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Avatar, Figure Skating, Lockouts, Milbury, Tiger



I finally got around to seeing Avatar last night, on a Bri-sponsored date.

A must-see.

We did it the right way – IMAX, 3D, a sack of popcorn bigger than the screen, all that good stuff.  And I’ve gotta say….  WOW.  Just wow.  That movie was unbelievable.  I was 90% certain I would leave going “meh”, but I gave it a fair shot, and man, I thought it was just great.  It’s like Planet Earth on acid, splashed with a pretty cool story.  Check it out before you have to watch it on your 18″ RCA at home.



I don’t get why male figure skating has to be so flamboyant.  I really don’t.  It’s the same as “why doesn’t Norway have a good hockey team?”

Okay, Weir's an exception, but good god man...

Why all the glitter and jazz hands to distract from one of the most unbelievably difficult events in individual sport?  Triple spins on skates?  And you need SEQUINS to make it impressive?

I understand not wearing something loose, as that would detract from your ability to perform.  But I find all the pomp and flash detract from my attention on what they’re actually able to accomplish.  There’s too much substance buried under all that style. 

But, I guess every sport has a culture.  The American snowboarders are rocking the jeans and plaid look (because the Cobain/grunge/Seattle look needed to be revived…. okay, I actually like the their gear), so I guess the figure skaters can rock bedazzled unitards and sparkles, if that’s what the culture is.  What they do is still ultra-impressive (just look at this pages bottom image for proof).



In all of ESPN’s holy-crap-there’s-nothing-to-coverness, they’ve been chucking around the possibility of NFL and NBA strikes.  Do you think all those fans would immediately forgive “us” for the hockey lockout if that happened?  Would they come running back?  They would right?  Please pay attention to us.  Please!  I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.



NBC's star

 So Roenick and Milbury are the newest Pierre McGuire and Milbury.  As in, duo who argues because they’re both so opinionated they both have to be somewhat wrong.  I think the reason we’re seeing more Inflamatory Mike is that he’s starting to get comfortable on-air.  He probably started as a decent GM too *gag*, but now that he thinks he’s safe in his analyst job, he’s starting to say the stupid red flag things that make people go “…pardon?” (like that time when he started saying things like “Do you think we can turn Chara, Luongo, Jokinen and the future Spezza pick into some real Yashiny/Kvasha/Parrish-ish type guys?”).

My first taste of this was when Inflamatory Mike explained in a sentence or two to Clark Gillies that, since he had been with the Islanders for 13 years, and Clark played there for a mere 12, he was as much or more of an Islander.  This was spurred on by a bit of Grandpa’s cough syrup, it’s safe to say, but there were some mighty unhappy ex-Islanders in the room after that.  Since, y’know, Mike said it on the microphone while hosting an event to a bunch of them.

Let’s not launch a Milbury hate parade in the comments section.  We’ve covered he’s not the most popular guy, I just wanted to tell the “Mike’s a true Islander” story.


Last for today: Tiger speaks tomorrow.  Holy crap.  This means a return to golf.  Before the Masters.  Holy crap.

I sure hope he apologizes to us for cheating on his wife.  Wait… why’s he holding a press conference again?













Fact:  You can’t do this.


31 Responses to “Avatar, Figure Skating, Lockouts, Milbury, Tiger”
  1. Jimmy says:

    I’m a little confused by the ‘planet earth on acid’ reference…exactly where do you draw your knowledge from Mr. Bourne? In keeping with this theme, I think the snowboarders must have made a deal with the IOC. As long as they don’t spark up big fatties on the mountainside, they’re allowed to wear whatever they woke up in.

    Same deal with figure skaters. They wear whatever they wore ‘clubbing’ the night before…

    As annoying as Mike Milbury is, after only two days of hockey competition, I’ll gladly have him back if you promise to take Nick Kypreos. Please!

  2. KarenfromRochester says:

    The men’s figure skating has become much more flamboyant in the last 5 years or so. I don’t know if they changed the rules so that the men have to do more dancing and less jumping, but I gotta say, it was hard to watch the other night, because it reminded me too much of those traveling ice shows. My feeling is, it’s an athletic event, so let’s see some more jumping. Maybe in the long program… Here’s something-I saw a picture recently of the male star from Avatar (his name escapes me right now) and maybe it was that particular photo, but he looked like Sean Avery’s twin. Has anyone else noticed that?

  3. jtbourne says:

    I thought the same thing THE WHOLE TIME!

  4. A says:

    Definitely just a figure skating culture thing. Some of the guys guys (see: Johnny Weir) dig it. Others (see: Jeremy Abbott or Brian Joubert, for example) do it because that’s what is expected by the judges.

    They’re scored on their interpretation of the music/theme of the program…and one way of making your music/theme clear is by spelling it out via Bedazzler. “Look how Swan Lake I am. I have a sparkly swan’s head peeking out of my pants!” “Look at how Rhapsody in Blue I am in this navy velvet jumpsuit!”

    Men’s figure skating would be so much more embraced in North America if more guys went the understated route.

    (Yeah. So my first comment on your blog was re: figure skating. Nice.)

  5. Scott says:

    A little off topic, but speaking of bad gear. What the hell is up with Ovichken’s skates?

    Does he think he is a goalie.

  6. Mike says:

    You will watch figure skating but not woman’s hockey? I hope Tiger’s announcement will not overshadow the Olympic coverage. I was getting used to not hearing about Tiger and his Ho’s every 5 minutes.

  7. Fiona says:

    Avatar is the adult version of Fern Gully

  8. Deirdre says:

    I can’t do that standing flat on the ground – and based on how much his hair is moving he’s doing it going backwards at about 30mph. Damn.

    This reminds me of the fantastic music fight in Cutting Edge…but I’m guessing any ex-hockey player would have a hard time with the sequins :-D

  9. Shawn says:

    On yesterday’s post: Latvia’s hockey team is brought to you by the letter “s”. Seriously, only one guy does not have “s” at the end of his first name (Rodrigo) and only one guy does not have “s” at the end of his last name (Meija). It must be part of the selection criteria, along with playing for Dinamo Riga.

  10. crushasaurus says:

    My mother has what she calls a “platonic crush” on Johnny Weir. I guess she doesn’t want to spoil his hair.

  11. Sioux in the Cities says:

    I heard the lead actor from Avatar was homeless in Australia before his friends tricked him into audtioning. Maybe Sean Avery is trying to pull of the opposite….famous, then homeless.

  12. karlooch says:

    Im gonna go out on a limb and say Tiger will win 2+ majors in 2010 and be ‘PLAYER’ of the year. If I am of Norwegian heritage but born and raised in the US do I have to root for Norway? Thats hard to do.

  13. Char says:

    A is right – the guys in figure skating are doing what the judges want. If the judges decreed they skate in jeans in T-shirts and use their arms strictly for balance, most of them would have little problem with that, I’m sure (other than Weir, of course).

    Speaking of Weir, love the guy. He’s crazy.

    I was just waiting for one of the snowboarders to lose his pants in the middle of a run. I wonder, do they have them tied to their undershirts somehow, just in case?

    Milbury’s actually making Roenick sound reasonable. I didn’t think that was possible.

  14. Aaron says:

    The US Snowboarders don’t have a say in what they wear. Burton sponsored the apparel part and set them up with the hillbilly plaid get-up. Unfortunate to say the least.

  15. Beer:30 says:


    I liked most of Avatar. I wasn’t very big on the perceived military bashing. Those guys have taken a lot of heat in the past for policy makers decisions. Popular or not they are people who don’t need any more of a publicity hit.

    Figure skating has been huge for awhile. I’m not a huge fan of the dancing aspect. It started as precision skating without the “flare.” If I was in charge I would change it to a timed circuit where you get points for landing your various jumps. Get rid of those judges and the outfits. Change up the soundtrack to something that says “mess with me and I destroy your face ….. with my skate.” Add some shooting. There’s only one shooting sport in the winter Olympics. The Olympics started as a military skills event. Let’s go back to roots. Actually, in honor of the Greek roots, naked downhill skiing. We need to modernize the Olympics with more than snowboarding (not that snow boarding is bad). Winter driving events. Take the figure skating judges we made obsolete and have them judge the signaling and shit talking in vehicular races across the slippery streets of whatever town gets to host the Olympics. Last but not least, anyone who has lived in cold northern environments understands the importances of drinking to sanity in low aspect short period daylight. If we can call golfers and curlers athletes why not drinkers?

  16. mikey says:

    @beer … how bout u have the biathalon guys shoot at the ski jumpers like a giant skeet shoot thing …. pulll …. bang.

    k the costumes r so bad n bournie jazz hands says it all …. they shouldnt have ice dancin n figure skatin there like the same thing now.

  17. Aces Arbitrage says:

    If Lady Gaga could skate she would fit right in.

  18. minnesotagirl71 says:

    @mikey – ski jumpers in a skeet shoot – too funny!! How easy would it be to pick off curlers??

    Did anyone read about Nate Holland (USA Snowboarder) criticizing the Canadian team because their pants were “too tight”. Apparently the more fitted pants are “emo” and “betray the anti-establishment culture of snowboarding”. Dude – you’re an Olympic athlete. I don’t think you qulaify as anti-establishment.

  19. ziklagx says:

    Avatar blows. The story was awful. The characters were flat. The neo-Neo messianic message was overblown down to the resurrection. The anti-corporate/anti-military theme was ridiculous – if you want to poke at the military, fine, just don’t make them out to be stupid at their craft. Most are pretty good at what they do, and would be devastatingly good if the handcuffs were off, as the movie’s story implies. Whoever though of giant fighting robots who needed to be ready to have giant robot knife fights needs to be kicked in the nuts until dead. And ‘unobtanium’? Really? But it was shiny. And people like shiny. If you haven’t wasted money on this, don’t. See District 9 instead.

  20. jtbourne says:

    Haha, yeah, just texting my anti-Avatar buddy. As I just sent, apparently I shouldve taken that animated 3D movie FAR more seriously. But I totally agree,District 9 was AWESOMER!!

  21. Madeleine says:

    I was wowed by Avatar visually (I mean, WOW, that was stunning). But the plot left me thinking “hmmm, I’ve seen this before”….and then I remembered Pocahontas.

    As for figure skating, apparently the Canadian league or whatever is trying to “butch up” the sport. I say let them wear what they want to wear. I get that it’s kinda distracting, but it’s just part of who they are and how they want to express themselves. and hey, it gets people talking. there’s a lot of speculation that johnny weir is gay, but honestly, does it matter? the guy can do more on skates than anyone I know.

  22. The Franchise says:

    Left Avatar with a ‘wow’? I’m gonna follow up your wow with one of my own. Wow….you actually liked that? granted the planet on acid was good, but the story was awful. Way to cliche and not the best writing I’ve ever seen. Typical Cameron movie….blow you away with special effects, make a bazillion dollars, buy a Golden Globe and hope every fails to notice what a piece of crut the writing itself was.

    As for figure skating, why hasn’t some peacnik/safety group/overprotective mom/doctor kicked up a stink about them wearing helmets yet? It seems that ever other sport wears protective gear but figure skating. Not only that but, when they show clips of them as kids hardly any of them wear helmets either. You just think with the frequency of falling that someone would be calling for helmets.

    Finally, good for you Tiger. May as well throw a big F U to Accenture.

    On a side note why has some insurance agency not picked up these hard on their luck athletes and run a campaign about how they stick by you in tough times. Most of these guys are bleeding sponsors and you could probably get them cheaper than usual, plus there is an abundance of these hard luck athletes (ie Tiger, Arenas, McGwire, Bonds, Lance Armstrong, etc..).

  23. Will77 says:

    I was definitely wowed by Avatar too. And is it weird that I thought the chick alien in that was kinda hot at the same time? lol

    My facebook status after the USA game on tuesday: “Forget gold medals, my one hope for the Olympics is Roenick going all NHL 94 and kicking Milburys ass when he interupts JR… or at least saying “aren’t you the ass who traded Luongo and Chara?”

  24. Beer:30 says:

    On the snowboarding topic: I’m wondering when they will start wearing the body suits for lower drag. It’s not a fashion show. If you like your Kobainesque clothing get some plaid speedos or whatever they are.

  25. Marc says:

    The snowboarders borrowing the speed skaters bodysuits yeah I see that happening, right about the same time they give up the faux-counter culture and weed.

  26. Beer:30 says:

    It only takes one guy doing it and getting the advantage then the whole field has to do it to stay competitive.

  27. SDC says:

    I would love to see Pierre McGuire try to get some of his non-sense in with Roenick around. Now THAT’S an entertaining broadcast team. Not intelligent, just entertaining.

  28. fish says:

    At least Mcguire doens’t get player and team names wrong. And oh, he knows the difference between Iihf icing and NHL icing.
    I don’t even knwo the name of the dutch speeking comemntor but boy he’s annoying me big time. wanna swap?

  29. mikey says:

    k i just noticed this but the title of the post says avatar, figure skating …. thats what they should do have avatar figure skating, let us play along at home and control the figure skaters like that horrible movie gamers …. id watch for sure then

    i cant wait to see the boarders in the tight body suits … ill be lmao at them all. they r so fake counter culture its like the emo kids who r actly happy but tryin to fit in by bein all emoey.

  30. Beer:30 says:


    If I got a hand on one of those controllers I would probably go Tanya Harding on the other skaters ala Street Fighter 3: Street Fighter on Ice!

  31. Bulinski says:

    Bring back Barrell Jumping from the old Wide World of Sports. Dress em in grunge, give em some weed, and we are talking devil may care real sports action..

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