Why The NHL Can’t Void Earlier Contracts, and Some Other Stuff

 

The NHL won’t de-register the frontloaded contracts that teams assumed were kosher.  They just can’t.  The consequences would be vastly damaging, like going back in time and killing a butterfly.  It’s just simply too late to make that move.

They have to know they can’t tell the Canucks that Luongo’s contract is no good, or the Blackhawks that Hossa’s is void.  Chicago already traded a half dozen players to make room for that contract.  The Canucks have made some moves themselves, but more importantly, having this come up at this point in summer leaves a major question: what would those teams have done differently in the off-season had they known their big deals were void?  Would either team have taken a run at other free agents? 

Point is, who knows what would be different now had teams been made aware that certain contracts they wrote up were no good – de-registering them now would fully eff with everyone’s roster and cap plans.  If the cap is designed to encourage parity (as in, fairness), it’s not exactly fair to penalize a team a whole summer simply because you changed your mind.

So if the NHL wants to say those contracts are “grandfathered in” when they change the clause that allows for these deals, fine.  Whatever you have to say to let them pass while you plug the hole.

But vaguely implying that you might still overturn them is annoying.  It’s the exact same thing as the Sochi Olympics bargaining chip – They want the PA to make a concession to protect those contracts, even though, really, the PA shouldn’t have to concede shit.  The CBA is what it is til 2012, and technically, those contracts are legal, sooo….. why are we doing you a favour again?  It’s the NHL who needs to make a concession to get the PA to agree to fix the loophole early.

For the record, I’m glad they seem to be willing to work with the NHL on making a fix.  I’m glad they’re talking CBA early.  It just bugs me that the NHL is creating bargaining chips out of nothing, especially with the PA as beleaguered as they are.

Could you imagine if the league told those teams that those contracts were void?  CHAOS.  Pure chaos.  It’d be a painful, tiring circle of arbitration court battles, appeals, fan revolt and misery.  They’re not going to void those deals.  They can’t.  They need to let that butterfly live.

*****

I like when my boy Wyshynski gets fired up about something, and this morning he made a nice twitter take-down of the “Crosby’s a drunken sex addict” email (And SB’s coverage of it).  I never really saw what the whole kerfuffle was all about, nor did I see the email, sooo - care to explain, anyone?

By the way, I spent ten straight minutes watching Penguins practice footage yesterday, with Guerin mic’d up (from playoffs two years ago).  What really stood out to me from watching, was that Crosby’s a massive geek (in a likable way), and that Guerin spent half his time trying to rein The Kid in from trying too hard.  Yeahhh, probably best to let Sid play with people who are pushing him, as opposed to the opposite.

*****

Antti Niemi to the Sharks, huh?  That’s pretty cool.  Personally, if I’d just won a Cup and had to be traded, I’d be hard-pressed to get too upset about taking my talents to a good team in San Jose.  Ummm…. can the Isles have one of your three goalies, SJ?  We’ll give you Brendan Witt’s rights.

*****

Also on the docket, Nikolai Khabibulin is going to jail in Phoenix, eh?  The prison down here is famous - tent city, as it’s known.  Apparently you just bake outside under huge tents in what’s essentially a massive parking lot, or something.  And ‘ol Sheriff Joe Arpaio makes the prisoners wear pink because…. um, because… wow that’s really stupid now that I think about it.

Anyway, here’s to hopin’ he can get himself outta there early for good behaviour or whatever it is he has to do to get himself outta the clink.

*****

My Wednesday column ran on Hockey Primetime yesterday because, y’know, it was Wednesday.  It’s on getting past the star-struck factor to play hard against names you’ve watched on TV, and you can read it here.

*****

Sooo, still waiting on the Kovalchuk thing.  It’s a shame that this whole saga has become the most news-worthy thing from the guy’s NHL career to date.  I mean, not like he hasn’t been spectacular and scored a ton of goals, just sayin’, if he has a Wikipedia page, this fiasco should be the lead paragraph.

And on that note, I’m out for the day!  Thanks for stopping by, and I hope you’ll be back.

Bissonnette, Mirasty, Gagne, Nielsen and Staal

 

White rabbits!  September’s going to be an AWESOME month.  And, for your reading pleasure, I start up at Puck Daddy in a week – Tuesday, September 7th.  Neat. O.

*****

It’s “one-touch passes” time:

As it’s been mentioned on Deadspin, probably Puck Daddy, and most definitely noticed on twitter…. Twuperstar Paul Bissonnette is back in action: @biznasty2poiont0 .  Soooo, we all got that goin’ for us.  Crushasaurus, where you at, brotha?

BTW, I’m a big fan of the “BizNasty” nickname – right up there with another (minor leauge) hockey fighter, John “Nasty” Mirasty. 

I mean… Nasty Mirasty?  Sounds like a bad-guy character you’d create for your hockey movie.  (I just googled “Nasty Mirasty” to see how to spell his last name, and the guy has his own website, complete with a “store” that’s not yet running). 

I found the four-pic combo of Mirasty below on Google Image, no idea whose it is, soooo thanks to them.  It’s also worth noting that I’d still rather fight this guy than Yablonski.

*****

I got some good responses on twitter the other day to this idea: Basically, is there any reason to believe Tampa Bay will finish any lower than the 5-6-7 seed in the East?  Their top six are insane, maybe the best in the leauge:  Lecavalier, St. Louis, Stamkos, Gagne, Malone and Downie.  Deaaaammnnn.

If Ellis or Smith can put together a good year – and there’s a strong possibility that one of those two quality tenders will – they’re a scary group.  And with the pick-up of Kubina and a year under Hedman’s belt….  Again – deaaammmnnn.

*****

Frans Nielsen of the Isles has been coming up more often in coversations as a guy could have a good year, which got me thinking…. is he strong enough to ever be considered someone who gets mentioned as one of the ”best third line centers in the NHL?”  That quote is from Brian Compton of NHL.com, a guy who thinks he it’s possible.  (By the way, just because Jordan Staal is a third line center doesn’t mean he’s a third line center ….if you get what I’m saying)

He certainly has the ability, but he’s just so slight… you can be as talented and smart as all hell, but if you lose the majority of your puck battles, it kills your line and hurts your team.

I’ll have to check out his ”corsi” stats to see if we can get some  indication of his ability to control the direction of the game, but I’m honestly asking, Isles fans: Is he strong enough to make the jump from capable to premier?  I don’t watch enough Isles games to judge.

*****

There’s not a whole lot of players in the NHL I’d rather have on my team than Jordan Staal.  Yet still, people insist that the Pens should trade away one of their three dominant centers for some support on the wings.  And to that I say, “no, no they shouldn’t.”

They have something no team can match with their 1-2-3 punch (major threat on three lines), which is a huge advantage.  You keep the option of having the toughest-to-stop final-minute three-man unit in the league.  Plus, a dozen teams are trying the “two stars and and a bunch of B-minus players” thing – making that trade puts you right back to where everyone else is.

With the additions of Martin and Michalek on D, to go with a couple other solid d-men, that team will be dangerous again this year.  In fact, they’ll contend every year – as long as they don’t do anything crazy.  Keep the three big centers, Pittsburgh.  Far more important to have those than great wingers.

*****

Did you check out my first piece of the season for The Hockey News Monday?  Good.  I’ll have another one on Hockey Primetime later tonight.

Bill Guerin’s Value, and… Tiger Woods Hid Some Money, Right?

 

Quick question first…. anyone know the latest with the Coyotes ownership situation?  Does Ice Edge own the team, or does the NHL still?  I’m totally unaware of what’s been going on.

(Update: just saw on twitter, Ice Edge is holding a press conference in Thunder Bay tomorrow.  To which Bruce Arthur responded “Why, is there a team there you’re not buying too?”)

*****

I had a couple Bill Guerin debates this morning - basically, here’s my thinking on one of my favourite players of all-time:

He’s probably a bad signing by anyone who’s not like, Columbus, and he won’t go play for a team like that. 

Sure, he had 21 goals last year – but he’s slowed a step or two (age will do that), and he put up those numbers playing alongside one of the best players in the history of ever (Crosby).  Also, 11 of his goals were PP ones, sooo, take him off a PP with Malkin/Crosby/Gonchar/Goligoski….

Before I explain myself further, the disclaimer: I do think he still has some value.  He’s not washed up or anything.  I just don’t see him being near as dangerous as he used to be.

Point is, if you want him to be a 3rd/4th line grind guy who plays less minutes, you’re better off spending your money on some young pup energy guy who’ll play for the same amount or less, and pour his heart and soul into his role while getting valuable experience. 

If you put him on one of your top two lines, he just doesn’t have the wheels to keep up with guys like Crosby anymore.  He’s hands aren’t quite as smooth as some of the young up-and-coming dishers, and while his snapper is still a weapon, honestly…. you’re just better off pulling some kid from the AHL who may be less of a natural, but plays in go-go-go mode like “the new” NHL demands.

Sorry Bill.  Again, you’re still one of my all-time faves, and wherever you end up, I wish you the very most luck.

*****

The Onion made a little joke this morning about Tiger having stashed some assets offshore in case of a divorce, buttt….. no joke, he must have done that.  C’mon.

I mean…. isn’t that sort of a no-brainer? 

For starters, you know he had money Elin didn’t know about so he could use it on his mistresses.  Not to like, buy them stuff, but just get flights/hotels, all that other shady stuff he was doing that he had to hide.  Second, he had to know that if he were to get caught cheating, that means divorce.  Which means he had to have tucked money away somewhere just in case, cause he was cheating a lot.  

It’s not like Elin didn’t get her fair share of dough (if the rumours are true), but c’mon…. dude had extra hidden somewhere didn’t he?

*****

Thanks for all the love out there yesterday, blog community.  And if I haven’t mentioned this in awhile, thanks so much to those of you who’ve donated.  You’re keeping the lights on here at “the office” during hockey’s off-season. 

If any of you fellow writers would like to propose a blogroll link exchange, drop me an email at jtbourne@gmail.com.  Gonna try to blow this thing up this year!

*****

Ooo, I forgot something fantasy hockey related - The BBHL (Bourne’s Blog Hockey League) is sticking with the head-to-head format.  20 was too many teams last year.  What’s the ideal number?

How Much Access Should Bloggers Have?

 

Puck Daddy’s editor, Greg Wyshynski, busted out a gem of a column on the NHL and it’s changing relationship with bloggers (not necessarily for the better). 

I find the discussion interesting, since I write on both sides of the fence – on the one hand, I write for an undeniably MSM outlet in USA Today.  I’ve contributed freelance work to others, such as the Arizona Republic.  And what are we calling The Hockey News?  They’re a mainstream print-and-online magazine that files my work in the blog section but occasionally runs the same pieces in print as columns.

On the other, there’s this site, where I sit down, and literally start typing whatever I’m thinking about the NHL (conspiracy! Bias! Kitteeennnnsssss!!). 

The point is, where do we stand on offering different levels of access for different mediums, when really…. how do you qualify anyone these days?  What do you call what I do?  Blournalism?

In many cases, the line is just too blurry.

The biggest grey area of all (and my other home), Puck Daddy, makes no bones about the fact that it’s a blog, but…. it doesn’t really walk or talk like a duck, so….  is it a duck?

It seems to me PD has a higher journalistic standard than a number of established mainstream sources (they cite references via links, they don’t hide their biases which is more honest, they often cover games in person, they run original interviews, and have a high level of access and respect).

Shouldn’t there be some sort of elite qualifying status for bloggers to get full access (if they want it)?  Some sort of case-by-case, team-by-team review process?  Sure, it’s silly to say “blogs aren’t worthy of credentials” (as the well-covered Rangers and Oilers have), but at the same time, I actually would be wary about letting too many guys/gals into the press box or dressing room.

No reason to beat around the bush here, just sayin:  I know the etiquette.  I’ve watched games from press boxes, dealt with reporters, and been in the dressing room a thousand kabillion times.  I’m not going to cause problems, start a confrontation, or embarrass the name of bloggers.

But I can’t say that a guy who’s never done it before would know how to conduct himself in the proper manner.  I’m sure teams are afraid of a guy taking up space that doesn’t know you shouldn’t ask the guy still punching holes in the wall why he didn’t bury that breakaway. 

And like any job or walk of life, there’s certain etiquette that needs to be followed to be taken seriously.  If we go golfing together for the first time, and you walk through my line, I’ll immediately take you less seriously as a golfer. 

Maybe getting access should take a combination of proving your page views and having a one-on-one meeting with the PR people (like a job interview) to qualify.  It’s tough to lump HockeyBuzz in with Puck Daddy in with Bourne’s Blog in with hockeywhatever.wordpress.com. 

Maybe you make a “no slandering the team” policy and try to sanitize it, the way it happens in other media forms.  Lord knows when I wrote that “nobody goes to Coyotes games because they’ve always sucked” in the Arizona Republic, the ‘Yotes would’ve loved to sanitize me straight out of the building, and probably would’ve preferred the state.  I mean, I’m opposed to sanitized writing, but we need to have criteria laid out so serious bloggers know what to aim for.

Whatever it is they do, I just don’t think a blanket policy would cut it.

******

Hey, you.  Yeah, you.  Go have yourself a nice Thursday.  And while you’re at it, follow me on Twitter.

Should the League Allow NHL Players To Go To Sochi?

 

I’m blinded by emotion when I try to discuss NHL players going (or not going) to the Olympics, so I’m not even gonna try to pretend that my “they should go” mentality is all that well-founded in logic.

But still, I’d like to understand the issues that are creating the league’s hesitancy (Bettman says their research shows support for players going is a “mixed bag”.  I presume the “mix” is a whole bunch of “well yeah, of course” and a dash of Bettman lies).

Since I’m not really up on all the ins-and-outs of the decision, I’m going to ask three questions, and maybe some readers can help me out:

1) Business is supply and demand.  The demand (from everyone who isn’t the league) for NHL players to be in Sochi in 2014 is insane.  Thus, there’s lots of money to be made there.  As of today, a major problem is that while some people are making money, the NHL does nothing but lose it.  And, of course, they’re the people taking the biggest risks.

If the IIHF and everybody else badly wants the best players in the world there, and that costs NHL owners money, is there not some sort of compensation that can be given from party A to party B so everybody can make some money, instead of just having party A make a ton of money?

2) I batted this about on Twitter with Bruce Arthur yesterday:

One of the reasons the owners give for how it costs them money is the “loss of momentum”.  As in, the 17 day lull in the schedule means some fans don’t know their team is back playing again, and thus, they miss out on ticket sales.

Obviously, this isn’t a problem in cities like Toronto, St. Paul, or Vancouver, but might be in cities like Raleigh-Durham, Atlanta or Nashville.

My question then is…. how much is that supposed lull really costing them?  Is “loss of momentum” a proven thing that they’ve established a value for?  The break is like, 17 days – just for the sake of pointing it out, most teams take a couple two-week road trips over the course of every season.  This is really that much different?  It’s certainly a lot more meaningful. 

And by the same logic, wouldn’t the lull end up bunching other games together, providing a “gain of momentum?” 

Basically, I’m skeptical that this is an important reason.

C) Isn’t this “should we let the players go?” talk from Bettman strictly to create a bargaining chip in the next CBA?  (Here are the thoughts of Jeff Marek from CBC, whom I’m in the process of agreeing with).  We all agree that Bettman’s “hesitance” is just to create an ”okay, you can go to the party, but only if you clean your room first” situation, when the parent was going to let the kid go all along I would think, no?

Shouldn’t the players be countering (as much as I hate these games) with a ”meh, whatever” response to that?

The whole thing is just like how I let Bri watch “Cake Boss” or “Ace of Cakes” in exchange for an episode of Sportscenter.  I freakin’ love Cake Boss.  Shhh.

As for the other reasons….

Risk of injury, star player fatigue, that sort of thing: I totally, totally get it.  I know it’s not all roses, this whole degrading the NHL schedule for something “bigger” thing.  But to me, and I said this on Twitter yesterday, there’s just zero/none/nil/no way you could convince me it’s not worth it, or that it won’t happen.

Hockey fans are just too in love with that tournament, and I honestly believe the NHL loves it too. If the players don’t go (hint: they will), it’ll be pitchforks and torches for months.

*****

Good news!  It’s a double post day.  Well, only because this one went well into four-digit words so I split it up, but whatever.  It looks like two posts.  Go read the other one!

A Quick Thought on the Advantage of Florida State Tax

 

Gooooood morning everyone.

Glad I was able to get a post up today - we leave Long Island to head back to Phoenix tonight, so the lady girls are dress shopping today.  Thus, I’m home alone with the laptop and some time (truth be told, there’s a sleeping baby somewhere in this house, and I have a monitor.  If she flinches, I’m to call her mom to have her come back.  I’m petrified.  Young Justin Bourne hated babies.  The new one is scared of them.) 

Real quick before my NHL money rant - for those of you who follow my Yahoo! Sports colleagues on Twitter (and you should - @wyshynski, @sean_leahy, @dchesnokov), you know they had their “meetings” in Toronto this weekend.  I’m grossly envious, as I was not there.  I was able to get together with Sean Leahy at Christopher’s in Huntington for all of two beer on Thursday, which really served as more of a fun-tease than anything.  Anyway, hope it was a good time fellas.

So ya, interesting tidbit of the day:  Dale Tallon in Florida was the other major bidder for a one Eric Nystrom.  The offer was for less money, but with the lower state tax, of course, so it was for worth roughly the same amount of cash to Eric.  With that in mind….

How great (financially) must it be to play in Florida? 

Leading to…. Shouldn’t Florida teams be able to consistently put together contenders?  They essentially have a bigger salary cap than other teams, if they’d be willing to spend to it.  {Sidebar: there’s also the whole shorts/bikinis and a tan thing, versus, I dunno, say, Edmonton}

You immediately have the bidding advantage on any player - matching an offer means you’re actually getting the player more money, plus the guys can become residents of Florida which is GOLD for anyone who makes/has scads of cash (or property), AKA NHL players.

Wealthy people spend years trying to find a Florida residency loophole.  And you just get one, boom.  So how about this thought: how much effing money does Vincent Lecavalier have?  A thousand years at a billion dollars per (or whatever the contract details were), plus residency (only required to be there six months a year) so you keep more of it?  He’s gotta have more money than anybody in the league, doesn’t he? (Not counting advertising, in which case Sid and Ovy pretty much dominate the pack, and by pretty much dominate the pack, I mean they take turns driving a car made of cash straight into the side of a bank, get out and mockingly say “deposssit”).

Still, Nystrom made the right call - I mean, for the same money, you have to choose the hockey-passionate city, and the team that gives you the best chance at your next contract being a good one (the improved shot at playoffs, better teammates/organization etc. – those things help that cause).  It’s tough to have a great year when a team is in a state of flux as Florida is - rebuilding is no fun. (Not that the Wild are awesome, but Florida is at the height of deck-shuffle).  Dude is a gritty player with more touch than people think (110 points in college).  Again, great signing by the Wild.

So yeah, in conclusion…. Florida - if you could just chuck together a remotely appealing organization, and offer guys like Eric the same money and have it be worth more… shouldn’t you guys almost always be good?

*****

Sorry for the short one, just fit it in before departing NY.  Allllmost back to normal life….

My Column Schedule, The Niemi to NYI Rumo(u)r

 

First and foremost, an “I love you” and a “get well soon” to my dear Mom, who had her third vertebrae-fusing back surgery in about two years this morning.  Hope this is the one that keeps the pain away

*****

Also on the get well soon train…. A year ago today, Breezy and I pulled into Phoenix, Arizona in the 117 degree heat, and set up shop.  Today, coincidentally, is also the first time in that year that Bri will be coming home from work for a sick day.  Tomorrow, also coincidentally, is the first time we’ll headed back together to NY for a little family vacay.  Needless to say, she isn’t pleased with the timing of her illness.  Get well soon kiddo.  Like, by tomorrow soon.  But no rush.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My appearance has changed since moving to the desert.

*****

The Jets lost to the Giants last night, and my boy Sanchez threw a pick on his first play in the new stadium.  On the upside, Eli Manning got drilled and spilled blood, so you can’t fully consider the game a loss.  Also, Fireman Ed got mean with a 3/4 buckled Giants fan (via Deadspin).  Nice.

*****

Like when I write words into sentences about hockey? 

Well good.  You’ll be seeing a whole fuckton of them this year.  (If you haven’t noticed, I’m done putting asterisks in swear words on Bourne’s Blog.  Who was that protecting, just out of curiousity?)  With 94.6% certainty, it looks like I’mma be a daily columnist (five steady days a week), only my columns will be distributed around a few different sites. 

I’ll release the exact where-and-when dates September 1stish, but you can count on the sites being The Hockey News, Puck Daddy, USA Today and Hockey Primetime.  Thus, all my serious hockey stuff will be in column form, and my blog will become A) a place to find my days-old columns and links to my just-released ones  B) a daily purging of all the stupid shit I think about, including un-columnable hockey thoughts, cat pictures, and sarcasm-laced booze references.  and C) a place to count on finding reasonable, smart and fun hockey people (sounds like I’m running a singles site) who can answer all of our questions about whatever.  I seriously learn more in my comments section than I do anywhere else.

The point is, I won’t be abandoning Bourne’s Blog, but I’ll no longer be waking up at 6:30, reading stuff, then writing it.  It’s gonna become my end of the day, cathartic, content-posted at night spot.  So, ya know…. let me know if it starts sucking balls and I’ll do something about it.

*****

How do men that shave everyday do it?  I’ve got a bit of a leather face – I can pretty much just get to ‘er with minimal preamble (or whatever you wanna call hot towels, lotions etc).  But if I shave on consecutive days you’ll see more red bumps than the time I spilled Kool-aid on that braile book. 

Am I not leathery enough yet?  Should I just go George Hamilton on the Hasselhoff roast and let my face turn into whatever-the-fuck-it-was he had going on?

*****

My colleague Lyle Richardson of “Spector’s Hockey” (the bang-up rumours round-up site) made mention of the Islanders rumour (via the New York Post and Chicago Tribune), saying that Antti Niemi could possibly maybe oh-god please sign with the New York Islanders.  The next sentence however, points out that Katie Strang, the Islanders beat writer, says her sources say ”not true”.  Soooo, there’s that.

My thoughts:  I’ve found it hard to get a feel for the quality of Katie’s inside info this year.  It’s not like she’s ever been wrong, and she’s wicked at her job, but she’s just come off her first year at it, she’s young, and people don’t automatically tell you things until you create your own relationships with those well-embedded in the organization.  Why would anyone tell Strang anything (and no offense to Katie, again, she had a great first year) that they didn’t want to be public knowledge?  Nothing to be gained.  She’s basically the Isles ”going public” outlet, and until there’s something to “go public” with, she’s probably still somewhat in the dark about behind the scenes.  Also, that was a lot of me talking out my ass and hoping she’s wrong.

I’m not saying the rumour is legit, I’m just pointing out that GM’s (and the like) are very cautious about what they say to people whose job it is to give messages to the public.  Plus, Niemi for $2.75?  That’s too exciting a rumour to not find some justification for it’s possible legitimacy.

Yeah!  Strang doesn’t know.  They’re signing him for sure!  Right guys?  Guys?……

*****

 So, sadly, that’s all for me until I’m back from Long Island on Monday.  After that, no more delays or trips or gaps in posts - just five days a week, uninterrupted coverage of nothing in particular.  Which I’m sure – phew – is a huge relief for everyone.  Ooo!  You can check out Hockey Primetime on Wednesday for a column I wrote on the pros and cons of turning a defenseman into a forward!  Do it Toronto!  Make Kaberle a CENTERICEMAN!  I dare you!

In Which I Don’t Address Kaberle Beyond A Sentence…. Um, And A Title

 

Crap, there’s a picture of Tomas in here too.  Sorry for the lies.

*****

If you haven’t been following my obnoxious ravings on twitter, I did end up getting that Droid 2 I was inquiring about.  Basically, I “wasn’t eligible for an upgrade” before cause I ran into that one crappy employee at every phone store everywhere.  But now…. Shazam!  I have the phone.  Also, the Shazam app.

I won’t bore you with too many of the details, but my god…. this thing is a GPS (getting a car mount for it), a Sky Caddie, an iPod (w/ Pandora), a social networking dream, a sports highlight machine, a disorganized persons organizer, and….  a cell phone.  

I Can Has Cheezburger is now constantly at my fingertips.  Productivity – ruined.  Social awkwardness evading capabilites – enhanced.  Sooo, just me and you on this elevator for 15 floors HEY OMG LOOK something is neat on my phone. Can’t show you what, but I’ll be looking down for the next minute because of it…

*****

Kaberle didn’t get traded – no, instead, he stayed a Maple Leaf in Toronto.  Je ne care pas.  This is my first summer as an official hockey writer guy, and my first thoughts on it are “this part sucks”.  MAD props (yep, I gave em) to writers that muster up such great work during this generally dull time of the sports year - Guys like Wyshynski, Mirtle and Elliotte Friedman, who stay crazy-readable over the course of the NASCAR-packed summer.

While we’re discussing media, I’m seeking reviews on a couple people (who kinda seem like polar opposites).  I haven’t really read or watched much from either, but both seem to be popular and relevant (and since I seem to have similar tastes to my readers, lets hear what you think).  Larry Brooks of the NY Post (I only know about the Torterella battle, and that it seems like some of his tweets were typed with a flamethrower) and Steve Dangle of…. Steve Dangle… up in T-Dot.

Do we likes?  Dislikes?  Does anybody wanna go for a beer at Christopher’s in Huntington this week?  What about the Off-Broadway Pub in Greenlawn?  I love that place.

*****

OMG it’s almost hockey pool time! 

First and foremost, a confession – I still owe on a lost bet from last years finals, which if I haven’t mentioned lately, I was in.  Out of 20 teams.  You’re all idiots, I’m a genius, etc.

AHEM.  Anyway…. I owe a bottle of Crown Royal to my man Pat.  I still remember buddy.

This year it’s going to be a pay league, since last year’s league filled up in 4.8 miliseconds and had too many teams (and because I love gambling).  It’ll probably be similar to the same format with a few less squads, simply because I thought last year worked beautifully.  And, I might do two leagues to accomodate more people, blah blah blah I’ll let you know.  Likely in the $50 - $100 range with top 3 getting a little cash.  I won’t skim any either, unless I find a really awesome way to do it.  Like shutting down the blog and moving to Mexico with my $600 CASH, baby.

Also, if you play in my league and ignore your team for a seriously-extended period of time (like a week-long head-to-head matchup and beyond), your money goes towards buying and training something evil that flies (a Mr. Burns monkey?) to come hunt you down and steal your retinas.  I HATE that. I don’t remember who it was from last year, but if anyone does, single out that guy who’s neglect cost other people success, on my behalf.  Thanks.

*****

Didn’t have time to FJM (or whatever you wanna call it) Ryan Lambert’s “What We Learned” this week (also, I plain forgot), but if you haven’t seen it yet, it can be read here.  I’ve grown to seriously enjoy his contributions.  Looking forward to calling him a colleague during the upcoming season.

*****

Quick question:  Is it one of the world’s biggest scams that all phones aren’t waterproof yet?  I mean, they’ve had that technology since back when Mickey Rourke was handsome.  And how about the all-telling, warranty-voiding “red dot” feature that gets turned red by water, steam, fog, breath, heavy air or saying the word “wet”.  Mine is still fine 48 hours later, but I’ve never made it the full duration of a phone’s life without it changing at some point.  Nice hustle goin’ there.

*****

When I return from New York on the 23rd, I plan to kick the hockey season off by doing some 2010-11 previews, starting with a couple video blogs like I did last year (in those, I claimed Montreal and St. Louis would make playoffs as eight-seeds – I was close).

In the meantime, follow me on Twitter, dude.  Get with the times!  By the way, shouldn’t we have an acronym for Monday?  Friday gets TGI (to the F), can’t we rock a FMI (to the M?).  That’s a “Fuck me, it’s….”

FMIM!

The Rangers vs. The Islanders, The Four-Cheer Theory

 

Quick personal life update before puck stuff:  I’m feeling very American these days, as Bri and I are doing our best to stimulate the economy with money we don’t have.  Bri bought a sharp little 2008 Volkswagen Passat yesterday (white, black leather, tint), and I’m heading to Verizon today to get the Droid 2 that came out yesterday (with my “free” upgrade). 

I’m going to be USELESS to the world for the first week or two I have it, since I clearly get far too engrossed in trying to figure my new toys out.  I spent the entirety of my Kelowna – Phoenix flight customizing settings on this year-old dell my Aunt just oh-so-generously donated (thanks again!).  BOOM, NEW WINDOWS OPEN AS TABS NOW. (UPDATE: Not eligible for an upgrade after all.  Excuse me while I swan dive into a wood chipper)

Also on the personal front, AHHHHHHHOMGARIZONAHHHHH!

It was dead, so we’ve hypothesized that Tyson (our owl-eyed kitty) ninja-snapped it’s neck before it could do any harm.  And then, um, removed it’s neck, or something.  HI-YAH!

*****

Since this is, in fact, a hockey blog, we should talk a little puck.  (Duuuude, sports are almost happening again!)

First off, yesterday I tweeted the question: Who’s going to finish higher in the East, the Rangers or the Islanders?  According to my @’s, it appears that the NHL doesn’t even need to play the games this year, because the Rangers will clearly finish higher.  OBVI.

I asked the question, because I think it’s gonna be pretty close.  I think the Rangers will finish seeded in the 7-9 range, with the Isles in the 8-11 range.

After the 2009-10 season, I had thought that the Isles were going to be a lot better team heading into 2010-11, and could contend for a playoff spot.  All their young stars would be starting to become actual stars (that’s the big one), the d-corps would be better (didn’t realize that would be even more true thanks to aquisitions, which was a bonus), and the team had money (it now needs) to spend. 

The problems have been: (a) They haven’t really spent that money yet, at least not in a way that meets the “here’s what they could’ve done” standards most fans have.

(b) Their goalie situation is stressful.  It’s been the summer of available goaltenders, and I’m not comfortable counting on Roloson or DiPietro.  DP for the obvious (you have to protect him with another starter like last year), and Rolly, while great in 09-10, is quite frankly getting old, and that scares me.  I know Brodeur is old, but he’s also one of the best in the history of ever.

And (c) the biggest reason I’m not as stoked on the Isles as I could be, is EVERYONE ELSE got much, much better.  Especially the lesser teams from the East, which increases both teams degree of difficulty factor.  Toronto improved more than the Isles.  Tampa Bay improved more than the Isles.  Atlanta got a whole hell of a lot better.

So this NYR vs. NYI debate is legit because…. did the Rangers somehow get a ton better?  I got messages about Lundqvist and Gaborik (72 and 76 GP respectively last year, BTW), but…. weren’t they there and healthy last year?  So is Frolov going to be enough to push that team above and beyond?  I dunno, but when you only have a few cogs to count on (same goes for the Isles), it really comes down to which team has better injury luck.

I think the Rangers will probably finish higher, but not by much.  They’ll be highlighted in the same graphics after 70 games that show “games remaining” and “points” for bubble teams.  And for Ranger fans, let me plant this seed…. after watching the heart and grit it took to get teams into the finals last year (think Richards, Pronger, Toews, Bolland, etc) are you comfortable having your two studs be Gaborik and Frolov?

I know I’m comfortable with Okposo and Tavares.  Go Isles! 

*****

*****

I talked to someone who used to manage a team in the AHL/IHL, and he said he made sure his owners did one thing so he could take care of his job filling the seats - they needed to take care of the “four-cheer theory“.

That being that basically, fans feel like they’ve got their money’s worth if they can cheer hard at least four times in a game.  Ideally, that’s a minimum of two goals, one fight, and a win.  If your team can take care of that, you can sell tickets.

This came about during one of the ten million “Coyotes Attendance Solution” talks that happen everyday, featuring Joe and John Blow.  He brought up the four-cheer theory as an addendum to my point, which was that since Phoenix isn’t a rich hockey culture, you need at least a star that people can look forward to watching. 

They try to do here what they should do in Edmonton – get great value out of up-and-coming players (and an honest workhorse in Doan), play a solid team game, have great work ethic etc.  Everyone appreciates that in Canada.  Here, it’s less valued by the casual fan.  Would they be better having one Datsyuk over a bunch of Pyatt/Hanzal/Korpikoski/Ebbett’s etc’s?  I think they might.  But I do know that Coyotes fans should be able to get those crucial four cheers on any given night next season, so they’ll be worth checking out.

(I’m gonna be sorry I started that thread, aren’t I?)

*****

That’s it for today folks, off to buy my first fancy touchscreen machine that I’ll inevitably wreck within the first month (serious hunch that I’ll be running that sentence again, only in quotes, and like three weeks from now to start a tale of woe).

TGIF, hope it’s a great weekend!

The Bloge Salming Podcast, Now With More Me

 

The Hockey Greats Fanatasy Camp stole my voice.  Fully theived it.  Thus, I was forced to put off the debut episode of the “Bloge Salming Podcast”…. until today.

For your listening pleasure, everything you already knew about me, only this time in a 19 minute conversation with none other than Mr. Salming himself.  I’m a tad disheveled, but it came together alright!

Big thanks to Bloge for having me on, and if you haven’t seen his work before, it’s must-check-out stuff.

www.blogesalming.com

www.twitter.com/blogesalming

My favourite piece of Bloge work: Olympic Welcome Rap

Powered by Podbean.com

Ice Edge, Bobby Orr, and Dougie. …No, Not Dougie G, Cali Swag Dougie

 

If any of you have ever blogged for an entire year of your life, and barely cleared $600 in total ad sales in the process, you’ve had your card declined before.  Even if you’re not a blogger, it’s happened to most of us.

The goal, when that happens, is to not have anybody but the cashier know, and to discreetly pull out some other card, or to slink away entirely unnoticed. 

Can you imagine trying to buy a professional sports franchise if you didn’t know you could pull the money together?  I simply wouldn’t take steps one through done if there was some chance my card could be publicly declined at the last second.  Could you swipe that again, please?

I haven’t been following the Ice Edge group’s purchasing of the Phoenix Coyotes in the last few weeks, since I’ve been home in Canada tending to other things.  Thus, I have no authority or information to speak on the matter, but my blog is more of a conversation than a speech, so I hope to learn something today.  Is it true that they don’t have the money?  I’d be heartbroken.  I really liked these guys, but this weirds me out.

I chucked my support behind them, I liked what they were doing, etc. etc.  I just can’t imagine bidding on a team with money I wasn’t sure I could get.  Embarrassing if true.  So, Coyote followers…. whasstheword?

*****

One of the neatest things I get to discuss with our Fantasy Camp pros every year is their reverence for Bobby Orr.  I bring him up every year, cause it’s fun to watch them transform into little kids.  It seems to me that while other sports-heroes fade or grow tainted, Bobby’s star just continues to grow brighter.

Not only is Mr. Orr about the right age for our pros to have grown up watching, but he treats them all with his own special brand of respect, admiration and class.

My Dad tells two stories – one, where he was in a golf tournament and Bobby was there.  In these charity events, a pro (in this case Bobby) will be on a par three, he’ll hit a shot, and after, you can decide whether to use his shot (for a donation) or your own.  Dad says he was so nervous he could barely grip the club with his idol watching.  Full on shaking.

And years later, Dad talks about sitting in a hotel room with Gilmour, Semenko and other idiots after a charity game having bottles of wine, with helmets on their heads backwards and empties all around.  Orr knocks on the door to hang out, they see him through the peephole, and silently rush around trying to tidy up and pull it together.  One of very few men on the planet I know beyond a president that could get those guys to do that.

Semenko says he still remember when he met Orr for the first time and he knew his name, he nearly peed his pants.  Bobby Orr knows who I am…. You should see that huge man tell that story.  Like he opened a choo-choo train on Christmas morning.

Ask any old pro, and they’ll tell you Orr has a mystique and status above any and all in the history of the game, including Gretzky (a well-respected man in his own right).

*****

I often read my BlackBerry at urinals.

*****

Remember when I wrote about my Dad getting outbid on golf shoes at a charity auction by Mike Commodore, Commodore not liking them, giving them to Dad, and me being excited cause they were my size so I’d probably end up with them?  Well get this:

They were donated to be auctioned off by my brother, who got them from my Mom, who got them from her garage, where I left them because I didn’t like them, after my Dad had bought them for me for Christmas.  Follow THAT who’s on first.

*****

Our Fantasy Camp has formed a partnership with Ex Nihilo Vineyards for our wine sponsor next year, and ohh myy godd is it amazing (as is our beer sponsor, Okanagan Spring and their delicious 1516.  That’s beyond pandering BTW, we really do have badass drinks sponsors). 

One of the owners is Jeff Harder, a hockey guy in his own right, who happens to be buddies with Jarome Iginla and Chuck Kobasew, and oh-by-the-way is also the Rolling Stones personal vinter. 

Our gift bags included his shmancy $40 bottle of “Night” (a cab-sauv/merlot blend), and our final gala included a dozen assorted, excellent bottles (the pinot gris made people’s heads explode), which he personally served.  Check out his vineyard via the following link (it’s located beside my other personal fave, Gray Monk), and order yourself a case or six:  Ex Nihilo Vineyards

*****

So much more to write and say now that I’m feeling fresh and alive again, but I’ll save it for the remainder of the week.  I’m recording a podcast with none other than Bloge Salming (who pronounces that “Bloggy Salming”, if you were wondering) tonight, and I’ll have a fresh new column out for you guys on Hockey Primetime in the next few days.

So for now, enjoy the dance stylings of the Boston Celtics Big Baby Davis, and the reply done-up by none other than Krypto-Nate Robinson:

The Original:  Cali Swag District – Teach Me How To Dougie

Miss Me?

 

Alas, dear friends, my week-long writing hiatus has come to a close. I’d love to say that I’m back at it with a renewed vigor – and I will be – but as of today, I’m still healing from self-inflicted damage over the past week in Kelowna.  My liver’s still in a walking boot and wearing gauze head-wrap.

I’m gonna leave commenting on the Fantasy Camp alone for today. I feel like the majority of my readers have been inundated with Twitter updates and blog posts that read more like one long advertisement than commentary, so lets get into something new.

{Okay, one quick highlight (which I tweeted): Dale Hawerchuk walks by my bro who’s shotgunning a beer from his wheelchair and deadpans “No wonder you can’t feel your feet” and carries on.  I died (after waiting for Jeff to laugh first).}

So then! 

What’s been goin’ on, what’s up, where ya been? Is it hockey season yet? Lets get a good chat going today – I’ll start it off with a few of my top thoughts from my TBAF.

*****

The Kovalcontract was rejected by the arbitrator.

This “common sense overruling a legal loophole” thing is rare in our society, and I gotta believe it’s something we need to be more supportive of.  I FUME when some obvious criminal gets off because his attorney threads the needle through some tight legal wording.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for innocent until proven guilty, and I understand due process, but I can’t support legal trials that end in ”innocent when guilty because a police officer improperly labelled one of the evidence bags” (or whatever the wink/shrug is that’s used by the defense attorney).

My point is, when it comes to pinning down shady behaviour like the Kovalchuk deal, I’m taking a page out of Justice Potter Stewart’s, who when trying to come up with with the legal description for hardcore porn said “I know it when I see it”.  Just because some sketchy things are tough to put firm parameters on doesn’t mean we can’t recognize them. 

The greatest comparison I heard for the Kovy rejection was the speeding one – we’re not pulling over everyone going seven above the speed limit, maybe not even ten, but at some point, we have to draw the line.

Had they let it pass, I bet Tavares was ready with a pen to finalize his 90-year, $180 million dollar deal, with $140 million in the first 20 years, for a $2 million dollar cap hit.  Nuh-uhhh, you can’t stop us, the CBA (technically) allows it! /thumbs nose

*****

Before Derek Boogaard signed with the NY Rangers for what everyone and their dog are calling an overpayment, the Oilers were interested in signing him.  I won’t say for how much, but when they lost out on him, they started shopping for another heavy.  The quote from someone in the Oilers organization during a discussion on “the next guy” was that “he wants Boogaard money”.   How LOLable is that?  There was “Gretzky money”, there’s been “Ovechkin money”, there might even be ”Luongo money” - I now present to you, “Boogaard money”.  Enjoy. 

{BTW, I imagine the Busta Rhymes dance for “Arab Money” to be the one Boogaard does during slow moments in his day.}

*****

Don’t you just fully need a case of the Financial Fuckits to enjoy a travel day?  I LOVE travelling, always have.  But really, if you’re watching your wallet while you travel, you KILL the trip.  I tried to do that yesterday, and had 1/8th the fun. 

If you’re okay with spending in an airport, there’s all the amenities: mall-quality chinese food (my fave), massages, great reading material, plenty of downtime, internet connections, smoothies, whatever.  So I think it’s official - if I’m getting ran from behind by security and prices anyway, I’m gonna start using whatever money I have as a helmet.  Hey Freshens, one Strawberry Sunrise please.

*****

You guys see Tim Tebow’s rookie haircut yesterday?  Friar Tuck-style?  Whoever thought of that – especially coming from an NFL dressing room - gets a +1 from me.  Even though he’ll have no idea what that means.

Mind-Dump Extrordinaire. …Eh, Fairly Ordinaire, Actually

 

It’s sad that my own little piece of serenity has evolved to including a couch, a laptop and free time, but that’s where I’m at these days.  I’ll spare you any more updates on our fantasy camp, except to say I’ll be tweeting about it throughout next week, and if you want to know more, check out our poorly-updated, frustrating, soon-to-be-exploded website.

But for tonight, lets lighten my “to blog about” file.  My TBAF, if you will.  I cleaned out most of the junk on the plane, so I’m not even screening what’s left in there, I’m just gonna touch on everything still kickin’ around.  RANDOM TIME!

*****

I watched the documentary “Bigger Stronger Faster” on steroids (wait, that sounds wrong – I wasn’t ON steroids, it was about them) the other night, and man is it something.  Refreshing, original and intensely interesting, it’s shot from the viewpoint of three brothers that either do them or have done them.  The film attempts to give a more fair and balanced look at a drug they think has an unnecessarily bad rap, with the host playing devil’s advocate in EVERY interview. 

I immediately tweeted something along the lines of “the NHL needs to get out ahead of steroids before some scandal makes them look silly”.  Basically, they need to be proactive before something comes along and makes whatever new policy they’ll inevitably adopt seem reactionary (put me on the record for one “I saw that coming” when “it” breaks). The league doesn’t test enough, some players surely use (“summer cycle!’), and it’s naive to think it’s only a problem in other sports.

*****

*****

Sometimes if we’re out having drinks I think everything is “to blog about” worthy, so I’ll save crap in my phone, and the next day I’ll end up thinking ”what the eff was I talking about?”  Since I’m touching on everything in my list today, I have “Hotel CaliBournia” written down…. and no idea why.  Soooo, yeah, “Hotel CaliBournia” then.

*****

 I got ID’ed for “chicken lips” (fingers) the other day.  In BC, where the drinking age is 19.  I was as confused as you are.  Musta been a tough day for the server or something.

*****

Not sure if you remember, but when the Tiger Woods scandal broke, I FULLY sided with Bill Simmons and thought Tiger should’ve just 100% committed to “turning heel” like a WWE bad guy, left the wife and kids, terrorized any female who would have him (most), and kept killing the field in golf tournaments.  He should’ve started talking trash in interviews, and have given up the whole Sidney-Crosby-facade we all endured for so many years.

Well, that’s what KFC has done.  Sure, they never had the greatest reputation to begin with, but they were at least trying to roll with the trends.  “Oh, people want to eat healthy now, well we sell grilled chicken.  We have more options for healthy sides“. 

Then they suddenly realized that nobody who cares about dying young eats at their grease huts anyway, and just decided to make the switch.  Now all the sudden they’re like, “F**K IT. EAT IT, IT’S A DOUBLE DOWN. THE BREAD IS MEAT. HERES THE “BOXMASTER”, EAT IT“

Good on ‘em, I say.  Know your role.  You’re a grinder KFC, so get in those corners and make it happen so we can all BURY it.

*****

Hmm, my TBAF includes some unfinished joke about Luongo’s head and BP.  And a joke about Lundqvist getting a “too many (wo)men” penalty.”  Nice of me to build a joke-starter kit for myself.

*****

This is also probably column-worthy, but….. this is my first year in the blog community, and thus, my first year really interacting with the average hockey fan.  Not that you, out there, are average, but you get my point.  In previous years all I experienced was fans yelling from the stands, shaking the hands of some nice people after games, that sorta stuff.

So here’s what I’ve discovered about myself from really being immersed in the NHL with other fans: nothing makes me lose more respect for one of them than ref blaming.  It’s by no means just in hockey, but I’m BOGGLED by how many people actually think their team got the raw end of the deal every night.  I don’t just mean Canucks and Red Wings fans either.  I mean there’s this CRAZY percentage of people who regularly blame losses on bad reffing.

My question is, if NO ONE in the world can do it well (in those people’s opinion), how hard must that job be?  Making split-second subjective calls that are subject to the scrutiny of millions of people with instant replay and slo-mo?  No sir, I don’t like hearing that crap. Can’t respect ref-blamers.

*****

 Not sure if you’ve ever heard the Propaghandi song “Coaches Corner” before, so there’s your link for an interesting listen.  I suggest listening to it with the lyrics pulled up.  Speaking of, I was recently told Ron MacLean is an occasional reader of the blog.  So hi Ron, feel free to chip in our comments one day!  You’ll be welcomed with open arms, I assure you.

*****

This note was written since I’ve been in Kelowna, so it has nothing to do with some spat at home or anything, rather a chat I had with another married fella: “With the wife, the goal is for her to be at least neutral (not mad not happy), and all can be well.  If she’s in a good mood, great, but at the very least, she’s gotta get to neutral or EVERYBODY is in a bad mood.” 

Married men:  concur?

*****

Okay, off to watch some TSN.  Love that channel, and by the way, I have no problem with them going “expletive deleted” on Talbot’s use of “douche” today.  They’re supposed to keep to some higher journalistic standard than Bourne’s Blog, aren’t they?  Also, good for Talbot for just saying how he really feels.  So, whatever, that topic’s in the past, AWESOME. 

See ya Thursday for a new post, probably about the recent free agent signings! 

(Talbot’s Car Commercial)

Quick Post From Kelowna

 

Goood morning, friends of the blog.  Comin atcha live from Kelowna, BC, home of yours truly.  This blog could be a little weird today.  I’m full of unnaturally nutritious food (+), but minus Bri and Tyson (-), TV has provided plenty of updates on hockey stories (+), but I haven’t had my usual fix of computer hours (-), so…. I might be a little “off” here.  Stream of consciousness this thing, go:

I landed in Kelowna Saturday morning, and waited in line at customs behind Kyle McLaren and immediately remembered what Kelowna in the summer is all about: Golf, wine, and playing hockey.  It’s frickin’ gorgeous here, and great to be back.

As I’ve mentioned before (and there’s no way to not sound name-droppyish), the summer shinny game here that I was a part of from 01-08, on any given day, can include Heatley, Keith, Getzlaf, Weber, Gorges, Kobasew, Hannan, Upshall, Fiddler, Comeau,  and well over a dozen others that I’m too lazy to sit here and try to remember.  Hell, Iginla lives here too.  THERE ARE EVEN WADE REDDEN SIGHTINGS.  So yes, it’s a hockey hotbed.

I’m gonna spend some time in the next few days trying to get a couple of those guys to come out for some shinny and free beers at our camp on the final day.  Not exactly a hard sell.

I met my brother and Dad in their natural habitat post-flight on Saturday (Sturgeon Hall, home of the Bob Bourne burger and the Josh Gorges burger) and heard some neat stories: basically, Gorges has been wonderful to my family.  Jeff (the bro) puts on a beer-and-burger event at Sturg for the Rick Hansen foundation, and Josh and his crew have come the last couple years – anytime you can get the type of people in who buy a cherry pie at auction for $150 dollars, you’ve upped the quality of your event.

Better still, was that he brought (the clean-cut version of) Mike Commodore to the event, who got in a bidding war with my Dad over some size 12 golf shoes, won them, didn’t like them, and gave them to Dad.  Which means I’ll end up with them at some point.  Weeee!

Our camp is starting to come together, and today is one of our last big meetings.  So here’s what we need: Richard “Shakey” Krouse (of NYI) can’t come be our equipment guy this year, which is a shame, cause he’s awesome.  Usually we fly him out, put him up in a hotel room, flip him some money, and he does the laundry, room set-up etc. that needs to get done.  We need a last minute suggestion in case we can’t find someone local to pay.  Write me at jtbourne@gmail.com if you know a Kelowna person who could help!

*****

I want to constantly tweet stuff when I’m not confined to the couch (as in, these next two weeks), but I know I should keep the Twitter feed from being tooooo personal (since it’s not facebook, and some of you actually think I have “information” that’s worth following me for).  I HATE when other people tweet “had a great time at Dad’s!” or something, so just know that I’m aware those tweets are BRUTAL.  But still, if I do it, it’s because I’m a raging narcissist satisfying his own selfish needs.

Short post for today, but I should have more time in the next few days to catch up - follow me on Twitter if you’d like to read the odd quote from Gillies/Semenko (Rodney Dangerfield-esque GOLD those two) next week, or if you just crawled out from under a rock and discovered this tweety rage.

Hatred From the AHL On Down

 

TGIF!

My apologies for not getting a blog up yesterday – the sad reality is, it could be happening a bit more often over the next month.  I expect to slow down to a Down Goes Brown posting rate (poor), minus his level of quality (amazing).

Tomorrow morning at 6:00 AM, I’m heading back to God’s Country (the Okanagan), which is at the front of a busy travel month for me, and um, I don’t own a laptop.  Seriously.  I use the one my fiancee got as a gift for getting through grad school, and I’ve almost run this thing into the ground.

Sooo, I’ll be on my parents computer in the mornings when I can, and if I can plunk out an entry or two during our fantasy camp from The Cove Resort, I will.  Just know that our event is sponsored by Okanagan Spring Brewery, and they donate 60 DOZEN beer (for four days & 35 guests), soooo, those entries may not be of the utmost quality.  Moving on.

*****

I refuse to discuss any more Ilya until something discussable happens.  Discuss.  Or wait, I mean, don’t discuss.

 

*****

Here’s something we can all enjoy: 

Justin Bourne’s (Non-NHL) ”I Hate That F**king Franchise” List

Hmm, this seems like a good way to ensure I never get hired by the following list of teams and lose a few fans.  Nice idea for a blog, a-hole.

Basically, this idea came from some light-hearted Twitter banter, where I bashed a certain BCHL team and got some playful responses.  I mean no harm, loyal fans of stupid hockey teams, this is just in fun.  I probably hate your team because they were good and tough to play against *eye roll*.  Or maybe for actual reasons.  Anyway, whatever they are… each league, lets have it!

League: KIJHL

(For the unenlightened, that stands for “Kootney International Junior Hockey League”, Jr. B.  Yes, “International” because Spokane, Washington had a team.)

Bourne’s Highlight: I played for the Osoyoos Heat as a 17/18 year old, and led the conference in scoring, finishing second in the league behind Andrew Ebbett.

Team(s) I hate: Castlegar Rebels, Beaver Valley NiteHawks

I hated Beaver Valley for a number of reasons (they were good, had some 20 year old kid that had a wife/kids/killer-slapshot/beard/job/mortgage/bad-attitude, and OH, they spell their name “NITEHAWKS”), but they can’t TOUCH Castlegar in the hate department.

The year before, my Midget AA team played and beat Castlegar in the provincial finals (wwwwhat’s up), and the games against them had been crazy intense.  Of course, most of the kids from that team were good enough to make their local Jr. B team the next year, so it felt like I had compounded hate. 

And, it went downhill from there – I got jumped like Bertuzzi did Steve Moore the last game of the season, before we played them in playoffs.  Then in playoffs, they made it their mission to break either my hand or wrist, which they succeeded at (thumb).  I played the rest of the series with a thick aluminum stick so I couldn’t feel the puck. I HATE YOU CASTLEGAR, and it was a pleasure beating you AGAIN that season.

League: BCHL

(For the unenlightened, that’s the “British Columbia Hockey League” – the “J” is long gone in the name. Records are held there by Paul Kariya, Brett Hull and many other huge names.)

Bourne’s Highlight: BCHL Championship boyyyyy, 02-03 Vernon Vipers

Team(s) I hate:  Chilliwack Chiefs, Trail Smoke Eaters, Merritt Centennials

In reverse order:  I hate you, Chilliwack Chiefs, for meeting us in the finals two years straight.  I hate your lineup: three lines of studs (Tambellini, Van Der Gulik, Gauthier etc.) and one of thugs (who knows).  I hate your rink with the six-feet-high no-give concussion boards, the gladiator feel of the lowered ice surface, your fans, your logo, everything.  Chilliwack smells.

I hate you, Trail Smoke Eaters for oh-so many reasons – your stupid Flyers-colours, your “broadstreet bully” style of play, your atmosphere-less barn, and the six hour bus ride we would take to go play you ON THE SAME DAY.

But most of all, I HATE YOU, Merritt Centennials.  Honestly – this was originally going to be a top-five list of my hated teams from different leagues, and you had number one sewn up EASILY. 

Your f**king candle lit arena that you kept at zero degrees KELVIN. 
Your tiny arena. 
Your thuggish, useless teams. 
The gorgeous town of Merritt. 
Your raucus, garbage-throwing, fan-fighting, heckling fans. 
Luke Pierce. 
That time our coaches met in the hallway during the game to fight so both our teams ran back there and we had a WWF brawl-for-all in the hallway while 3500 fans stared at empty benches. 

The list is near-endless.  But there is one thing I liked:  I liked knocking you out of playoffs in the first round back-to-back years.  That was fun  

 League: WCHA

Bourne’s highlight: Making the Final Five at the Xcel Energy Center as a freshman, leading our team in goals one year, points another. 

Team(s) I hate: Wisconsin Badgers, Alaska Fairbanks

I have a love-hate with most WCHA teams.  I loved almost all of the college towns, I loved playing in front of big crowds, I loved the history, all of it.  And in fact, the team I hate the very most – even ahead of North Dakota, Duluth, whoever – would be one of my top places to be a student at.  No, not Minnesota.

Cheese-eating Wisconsin, man. 

Your stupid Mike Eaves attention to defense and detail.  Your support of Nick Licari’s knee wrecking “submarine” bullshit.  Our playoff battles.  Your commitment to the hack-and-whack.  Your good goaltending.  Your recruiting advantages.  I love your arena, fans, and of course, Madison – but everything about the actual hockey program can stuff it.

AMENDED: I initially left UAF (Alaska Fairbanks) off this list, probably because I’ve tried to kill the brain cells that ever documented the days of my life spent in that city (wait, Google Analytics just told me that’s not a smart joke to make.  Um, I just forgot). 

Point form reasons to hate UAF:  The name “Nanooks”, the city managing to be colder/darker than Anchorage, their insistence that placing 9th in the CCHA would have them anything other than last in the WCHA, that it took til my senior year to win a Governors Cup against them even though my shootout miss as a freshman probably cost us one, and a million other frustrating, stupid reason.  Y’know, like the sign in their arena that says ”Get ready for 60 minutes of GLACIAL PUNISHMENT!’  …..WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

League: ECHL

Bourne’s highlight:  Back-to-back conference finals, making the all-star team, triple-overtime winner in playoffs against Fresno.

Team(s) I hate: Most of them

First off, it doesn’t help that over parts of three seasons, I played on three of the teams in a five team division.  Sooo most of my hatred is centered around that.  I probably played about four teams from the other huge conference, so I’m not fit to speak on who’s hateable in the East.  But for me….

I hate a s**tload of teams.  Stockton, Bakersfield, Fresno when it existed, not-the-towns-but-the-teams in Las Vegas and Victoria (two great cities), and for my brief experiences against them, Elmira.

But here’s the tough part:

When I was just outta college, the Idaho Steelheads wanted me to finish the season with them.  I said no, and went with the Alaska Aces so I could finish school.  We promptly flew to Boise, and I watched Jeremy Yablonski and Matt Nickerson rack-up 23 games in suspensions against us.  Then we played them in round one in playoffs, and lost a vicious, physical series.  I HATED them.

Then I played in Utah, where Idaho was our direct rival.  So I HATED them more. 

I love Boise as a city (honestly).  I love the rink there.  I love their fans.  But naturally, I had reason to hate their team.  Then, at the start of season three, they traded for me.  I promptly tore my ACL and ate a slapshot, then spent three months on the couch healing as a fringe member of the team. 

So for all the things I like about Boise (people, place, arena etc.)…. I still harbor resentment against that franchise.

League: AHL

Bourne’s highlight: Playing my best game in Lowell on a night I actually needed tickets for family, scoring in Albany, playing with guys that are currently legit NHLers, everything that goes with being a taste away from the NHL.

Team(s) I hate: Albany River Rats

In my brief few months in the AHL, I managed to get stuck playing in Albany four times, against Trevor Gillies and the rest of their crew.  Combine that with the fact that I was trying to be a more physical ”role player” to stick, in that rink, with all the pleasantness of Albany in February, and I’m as attracted to that organization as I am to Al Roker.  Great name, River Rats, stay hot.  Who’s your affiliate, Carolina?  What a privilege.

******

Ahhh, feels good to get all that hate out before the weekend!  That was fun (and all in fun, folks, all hockey communities have good things about them).  Hope you have a great weekend!

*Coming soon: List of franchises I love – here’s lookin’ at you, Gophers.  Wow, writing that just cost me friends.

Next Page »