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Car Colour, Dining Out, ESPN & MJ



Gooood (Monday) morning!  It’s 7:00 am here, and I’ve already had a bowl of Cheerios, a cup of coffee and a steam bath, so I’m at a rare level of awake for blogging.  How fun.

Before I really begin, I just gotta say – in the first 27 years of my life, I’ve cared exactly zero percent about hockey in the summer, save for my own personal fitness.  And even that was a battle.  I forced myself to the gym, and dragged my ass onto the ice as early as possible in the day so the rest of the afternoon and beyond could be free.  I didn’t follow the draft, free agency, nothin’.

I played baseball, I worked, and far more importantly, I golfed.

So now, in this new career has a “hockey guy” or whatever you want to label me as…. this is painful.  I realize most of you come to my blog to read about hockey.  But NOTHING HAPPENS IN JULY (UPDATE: Okay, Kovalchuk finally signed with the Devils. I’ll address that tomorrow).  Take a little break, like Bob McKenzie and his twitter account are.  I don’t really care to speculate on where so-and-so might get dealt, what the needs of the 11th place team in the East are (unless that happens to be the Isles), etcetera etcetera.  And that’s not going to change.

So until someone is paying me to discuss those things, I see no reason to start forcin’ it (the “forcin’ it” reference is six paragraphs down).  Besides, we have awesome things to discuss today: cars, restaurants, Michael Jordan, Twitter and Bri.  LETS DO THIS.


This is the slightly-too-expensive one she wants. Balllerrrrr.

Right off the top (um, we’re 250 words in), the Mrs. asked me to poll my readers.  Bri’s lease is up on her white Mazda 3 in like six weeks, so we’re on the car hunt for her.  Okay, she’s on the car hunt, and I’m the blinders to her horse, keeping her eyes away from as many sparkling Beemers, Benz n Bentley’s as possible (anyone get that rap reference?).

So, the question she wants me to pose to you is…. does choosing a white or black car make that much of a difference for temperature?  I know your knee-jerk reaction to that question was yes, because it’s just one of those things that’s been beaten into us.  And I know MythBusters tested this “myth” and confirmed that YES, a black car does heat up more than a white car.  But to me, if it’s cookin’ hot outside, you get in your car and it sucks regardless, then you pump the AC and it’s fine.  So get the car you want.

(Part of me says that because I had that beaten into me when I got a car here, so I have a white Altima with tan interior and tinted windows, and every time a black one drives by I wanna sideswipe it so it doesn’t look so much prettier than mine…. which it does.)

So here’s the poll.  Vote or die! (Or whatever the expression is that marketers and P. Diddy use to get young, “hep” kids to vote)


Instant ghettofication of a main course salad.

I can’t stand when restaurants – without special request – give you salad dressing on the side.  I can make my dinner at home, thanks.  Now I have to mix my own salad at a restaurant?  Do you have a big bowl and some tongs I could use, at least?  No?  Okay, I’ll just push it around then (y’know, since it’s a full bowl/plate) and end up with half the salad on the table.

For those of you who like light or heavy dressing you’re the ones who are particular, so you’re the one who should have to request something special or different, like I dunno, dressing on the side.  Quit making restaurants be frustrating for the rest of us.


While I’m beating up on the food industry…. If someone pays for food at your establishment (now matter how low-grade it may be), they shouldn’t have to clean up like they’re doing dishes when they’re done.  How are yearly profits for the fast-food industry?  They can’t hire some minimum wage kid to clean up after their patrons?

Thanks for your $6.75, here’s your (delicious) chemical-packed processed food, be sure to tidy up on your way out. 



As I’ve mentioned before, I get mixed reviews on running/tweeting cat pictures.  The solution?  Brianna Gillies Twitter account.  She tweets infrequently at best, and usually only because we’ve had a couple cocktails, but I expect that to change after I gave her a good Twitter lesson yesterday.

Follow Justin on Twitter here

She claims she’ll be stepping up her tweet game (she’s actually pretty funny, even though she’s a girl  /Bissonnette’d), so hop on board for some more Bourne-based fun.  The real secret is that when I want to tweet a cat pic, I’ve got her twitpic address saved in my phone so I can use her account too.  Heh heh heh.  Sneaky.


I loved me some MJ in the day.

If the year’s sportsgasm happens in April, this is the year’s moment of regret and self-loathing.  ESPN is currently dragging itself through the desert in search of water – AKA sports news – in a bad way right now.  Thus, we get Michael Jordan all over ESPN’s Uno through Ocho, making pretty dull remarks about an over-covered topic.

Therefore, I shall dig the hole deeper by commenting on those comments, just like ESPN.

He said he’d have never called up Larry Bird and Magic Johnson to be teammates the way Lebron did with Wade and Bosh (BTW, is Bosh Magic or Bird?  How much credit are we giving that guy?).  My only question on those comments are….

Okay, you wouldn’t have done that – but had you gone seven years and consecutive MVP titles without winning a title, looked ahead and didn’t see Pippen, Kerr and the chance to contend on your team, and had the opportunity to join “Bird and Magic”…. you wouldn’t have then?

I think that’s an easy, predictable statement for MJ to make from where he (and his legacy) are sitting.


Thassit thassall today folks.  UPDATED: Kovalchuk has resigned with the Devils!  A hockey blog tomorrow, yyayyyyyy!


34 Responses to “Car Colour, Dining Out, ESPN & MJ”
  1. crushasaurus says:

    Oh man. If you only you’d waited half an hour…

  2. jtbourne says:

    Ah yep, appears Kovy has signed. Hope the Devs push the press conference up.

  3. Trevor says:

    Great job on the Bissonette comment. His twitter account is pretty off the wall. Curious to see what a GM would think of their player going off like that.

    And you’re source’s, source’s source ended up spot on.

    Thank God the Ilya foolishness is over.

  4. Dave K says:

    Want to take a guess at what the terms of the contract are? Does he beat out Ovechkin?

  5. jtbourne says:

    Initial rumour from (credible source) @dchesnokov is 17 YEARS, so gotta be 100 million-plus if that’s true.

  6. Trevor says:

    dchesnokov is a credible source, but he’s quoting Kovalchuk’s mother there.

    17 years it’s gotta be 100 plus for sure. Unless it’s something like 10,9,8,8,8,8,8,8,8,8,8,2,2,2,1,1,1

    pretty sure that’s $100M

  7. crushasaurus says:

    The Kovalchuk signing! You could have pounded out 500 words on that mo’fizzle.

    Also, in regards to the car, are you going to be seen dead in it? If so, black car.

    My friend who is now a professional footballer picked me up in a white Audi TT the other day, and regardless of the fact it’s a 3.6 litre beast, my gay-o-meter was going through the roof.

  8. kitten fister says:

    Even worse than dressing on the side is a chicken breast plopped on top. Like I really want to cut the thing up?

  9. Jarick says:

    For the car, I’ve never noticed much of a difference, it’s always hot in the car, just crack the windows, crank the AC, and deal with it. Although tinted windows in the back for the kid is nice.

    Totally agree on the salad thing, I don’t just want dressing on top of my salad, mix the damn thing in a bowl and disperse it evenly.

    And more fast food joints should offer salads in lieu of fries…I’d pay a buck more to have something I’d actually eat in a “meal”.

  10. KarenfromRochester says:

    It’s gotta be hard for the hockey guys at TSN and the other outlets to find anything of note to write about in the desert that is July and August. Good thing you can come on an just do a mind-dump during that time and entertain us all that way! Believe me, I’d rather read the smorgasboard here than the same old junk on the mainstream websites! Only bad thing is, I can’t acess the kitty pics because the organization I work for has the Twitter site(s) blocked! : (

  11. jtbourne says:

    kitten fister – YES! Totally agree. The inspiration for that comment came with chicken sliced on direction which is a start, but I still had to saw the other way. Madness.

    Jarick – agreed on the salad thing. We found a neat subway-esque place called “Tossed” that’s quick and healthy. HAS to be a market for that going forward.

  12. Sherry says:

    Could you please give me a Twitter lesson – I am sure I don’t know what the hell I am doing, so I don’t do it much either. Good on ya Bri!

    Neither white, nor black would be my car color of choice (gray, silver, or lt blue). We plan to get a Nissan Leaf when they become available and I dreamed last night that my husband got one without asking me what color I wanted. Luckily for him, it was sky blue.

    Am I the only onw who thought that the Kovy signing thing was a little too much like the LeBron signing thing?…

    Most restaurant salads are overdressed – stop being such a little girl and dress the damn thing yourself! :)

    And finally, not sure what your current Tiger state of mind is, but I thought this was interesting

  13. Goody says:

    Car: Silver with tinted windows. Sunroof. Not to let the sun in, but to let the hot air out. Once the hot air is gone, close it and crank the AC. Also, remote start works equally well to cool a hot car as it does to warm a -30º car. Assuming of course you plan ahead and turn the AC to the “Antarctica” setting prior to leaving the car.

    KarenfromRochester , Google “html to pdf” if you can find one that you can access, you can convert web pages to a .pdf which you can then view. Not perfect, links don’t work, etc, but…

  14. KarenfromRochester says:

    That Kovy contract is insane…way to make the CBA work for ya, Kovy! Do you think that these long-term deals are going to be things the GM’s want taken away/controlled the next time the contract is up for negotiation?

  15. Justin says:

    I travel to Hong Kong a lot for business…..just for your own info, at any of the one million fast food restaurants there(McD’s, KFC), they have employees whose sole purpose is to take away your used tray and clean it off. Thats right…leave it on the table and they do it.

  16. Frank says:


    on the car issue, all I will say is don’t get leather seats in a hot climate. I grew up in Houston where it also gets very hot and my grandfather had a car with leather seats….very painful to sit on in the summer when you got in (I remember getting burned a few times). Stick with the cloth seats…which may only reach a mildly uncomfortable state.

    I don’t think the color really matters; I am sure there is more heat flux in the vehicle with a darker paint job, but as you pointed out….when it is already 100+ degrees, it really doesn’t matter that much.

  17. Jester says:

    I went from a dark honda civic with light interior to a white civic with black interior. I can say first hand that the interior is more of a factor than the exterior, but the darker interior holds a TINY bit more heat. Go with the exterior color you want, because especially in arizona i’m sure either car is going to be hot as hell.

  18. Randi says:

    I want to say my friends black Fusion is hotter than my gray Cobalt but I think her AC cools the car down faster than mine. I would assume the tented windows should help too. Having owned both light and dark colored cars I went with a gray (gunmetal gray) one this time because it doesn’t really show dirt, it just looks dull. That’s fortunate because I hate the idea of spending money on a car wash to do what a good rain should.

    The company I work for owns a bunch of dealerships in Phoenix selling almost every brand. I’d be happy to suggest one. =) I do IT support so I have to try and make the company some money if I want new computers.

  19. jtbourne says:

    Justin – I hear you on that, and really, I guess I know that there are people who do that. It seems that my beef was poorly aimed – I’m mad at my friends/ fiancee etc. who insist on tidying up all nice after we’re done, I guess.

  20. P.D. says:

    Ahhhhh I see you did listen to that song like I asked/told you to! It’s almost like I know what I am talking about when it comes to hip hop huh? As for the whip, white w/black rims if you wanna get froggish. Tint the windows, keep it clean, and you are money. And like I told you before, new Big Boi album. Listen to it, or at least get the songs I told you about. FIAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

  21. Steve C. says:

    Note to all you professional bloggers who are making loads of cash…don’t forget to get that black car washed twice a week.

  22. ms.conduct says:

    Do they only make black or white cars anymore? Red. Come on.

  23. jtbourne says:

    PD – Didn’t have the heart to break it to you son, I was on that before you gave me the recommendation. Beleee dat. Good taste though!

    Ms. Conduct – Always wondered who “those people” were on the road, and now I know: Goalies.

  24. Deirdre says:

    Yeah, I drove red too (yay goalies!) – sadly this time I had to go for black if I wanted to drive away in something that day (which I did), but it’s Wrangler so way awesome anyway.

    ANYWAY – (I think it was) Frank who’s got the right of it – the interior colour matters more, not because of the temperature of the car when you get it (which is gonna suck no matter what – barring the remote starter) but because dark seats/dash/steering wheel can seriously burn you when you get in. Even in your shiny white car I bet sometimes you reach over to grab the seatbelt buckle and youch! So – any color exterior she likes, and if she *has* to have a dark interior get cloth seats (or seat covers) and a steering wheel cover.

    BTW, low-pile sheepskin is awesome both summer and winter (the really high-pile thick stuff can be a touch too warm when you’re sweaty). Hey, if you hate your tan interior so much get some light grey sheepskin, it’ll look awesome and you’ll no longer be saddened by the tan.

    As for Hockey and long contracts, dude – who seriously thinks a player is still gonna be worth it 10 years from now. Maybe you’ll get lucky but do you really want to tie a contract to that pipe dream?

  25. nightfly says:

    I dunno. My car is blue. Goalies! And I think the lighter interior is the key. Another tip – drape something like a towel over the steering wheel when parking, so when you first get back in, you don’t pull an AJ Burnett on your palms. Hot steering wheel = OUCH.

  26. Kennedy says:

    I think the long contract is a stroke of genius. If Kovy still wants to play in 13 or 14 years there will be tons of teams willing to take him on – if it’s structured right. If the last 4-5 years are $2 mill or less but the cap hit is over $5 mill that makes him a prime target for teams who have to get to the cap floor but don’t want to pay salaries to that level.

    No one thinks Kovy will be worth it. Or DiPietro. The teams hope the guy retires. If I’m Kovy I also want a no movement so I don’t end up in Lowell at 44.

  27. airborne moose says:

    YAY GOALIES!!! my car is red too..ROFLMAO…it wasnt by choice, but a good alaskan beater with a heater..
    course my truck is blue, and am trying to convince the wife to get a white car so i have the all American driveway.
    Had a dark color car in Cali, and the interior is more important then the exterior. Also, a white hood with the glare can be hard on the eyes. Can always get a windshield cover thing that helps keep the direct sun from beaming into the car, they actually work decent.

  28. bluliner says:

    Car: buy one of those cheap-ass windshield reflectors and prop it up on the dash when you park the car. They’re what, ten bucks? They work pretty well too…

  29. Alanna says:

    Re: the car, just get whatever color you want and throw a towel over the steering wheel and seat (if leather) when you get out. Yeah, dark will be hotter, but I don’t think it’s worth getting a color you don’t love. I lived in a place almost as hot as Phoenix for most of my life and this worked fine for me.

  30. Aces Arbitrage says:

    Just get an auto start with the black car and have the AC blasting when you start it from the house…

  31. Dunc says:

    For the car I’d go with the colour that looks best and let the A/c do the rest, doubt the colour would make that much difference based as you are on the surface of the sun.

    How can people not like the random comedy cat pics???

  32. Adam says:


    I really enjoy your writing. You’ll be big one day, just keep at it.

    I can’t believe the devils gave kovy such a big contract. That fact that he is asking for Ovechkin and Crosby money is absolutely ridiculous. He is good, on one side of the puck. As someone who works for an unspecified team, the NHL is headed for another lockout if salaries keep rising like this.

    On another note, can you imagine if Larry Michael AND magic were all on the same team. I mean…!

  33. Dawn says:

    Yes! Silver or some light colored metallic, with cloth seats, a nice medium-light color. ( That’s my car!). I went from a dark green car to a silver one, and I do notice the difference. And this one doesn’t even have tinted windows ( which are necessary in Phoenix, of course. I lived there, I know what you’re facing..)

    I suggest using a windshield sunshade, too. SO much heat comes in that way… you can order them custom-made for your model car, ( Covercraft is one place) so the fit is nice, and they are easier to manage than the cheap ones. Just keep your A/C in tip-top shape!
    Enough motherly advice….. you’re getting some good tips from your loyal fans, anyway.
    Love your stuff…you are big right NOW! Surely Adam is just kidding….

  34. Simone says:

    Black cars look nice when all shiny and polished.

    Black cars look bad when dirty.

    Black cars show dirt and dust more than white/light cars.

    Arizona is very dry, water is a premium.

    Get a light-colored car and conserve water.

    ’nuff said.

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