One-Touch Passes, Zero Theme

 

Y’know what I don’t need when asking for directions?  Options.  “Well, you can either take the 40 to the 105, or you can just stay on 3rd street and take it up to -” NO.  I obviously don’t know WTF I’m doing, which is why I’m asking.  Narrow it down to one route for me and go with that set.  THANKS.

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Y’know what else is stupid?  When a bunch of people go out for dinner, the bill comes, and one or a few of the people don’t address it immediately.  It’s not that they don’t want to pay, they’re just not in any rush to deal with it.  The no-rush comes with a hint of “I’m so rich I could care less what the final number even is.” 

I sit there and stress out about the server coming back and looking to run cards or cash, and we haven’t addressed the situation.  WHY ARE YOU ALL SO CASUAL ABOUT THIS, THE BILL IS HERE!  {Also, don’t call it “the cheque”.  You pay bills, you get paid with a cheque.} *nothing to do with this past weekend Char, it’s a saved note in my phone

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I recently met Fred Couples ex-girlfriend (who had apparently just installed FJ’s, by the way.  …As in, fake jammers).  Freddy’s been my favourite golfer for as long as I can remember, but I’m a little weirded out by how he was living – at her house, with her roommates.  Hardly the palatial situation I saw for Freddy, his money, his smooth swing and his flowing hair.

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I busted out a column for USA Today on how being a free agent is like a choose your own adventure novel.  Spoiler: I didn’t finish the novel without failing the first time.

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I like that baseball’s All-Star Game means something.  All fans of other sports (hi, hockey fans) do is complain about their sport’s ASG, so it’s nice that there’s some relevance in one sport.  I don’t necessarily want to take away from the team with the best record, but surely there’s some reward we can give the NHL conference that wins.  Last change in game one?  A designated hitter that gets to roam the ice?  Extra ice girls?  Just something.

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Puck Daddy Live Chat at 1 PM EST, lets do dis like Brutus.  Puck Daddy

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It’s almost time for the British Open!  I’m pumped – I’ll actually be around the place this weekend, and my good ‘ol DVR machine is gonna let me watch Tiger’s triumphant return to glory (yes, I just predicted he’ll win).  It’s too bad golf’s majors get less interesting as the year goes on (okay, the first two are probably tied), but at least there’s always the, um… Fedex Cup?  Boo.

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So far in the “easier to get a passport in Canada or the US” debate, the US is wayyyy out in front.  Chill, Canada, it’s just me, Justin.

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Okay, I’ve gotta go chat with the boys at PD!  What’s up in the hockey world that we can discuss today?

All Over The Map

 

Guuuuuud morning.

It always feels nice to return to writing on Bourne’s Blog, because my own standards are far lower than the other sites I write for.  I was dying to call Halak “JaroChrist HaJesus” in today’s Puck Previews, but I figured that probably wouldn’t have gone over too hot.  My sincerest apologies to those of you who’re offended by my taking the lord’s name in vain, but I mean, c’mon, that’s a great nickname.

Let’s hit the links!

1) For those of you who missed it yesterday, here’s my column on the Hawks pulling the Bolland/Versteeg switcheroo, and how it was intentional.

2) Also, here’s yesterday’s Puck Daddy piece on matching lines, in which an inordinate amount of people went out of their way to point out that I’m not, in fact, the dumbest human alive.

To come:

3) When it posts, this will be a link to today’s Puck Previews I’ve written for Puck Daddy.  I’m starting to feel like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man, but with “puck” as my “definitely”.

4) Also when it posts (today or tomorrow), this will be the link to my column “In Praise of Duncan Keith”, which wasn’t a hard one to write.

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Meandering Thoughts….

A Montreal Canadiens reporter had his tires slashed and beer cans crushed on his car in Philly.

What state of mind would you have to be in to trash the car of someone from the opposing city?  I mean, I get it, you’re drunk.  But drunk and hateful?  I don’t buy that you can get drunk and become hateful.  I think you eventually get drunk enough to act on being hateful.  It’s just so utterly ridiculous.

I’m not prone to generalize entire cities fan-bases (as so many fans love to do), but man, Philly…. pull it together. 

Nice work on the “ole” thing though.  Biting, clever… good stuff.

 

*****

Dale Tallon is the new GM of the Florida Panthers.  He sat with my Dad and I at a Yankee game a few years back and called his young defenseman Duncan Keith “the most underpaid player in the NHL”.  Turns out he was kinda right, since the guy’s up for (and should win) the Norris not long after saying that.

He’s the right guy to make responsible decisions (despite the qualifying offer debacle), while having a good grasp of the way today’s game is played, not the old style of hockey.  Florida could use his help.

*****

You know you’ve missed my cat:

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Some NHL Playoff facts you may enjoy:

*Montreal is 0-4 when they outshoot their opponents.  Soooo, that’s weird.

*Michael Leighton has a 105:50 shutout streak going.

*Thornton, Marleau and Heatley have still combined for less goals than Joe Pavelski.

*After getting pulled, Halak hasn’t lost either of the two following games.

*Chicago is 6-1 on the road.

*Only four Canadiens have double digit points, and they’ve played 15 games (with, oddly, an 8-7 record.  Well placed wins, it seems)

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That’s all I’ve got for today folks.  Feel free to add your favourite stats in the comment section below.  Those are always fun tidbits.  Go Tuesday!

 

Hockey and Traumatic Brain Injuries

 

I was really tempted to make the title “Hockey and Traumatic Brian Injuries” to act like I’ve had a few myself, but figured it’d be a tough joke to get since you probably don’t check my spelling all that closely.  Anyways, let’s get on with it!

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My oft-mentioned brother is an ambassador for the Rick Hansen foundation (Rick Hansen is the Canadian dude with Spina Bifida that WHEELED AROUND THE WORLD), which provides funding for research on Spina Bifida and other spinal cord injuries. 

And, my oft-mentioned fiancee is an Occupational Therapist at St. Joseph’s Barrow Neurological Institute, a world renowned treatment facility that people from all over the country fly into when they need the best care (the one Bret Michaels was just at).  She works in the acute brain injury rehab unit, dealing with people who’ve had traumatic brain injuries (henceforth, TBI’s).

So, when I had someone reach out to me about raising awareness of brain injuries in hockey (Mark Savard, David Booth, whatever happened to Daniel Carcillo at some point in his life), I figured my site was a perfect fit.  Chelsea Travers of CareMeridian asked if she could run a piece she wrote on Bourne’s Blog, and we’re happy to have her contribution on the site.  The more we talk about it, the more we’ll do about it, I figure. 

Happy Humpday!

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Author Bio:
Chelsea Travers is an outreach representative for CareMeridian, a subacute care facility located throughout the Western United States for patients suffering from traumatic brain injury, spinal cord injury or medical complexities, such as neuromuscular or congenital anomalies.

Hockey and TBI

 

Hockey is arguably one of the most physical professional sports. Hockey players are constantly getting body checked, slammed into boards, falling to the ice, slapped by a stick, hit by a dense, speeding puck or getting punched during a fight. If that isn’t bad enough, hockey players take part in one of the longest regular seasons of any sport, effectively taking on harsher pain for a longer amount of time throughout the year. Risk of injury couldn’t be clearer as you all too commonly see hockey players missing their front two teeth. With all of the injuries that can occur, one of the most dangerous is a traumatic brain injury (TBI).

TBI is a silent injury that can cause harm to the mind and body of an individual. An injury to the head or brain can alter someone’s life and can even require long-term rehabilitation and care from a skilled nursing facility. These injuries are often far too common in the sport of hockey and if not properly treated can permanently leave a hockey player’s life more challenging than the game they play.

TBI is an injury that Philadelphia Flyers player Ian Laperriere knows all too well. In game 5 of an NHL playoff game with the New Jersey Devils, Laperriere took a slap shot to the face that immediately caused him to bleed excessively from the wound above his eye and lose sight. Laperriere was diagnosed with a brain contusion after having a MRI a few days later. While Laperriere may have originally thought that losing sight in one of his eyes was the worst of the two injuries, in reality the bigger concern could wind up being the long-term effects of the brain injury.

Concussions have been dismissed as minor injuries as the physical nature of most sports cause them to occur regularly, but, frequently occurring or not, they are still head injuries where the brain is forced to move violently within the skull and the way it functions could change permanently. When the brain moves in such a manner, it can bruise, bleed, and even tear, which can cause irreversible damage to the victim. For a sport like hockey, this type of injury is very common and unfortunately at times ignored.

Many hockey players don’t take into account the possible effects of the injury and because it might not seem like a serious problem exists at first, they keep on skating as if nothing occurred. Being unaware of the injury makes it much more dangerous, as a mild brain injury can turn into a life threatening injury in a very short period of time without seeking immediate medical treatment.

Studies by the National Academy of Neuropsychology’s Sports Concussion Symposium in New York have shown that since 1997, 759 NHL players have been diagnosed with a concussion. Broken down, that averages out to 76 players per season and 31 concussions per 1,000 games of hockey. That is far too frequent of an occurrence for such a serious injury. It’s a frightening statistic that should send up a red flag to hockey officials that actions need to be taken to further prevent this type of injury from occurring.

The best, and sometimes only, treatment for TBI is prevention. For the National Hockey League new rules are being considered that preserve the game but also help protect the players. Rule changes concerning blindside hits, rink size (which effects players space from each other and their proximity to walls), and stronger helmet requirements all have been considered to help curb TBI and its effects. This demonstrates that the NHL is aware of the seriousness of the injury and is taking proactive steps to help prevent it from happening.

Hockey is one of the most popular sports in North America and has millions of people participating in it every year. Unfortunately, the sport comes with the risk of a TBI. With the right awareness of the injury and the necessary precautions in place, the game should be able to continue with players excited to lace up their skates and enjoy it.

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Okay, hi, it’s Bourne again.  Ten cents here:

We have to mandate soft(er)-cap shoulder/elbow pads.

We have to enforce the blind-side rule.

We have to accept the fact that playing hockey (or any sport) comes with some dangers, and if you really don’t want to get hurt, don’t play (that’s not being hardcore, or me saying “toughen up”, I mean seriously, choose not to play).  We can’t turn hockey into Scrabble because sometimes people get Scrambled.

Charging and elbowing should be called when people charge or elbow (crazy concept).  Everyone is pretty mutant-big at this point, so I’m not sure the extra decapi-stride is necessary.

And otherwise, I think the game is fine.  It’s fast, and there’s contact, so it’s dangerous.  Let’s enforce the rules as they are, but most of all, guy’s need to have some freakin’ respect for each other, and hopefully, by realizing just how serious these injuries are (MuhammedAli, MuhammedAli), hopefully guys will start taking less liberties on the ice.  It stops being a game when guys like Patrice Cormier makes opponents convulse for no apparent reason.

2010 NHL Playoffs – The Leastern Conference

 

Washington Capitals (1)

vs.

Montreal Canadiens (8)

For whatever reason, I don’t like many teams that wear red.  For example, there’s just about nothing I want to watch less than a New Jersey/Carolina series, as attested by my coverage of said series in last year’s playoffs (blatant refusal).  To make those games worse, I feel like there’s just something grinding about watching the actual colour red play red.  Anyone feel me on that? (Mmm, aesthetically soothing Canucks colours…)

For some reason, this red vs. red battle doesn’t bother me quite so much.  Like most hockey fans, I love to watch Washington.  And Montreal, though a puny little excuse for a Washington challenger, is kinda fun to watch this year too (fun like those tiny toy cars “Hot Wheels” were as a kid).

The only way Washington’s round one series had any hope of being interesting this year was if Philly had the eight seed.  It would’ve been awesome watching Carter and Richards going buck-crazy, being playoff performers out there, scoring goals….. and still losing by football scores, like 21-14.  Thatta been great.

Not much to say here, except the obvious: Washington just has way too much firepower to lose.  If the Canadiens give them so much as a scare, I fear for Washington when they play a better team.  I rate Montreal’s chances, as a percentage, at beat-it-dont-even-try.4%

PREDICTION: CAPITALS in THREE

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New Jersey Devils (2)

vs.

Philadelphia Flyers (7)

I think this was a tough card for New Jersey to pull, simply because I can’t believe how badly the Flyers have underachieved this year.  I mean, 88 points, in the East?  How is that possible, with their roster?  Before the season, I noticed that their back end had good transition/powerplay guys such as Pronger, Timmonen and Carle, and I remember thinking “crap, they’re gonna score a ton of goals this year.”

Combine that with with some of the games best forwards: Jeff Carter, Mike Richards, Simon Gagne, Danny Briere and crew (Claude Giroux is no slouch. Hell, Van Riemsdyk is sick too.), and Philly has a wonderful hockey team.

So what the hell is going on there?

Riiiighht, goaltending, right.  I’ve seen this play before.

On the other side of the coin, I was completely surprised by New Jersey’s record this year.  Any time you have Brodeur in net, your team can’t be bad – but past him, I didn’t see a reason for them to have much success.  I knew Parise and Zajac were great, but then what? (That, and I kinda figured Elias and Langenbrunner were past their best-before dates…. guess not).  I kept waiting for this team to trip, but it never happened.

With the addition of Ilya Kovalchuk, the Devils finally have that dynamic offensive punch you always felt that they lacked in the past.  It gives them two really solid lines (though they admit they can’t find a spot for Kovy that clicks), and combined with Brodeur, it’s become pretty clear that their season wasn’t a fluke.

{I have to point this out for the millionth time – can you BELIEVE that Kovalchuk is 230 pounds?  I’d have been off by 60 if you had made me guess two months ago.}

But looking at their D -  Andy Greene, Mike Mottau, Bryce Salvador, Colin White, Paul Martin, Mark Fraser, Martin Skoula and Anssi Salmela.  I dunno… it doesn’t feel very Cup contender-y.  They have, however, done a great job at keeping pucks out of their net this year (y’know, first-in-the-league-good, at 191 over 82 games – 2.32 per), but something about them makes me nervous.  ….And it probably has something to with NJ’s (okay, Marty’s) meltdown in the final minute of game seven against Carolina last year.

If you put the leagues most average goalie in the Flyers net - say, Dwayne Roloson – I think I’d pick them to win this series.  I like their roster that much more.  But Parise, Zajac and Kovalchuk shooting on Boucher makes it a dicey situation.

In the end, New Jersey has done too good of a job defensively to lose their first playoff series, where defense and goaltending are emphasized.  I think they’ll see round two, but barely.

PREDICTION: DEVILS in SEVEN

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Buffalo Sabres (3)

vs.

Boston Bruins (6)

If I were the Buffalo Sabres, I would be pissed at how the final playoff seeds ended up falling.  They (like New Jersey) were so close to getting to play an obviously worse team like the Rangers or Thrashers.  But noooo, Boston and Philly had to get their shit together at the last second, and squeak in.

This sucks, you see, because Boston and Philly aren’t as horrible as they desperately tried to convince us all they were this year.

One of the few guys pushing Ryan Miller for the Vezina this year is Boston’s Tuuka Rask.  Combine that solid goaltending with Buffalo’s Phoenix-like offense (three lines of second line forwards = good team/not great), and we may see some low scoring games – especially when you consider that Buffalo has the league’s best goaltender, and Boston can’t score (206 goals all year, good for second-to-dead-last).

But, every time you think a series is going to be a defensive suck-fest, it ends up amazing.  Using that logic, this could be a thrilling, high-scoring series.  The only people I care to see play are the goalies.  I’m not saying Derek Roy and David Krejci aren’t exceptional hockey players, I’m saying that nobody is circling dates on their calendar to see them when they come to town.

I see Boston being the better team in this series, bringing the play to Buffalo, shooting, skating, hitting, exhausting themselves, and Ryan Miller chucking up the frustrating stone wall.  Then I see the Sabres working hard and smart, capitalizing on a few nice plays, (maybe a powerplay or two?), and winning games by scores like 3-2 and 2-1.  They probably win a couple of the - oh, let’s say three – games that go to overtime.

I really wanted to pick an upset here – and the Sabres and Devils are definitely both on my “upset watch” list.  But Ryan Miller is the best goalie in the world today, and that counts for something in playoffs.  I’m siding with him.

PREDICTION: SABRES IN SEVEN

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Pittsburgh Penguins (4)

vs.

Ottawa Senators (5)

Congratulations, Ottawa.  You finished ahead of the slovenly pack of droolers in the East.  You stayed out of the “who’s gonna make playoffs” fracas.  And in the process, you convinced me that you’re actually a good team.  I was wrong about you.

The bad news is, you’re basically about as lucky as the Coyotes in the West.

Had Pittsburgh caught New Jersey, as they should have, you’d be playing Jersey instead.  And I like your odds there.

What I don’t like, for you, is going up against the defending Stanley Cup champs, who are healthy, and about to flip it into “game on” mode.  You’re toast.

The Penguins probably slow-played their hand a little bit too much this year.  Didn’t do enough to grab the really high seed that guarantees they get to coast through round one.  Over the long haul of playoffs, having to play a good Senators team to start things off is really going to grind on them physically.

But as far as this series goes, Pittsburgh is still Pittsburgh.  Between last years Cup champion team and this year, they cut off a couple guys that were acting as anchors, and picked up depth assets in guys like Jordan Leopold and Alexi Ponikarovsky.  You take a team that’s won the cup and make them better?  They don’t lose round one.

PREDICTION: PENGUINS in FIVE

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So that’s all she wrote for round one, folks!  I’ll keep a running total of how my predictions went as we go (though I won’t follow how many games it took to get it done – that’s really just there to demonstrate how confident I am in the winner I picked). 

GAME ONE OF M***********G PLAYOFFS STARTS TONIGHT!

THROW.    THE.    SNAKE.

2010 NHL Playoffs – The Bestern Conference

 

I’m picking the Sharks to win the Cup.

*waits*

AhhhhGotcha!  They suck.  Let’s make some picks.

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SAN JOSE SHARKS (1)

vs.

COLORADO AVALANCHE (8)

Before the season, I didn’t have Colorado pegged to be a playoff team.  Halfway through the year I looked Barry Melrose level wrong on that (y’know, the guy who didn’t think Stamkos was gonna amount to much of an NHLer?  Love the guy, but he’s building a solid reputation for his wrongitude).  By the end of the season, I had almost come full circle back to right.

They’ve got a ton of badass young talent.  But I wouldn’t bet on Colorado to win this series if Vegas doubled the odds and you paid for my wager.

Contrary to my “they suck” joke about San Jose to open this blog, I don’t think they suck.  I’m picking them to go deep – like, conference finals deep – but I wouldn’t pick them to win a series against Chicago or Detroit (both would be epic series), and the bad news for SJ is, both those teams happen to be in the Western Conference.  Which they’re in too.

I think you’ll see a great first round out of big Joe and crew, cause they’ll be fired up as all hell to prove themselves.  More than any team in the NHL this post-season, they know an early round exit means a bunch of people getting new zip codes in the off-season.

Colorado’s pace will be amazing, and Stastny will be money.  But with Nabokov in net, the Avs upset hopes are some of the lowest in the league this post-season. (Here comes an Avs sweep after that prediction, huh?)

PREDICTION:  SHARKS in FIVE

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CHICAGO BLACKHAWKS (2)

vs.

NASHVILLE PREDATORS (7)

Shocking truth – I don’t think Chicago’s goaltending is bad as every human on Earth seems to think it is.

Now Washington – Washington has two horrific goaltenders.  Antti Niemi and Cristobal Huet may not be the elites of the league, but they certainly aren’t the dregs either.

As I mentioned in yesterday’s blog, Nashville – despite reaching 100 POINTS this year – was EVEN in goal differential during five-on-five regular season play.  Well that’s not very good, is it?

If they struggled to create offense in the regular season, I can’t imagine it’s going to go much better in the tighter checking post-season.  And if you could sum up the general point I’ll be making in my predictions, it’s that “teams that score by committee are f****d”.  Depth is good.  No-big-guns is bad (though I will race you to pick Hornqvist in fantasy hockey next year).

In reality, the Predators are not going to lose because of the Predators.  They’re going to lose because they’re playing a team that’s gone all-in this year.  Every chip they’ve got has been pushed to the middle, with very little regard to what happens after this season.  This equals one thing: an all-star team.

Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, Duncan Keith, Brent Seabrook, Kris Versteeg, Patrick Sharp, Dave Bolland, Dustin Byfuglien….. really I could just type roster names til I’m out of them.  This one won’t be close.

PREDICTION: HAWKS in FOUR

*****

 

VANCOUVER CANUCKS (3)

vs.

LOS ANGELES KINGS (6)

As Bob McKenzie adamantly pointed out today, the LA Kings finished two – count ‘em, two – points behind Vancouver in the standings. It’s not so much a “3 vs 6″ matchup as it is two 4.5 seeds going at it.

This is one of those series you know is going to go six or seven games, but I’m not sure why.  Vancouver is better in net.  And up front.  And on D.

That’s not to say LA isn’t strong in all those places, because they are (101 points!).  But those Sedins have gone from point-getting and bothersome to venemous and unbelievable.  Both sides have game breakers in this one, which is why it’s going to be a blast (which, incidentally, is why Boston/Buffalo is going to be a painfully long, close series – they don’t have any).  It just so happens that the Canucks have the better ones.

Luongo finally took a step passed his “never won anything” reputation in the Olympics.  As shaky as it may have been, or whatever you may think of him, mentally, that’s huge for a guy’s confidence.  You want him in net over either of the Kings tenders, every time.

The Canucks will miss Willie Mitchell.  He’s a big part of that d-corps, but he’s not the only piece.  The Canucks will get it done, but the Kings will take a lot out of them.

PREDICTION: CANUCKS in SEVEN

*****

PHOENIX COYOTES (4)

vs.

DETROIT RED WINGS (5)

You may remember, eight or nine days ago, I wrote a column on how unfortunate (but inevitable) it was the the ‘Yotes would draw the Red Wings in the first round. 

Nothing has changed since then.

{Well, one thing has – there’s the movement, started via Five For Howling‘s Travis Hair (@TravisHair) on Twitter, to have Coyote fans throw fake rattlesnakes on the ice, I think after warm-up (check out #ThrowTheSnake on twitter).  I know folks will be worried about it costing the ‘Yotes a penalty, but it rarely does after the first occurance at any given game. 

You’ll get a warning, so just don’t do it after the first “hey stop that” (if the team has half a marketing brain – and I think they do – they’ll embrace this.  They could sell them, jack the price up and cash in).  Either way, it’s a great bit of potential hockey culture down here in the desert.  I’m tellin’ ya man, the fans need something to call their own, and this can be the start of Phoenix’s first “own thing”.  I’m on board.  But anyways, back to the series….}

These are the two best coached teams in the NHL.  Babcock coached his team through a kabillion injuries and somehow got them to 100 points for the bloody TENTH STRAIGHT YEAR, while Dave Tippett took a team most people picked to finish one place behind last, and at times, teased being the conference’s best.

The Coyotes have rock solid goaltending in Ilya Bryzgalov, which was going to be their huge advantage in a playoff series.  Unfortunately for them, Jimmy Howard found his game at the NHL level, learned to battle, and got himself into MVP talk, somehow.  At the very least, he’s a Calder top two.

But here’s where I rehash that same old point – when a game needs to be broken open, Coyotes fans will bite their fingernails halfway off everytime Henrik Zetterberg or Pavel Datsyuk has the puck.  Scoring by committee isn’t impossible, you just hope that your committee doesn’t have a first round defensive opponent of Nicklas Lidstrom, Brian Rafalski, Niklas Kronwall, Brad Stuart and crew.

At the other end, guys like Lepisto, Vandermeer and Michalek (okay, and Jovo at the defensive end) – as good as their years were – probably aren’t going to be able to stop the mix of Datsyuk/Zetterberg skill with Franzen/Holmstrom grit.

Here’s the thing.  I WANT the Coyotes to win.  I want this team to look like a great “buy low” deal for the contemplating future owners.  I want a hockey culture here.  I’m jumping in an RV with about a dozen other guys, driving up an hour before the game, getting my white out on and cheering like everyone else (yes, for the ‘Yotes).  But as a sports writer, I have to be honest.  I’d be surprised if the Coyotes won.

But then again, Coyotes fans, you may recall…. I’ve been wrong about them before.  Here’s to hoping they surprise me again.

PREDICTION: RED WINGS in SIX

*****

(Leastern Conference picks later today)

Best Week Ever – The Sportsgasm

 

ITS MASTERS WEEEEEEEK!

And every other great sports week.  Let’s dive in:

The twenty-team BBHL (Bourne’s Blog fantasy Hockey League) is down to two, and somehow, someway, I’m still alive (didn’t expect to add that to my BWE {best week ever}), did ya?  And that’s with Carey Price as one of my two goalies.  Yeesh. 

I’ll admit, I got muchos lucky in the semi-finals – drew the guy who wasn’t paying attention enough to start the right guys or even have a chat (read: make a bet), but I’ll take it.  Also, if you’re the dude who wasn’t paying attention, you have no chance of being invited back into the league next year (…without heavy bribery).

But whatever, I’m still happy.  On to the finals!

*****

Le Tigre has a press conference at 11:00 a.m. my time (2 EST) – I’m not going to live blog it, mostly cause I have other stuff I’m supposed to be doing (like, um, my job), but still, expect a tweet barrage.  Expect that all week, really.  I predict Tigs to announce Dr. Drew as his new caddy.

*****

The funniest thing George Lopez does is call himself a comedian.  Sorry, I had to get that out of my system.  Back to being positive…

*****

The Detroit Red Wings are only two points out of fifth in the West, just behind the Nashville Predators – If they catch them, Phoenix plays them in round one, which would but about as lucky as Ben Stiller in Meet The Parents (that poor guy just can’t catch a break!). 

 …..Oh god I just checked the schedule… Phoenix plays Nashville on Wednesday.  Who’s Phoenix’s ECHL affiliate?  Can they call those guys up?  Can I sign a one day deal to help them lose?  Can we dress reader “zyllyx”?  Make the Coyotes wear rollerblades?  SOMETHING?!?

*****

The worst thing to happen to the Washington Capitals Stanley Cup hopes is drawing the Flyers in round one, which as it stands right now, they would.

If it’s Boston or Montreal (Montreal especially), they’ll breeze through that first round.  Philly, unfortunately for the Caps, plays a bit of a physical game, and is suffering from the frustration of earning the awful moniker ”best team that never gets it done” in the East (maybe the league – San Jose has had a couple playoff collapses, but the Flyers have been legit contenders for a decade and never got it done).  It’d suck (for them) to have their dangly skill team to face a group of hungry, aggressive dudes.

*****

This whole “Henrik Sedin leading the league” thing is pretty awesome.

Nobody in the league has chemistry like him and his brother, as evidenced by his highlight reel.  When you watch Sid or Ovy’s, for the most part, you get the miraculous one man rushes, nifty moves, clever dekes and the lightning shots.

Henrik’s reel is far more impressive from the “utilizing your teammates” standpoint.  He fires behind-the-back no-lookers that end up directly resulting in goals.  Not neat “almosts” or plays that guys go to the bench and say “that woulda been awesome”, but tape to tape, spinning, no look, tap in goals.  They (Daniel and Henrik) almost never have to shoot the puck through a goalie, since they can just dish it around him.

Very impressive stuff.

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THE MASTERRRRRSSSSSSS!

The par three tournament is tomorrow, the press conferences are today, my orgasm is Sunday and the tournament starts Thursday.

For last years list of “Why I Love The Masters“, follow that link – that was puked out stream-of-consciouness style, so I’m sure I could add even more to it. 

Expect Tiger to start slow, but be a threat if he can find a way to make the cut (even when he’s been active, his first round at the Masters is his worst, with a stroke average above 72 on day one).  I’m pumped!  I’ll be live blogging it Sunday from one of those Cover It Live things if you want to watch it with me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Predictions coming Wednesday.

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What a way to start the baseball season – with a Yankees loss (in Fenway).  Ahhh, spring.  Inhale, exhale that loss…. smells fresh.  Go Mets!

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My buddy Nick gets to my place tonight, so I don’t expect a lot of double blog entries, even though this is the ultimate week for it.  But, like I said, expect the tweet barrage.  You’ll be hearing from me!  (Go RIT!)

“8th Seeds, Who Wants Some 8th Seeds?”

 
White rabbits!

Anyone else say that at the start of every month for luck?  I’m gonna say my family’s been doing it for like, 15 years – the earlier you say it on the 1st, the better the luck that month.

Also, throwing perfectly good money into a well is good luck.  Mutated clovers are too.  Totally makes sense.

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Speaking of luck – with a little of it, could you see Calgary or St. Louis sneaking ahead of Colorado for eighth in the Western Conference?

Yeesssssss you could.

Colorado’s remaining six games see them play the Flames head-to-head once (tomorrow!  Ooo), the Sharks, the Blackhawks, the Kings, the Canucks and a freebie against the Oilers (or is it?!).

They’re up two points on the Flamers (with a game-in-hand… at-hand?), so for conversation sake, lets say Calgary beats them tomorrow.  They’d both have 89 points, and I could see Colorado being below .500 in those last five games, since, y’know, four of the five teams are ahead of them in the standings.

Calgary, admittedly, doesn’t have a much easier schedule – Blackhawks, Sharks, Wild, Canucks – but all they’d have to do down the stretch is win three to catch the Avs.  Exciting stuff.

I’ve included the Blues in the hunt too – six points out with six games to go, largely because they seem to be turning it around, and you never know.  After winning three straight, they’re schedule includes games versus the Predators, the Stars, Blue Jackets, Ducks and Blackhawks.  Five wins isn’t completely impossible, and might be enough to get it done, if the two teams ahead of them act like it’s the Eastern Conference.

So here’s to a great finish out West!

As for the East….

All I’m wondering is, “the Isles are three points up on the Maple Laffs, and play Pittsburgh, New Jersey, Pittsburgh to end the season.  Could they fall far enough to steal the increased lottery odds?”

I think they can, only cause the Laffs can’t do ANYTHING right this year.

On a more relevant note, Boston, Montreal and Philadelphia all have 82 points while the Thrashers have 80 and the Rangers have 78.  What a mess (congrats to Tampa for being 3-7 in its last ten, taking the title of “biggest blown opportunity” away from the Rangers at the last second).

Montreal has one less game left, but a joke of a schedule coming home (After the Flyers they have the Islanders, Hurricanes, Maple Leafs and an SPHL team, I think).

So wait… Boston/Montreal won’t be a 1-8 or 2-7 matchup this year?  But it’s always like that….

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The NHL’s biggest “I can’t believe that guy doesn’t wear a visor” has to be Ruslan Fedetenko, right?  Baby face, happy guy, plays a skill game, seems afraid, gets hurt (but not injured) a lot….  Everytime I see him I’m surprised.  Who else is on this list?

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The NHL’s biggest “numbers-inflating roster spot” has to be A) Alex Burrows spot with the Sedins  B) Steve Downie’s spot with St. Louis/Stamkos line  or C)  ???  Whatchu got?  (Getting to wear a Capitals jersey?)

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The guy pumping it out in the picture below (Nick Lowe) is here for a golf weekend, then a few days at my place.  You may remember his picture from a previous blog.  In this pic, he just tied the game up with minutes left – I score on the next shift to beat North Dakota (that years version of the Sioux had Toews, Stafford, Smaby, Zajac, Oshie, Brian Lee, and was goaltended by Lamoureux or Jordan Parise), the weekend my Dad was in Alaska.  Special times.

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Kesler vs. Morris, O’Brien vs. The Roxy, Twitter

 

Let’s start this thing off right today: 

First, happy three-year anniversary to my loving bride-to-be.  The fun part about a pre-marriage anniversary is picking the arbitrary date that the two people became an item.  We picked the day Bri flew to Alaska on her spring break instead of Florida, cause lets face it, that’s a pretty big commitment.

Second,

…because, frankly, it does.

.

Let’s crank out the NHL relevant stuff before we lighten my TBAF (final explanation, that’s “to blog about files”.  Anyone who joins us after this can stay in the dark on that acronym).

Kesler vs. Morris

Saying the hit is entirely Morris’ fault (as some people are) is a dash of wound seasoning (squeeze of lemon, pinch of salt) that the guy probably doesn’t need.  What he does need, is to know that the hit was just as much his fault as Kesler’s.

As much as we want them to be, these hits are rarely one guy’s fault, black and white.  This one was the perfect example. 

Morris’ error is obvious – “take the hit to make the play” is an age old expression, and he tries to turn away from it (to me, it kinda highlights the way Morris plays, like the guy in shinny who’s annoyed at the guy on the other team who’s ”trying too hard”).  Kesler has a ton of speed going on the forecheck, takes about four more hard strides (charge, board, call it whatever you want), then finishes a guy in a sort-of-questionable-but-not-really spot.

Morris’ penalty is the pain, and Kelser got ejected, which I’m fine with.  Issue over.

You know what I couldn’t help but think?  Man… that’s some great work ethic by Kesler.

Shane O’Brien vs. Being Awesome

I have such a soft spot for this story, because as the heading indicates, I think it’s awesome.  I feel like I know which guy in the dressing room O’Brien is now.  The guys probably love him, but in the “you did WHAT, you idiot??” type of way.  Also, I guarantee he wasn’t alone, but the other Canuck was responsible enough to make it the next day.

I also love the vague, parent-like comment by Alain Vigneault: “we have a plan for Shane O’Brien”.  It’s just a fun story made more fun by the not-so-subtle clues that that SOB (Shane O’Brien) likes to have a good time a little too often.

Deadspin’s take is here – it’s entertaining, but I’ m not so sure how I feel about their assessment of the Roxy.  It tries to be a dive?  I kinda feel like it tries too hard not to be one.

Prust vs. Tavares

Now THAT’S being dumb.  Broken neck territory on that hit.

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It’s TBAF Time!

Started my “100 Pushups” quest yesterday – turns out I won’t be able to report on progress, cause you never really bang out as many as you can until the last set when you’re SPENT.  So expect less frequent updates, but know that’s it’s damn hard, and happening.

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I received a question yesterday on the value of heckling (thanks for the email, Mike): it’s a rare, rare, rare case where you can make any actual difference.  Group heckling is sweet, but for the most part, all of it serves no purpose other than being fun to do and entertaining for your fellow fans.

Some players say they “love to get boo’ed” and I’m FULLY one of those guys.  100%.  For a confident guy, there’s something so satisfying about being the villain.  You know you’re doing something right if the other teams fans have reasons to hate what you’re doing.  Boos are identical to home cheers, just translated to road language.

{The only really unwelcome fan behaviour is the guys who yells a running dialogue of advice.  “Shoot!”  “Pass!”  “Dump it in!”  “C’mon coach, get Jovonovski out there!”  HEY, THAT GUY.  FROM A PLAYER, AND YOUR SURROUNDING FANS, GO HEADBUTT A PITCHFORK.  THEY CAN’T HEAR YOU AND WE’RE NOT IMPRESSED.}

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Twitter is only as valuable as you make it.  As in, you need to put the time into adding the right people for it to be productive and fun.

And, you can’t follow too many people, or you get so bogged down that scanning your Twitter Feed feels like ACTUAL READING, which isn’t as fun.  I spend every morning cruising through, looking for the good sports links, so I wanna use today to make sure I’m not missing anything or anyone great.

I’m gonna close out today with a list of the top people I recommend you follow to help you enjoy Twitter.  In turn, I hope you give me a couple really quality names.  Here goes:

Bill Simmons (@sportsguy33)
Down Goes Brown (@downgoesbrown)
Time Magazine (@TIME)
The Onion (@TheOnion)
Sport Illustrated Classic Pictures (@si_vault)
Steve Rushin, Writer (@SteveRushin)
Drew Magary, Deadspin (@drewmagary)
Stu Hackel, NY Times (@STUHACKEL)
Stewart Cink (@stewartcink)
Fake AP Style Book (@fakeAPStylebook)
Shit My Dad Says (@shitmydadsays)
Shit My Darth Says (@shitmydarthsays)
Chris Botta, FanHouse/Isles Point Blank (@ChrisBottaNHL)
McGruber (@grubes69)

You can add me at www.twitter.com/jtbourne

Your turn, folks. Whatcha got for me?

100 Pushups, Injury Anguish, and the Presidents Trophy

 

When I retired from hockey, I was PUMPED to not have to work out.  I knew I would want to, someday, but I needed some time where I didn’t have to shower three goddamn times a day.

I had always envied that about people not playing hockey – for the most part, you wake up, shower, and that’s it for the day.  You’re done.  Hockey players never get to do that.  Minimum two a day, and on game days, three (post-morning skate, post-nap wake-up shower, post-game).  You’re day has too many starts and stops.

So for my first summer out of the gym, I just enjoyed getting up, showering, and having a full day.  That formula, for those of us who consume like gluttons, equals gaining a bit of mass.  So, I’ve been making a committment to working out the past month or two - and by working out, I mean cardio, because I could care less about being jacked…. I just don’t want to have to buy all new clothes.

That said, it’s probably time I try to get some muscle tone again.  So, at the recommendation of Deadspin’s Drew Magary, I’m going to take up the program from 100 Push-ups (assuming my sterno-clavicular joint doesn’t get too angry – it doesn’t like when I lift too often, after the abuses it suffered.)  The goal being, obviously, to be able to do 100 consecutive pushups after seven weeks.

I’ll be doing the push-ups Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and will be reporting progress the following days .  I took the first test yesterday (as many as you can, to fatigue) to see which program I’d be on, and busted out 38 (a far cry from the 80 I once did at an Islanders camp).  So here we go! 

Day 1:  38

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Any other Isles fans out there as worried as me about them becoming the Montreal Expos?  Y’know, drafting well, developing talent, then trading those guys for picks once they’re ”ready”?  What’s the status of the Lighthouse project out there? I haven’t kept up on progress — lord knows Wang ain’t gonna pay to keep all these kids if the team’s future isn’t the one he envisioned.

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Can you imagine the mental anguish of being injured so badly you may never get to prove you’re worth the big contract you signed?  I know lots of you will joke that you’d take the big contract, but it must be a horrible feeling to be Rick DiPietro or Greg Oden, and to think – “If I got the chance to be a bust, and was one, I could handle this – but being called a bust after never physically getting the chance to play feels horrible.”  I definitely have sympathy for those guys.

I think Garth Snow has done a great job with the Islanders.  He’s in an Obama-like situation - digging the Islanders out of the mess made by the previous administration.  But still, there’s just too many uncertainties in life to ever sign an employee to 15 years.  Too much can happen to think you wouldn’t need a review after say, five, where you can say ”hey, nice work, let’s re-up your deal.”  It’s like my Arizona drivers license that expires in 2047.  Really? I don’t have to take a single eye test between now and when I’m 65?  That seems safe.

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The NHL’s Presidents Trophy has an offensive bias.

Lets face it – if two teams come into a game lethargic, you can play smart defense and work less hard.  If your team scores mucker-style playoff goals, you need to have the throttle down to be effective (and you need some bounces).  So when you can’t be at that 100%, teams that have dangly skill guys (who are dangerous at half-speed) can still put enough pucks in the net to win.

And over the course of an 82 game season, plenty of games are played by two worn down teams.  Which is why, when you have the natural firepower of a Washington, you can score that extra goal or two without the extra effort, and collect your two points.  In the past, it hasn’t been that the Presidents Trophy winning team has the best team, they’ve just had the best skill guys.

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Tampa Bay has the 8th best powerplay in the NHL, the leagues 5th, 6th, and 26th leading scorer, the number two overall draft pick from last year, and what should be good goaltending.  They’re currently three points ahead of Toronto, who hold the title “dead last in the Eastern Conference”.  Ooo, idea for who to replace Rick Tocchet with:  Amazingly, he’s still available — Barry.  Melrose.

Your Unnecessarily Happy Monday Post

 

Few things make me as happy as when Down Goes Brown tweets that he has a new entry up.  He is, unequivocally, the best provider of hockey funny on the ‘net, made better by the fact that he seems to be well informed.

The best part is, his type of infotainment (mmm, buzzwords…) represents the direction sports coverage is moving.  Thanks to the internet, there’s alternatives to ESPN’s ”pre-season-baseball-is-something-to-be-taken-seriously” tone.  Sites like his (and hopefully mine) are like sports version of The Daily Show.  You don’t always tune in to learn about politics (or sports), but you can’t help but pick up a few things as you go.

If you want a hockey blog that’s basically the CNN of what’s going on with the NHL’s major topic du jour, Stu Hackel runs the NY Times Slapshot Hockey Blog, and does a great job of providing the big picture.  I like to read his daily entry, right-click all the links, open them in new windows, and spend the next hour catching up on whats going on with the more serious side.

So imagine my delight (and jealousy) when today’s Down Goes Brown post revealed a partnership between the two blogs.  Well played, NY times – good to see you working to meet the interests of more hockey fans.

Also, the Down Goes Brown partnership with Bloge Salming has provided us with a number of hilarious hockey videos (remember the Olympic hockey rap?) it’s a shame they usually pertain to the *gag* Maple *dry-heave* Leafs.  Here’s one of the more recent gems, an “NHL on NBC promo spot”. 

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As for your own resident (and often cynical) hockey blogger, I say good morning!

If a week could be an “eve”, this week would be BestSportsWeekEver Eve (rolls off the tongue, eh?). 

The good thing about “Eve’s” (Christmas, New Years, um… Labour Day?), is that they’re usually fun too.  So lets have some.  Here’s some stuff that’s great right now, to set you on a positive course for your week:

*Fans are actually attending games in Phoenix….  Because they’re winning….  Like a certain blogger once wrote would happen.  Be prepared - I fully intend to go “Fire Joe Morgan”-style on my own pre-season article to validate myself.  Go Coyotes!  (Today’s all-too-obvious tidbit for Coyotes fans: Catching San Jose just because the most important thing in your world.  You should start cheering like it’s playoffs, for real…. You know Detroit is gonna pass Nashville for 5th.  Nobody wants to play one of the best teams in the league as a five seed).

*It’s spring.  I haven’t exactly been suffering over here in Phoenix in the winter, but damn, is it nice out these days. 

*We’re a few days behind Puck Daddy over here, but I wanted to boost our egos on my blog today anyway - sometimes even the best players eat it, just like you!  Enjoy these two shootout fails:

 

(I love that the ref waves his arms, signaling “no goal!”  Thanks, Judge Judy.  That was a tough call.)

*My TBAF (to blog about files) are stuffed with awesomeness.  It’d still be a good week if the NHL wasn’t heading to playoffs, college hockey wasn’t headed to the Frozen Four, March Madness wasn’t headed to the Final Four, the Masters weren’t coming up, baseball season wasn’t starting, NBA playoffs weren’t starting and all that other stuff…. but it’s all happening, so buckle in.

*Bourne’s Blog recieved a couple much appreciated donations this week, with a bonus:  One of them was it’s first from an NHL Hall-of-Famer.  So just think, when you’re commenting, some legit hockey people are reading your opinions (and probably fully judging you).  So keep up the good work, my entries are nothing without your follow-up. {A lot of my buddies that still play at the highest levels periodically check-in and recommend topics, so they’re judging you too.}

For those of you who’re thinking “eff you with the positivity, it’s Monday”, that’s fine.  I’m a prick too.  But just relax for today, and we’ll get to hating stuff tomorrow.  Like 3D TV’s (I just bought a TV, in September, you a-holes) and Rick Dipietro’s structural make-up (At least Roloson’s catching Chelios in age!).

Happy Monday.  YOU KILL THE JOE, YOU MAKE SOME MO!

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UPDATE: Go read my thoughts on implementing a transitionary visor rule for The Hockey News.  St. Louis Blues defenseman Tyson Strachan already wrote me to tell me it’s a dumb idea, soo….. hot start, Bourne.

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Also – a couple requests for the “Jim Playfair melts down” video, so here ya go.  Dude looks like my college coach Dave Shyiak, if Shyiak was full of meth, speed and malt liquor:

Broken Noses ‘N’ Newfoundlands

 

Is it Friday again, already?  Man, quick week.

{Anyone know how to fix a stuck BlackBerry rollball?  I’m about to throw this thing through my TV.}

Sooo, David Booth got thumpersized again, but this time on an actual hockey hit, delivered by a shoulder that was in front of him the whole time.  I took the almost the exact same hit against Binghamton a couple years back, and feel the guys probably-broken-nosed-pain.  Equally painful, is the feeling of “no one to blame but myself.”

That hit was the exact hit I was pushing to keep in hockey.  Guy buries his head and waterbugs it in transition, defenseman sees the guy coming for about a decade, and flattens him with a shoulder.  Because the head is down, the head gets hit, and “facial lacerations” ensue.

I feel really bad for David Booth.  The guy had such a tough injury early in the season, but came back like a house on fire – I watched parts of his first game back after getting clipped by Richards, and he was taking the puck to the net with no fear.  I only hope he’s as confident coming back after this second one (Yahoo! reports he will be going with the team to Ottawa for tonights game).  Actually, I need him to be that confident, as he’s on my fantasy team, and it’s playoff time.

On the broken nose front (I have no idea if his nose is broken, but it sure looked like it), my favourite tale of nose woe:

My Dad’s career NHL totals should include a “broken noses” column (his own), and he’d crack the Hall, I’m sure of it.  It’s something like eight.  I’m still trailing by about five.  Either way, other than losing your teeth (which we’ve both done), few things are as unpleasant as breaking your nose.  The scariest reason?  Sometimes they have to re-break it to set it.  Like, literally with a mini-hammer – this never happened to me, but according to Dad, he’s been on the wrong end of that hammer a few times.

Anyways, after a broken nose towards the end of his career, he had to have a little touch-up surgery on it.  They packed his nose full of gauze, both sides, and sent him home for a few days to let it heal.

When it was time to take the gauze out, Dad needed someone to drive him home after, as it’s apparently not the most fun procedure that involves some pain killers.  Naturally, Dad asked his next-door neighbor, Clark Gillies, to drive him.  Clark obliged, waited in the waiting room, and Dad went in to get the gauze removed.

The doctor pulls out an ungodly amount of gauze with Dad on the table, and steps out to grab something, saying “just don’t get up for a few minutes”.  Dad doesn’t listen.

Whatever the reason for the light-headedness, I don’t remember – but he stood up, and passed out.  And fell on his face.  And broke his nose.

90 minutes later, Dad walks out of the doctors office, looking exactly the same as when he went in, packed full of gauze.  Clark: “Bourny.  What the hell happened?!?”

Ouch.

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Feel like having a few chuckles?  Check out the annual Name of Year bracket, including only actual names - these gems include Nohjay Nimpson, Dick Smallberries Jr. (yes, jr.) and X’Zavier Bloodsaw.  Enjoy.

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Regarding Gary Bettman:  Why is he so defensive in interviews?  It’s always SO tense, cause the guy acts like every topic is off-limits.  It’s not like the host is calling your just-dead friend an idiot, Gary, we just want to know about the new rule.  Don’t act so indignant.

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Happy weekend friends.  I’ll leave you with happy time, as the boys at PTI say.  Except in my case, it means pictures of Bri’s dogs and our cat.  Enjoy!

 

Seabrook/Wisniewski, Campbell/Bourne, Cooke/Bruins

 

Yesterday, Mike Wazowski James Wisniewski got suspended for eight games.  I guess we all really worked Colin Campbell to a climax on that one, huh? 

Whatever – if you saw the Wisniewski interview, he looked like he felt really, really bad…. that he got suspended.  I’m not saying the guy’ll play like an angel the rest of his career, but forfeiting the price of a nice house in Phoenix might give him pause for a few seconds, I would think.

I messed up by not running the hit yesterday, and by only commenting on it in the comment section.  Here’s me making up for it, if you haven’t already seen it…. which you have, so umm… move on.

While we’re discussing Colin Campbell, as we often to seem to be….

My Dad and ol’ Coley couldn’t exactly be described by the phrase “BFF’s” back when they played.  ….Oh look, two clips – and by the way, they’re awesome – the commentators crack me up.

Colin Campbell vs Bob Bourne

Ahh, that felt good and it wasn’t even me.  I love the casual nature of the color guy in this one, doing the math on PIMS.  Just another whistle between plays…

Apparently they also score fight wins by take-downs, as Campbell was the “clear winner” against Sutter.  PS, that first left from my Dad was a bomb, thank god it didn’t land, for everyone’s sake.

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Okay, on to Matt Cooke vs. the Boston Bruins:

What did people think was going to happen? 

The circus demonstrated how badly some people are out of touch with the realities of professional hockey.  This was the type of thing that emphasizes to the guys in the room how much certain fans and media outside that room don’t get their job.

Every night some guy has a target on his chest, which is of secondary importance to the win.  Every night. It’s a long season, and you play the same teams plenty of times over the year, hell, over a career.  And, it’s not a cliche - their jobs ACTUALLY depend on winning.  And people flew in to catch this game expecting to see fireworks while the biggest fight is their battle for eighth? 

Granted, this one happened to be an extreme case (due to it’s blatant nature, followed by no suspension), and the guys are well aware of that.  But the night unfolded the way it did to appease those that went out of their way to be a part of the “event”.  Cooke had to fight if he didn’t want to be crucified in the (for once) vendetta-aware media, and the Bruins were no different.  In no way am I saying they wouldn’t have fought if not for the media, I’m just saying it wouldn’t have gone down like a bout at Caesars Palace 1:58 in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The fact is, these are professional athletes, and though they often act spontaneously, you don’t get to that level without some measure of discipline.  Many-a-nights you leave (frustrated) after taking a number and just playing the game.  Just because the media sniffed out the obvious “hey, their gonna be mad at that guy, right?”, this all seemed a little…. forced.  It doesn’t usually happen the quarter-second after a guy’s skates hit the ice, but eventually, guys get found.

And it’s not always a fight – a late hit, an extra shot, whatever you can get in there and not hurt your teams chances.  As soon as a guy puts his vendetta ahead of the team goal, he sits.  He may get healthy scratched the next day (and the coach will tell the media its because a guy wasn’t “effective” to avoid the circus.  Read: Avery), and if it happens enough, he may get dealt.

For those who thought they’d fight Cooke everytime he stepped on the ice, chase him around and make highlight-worthy plays on him…. with Colin Campbell and every east coast media guy there?  To quote NFL Countdown, C’mon, man.  In the end, they may not be done with him, but they aren’t idiots.  They put on the show people came to see, right away.  But they’ll find him again when it’s not mid-playoff push.  They’re disciplined.  They’re pros.

A Player Appearance Gone Wrong – Video Style

 

Hey team – Happy St. Patricks Day! 

My family name, a handful of generations ago, actually used to be O’Burne, til my however-many-great Grandpa moved across and chucked the “O” in the middle to avoid persecution.  Or so the story goes.  Either way, I claim to be fully Irish today (as does everyone else), partly because there isn’t a Ukranian celebration day where I can shamelessly drink beer.

So, something different for ya!  A video blog.  It’s been a long time.  (I shouldn’t-a left you.  Without a dope beat to step to.)

I was going to write about player appearances, so instead, I just told the story.  Hope you likes!

{By the way, if you’re looking for reading to do, my column for USA Today is up.  I weigh in on the GM’s freshly pressed blindside rule.  Recommend and comment ’til your heart’s content!}

A Brief Wander, Followed By A Serious Rant On Agitators

 

ohmigodTigerscomingbackatthemasters

Ahem.  Sorry.  I finger-puked on the keyboard.

Tiger Woods has confirmed the speculation.  He’s making his return to professional golf at Augusta.

You may have noticed by now that I kinda sorta enjoy that golf tournament.  When he wrapped his Escalade around… well, pretty much everything (animated graphic here), I became immediately panicked about the undisputed best weekend in sports.

But today, proper order has been restored to the world.

What’s that you say?  The Masters, NHL playoffs, NBA playoffs, college hockey playoffs, March Madness finals and the start of the baseball season?  Hmm.  Thank youuu, April. 

I’ll be live blogging the weekend on one of those “Cover It Live” things, and anybody who wants to watch “with” me and entertain each other (that guy spends more time in the sand than David Hasselhoff), I welcome your company.

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I’ve become more fluent in the language of internettia since I started working on the damn thing for a living.  After watching a TIME video on tech trends, I decided it was time I add all the “share” buttons to the top of this blog.

Basically, they were explaining to simpletons like me how the reader is becoming the distributor.  Good writing, entertaining stories and all things viral are passed about by people like you recommending stuff through Digg, Twitter, and any of the million other options you have for sharing.

So, on those days I write something of significance (not that OMG TIGER WOODS IS COMING BACK isn’t), please share share share!  You can also grab my RSS thinger, follow me on Twitter, or just come to my site and read stuff the old fashioned way.  Whatever tickles your pickle.

{Also, thanks to Kyle and Fiona for their recent donations to the blog.}

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Alright, I’m on to hockey, calm down.

BREAKING DOWN AGITATORS

We’ve all accepted that agitators are a part of hockey.  They always have been.  But let’s call a spade a spade today, because frankly, it’s fun to do.

They’re phonies.

Their style of play is a cop out for effective hockey.  When they aren’t performing well, they always have the fail-safe option of flapping their gums in the direction of their opponent, and suddenly everyone thinks they’re “in the game”. 

Even their coach might say “Look at that guy, he’s the only one who cares tonight.”

Really?

O-VER  RATE-ED clap-clap-clapclapclap. 

For some reason, the fans love them, yet they have zero positive effect on their teams chances of winning, unless they’re actually playing the quality hockey that so many of them are capable of.  Zero percent, because for every time their antics help a team win, it’s balanced by them costing their team a game.

In this sport, what does “rattling” your opponent do?  Fire him up?  — It’s hockey, not golf.  I understand head games when you’re playing a guy who has to stand over a four foot million dollar putt, but getting someone more involved and revved up in a physical game?  All these idiots do is wake sleeping beasts.

There are times when they draw penalties, sure.  But to do that, you need to sneak in a few spears and trips, which means they end up taking a few along the way themselves.  These guys hear “poser” and “clown” and “phony” on repeat, because their peers know what they are.  They’re doing whatever they need to do to draw a paycheck, but it’s not in a respectable way.  It’s indecent proposal on skates – would you intentionally injure people for a million dollars?  Apparently, yes.

Name me a completely clean agitator that’s get devoid of a “questionable” play in their career.  Cooke?  Burrows? Hartnell?  Downie?  Carcillo?  Avery?  Somewhere along the line they all take it too far. (Honest question: I rarely see the Wild play, but Clutterbuck is getting a bit of a reputation for being effective.  Is he both an “agitator” and still without incident?  Maybe he’s the rule’s exception.)

In playing that role, you know that’s the case.  You know at some point you “might” hurt someone.   Your coach knows that’s probably going to happen too, so he lives with his fingers crossed that it just doesn’t cost the team a penalty.

How many times can you watch a forward make a just-a-split-second-later-than-necessary attempted hit, miss the guy and make a ruckus on the glass, and still rise to your feet and applaud?

The difference between those worthy of our respect is just so unmistakable: If Jerome Iginla feels someone did something that needs answering, he drops the gloves from his Hall-of-Fame 50-goal scoring hands and fights.  If Vincent Lecavalier needs to get his team going, he’ll do the same.

But when Sean Avery goes to fill his role, he skates by the opposing bench, taunts someone, hacks someones laces, agrees to fight then leaves his gloves on to draw a penalty.  There’s no honor there.  But enjoy your celebrity, dude.

These guys have always been in the game, from my Dad’s day to mine.  They aren’t going anywhere, and I’m not proposing they do.  I’m just proposing we open our eyes and stop cheering for them.

Don Cherry, Get Fuzzy and Video Review

 

Before I let the Matt-Cooke-on-Mark-Savard-hit go (and keeping in mind that once I do, Savard will still be dealing with weeks/months of photo-sensitivity and inability to exercise without dry-heaving for few minutes), I thought I’d run the Coaches Corner where Don Cherry addressed the situation better than anyone so far – it’s a must-see.  This is the rare issue worthy of Cherry’s intensity, and really puts Matt Cooke (and the situation) in perspective:

Okay, sorry to start off on that note – let’s get happy! (© Pardon The Interruption)

*****

I’m a cartoon guy. 

Not like a “Saturday morning” cartoon guy, or a “Superman” cartoon guy, but a comic strip dude.  I can get pretty passionate in either praise for The Far Side, or in VILE PULSATING HATRED for Family Circus (I’ve been thinking about running their daily cartoon and just viciously shredding it like Fuck You, Penguin does to cute animals pictures, only my version would lack the redeeming quality of having cute animal pictures). If you’re a comic-sseur like myself, you may enjoy the following daily comic strips (your suggestions welcome):

Get Fuzzy

Dibert

 

 

 

 

 

Pearls Before Swine

(Also, in college I quite liked the Strong Bad emails and Teen Girl Squad at Homestar Runner.com.)

*****

Okay, back to hockey – one quick thought:

A colour guy made a great point on the weekend:  Ilya Kovalchuk took a lazy wrister from just inside the blue line, and Marc-Andre Fleury went to catch it.  Travis Zajac came from the side of the net, and simply pushed in Fleury’s glove with his stick, allowing the puck to go, y’know, in the net.  From the refs angle, he couldn’t see the interference.

Why not make goalie interference video reviewable?  I understand the “it’d hold up the game” argument, but isn’t that one of the few places you’d like to be sure you got the call exactly right?

*****

Oh wooden legs.  Are you ever un-funny?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*****

And last, let me continue to siphen away those painful Monday minutes for ya.  This is “Really?!?, with Seth and Jerry” —- aimed at Eric Massa.

 

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