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Topics of Interest

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 Thanks to everyone for the wonderful support of my brother’s situation.  He’s doing very well today!

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trade for tixDid you hear about the woman who just got arrested for prostituting herself for world series tickets? (that wasn’t a set-up for a joke, believe it or not).  Her online ad had herself described as a “buxom blonde willing to get creative in a trade for World Series tickets”.  Once an undercover officer said he had the tickets and arranged the “trade”, she was cuffed and charged.  That actually happened.  Baseball tickets.  Go sit in the corner and think about what you… tried to do, woman.

{“Buxom” falls into the list words I use and understand, but would find it hard to define.}

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The Naked Shootout (for those of you who don’t know what it is)

The naked shootout that the Tampa Bay Lightning attempted was funny – especially within the team.  Really, they don’t know what’s going to end up happening themselves.  Guys just come up with stupid games (as people know, mustache boy – loser grows a ‘stache – has caught on, but guys play for dumb stuff every day.  Bagel Boy (loser gets bagels for the next morning), Juice boy (loser pours everyone gatorade), and the most frightening of my career – earring boy (loser gets a temp earing for two weeks).

But I’m a little bothered by the public gushing about the naked shootout.  Mostly cause I think it’s not that funny, and because I can tell it’s going to catch on, despite being one of the lesser shootout games.

The  Idaho junior Steelheads (17 year olds, I guess?) did it too.  Kids that age are not mature enough for the naked shootout to be “dumb funny”, so it’s just dumb – they think its the nudity that’s funny, not the public demeaning of a teammate (silly kids… they’re way off).  I want to slap those kids.  Then, to compound the problem, some woman who sees it calls the cops.  Right, because THATS what we need the nations police doing, stopping 17 year old boys from being harmlessly dumb.  Don’t worry.  To quote an officer “The investigation is ongoing”.

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We were musing – in the spectrum of “difficult jobs to get as a homosexual”, do you think  there are many that would be harder to have than men’s hockey coach?  It’s such a homobphobic culture.  Is this why I don’t know of any?  And on that thought, does anybody know of an openly gay hockey player?

I mean, statistically, there has had to have been hundreds.  And, it’s no myth that women’s hockey has it’s share (one female ex-college player told me “it’s creepy watching them give each other they eye in the room”.  You can’t make that stuff up).  But to this day I know of zero.  I have a few guesses on ex-teammates (Tassone? Probably Tassone right?).  But still, zero.

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Fill it up again!

Fill it up again!

So what if Anthony Kim, young PGA tour stud parties his ass off?  There is no sport that it matters less in.  It’s not a team game, so if he hurts his game, he only hurts himself.  Not everyone strives to be the best human ever at their sport, some are just happy getting paid (ie. me). 

It’s not tennis where being at the peak of your physical prowess is key.  Fine, it’ll hurt his chances (and liver), but the guy is doing just fine the way he’s doing it.  I just can’t fathom why anyone cares, and why the story is on TV.  I like him so much more knowing he likes to put back a few shots the night before he hits a few shots, and he still kills it at the games highest level.  Win one for the guys who’d do it the same way, AK!

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I spoke with an unnamed professional coach about a month ago (possibly one that had been drinking) with a “scoop” for me to write about.  He was being blackmailed by a player that he was going to have to cut.  This player saw the writing on the wall, and I guess the year before, the coach had swung at the kid after a game.  That’s really all I’ll say about that, but isn’t it crazy that stuff happens behind closed doors?

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I’ve tried to explain a few things to rec league players on my blog, since I’ve recently become their liason between pro and their style of hockey. Now it’s your turn to explain something to me.

In your game, is there some “don’t shoot through screens” etiquette?  Yesterday a guy came down one on one on me, then blasted one into my foot.  I’m limping today, and was irate for about two seconds.  Then I thought “it’s hockey, you have no right to be mad”.  And now i’m thinking… “don’t I”?  I’ve held back a number of times from firing it into a crowd so far.  What’s the etiquette on this?

Comments

23 Responses to “Topics of Interest”
  1. Rudy says:

    Gay hockey players? How about a gay hockey league?

    http://www.nycgayhockey.org/

  2. James says:

    As a beer league goalie, I can say that in my league, guys shoot through screens all the time.

    I do have a funny story from last night’s affair.

    One of my wingers that works at Play It Again Sports & the Pro Shop at the rink is a RW on my team. He got the puck in our end last night, tried to clear it, the puck hit the shaft of an opponent’s stick, and the stick blew up.

    The guy with the broken twig was like “That cost me $100 and you said it would never break. I want a new stick!”.

    The guy on my team is still trying to figure out if the guy was serious….

  3. Officer Koharski says:

    This is a pretty interesting article from an anonymous gay NHLer, some interesting insight into that situation.
    http://outsports.com/entertainment/20050218gumbybookexcerpt.htm

    You’ve gotta feel for him. Most players seem like reasonable enough dudes that they wouldn’t really care, but for every 30 guys there are going to be some ignorant assholes who thinks a gay teammate changes everything. And that mentality is contagious. Also a player coming out could be perceived as selfish, he’s differentiating himself from the other guys, making himself a special case, not a cog. The best situation would to let it be known quietly, and to make it clear it has nothing to do with playing hockey. Sure the jokes will roll in but if it’s good natured it’s no different than, say, Phil Kessel having one of his nuts removed.

  4. pat says:

    Was that BUXOM OR BUTTUGLY ?

  5. jtbourne says:

    Yeah, that stuff is super-interesting. A real culturally buried thing. Yes, some people are straight, some are gay. Yes, some play hockey, some don’t. But in this particular Venn diagram, never can a player be both gay, and a hockey player. If that’s true, shouldn’t scientists be ALL OVER THIS to figure out what the genetic difference is? And if it isn’t true, shouldn’t we be working towards an environment that’s more comfortable for homosexuals in sports? They’re obviously on teams somewhere, so shouldn’t we start treating some gay slurs the way we frown on racial remarks? I’ll admit, in the dressing room, I’ve been as bad as the next guy with the negative connotation of the word gay, mostly because it’s fun to imply that your buddy likes another buddy more than a friend. But really, if someone made the slightest effort to curb those words in public, I’d have obliged (that wasn’t meant to pass the buck. I just never really thought about it before).

  6. paul says:

    Unspoken rule, etiquette, etc. of open hockey, shinny hockey, beer league, mens league, pickup, etc…

    You don’t rifle a shot through a screen. No clappers coming down with a D-man in front of you or low hard shots with a defender in the lane.

    Additionally, I see a guy gearing up for a shot, I’m out of the way as fast as possible. There is no clause in my beer league contract that says I have to block shots (or back check or even remotely think about picking up my man in the d-zone).

  7. Mike says:

    I will take a stab at the rec league question. Unfortunately there is very little etiquette in rec league hockey. The majority of people are wrapped up in some game 7 fantasy. I agree with you. I hate when people blast a slap shot right into me. They don’t even try and deke or go around you. I think your fine to fire a slap shot from the point. At least that way people have a chance to move out of the way. I would give the shooter the title of D-Bag!

  8. Frank says:

    Justin, in rec leagues I’ve always viewed things like shots that hit someone or collisions on the ice as

    1. an accident if you are playing against someone who is truly a beginner or novice and it’s obvious that what they did is unintentional and they just don’t

    2. On purpose if they have played enough hockey that they should know better or DO know better. Every league I play in regardless of the level, every team has a few ringers….some who play it down and have fun with their friends and some who want to be the big fish in the little pond (and are assholes).

    I’m in it for the exercise, fun, and beer afterwards in the lockerroom….what else is there to rec hockey? Certainly not the Cup or a $1,000,000 contract.

    I always thought of buxom as a woman who is “well endowed” on top, but I could be mistaken….

  9. Far North says:

    In rec hockey, the etiquette is: avoid hurting a less-skilled player. Blasting a slapshot into a beginning d-man definitely violates that rule.

    However, when you are facing someone who is better than you, don’t hold back. Do anything you can. That’s how your skills improve. And doesn’t the better player want a challenge?

    Justin, you’re probably the best player on the ice. I’d say opponents are allowed to give you everything they’ve got.

  10. Cassie says:

    I have to totally agree with you about the gushing on the strip shootout. It was funny for about half an hour, and that’s about it. But then it turned into this huge media/blog thing, so it shouldn’t be any surprise that some junior team tried emulating what the big boys were doing. I still don’t get why it was a big deal.

    And yeah, about women’s hockey…. I used to play on a women’s hockey team, and we all knew who the lesbian players were. It was no big deal for any of us, tho. Nobody tried picking up on anyone else, and they were all discrete about oggling in the dressing room. So no one really cared, so long as they could play.

  11. GBCK says:

    We played spray tan boy last year… It was terrifying and guys were bringing out their go-to moves first round. Guy that lost got the lightest spray available, looked great, and everyone was jealous. Talk about your all-time backfires.

  12. number21 says:

    All three rec. leagues I have been in people fire off slap shots into crowds all the time. Maybe good guys hold back but it’s hard to say. I have taken some off the tow and shins, the toe hurt, but not lasting damage. I can see the potential for danger though.

    If I had a slap shot, I probably would have done it out of pure ignorance (I took up hockey to play rec). What I have read on most hockey boards is that it’s an unwritten rule not to.

  13. PVeltkamp says:

    I have always wondered the same thing about shootong when there is someone between you and the goal. I personally don’t do it as I would rather try and get around the defender or wait for help and try and make an pretty pass. I have found that the player who does take this shot is one of two types of players.

    1. The beginner – He/she just doesn’t know any better, or more likely not good enough yet to get around the defender, thereofore, they just want to get a shot on net.

    or

    2. The gym class tryer – These people are still living the dream and are usually trying to a show people up on the ice. I tend to find it is and older person trying to show the young bucks he still has what it takes.

    I don’t have much use for the second type of player and I usually get out of the way.

    UPDATE:
    Due to the fact only one person has responded to my question about stick tapping on my fantasy hockey message board I am going to assume that it is a “douchey” move. This is my official Bourne’s Blog apology. I was able to get through all of Fridays game without tapping my stick in pursuit of a guy once, and it wasn’t because the oportunity didn’t prevent itself. Thanks for your help Justin, I think this might help my “hockey style” a bit too.
    cheers!

  14. minnesotagirl71 says:

    Buxom has nothing to do with looks – it’s all about the bust size….

    I think the statisic is something like up to 10% of the population is homosexual. The gay hockey players are there – they probably just don’t feel safe enough to come out. If hockey locker rooms are a haven for homophobes, it would really kill a team’s chemistry. Do you hear about any gay men on professional sports teams??

  15. derek_com says:

    first of all, awesome blog. thank you for doing it.

    second of all, post practice games are hilarious. when i was in juniors (this was right when survivor was still the only reality tv going on) we often played a game called “survivor rebound.” in rebound, for those unfamiliar, you have 5 shooters all around the crease. they have one puck that they are trying to get into the net. it is those five verse the goalie. the goalie is trying to get the puck behind the goal line, but not in the net, or covered. its a good time. first to 10 wins.

    in survivor rebound, a shooter gets voted at the end of each game. we made up a ton of ridiculous rules. we also had a variety of punishments to the the loser when their was just a lone shooter and goalie left. the punishment was declared before the initial game started. i forget all the exact punishments we came up with. i only remember that the winner was awarded a trophy made of hockey tape and broken goalie sticks. i also believe he was given some kind of pardon in kangaroo court.

    and finally, rec league hockey has no etiquette. you would think that defensemen wouldnt take face high slapshots with their own wingers in front of the net, you would think. i try to keep all my shots through screens low since most of us arent wearing shoulder pads and have work in the morning.

  16. jtbourne says:

    Writing a column on it as we speak. You’ll see it early next week.

  17. jtbourne says:

    Haha, survivor rebound is an AWESOME idea. Sometimes a guy misses an easy one and the game wont start up until the guy who missed leaves. Literally kick the guy out for sucking, I always loved that. Survivor is a nice touch.

  18. derek_com says:

    haha i know!! i was a goalie back then and would just lay into the players that were missing the net. “hey timmer, im gonna want the red gatorade when you get voted off here in a second.” ah memories…

    we had some kind of sliding scale where as the shooters decreased they needed less goals to score.

    4 shooters 8 goals
    3 shooters 6 goals
    2 shooters 4 goals
    1 shooter 2 goals

    something like that to keep it balanced.

  19. djimass says:

    Long time reader, first time poster…

    I am a career centerman (yes, I skated all 200 feet and and worked on faceoffs for 20 minutes every day in college), but switched to D in rec league (too lazy to forecheck or backcheck anymore). In regards to on-ice etiquette, I don’t mind a wrister into my shinpads (nobody is Ovie, therefore nobody has a wrist shot that would hurt me), but slapshot through a screen should be only reserved for D-men from the point. If everyone shot low through screens, I wouldn’t care if they used the slapper in front of me. I shoot through screens (wristshots only) because I was never able to overpower goalies.

  20. SDC says:

    I think the only disturbing thing about the Lightning’s naked shootout was that it took former Art Ross Trophy winner, Martin St.Louis enough misses to get down to bare feet and flip flops before scoring (I’m sure 23rd place in the league Tampa would like him to have more than 3 goals so far this year).

    Also, probably equally poor for playing time is that their goalie got scored on by a guy coming down on him without wearing skates. or 98% of the rest of his gear. I’d think twice about starting that tendy…

  21. minnesotagirl71 says:

    Just remembered – Mike Redmond (Minnesota Twins) once took batting practice naked. (I’m assuming SOME sort of protective gear was worn.) Story goes that the team was stressed out and he wanted to make the guys laugh. Hilarious for adults with a closed practice. Not exactly appropriate if a youth team decided to copy it on the high school or community ball field….

  22. Mike says:

    If there is refs on the ice anything goes… no refs you don’t block shots and try some new move.

  23. E says:

    No clappers or shots through screens in bar league…other than a low wrister from the point….I’ve played bar league for a few years and there is nothing worse than benders coming down the rink and just firing pucks from all angles or guys that play dump and chase and just forecheck like made….they get comments like, duster, bender, all heart no skill, this isn’t game 7 in case you thought it was….I play bar league to try and play offensive hockey, enjoy the game, and not forecheck or back-check my ass off and throwback a few beers after

    If there is refs on the ice, a lot of things still don’t go in bar league hockey…if you are a player like that, i feel unfortunate for you

    Great article on homophobia in hockey…after having friends from WCHA school with a men’s and woman’s team, I can certainly tell you the women’s side is much more open and accepting and I’ve known girls who were open and others who came out but struggled with the issue at first….I’m as guilty as you mention in your comments about behind locker room doors, and when I think about it, it’s not really right but slurs like “gay” and “fag” get used their fair share and I’m as guilty as the next….It’s angering for me who is someone who openly supports gay marriage and equal rights

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