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Chips Are Aptly Named


Sports injuries suck, but they heal.

Sadly, with age, they sort of un-heal.

Healing to healed is fun. Beware the un-healing process. Less fun.

Healing to healed is fun. Beware the un-healing process. Less fun.

You’ve seen the “un-healed” - that group of fun old guys that limp around with bad knees because they used to do squats with bison on their back during their football days. 

Is it too soon to look like one of those guys?

I rarely missed a game during my hockey playing days (supply your own “’cause you never went in a corner” joke).  I Ironman’d it (never missed a game due to injury) for all three years of junior, all four years of college, and my first year + of pro.

*(The one college game I missed was A HEALTHY SCRATCH my junior year.  But I’m not bitter.)

In order to accomplish this feat, I played on percaset, cortisone or adrenaline on multiple occasions.  Nothing says recovery like re-injuring stuff you can’t feel.

So, here I am.  The last professional game I played was on my 26th birthday, almost nine months ago.

I’m not gonna rattle off my list of ailments, cause I’m still a young buck, so “shut up and stop complaining” right – I can understand that.  The list shouldn’t be this long.  But, as a reminder of the beatings I took, my front tooth (already 3/4 fake) chipped on a chip tonight (…is that irony? Alanis Morissette messed up my ability to tell). 

Perfect timing to enter the American health/dental world.  Anyone know a good dentist in Phoenix?

Also, this is my first year as a hockey fan, and I won’t be living in Canada.  Obviously, this means I won’t be getting the CBC, TSN, SportsNet, or Headline Sports, all of which come with every basic cable package in Canada, and the last three run hockey highlights roughly 40 minutes out of every hour.  Seriously.

So how do I stay in touch?  The Center Ice package?  Pirated cable?  Move back to Canada?  Sign up to play for the Coyotes? (I assume that’s how it’s going to work there this year, isn’t it? On a volunteer basis?)

"Ugh, my knees hurt from squatting bison."

"Ugh, my knees hurt from squatting bison."

All I know is, I’m too excited for this years NFL season to be mad at ESPN’s coverage right now.  Show me all the clips of Brett Favre punting Packer nation in it’s cheeseballs that you can dig up, I’m fully entertained.

I’d say the Pack are up there in my top couple teams to root for, but this is just too fun to follow, because you know some die-hard Favre-tattooed cheese-doodle-eating Wisconsin-ite has contemplated killing either himself or Brett in the past few days.

Watching Favre right now is like excusing your crazy Grandmothers rantings at the Thanksgiving table because “she doesn’t know what she’s saying”.  He’s that far gone for doing this.  He needs to be medicated.

I’m almost loving the NFL drama enough to chose NFL Sunday Ticket over a whole tooth tomorrow.  But only almost.


8 Responses to “Chips Are Aptly Named”
  1. rm says:

    Well if they do medicate Brett, just make sure the meds only paralyze his vocal cords whenever a reporter is within 5 feet of him and doesn’t mess with his wry smile, scruffy beard and big brown eyes!! Will Brett’s return cause Madden to unretire? Or will John just be spouting lots of sappy stuff about Brett from his couch and let his wife get a feel of how it was to be Al Michaels for the past decade of football?

    As for hockey viewing, I’m only familiar with the Direct TV NHL center ice package, and that included the NHL-Network (USA version, apparently like smarties, not the same as it is North of the Border). On Wednesday the NHL-Network usually picked up the feed (TSN?) from a game involving a team from Canada. On Saturday, NHL Center Ice picked up the CBC games, the 7 pm, 10 pm and After Glow with Scott Oakes.

    If you go with DirectTV, be sure to get the sports pack add-on (~$12.99/month) for all the regional sports network, unfortunately, they don’t consider TSN a regional network (bummer, I love watching curling). This is a must if you want to follow any college hockey. Most of the Minnesota Gophers games are televised (note, best enjoyed with the audio OFF!), and then games from Hockey East, ECAC and the CCHA. The College Hockey News website ( keeps and updated listed of the TV schedule and has the channels for all outlets (DirectTV, Dish, local). Also, this is a must during the NC$$ hockey regionals, with it you can see all the games (unless you, a friend and 2 dogs roadtrip to Grand Rapids to see that regional’s games live :) ).

    I’m glad you and Bri had a good journey to Phoenix and good luck on the job search.

  2. Kyle says:

    @ rm: Are you formally lodging a complaint against Mozzoco and Wooger? There are few things better in this world than listening to a more-than-likely inebriated Doug Woog rant on about nothing; and when I say “nothing,” I mean it could be something but 10 scotch & waters diluted his words into mumbles. Love it!

  3. possum says:

    Get Center Ice, that’s step two. Step one is to make sure the NHL and our TV providers settle their BS contract differences in the next month. At least Dish Network and DTV are still up in the air; I’m not sure about cable because where I live it’s 2009, and I hold my TV provider to a standard that is appropriate for this era. The NHL Network (which is NOT part of Center Ice) will get you through between games.

    The thing you need to know about Center Ice is that you won’t get any pre- or post-game from the local stations, it comes on during the national anthem and shuts off when they go to commercial after the final horn. Some stations don’t even give you commercials…which is good and bad. I hate seeing the same ad for the Minneapolis Ford dealership over and over. But I cannot get enough of the Toronto ad where they advertise the Ski-Doo, which you guys apparently pronounce like “23 Skidoo.” Hilarious. For a lot of major matchups and Canadian teams, Center Ice will push a CBC or TSN feed…and sometimes in French for the Les Habitants. The good news is you get to hear guys like Jack Edwards verbally masturbate Tim Thomas and you can change it to John Davidson or Darren Pang just before Edwards gets all sticky. I gotta be like Costanza and end on a high note there….

  4. cegger says:

    great read. found this link in the isles section of HFboards. keep up the good work justin!

  5. rm says:

    @kyle: Woog and Mozzoco, sober or not, are easier to deal with if your interests in college hockey are west of the Mississippi. If your favorite college hockey team has been screwed by the NC$$, and the the “almighty goofers” and their olymipic ice, well then, then you will understand me for wishing ill-will to all maroon and gold clad rodents and their followers.

    With Direct TV (at least the 2008-09 version), if you ordered NHL Center Ice, that also got you the NHL Network.

    Is JD still doing color? I thought since he became a big-wig with the STL Blues, he was limited to interviews during intermissions. Yeah, Jack Edwards is a homer that can go boast – for – boast with any annoucer from Minnesota :) .

    Justin, what’s the latest on the “bourne blog” fantasy football league? I’m a fantasy league virgin, thus don’t have a clue how to get this rolling. I’m all into for a grain of salt and bragging rights (or the unfortunate right to be dumped on for a year).

    Are you thinking of going with the ESPN fantasy league or the version? Will “Big Ben” be out for a significant amount of time with an achilles injury? How many times will the Lion’s Stafford be eating turf/grass/artifical green stuff? What week will Mark Sanchez get his first start? What superbowl bets did you and Brianna place in Vegas?

  6. possum says:

    @rm: You’re right about JD in St Louis, I was at work and just threw out the first two that came to mind. NHL Network though, has been coming with the maximum channel package on both Dish and DTV (I just switched to DTV 2 weeks ago). You definitely don’t have to have Center ice for it, the bars down here in NC get it and you know a bar in the south isn’t going to have Center Ice. :D

  7. jtbourne says:

    On Woog: This guy, for some reason, is an extremely polarizing figure. From a non-Gopher in a Gopher-loving-league, I can tell you that I find him so nauseatingly biased, it voids any knowledge of hockey he may have.

    Selfishly, the Bourne’s Blog fantasy league looks like it won’t happen for football, since I’ve been invited to be a part of a pretty advanced league, and my partner fronted the entry fee. But, I’d love to get a league started for hockey this year. I haven’t done it before, but maybe this week I’ll look into setting one up, and I’ll bring it up a few times to get people to join. You’re right, it won’t be for much, but it’d be a blast to have a bunch of people sending me comments like “I thought you knew shit about hockey?”

    Big Ben’s life is a train wreck. Stafford, despite his frequent grass-eating endevours will lead the Lions to three or four wins, at least. Sanchez… week one baby! J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets. I, um, bet on the Jets to win the superbowl, with 22-1 odds. Kind of a crappy bet, but I had to make it.

  8. Travelchic59 says:

    Just back from overseas and catching up. Saw your Vegas bet on the Jets. The hubby and I were in Vegas in early August for a convention (NHLBCC) and he also placed a bet on the Jets winning the Super Bowl. The odds were 19-1 then.

    Glad to read you and Bri had a safe drive from BC. Agree that Hoover Dam is cool. Saw it for the first time when I was in Vegas. Who knew they were that technilogically advanced back then?

    Good luck in Phoenix.

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