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"Blog" Just Sounds Like A Fat Word

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Now that I don’t play hockey, I’m getting fat. 

I don’t mean like, haha-collapse-a-lawn-chair fat, I mean Phil Mickelson I-wouldn’t-call-him-fat-but-he-probably-shouldn’t-have-bought-that-gas-station-brownie.  I’m a slender guy, but the pot belly thing is always an option, especially for a guy who enjoys the odd Stella Artois or six.

Being the degenerate couch growth I was for the months involving my jaw surgery, I learned to perfect the art of being a bum.  I used to view movies as a two hour drain on my day, and all the sudden I’m the guy with a collection.  I officially need to be wearing sweatpants once I’m in the front door, where I used to just stay in jeans until bed time.

In short, the injury lazified my home lifestyle.  People really are creatures of habit, and let me tell you, the being lazy thing is a tough one to break.  Don’t get me wrong, I work a lot, but now that my work involves sitting in sweats with snacks and typing, I’m finding the line between couch ridden slug/hard working journalist pretty blurry.

And the snacks thing?  You really don’t know what ya got ’til it’s gone.  During the nearly two months my teeth were laced together with wire, when I ate, it was a production, and a forgettable experience (I swear, if you have to blend soups into a single consistency, you’re better off going hungry).  So when I got the wires off and tasted salty popcorn and pretzels, double stuff oreos, cookie dough ice cream and pop ‘ems donuts, I officially fell in love all over again.

I’m an active guy who loves sports.  But my old job consisted of burning more daily calories than Krispy Kreme produces on a weekend, where the only calories I burn now are chewing.  As if the slowing metabolism of aging wasn’t enough, now I have to add one of the seven deadly sins, sloth, to my list of life concerns.

But what’s a guy to do?  What’s everybody to do?  I understand chubby people; food tastes great and resting feels okay too.  With the added sit-stractions like TV and the internet, a little cellulite is bound kick around a few peoples backsides.  Not that we should welcome it, but it’s inevitable.

I go for a daily run (ballpark 7-13 minutes, honestly), and bust out a couple push-ups.  My theory is that any maitenance is better than a complete free-fall into my wife-doesn’t-find-me-attractiveville.  Plus, like everyone else, I console myself with the “once ________ happens, I’m gonna get back on top of it” lie.  My blank is getting settled in my own home, but everybody has a different version.  Until they have to work more and get tired.  And then they have kids.  And then they only get one day off a week and want to enjoy it.  And then… And then…

I’m not really writing to offer a solution here.  I’m writing because it’s cathartic, and because it’s a written lecture, a physical reminder of the fact that I see the changes in my body happening, and instead of accepting it, I need to do something.  I used to bitch about forced workouts as a player, but I can already tell I’m about 10 months away from paying someone a monthly fee to force me to work out.

The point now is to keep it fun.  For me, the only real way to burn calories is to do it in a way that you don’t notice it.  There’s no way after running for miles I’m going to come home and bust out a few extra wind sprints.  But if I’m in a basketball game, and circumstances call for the hustle, I will not let my team down.  Maybe it goes to overtime.  Maybe all the sudden my hockey league, racquetball league and soccer leagues have me with more friends and clear hearteries because I hate to lose.

So Fun is my new calorie-burning fitness guru, the new trainer who supplanted the old duo of Fear and Necessity that used to run my life as a hockey player. 

So, I’m headed back to Kelowna soon… Anybody need a teammate?

Comments

7 Responses to “"Blog" Just Sounds Like A Fat Word”
  1. SDC says:

    I need a teammate! I also need a team. By the sounds of this, we could both benefit from each other as workout partners again too.

  2. Hockeyman says:

    If you have an iPhone, download the app Lose It. It shows you tons of ways to burn calories just by searching through the activities. Plenty of fun stuff in there.

    Otherwise you’ll end up on that couch in your snuggie. Did you see Fallon the other night with Tracy Morgan? It was a snuggie fest. Hilarious.

  3. SDC says:

    Too bad Mickelson ruins this great shirt with a case of nippleitis, in addition to the aforementioned brownie basket.

  4. GBCK says:

    Get your life in order over there! Grab a gym pass and sneak one hour out of your “busy” day to split between the treadmill and the free weights… Secondly, get the perfect push ups and leave them in the living room. They sit there silently mocking your manhood all day and finally sometime post dinner you have to do something about it or you wont be able to sleep.

  5. Travelchic59 says:

    You’re off to a good start right now, just by being aware that you need to keep yourself active. Since you are an athlete, I think it will take you years to get to that Kevin James look. LOL! You know better than most Joe Sixpacks what it takes to keep yourself in shape. You sound committed, you’ll be fine.

  6. jtbourne says:

    It’s easier to just buy bigger shirts though, right?

  7. JT I know the pain. Sprained my left knee back in December of ’07 and haven’t been right since. The gym 5 days a week is a distant memory I’d love to reclaim. If you’re ever on the Island I play for a team out in Suffolk. Let me know if you ever want to jump in for a game or two.

    P.S. Mike Schuerlein probably told you about the rent out we just had. When I set up another one I’ll make sure that we get an e-mail out to you.

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