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B-Side Thought Barrage



Sorry about the late start today – the mornings after I play hockey are usually a little sluggish, not because I drink after, but because I NEVER EXERCISE EVER AND I HURT.

Sadly, my rec league team lost it’s first game, giving up an empty netter in the dying seconds to lose 12-10.  In our defense, our team racked up 10 man-games of suspensions the week before, so we had six skaters and a replacement goalie.  I also felt two strides away from having massive cardiac issues. 

It’s time to clear out the thought locker – that’s the place in my phone I store genius topic ideas, essentially adding three of them a day, and writing about two.  What I’m saying is, here come the B-Sides.


I love that Carey Price went after Cam Janssen after getting run over last night….

….but it got me thinking.  Has any goalie EVER taken their helmet off to fight a player? (I know they do to fight each other)  …But it’s like they forget it’s on.  Or they figure since they’re at an over-padded disadvantage anyway, they deserve to leave it on.  For the record, I’m on their side.  Swing away, f**kers.  (Harding did the same a few nights earlier against Ott, I believe)


Beer of the seemingly-random-length-of-time:  Jewbelation 13 by Shmaltz Brewing, strictly because it’s got a hilarious name, 13.5% alcohol, and is so dark and thick they serve it in a snifter.  I’ve never ordered one, but come on, that deserved a shout-out.


When I was in Vegas, it was during the Fancy-New-Electronics Convention Thinger (or some similar name).  It was like being in Vancouver, if you get what I mean.  …..Ya know?  …..Feel me on that?  ….ASIANS, PEOPLE!  ASIANS EVERYWHERE. 

If he's not sleeping, he's nom-ing toes.


I get claustrophobic when my cat falls asleep in my lap, because I want to encourage the whole affection thing, but I feel like I can’t get up/move/flinch/do-anything-ever-again.  Anyone esle feel trapped by their sleeping pet?


As I’m sure generations did before us, we tend to think we have most universe/Earth related things mostly figured out.  Ideas that were common knowledge like “the Earth is flat” periodically get debunked, and they change our views on major topics just like that.  In TIME this week, there was an article that reviewed the discovery of a fossil that showed some four-legged creature was walking the earth 400 million years ago, long before we thought animals crawled out of the sea.

Which got me thinking: I wonder what the next big thing will be.  The next crazy, “holy crap, the Earth isn’t the center of the solar system” type discovery.  Hope it’s in my lifetime.

Wrong pic for the ProBowl blurb? Naaa, SANCHIZE!


The NFL’s ProBowl is such a joke.  You can take the physicality out of hockey and still leave entertainment, but not football.  Why don’t they just shut that event down?  Who’s trying to maul the quarterback when it makes no difference what happens on the play?


Washing a hat is like reincarnating it.  You end up with a totally different hat if you wash and dry it.  It makes the immediate transition from new, stiff, fancy hat, to old, worn, comfy hat.  Do you dishwasher wash yours, never wash, or washing machine them?


Hey, pro sports leagues, guys do their ‘roids after the season to get a cycle in before they get back to testing ….can we look into some off-season bloodwork or something?

Stop. Slammertime.


Bill Simmons wrote a wonderful article on Lebron James – We Are All Witnesses.  Read it if you like basketball in the slightest bit.  {Is it just me, or are more hockey fans one-sport-lovers than any other sport?  I feel like guys who like basketball can like football, or baseball and football, whatever, but people who like hockey like HOCKEY.}


As a Deadspin article mentioned yesterday, shower beers rule.  Y’know, the nights you’re going out to really tear it up with your friends (see: college), so you bring your beer with you into the shower.  That’s exciting man.  You know it’s gonna be a big night.


And just like that, we’re done.  Thanks for assisting in the tidy up!


29 Responses to “B-Side Thought Barrage”
  1. karlooch says:

    NFL Pro Bowl – I agree its a joke. Being in Hawaii seeing wives in swimsuits was the only cool part.

    Beers in shower rule = next day..’wheres chucky?’, ‘where the F is my car again?’, ‘why is there puke on my toilet?’,
    ‘ who’s that ugly girl sleeping next to Mac?’, ‘I am never drinking again!’

    Sleeping pet – Been there many times with wifey also. The slide out from under trick comes in handy.

    Earth thing – took the kid to Avatar and actually really enjoyed the movie…check it out


  2. jtbourne says:

    Crap. Foiled by the clever double-reverse-jinx….

  3. Alix in SJ says:

    Anyone else feel trapped by their sleeping pet?


    And one of my cats weighs 20 pounds. And emits extra-powerful sleep rays. So he sprawls in your lap, suddenly taking on the mass and gravity well of a small black hole. Then he begins purring, and slowly all the conscious energy begins to be sucked out of you….

  4. MWL says:

    DId you forget about the Ray Emery V. Buffalo Sabres Mele? He beat the piss out of Martin Biron then took on Andrew Peters and did pretty well. He’s also fought McGrattan in practice before along with a slew of other dudes. I think he’s a bit of a knucklehead…

  5. Char says:

    Had the pet problem with my dog just last night. She thinks she’s a lap dog, but she really isn’t. Corgis are just too… awkward for laps. But she tries.

    I’m a hockey fan… and a baseball fan… and a football fan. Not a basketball fan or a golf fan. Zzzzzz.

  6. Beaton says:

    Regarding goalies fighting, when emery fought peters he didn’t take his bucket off for that fight (he took it off to fight biron) but he didn’t back down and I’ve seen few players who seemed to enjoy being in a fight more than he does.

  7. Bret says:

    I never had the opportunity to touch on the boob issue and would just like to get it off my chest now. I’ve always felt (literally) as though a fakie feels like 10lbs of sugar in a tiny zip-lock bag to me every single time… [deep sigh of relief]…finally.. now I can get on with my life again…

    I enjoyed your relation to being in Vegas for the Electronics Convention as to being in Vancouver, or “Hong ‘Couver” as I’ve often heard it referred to on several occasions by folks.

    As to the pet issue, I have a 3 y/o giant golden retriever i sleep with every night. For over a year now, i’ve been doing the LDR thing and so that leaves me ample amount of time to spoon with a beast whose size and personality would match that of something spawned from the likes of uhh, lets say,.. Elsa, the lion cub, and Harry, of the Hendersons family (w/ John Lithgow!). Anyways, to the point at hand, every so often, lets say fortnightly, he winds up going over the top and laying horizontally to my humanly-positioned vertical sleeping arrangement. i might as well be throwing the sack of cement (a la Cosmo Kramer) used over me as a blanket because I’m not going anywhere and can forget toilet-usage for the night. so trapped? yes. but the thought bench pressing him off of me?! heavy forbrid! ha.. the things we do for our children…

  8. Bret says:

    ahhh i was goin’ good there… * heaven forbrid.

    excuse me, Father.

  9. JD says:

    Shower Beers – amazing part of manhood. Especially love the ones when your on a road trp with the boys and the shower in the hotel just runs for an hour straight as everyone takes their turn (individually of course).

    Goalie Fights – I know Emery shed his lid a couple years ago and fought. I’m almost positive it was Andrew Peters from Buffalo. Emery actually did pretty good and was visibly enjoying the encounter. I’m sure it’s on youtube somewhere.

    Loved the Simmons article also. I’ve never been to an NBA game but have heard they are great. Every time I watch ‘Bron I find myself thinking about the only other 6′ 8″ + people I have met. They are gangly and awkward and uncoordinated. The fact that NBA athletes have the agility and dexterity (copyright Pierre McGuire) they do at their size truly amazes me.

  10. Officer Koharski says:

    I’ve had Jewbilation before, it was tasty. I got it in a pint glass and baby-sipped it for a long time, it was a great experience. You’re supposed to let it warm in your mouth for a moment or two before you swallow (har har), supposedly to get the full flavor pallet but I felt like it was more to let the sweet delicious alcohol absorb right onto your tongue, which it does with great gusto. Highly reccomended.

    I also enjoy a shower beer from time to time. What a nice treat. It’s my version of scented sugar scrubs and loofah.

  11. Bret says:

    there’s nothing like a cold beer, in a warm shower, after coming in from a cold day..

  12. jtbourne says:

    I couldn’t be happier about the love for shower beers. I got a frosty mug from Breezy for Christmas, and I can’t wait to use it in there the next time the night is right.

  13. Buddha says:

    “Is it just me, or are more hockey fans one-sport-lovers than any other sport? I feel like guys who like basketball can like football, or baseball and football, whatever, but people who like hockey like HOCKEY.”

    You said one-sport-lovers, and then only listed one actual sport. I’m confused.

  14. j says:

    i think joey macdonald had a toss the mask first scrap w/ a skater when he was a soundtiger. had a couple of punchups that year and i think only 1 was vs another goalie.

  15. Dan n St Paul says:

    IMO, in Minny, it seems to work out that if you are a big Wild fan, then you are also a big Twins fan in the summer and if you are a big Vikes fan, then you at least tolerate the Wolves and can name 3 people on their roster. Morneau and Mauer regularly take in Wild games and Vikes players used to be regularly seen courtside at Wolves games.

    true in other areas? hockey and baseball paired together and football and basketball together?

  16. ms.conduct says:

    Wow, this whole shower beer thing is blowing my mind. And as soon as I wrapped my mind around it in a bottle, Bourney busts out the mug. WTF? Sometimes I’m totally comfortable in guy-world but this one… y’all can keep.

    Wait. Does it get better for me if it’s a shower margarita? Yeah…. maybe a little. No. Never mind. I was wrong. It’s still just kookoo.

    My 100 lbs of dog is just not feasible for sleeping with anything but head in lap and he doesn’t like that, so it just doesn’t happen. As soon as you dare to stop petting him, he goes somewhere else. Diva.

    I laughed out loud at “Swing away, f**kers!” Thanks for the goalie love. Though I personally thought Price was being a doofus there. Way too easy to turn it over when you go off half cocked to the boards like that.

  17. Steve C. says:

    Justin…you’re so close.
    You need to connect the shower beer to the rec league post-game beer.
    The combo make you hurt less.

  18. Sioux in the Cities says:

    I’ve washed one hat once. I put one of my favorite San Antonio Spurs hat in the dishwasher when I was like ten (David Robinson was/is the man) and it totally ruined it. The brim on the hat was so flimsy you couldn’t curve it at all. Still don’t trust those dishwasher hat cleaning things.

    Shower beer, night or day = awesome! I’ve found Schell’s Firebrick to be perfect for this situation.

  19. Neil says:

    I’m sold. I have a rec game tonight, the shower beer is a go.

  20. Steve C. says:

    Right on Neil…I’m a go for tomorrow night!

  21. jtbourne says:

    Funny, the shower-beer support. Bri was pumped when I brought it up. Apparently a staple of her college experience too (she may comment, I pushed her to). It was two or three weeks ago post-beer-league game when I noticed my whole team, sans conversation, were SB fanatics. Gotta love that team, right?

  22. Pete L says:

    Hope you weren’t driving around Vegas that week.

    Never had a bad night that started off with a shower beer. . .and never realized that until reading this, so thank you JT!

    Writing this with my 80 pound golden retriever in my lap. She doesn’t appreciate when I move the laptop anywhere near her, so I’m getting muscle spasms as I type. Seems like a lot of your loyal readers feel your pain.

  23. jtbourne says:

    I’m most excited my loyal readers keep referencing my favourite dogs on the planet (not you, English Bulldog – I haven’t had you as a pet {yet} to rate you), Golden Retrievers. We had a few growing up, and they really are wonderful, wonderful (wonderful) dogs. Arf!

  24. John says:

    Trapped on couch by sleeping cat or sleeping wife many times. Often when I need another beer from the fridge. I propose a channel you can punch up with your remote and, using your remote, request that someone hop on a moped, drive to your house and bring you another beer. Of course this would be a subscription-thing, and you would have to give them a copy of your house keys. But well worth it, I think. Call it the Beer-On-Demand channel.

    Never had one in the shower, hell I’ll give it a whirl.

    Yes, hockey fans/players do tend to focus on hockey in terms of what they are fans of regarding other sports. But then again, it’s not just a sport, it’s a religion of sorts…isn’t it? . Hockey culture is a very specific culture that you learn at a very young age if you are fortunate enough to start playing as a kid, and it is a great culture.

    I started playing at age five, loved playing, and played till senior year in high-school when a major injury side-lined me. While recovering, I discovered something else that I was good at and decided to pursue that. Wait…why does this story sound familiar?…Anyway…CUT TO…twenty-five years later, and I decide to start playing again. It was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. Been playing again for two years now and love it like crazy. Hockey culture is still hockey culture, thankfully nothing has changed.

    What is better than busting your tail in a game, then going out and having a few beers with your boys? Not many things, in my opinion.

  25. SDC says:

    Once you like hockey, is there any real reason to give basketball, baseball, or football a real chance anymore?

    I was going to mention Emery in the helmets off goalie fighters, but a few did already. Patrick Roy definitely flipped off his bucket a few times, and i found a Kipper vs Vokoun tilt that they both got their lids off, but didn’t see if that was just collateral damage or not:

    dishwasher hat wash for sure!

    Sleeping pets on your lap own you until consciousness is reinstated!

  26. Deirdre says:

    At least at one point it was an additional penalty if you got into a fight and didn’t remove your helmet when the other guy did…increasing the liklihood of them getting injured. Is that still true? Wouldn’t it apply to goalies just as much?

  27. minnesotagirl71 says:

    I often hear “Honey – will you get me a beer? Kirby’s napping and I don’t want to move.” Kirby is a cockatiel (bird – about the size of a cardinal…for you non-bird people). If I’m sitting still the bird is welcome to nap on me but if I need to move then the bird is going to be dislodged.

    While I am a hockey fan – I also am a baseball and lacrosse fan. Need something to keep me occupied in the off season!

  28. Courtney says:

    I’ve never done a shower beer – will have to try it next time I feel peckish

    My fiance and I have an unspoken rule in the house, if our cat Maverick is napping on your lap (usually mine) the other is obliged to fetch required items without hesitation, its an awesome rule

    Hockey is the sport I’m most fanatical about, baseball doesn’t fill the void during the summer months very well at all

  29. Lizzie says:

    I”m super-late to this party (I always seem to miss a couple posts in the google reader), but I wanted to chime in because I find the “other sport” thing fascinating. I’m hockey & football all the way. I love basketball when I watch (and, now that I live in Boston, when I go), but I grew up without a hometown NBA team, so it didn’t take hold early enough, I guess. And I just can’t get into baseball, no matter how hard I’ve tried. And, living only a few blocks from Fenway for four years, oh, how I’ve tried. Love going to that park, but the game still cannot keep my interest.

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