You can check out Hockey Primetime on Wednesday for a column I wrote on the pros and cons of turning a defenseman into a forward!  Do it Toronto!  Make Kaberle a CENTERICEMAN!  I dare you!


36 Responses to “My Column Schedule, The Niemi to NYI Rumo(u)r”
  1. jtbourne says:

    Someone please explain to me when to use “who’s” and when to use “whose”. Thank you. MHCranberry, even though I’m still a little bitter at your email, your number has been called!

  2. JC says:

    As a Hawks fan I’m going to miss Niemi. The only knocks I’ve heard on him is that he doesn’t have a lengthy resume, which I get, and that he benefitted from the D in front of him. Duh. I can’t think of a goalie that wouldn’t. Having had the opportunity to watch him in person a bunch of times is why I’m a fan. He is never casual with the effort, like Huet, and never gives up on a puck, not even in warm ups. At the end of the Hawks warm up they’d do a little drill where 5-8 players would crowd the crease with one puck and keep chipping at it until they got it in. I’ve seen them bury it on the first swipe but I’ve also seen Niemi make the drill last 30 seconds because he refused to dial it back a notch. Even on that sick Datsyuk shootout goal Niemi was reaching back for that puck he got beat on. I loved loved loved the effort from him and have a hard time imagining the same from Turco. I hope the Islanders get him and I’d love to see that franchise back in the mix.

  3. KarenfromRochester says:

    “who’s” is the contraction for “who is” and “whose” is a possessive. Used in sentences: “Who’s going for happy hour after work?” and….. “Whose crap is that all over the dining room floor?” Both sentences are ones I utter on a fairly regular basis. Not bad for a engineer, eh? Usually engineers stink at english grammar and spelling. Want to know something that drives me absolutely crazy? The “plural possessive” as in “the sneaker’s are his”. I see that in commercial printed things a LOT.

    On another note, it’s really nice to see that your efforts on the blog and in other outlets have turned into a full time thing! And it’s REALLY nice to see the blog is going to continue in entertaining us. I love the kitty pics and the daily purging because it gives me a laugh!

  4. Char says:

    The insidious rogue apostrophe must be clubbed to death wherever it is found.

  5. Danimal says:

    kitty pics rule. as an owner of 3 weirdo kitties that think they are ninja’s and can attack our 60 lb dog wheneve they want, i appreicate the pics. also appreciate you mention the Wild from time to time. Which puts you and Russo (who you should reading) as the only 2 who do. so you’ve got that going for ya, which is nice.

  6. Danimal says:

    also, speaking grammar things, someone correct this: Those or those ones? I believe it’s just those, as in “those pucks are mine”. instead i always hear the “those ones, these ones”. its just those and these right????? yay/nay?

  7. jtbourne says:

    Thanks to a personal email from a family editor, the who’s/whose thing is all squared away in my head. Thanks though Karen! And Danimal, yup, I agree dude. For future grammar reference: this blog is unedited (unless you count me) and fairly stream-of-consciousness. I do want to try to continue to get better, hence questions like that. But for the most part, I don’t exactly fine-tooth-comb this blog, so I don’t reeeallly care about random errors.

  8. j says:

    real men dont shave every day because we look good w/ some scruf.

  9. Alex O says:

    Hey in regards to battery life on the droid phones read this, it helped me.

    Backlight was huge. I gained a couple of hours just on that.

  10. mark says:

    To get rid of the leather face, try switching shaving creams. I switched to a soap that you apply with a brush. it made such a huge difference on my face. Much softer and smoother.

  11. jtbourne says:

    Mark – aw dude, that was my JAM for awhile – I loved the soap foam brush thing. I broke my little dish in a move, and never went back to it. Since I moved to AZ, our complex has a steam room, so half the time I just go sit in there for five or ten, and no-foam it, which is money. You could wipe the hair away with a washcloth. But still, no matter the method, I dunno… consecutive shaves ruin me. I’m on a 3-5 day cycle. Hey, I’m a blogger.

  12. Ralphie says:

    I say be a real man and go with the Sam Elliott mustache, your voice will drop 4 octives and you can be the spokesman for Coors Original! Congrats on the full time work dude! Enjoy NY and come get a damn beer today!

  13. Danimal says:

    Norelco Beard and Mustache trimmer. has a vacuum in it. end of shaving hassels. just go with permascruff, ala Nicholas Backstrom.

  14. Christina says:

    Ahhh Jason… Thanks so much for making me laugh out loud, spitting out my salad onto the monitor in my cube. That kool-aid on the the braille book comment was killer. Also, the ladies love a man with scruff, so I say – Go for it!

  15. paul says:

    As a former Long Islander myself, I’m curious outside of the seeing fam/friends whats on your (and brianna’s) must-do/see/eat/visit list?

    Drive past the coliseum and laugh that a pro sports franchise actually calls it home? trip to All american burger? Ralph’s Italian ices? Brown bag pre-gaming it on the LIRR for a night out in NYC? Hamptons or Long Beach? mets game?

    Inquiring minds want to know…

  16. jtbourne says:

    Ah, Long Island visits. I always have to eat at a pizza place first, either La Scala in Dix Hills or Jimmy’s in Greenlawn (and I usually try and work a bagel breakfast/deli lunch in at some point too, with no preference cause it’s good pretty much everywhere). Ralph’s Italian Ices are, yes, a staple for me.

    You nailed it with brown-bagging on the train, but since I’m not headed in for any event (Bri is going to a broadway show/dinner with sisters and her mom), I’ll probably be brown-bagging it on my way OUT of the city (I’m obsessed with plan-free city-walking, and love that you can have a pint on the train)! Still haven’t been to Citi field yet (been to Shea and both Yankee Stadiums though), and wont have time this time, sooo, other things:

    I usually get to the Huntington Crescent Club for some golf. Bri and I always hit up some combination of Tomo/Christopher’s/Finley’s in Huntington. We occasionally go for a cruise on the sound in the Gillies friend’s boat. If I do make it into the city, I like to hit Tir Na Nog across from MSG for a shandy before hopping on the train. I’m all over the map…. just love being there! Well, anywhere except near the Coliseum, of course. Hey, you know what they should do? Build this huge new multi-billion dollar set up that includes an arena. Anyone thought of that yet?

  17. Alan says:

    Enjoy your junket on the Isle and visit to NYC….totally unrelated grammar issue and irritant with me are the number of sports broadcasters and commentators whom consistently say “he/she played/performed good” rather than “well”. Is it only me that finds this so irritating that it distracts from the commentary and tempts me to hit the mute button?

  18. Alan says:

    P.S.-JT thanks for the shout out to your Canuck followers with the inclusion of the Canadian(Brit) spelling of the last word in today’s title posting!

  19. Ballgame says:

    Good luck to your mom. That’s painful stuff, she must be tough. I have bad back issues from playing college hockey. Just the wear and tear of 4 years. I wasn’t as good as you, played NCAA DIII at Elmira. But every practice was like a game. So I understand how your mom feels. Must be bad if they fuse. Dayum

  20. Jwise says:

    Spent a year writing bar admissions exams, shaved 3 times in 12 months (it was a long playoff run). Now practicing law and shaving every day…any advice about how to cope in an environment that requires one to have a pristine face?

  21. neil says:

    Yeah man, consecutive days of shaving butcher’s my face.

    Did you see that Sean Bergenheim signed in Tampa today?

  22. neil says:

    er…butchers…. sorry Char

  23. MattyJ says:

    Two things most men do not understand about shaving:

    1) Face prep is about lubrication, not thick and rich lather. Anything in a pressurized can is crap. Go to the foo-foo store and try different ones out, everyone’s face is different. My favorite is from a company called Earthscience.

    2) Balms are bogus. You need a moisturizer after you are done. Again, go to the foo foo store. I found products from Every Man Jack to be very nice and fragrance free.

    After a while your face will (probably) adjust, take to the product and get easier to shave over time. Or maybe it won’t. Some people’s skin is hopeless.

    Another recommendation: find a barber that does straight razor shaves. While you’re there, get one. When you’re done ask them what they use or recommend for home shavers. There are experts out there, find them!

  24. sonja says:

    Wow … glad to know you’re hitting the big time. I love THN especially so that’s cool.

    Ballgame, when were you at Elmira? That’s my alma mater as well … though I did not play hockey.

  25. sonja says:

    P.S. It appears you do have some moderate care about grammar, so you might enjoy “Eats, Shoots and Leaves,” a hilarious take on grammatical mistakes found publicly throughout the world by someone who is sort of OCD about the whole thing. It’s a quick read and you’ll learn far more from that than you ever did in any of your highschool english classes.

  26. jtbourne says:

    Eats, Shoots and Leaves is already in the mail on the way to my house, thanks!

  27. Ballgame says:

    I use electric razor to hack the stubble. Then I shave. The shaving cream you use is important. Then I shower. After shower I put lotion on my face. Otherwise my face would be on fire.
    Thus way works great for me. Most people shave after te shower but not me.

  28. Danimal says:

    if not sporting a beard, find a good/reliable electric shaver that works for your skin/face contours. then, like Matty J said, go to the foo-foo store and find a really nice face lotion. helps immensely.

  29. Chris Gent says:


    Try using CO Bigelow’s Shave Cream from Bath and Body Works. I use that in the shower (after 2-3 minutes) in combination with a freshly washed face. I shave with a Fusion manual razor, sometimes twice a day, and have no issues. The whole warm water / washing the face / fresh razor every 10 days / premium shaving cream (NON-FOAMING is the key) softens the skin and bears, and even if I shave 3-4 hours before playing a hockey game (in 100 degree+ Texas no less) or coaching a practice for the kids, I never notice it and don’t get bumps.

  30. Steve C. says:

    I also have to shave everyday, and an electric razor is the only way to go.
    Plus you can do it and watch Sports Center at the same time.

  31. minnesotagirl71 says:

    While I love the look of a scruffy face on a guy, there is something fabulous about the feel of a freshly shaved and moisturized face. Yay for you guys who go to the foo foo store and pick out moisturizer!! Next step on the path to enlightenment….SPF.

    Another interesting place for grammar info or a peek into the STRANGE mind of the writer – Odd little website with some humorous “comics” on how to use a semi-colon, the use of i.e. vs e.g. and definition of irony.

    The simple JB logo is classy!

  32. Travelchic59 says:

    Bourne, I have to tell you that you have some of the most interesting posters on this blog. Like you, I always learn something new from reading their posts. Seem like a nice group of people.

    Enjoy your time here in NYC and on LI.

  33. Deirdre says:

    Yay for full time employment! Now I just have to remember to right-click-open-in-new-tab…otherwise I forget to go back and miss out on all the awesome comments.

    Pick up some Airborne ( for Bri before the flight – the stuff really is amazing, plus cheap, easy, tastes pretty good, and helps even after you’re sick :-)

    Let’s hear it for late-night Bourne posts! BTW, in case it becomes a problem. There is an app out there that requires you to do some math problems before it will let you hit “send”…you know, in case there are one too many beers between end-of-real-job and here! Speaking of, how is the learning how to like scotch thing going?

  34. Danimal says:

    for the record: scotch is one of the lowest calorie, if not lowest alcohol there is. and it tastes damn good and makes you feel like you are on Mad Men. and if ever in Scotland, don’t call it scotch. they don’t like that so much.

  35. RewskiUVA says:


    just an idea you can use or completely disregard altogether:

    Would you ever consider putting a poll at the bottom of every post that was a simple 1-10? 1 if the reader hated it, 10 if they loved it.

    It could be an easy way get a general feel for readers interest in the post and It might be fun in the future to look back at your top rated posts.

  36. jtbourne says:

    Hadnt considered it, love it. Where my web guy at?

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