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The Blog Days of Winter

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On the heels of my stand-up comedy assessment, I watched Patton Oswalt’sNo Reason to Complain” (funny stuff).  Great excerpts:

On stand-up comedy if the comdian actually had a decent life: “Did you ever go out with someone and notice after three months of dating that they’re actually a muffin-basket made of rainbow-kisses?”

“Everytime you eat a steak, a hippie’s hacky-sack goes in the gutter”

On people getting praised for sober-living or having babies: “What about people like me, I get no praise cause I learned how to stop after 2 scotch’s and choose not to pollute the earth with more humans?”

Lastly, I left off reviewing one other comic that deserves mention.  He deserves it because he’s such a hack I want to save you the time.  Carlos Mencia’s entirely Mexican based comedy is obvious and delivered like the kid in class who knows the answer, yet doesn’t know the entire class wants to slap him.  If I were asked to judge his stand-up routine, on my scale it would get rewarded Dick Cheney’s conscience, because it’s an awful, awful thing that doesn’t do its job well.

Yesterday The Daily Show played a couple clips, as did CNN, of Dick Cheney getting wheeled out to the inaguration ceremony.  Stewart made jokes that Cheney should have be stroking a cat in his lap or something, he looked so evil. But was anyone else struck with the image of Mr. Potter from it’s a wonderful life? It’s uncanny.

           (If the middle picture wasn’t in colour, would you have any idea who it actually is?)

I’ve decided to let people who make their dogs wear sweaters live, conditionally.  That condition being that they do it to make their dog look cute, fancy, posh, whatever.  The ones who say they do it so their dog will stay warm still have to die, sorry.  I really don’t think this needs much of an explanation (read: fur), so we’ll leave it at death for dumb dog dressers.  Unless it’s in a catepillar costume, in which case thats just cute (yay for Kendra living!).

What’s with the new breed of male that eats a meal out of a tupperware containers at the gym the second their workout ends?  Have you seen these monsters?  I know how the whole muscle recovery thing works, in my line of work there’s enough people spouting nutrtrition that I’m thinking we should cannabalize them.  But unless you’re a body builder who’s training to have the best body in a judged competition, is a 1:4 protein to carb ratio meal necessary for your job in “sales”?”  I want to slash their mustang tires using the barbed wire around their biceps.  Even though 1 out of every 100 girls loves this type of guy (“boo hoo I just can’t seem to meet a nice guy… I’m gonna buy a cosmo and find out what I’m doing wrong”), the other 99 dread them at the bar (“what’s up” – chin up head nod).  But that’s just my opinion.

I hope everyone is enjoying their new USA, I thought it was cool how Obama turned that huge resovoir to cabernet sauvignon yesterday (Thanks for peeing in the pool, Geithner).  What’s going on in Canada these days?

Comments

3 Responses to “The Blog Days of Winter”
  1. Neil C. says:

    Nothing.

  2. Stand-up Guy says:

    Yo. Check out the late Mitch Hedberg for your comedy collection.

  3. jtbourne says:

    You know, in doing a little research of great comedians all-time top ten lists, that name was mentioned in there a number of times, and I had never heard of him. I’ll head to my local gold mine and see if they have something, I’m sure they will. Thanks.

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