Inside The Dressing Room: Kangaroo Court & Apologies

 

I’ve written before about players putting money towards the team pot for big wins.  In that bit, I danced around the best aspect of raising that year-end fund (which, of course, goes to a pizza and pop party that definitely wouldn’t involve, say, a strip club). 

Kangaroo Court.

A lot of people are familar with the concept, as a lot of organizations use them as a fun revenue generator.

At the professional level, it’s fun, and a decent amount of money changes hands (another reason why it’s a bitch getting traded or cut – guys party on the pot you chipped in to).  At the college level, it’s the highlight of the freaking week, and max fines are only $3 (save for broken team rules, like $15 for being late, etc.).

How it works is simple – the dry erase board is hung somewhere visible in the room.  The format is basic: when you want to fine a teammate, you write his number under “fined” and your own under “by”.

16  -  12

No need to disclose topics, or any of the who/what/why/when/where/how circumstances of the fine-able offense until court comes around.

Needless to say, on Mondays, a lot of numbers go up on the board from the weekend.  Half the fun is harrassing the guy you’re fining, or vice versa.  If you’re on the “fined” side, it’s not the money you’re stressed about, it’s the public condemnation/humiliation/verbal-beat-down (Strictly totally clever, Shakespearian witticisms.  Yep.  Hardly any gay sex jokes.). 

What did I ever do to you?  Fine then, I’m fining you for _________ (insert petty thing that’d never stick).

The rule is, you can’t fine someone for something that happened previous to the last Kangaroo Court session, which means you have to get away with whatever it is you did for a full week.

When court rolls around post-practice, the fun begins.  In college, the seniors are the jury, in pro, the captains.  Whoever is running court grabs the board, and it begins. 

First up, 16 is being fined by number 12.  State your case.

You have to save your best stories for court, preferably bar stories, as you have the whole teams attention.  There’s always some gem about a guy throwing a line at someone’s girlfriend, buying drinks for a woman of questionable repute or any other form of debauchery that’s deemed to have crossed the line.  (God I want to tell the photo evidence story.  We’ll all have to go for drinks some time so I can.  All of us.)

The person being crucified, upon just finding out what he did wrong (okay, sometimes you know), has to defend himself to the team and the jury.  Then, the ruling comes in, from no fine to three bucks (it’s not about the money, you may have guessed).  In pro, the numbers are higher, but it’s still beside the point.

College is an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything, and I can’t remember ever laughing harder at any point during my four years than I did during those trials.  Mostly cause I never did anything fine-worthy, and was always on the fun side of it.  Which, I can assure you, because it’s my blog, and I have the power to delete comments.  MUAH-HA-HAAAA.

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You know what’s crazy that a lot of fans never get to see?  Guys that apologize to the whole team between periods.

Nathan Lawson, the amazing/underrated goaltender of the Bridgeport Sound Tigers was always the first person to own up to a bad goal – Sorry about that one guys, I gotta have that.  I’ll be better in the third, pick me up – which is just so refreshing.  Plenty of goalies tend to believe (or at least act) like they’ve never given up a bad goal, so when you get a good guy like that, you really want to work for him, you know?

It happens after bad penalties too, at the end of a period – My bad guys, that was stupid – kill this thing off for me and lets get back on ‘em.

Of course, then there’s the guys who apologize, then go out and do the same thing over and over, which sort of takes the value out of their words.  You know who doesn’t strike me as an apologizer?  Matt Cooke.  Just a thought.

Anyways, that’s all the totally random dressing room stuff I’ve got for today.  Thanks for the support – the site is really blowing up the last couple weeks.  You just wait to see how much traffic we get on here for the first round of playoffs when the Islanders play the Caps!  Yeah!  Islande….no?  Okay, probably not.

No Suspension For Cooke – Idiocy Revealed

 

I received a great email from a reader today, which I think people should see.  He made the following point:

“Campbell said the Richards hit set a precedent. I’ve not had a problem with the NHL’s suspensions and reasons for suspension this season unlike many others, but this one is absolutely ridiculous. There have been a couple precedents set, and one that directly involves Cooke.

Authors note: the following were video links, embedded below.

Precedent
Suspension
in reference to previously set precedent
 
The Anisimov hit Cooke was suspended for was ‘a check to the neck/head area.’”

Enjoy the videos in succession.

Reference:

Precedent:

In reference to previously set precedence:

Think those hits are accidents?

*****

I wrote a piece for The Hockey News on what I think should be a factor in making head shots legal/illegal.  The GMs made nearly the exact same proposal I was hinting at.  Check it out here.

The Call-Up I Should’ve Declined

 

Here’s my favourite call-up story:

As you probably know by now, I’m engaged to Clark Gillies Daughter, Brianna.

At the time of this story, I was playing for the Utah Grizzlies of the ECHL (that’s me on the left, shortly before my coach became the 64th one I’ve had tell me to smile less.  Hey, I like hockey), and she was finishing her Masters at Stonybrook University, interning and taking classes to become an Occupational Therapist.  Finding time to be together was tough.

Coincidentally, my team had a homestand over Valentines Day – being that Bri was probably going to be said Valentine, she adjusted her schedule (read: skipped classes) to come out on the Friday, and booked her trip to return home on the Sunday.  Not a whole lotta time, but when you see each other once every Wayne Primeau goal, you take what you can get.

The best case scenario for me was to get called up and play in Bridgeport, which was a 70 minute drive from her parents place on Long Island.  My slow offensive start that year wasn’t exactly helping our cause.  But, I had started to pick it up, and we committed to a weekend together in Salt Lake City until Bridgeport needed a right winger… not that we were wishing for their bus to roll or anything (a horrible truth about playing in a farm system).

Her trip took her through Chicago and got to Salt Lake around nine PM, so I had gone to dinner with Jordy Hart, which is when she called.

“No complications or delays in Chicago, just boarding to get outta here babe!”

Beautiful.

I headed home to tidy the place, as is the standard panic move of a dude living with two other dudes who’s previous dude places were dude dorms or with their parents.

About 30 minutes later and five minutes from my place, I got the call from our coach:

I was going up.

I was to drive to the rink, pack my gear, get home, pack a bag and some suits, and my flight was to leave at ten PM.  I’d get in to La Guardia around 4 AM EST or so, hop in the car they sent, and get driven the 90 minutes to Connecticut, either to a hotel, or to make the money-saving move of going directly to the rink for practice (where I was told I could sleep on the couch in the dressing room for a few hours).   ….Thanks.

Oh, and there was that one other minor complication:  Bri was still in the air. 

And where had she departed from?  You guessed it:  La Guardia.  Well isn’t this special.

I was panicked.

I was plotting.

I did the only thing I could do – you can’t turn down a call-up.  I packed my stuff up, and headed to the airport.  I bought her a one-way flight (thank god there were seats) on my flight (annnnd then I was broke), and waited for her to land.

By the time her flight landed and she made it off, it was 9:15 – 45 minutes ’til her return flight, and there I was – hockey bag, sticks, duffle bag, suit bag, and holding her ticket.  No long awaited run and hug.  Minimal smiling.  My travel-weary, bummed out girlfriend cried. 

But I mean… this is a good thing… right?

We flew through the night to La Guardia, and Bri wasn’t willing to give up on our weekend.  Almost 24 hours later, she arrived with me at the hotel, where we dropped our stuff off, and I carried on to the rink, taking the only ride I could get, the sent car.

At least when the weekend was over, I’d still be close by, right?

I barely had time to see Bri over the next day or so before she had to head home, but we were happy because I’d be close.  A week later, I travelled with Bridgeport to Portland, so Bri wasn’t able to drive up on the weekend, but we had made plans for her to come up after work the following Monday. 

After the Portland game, we were standing in line at Tim Hortons, grabbing a snack for the road. I was ahead of coach Jack Capuano in the line, when this conversation happens:

“Boahny (Boston accent for Bourny) – Yoah goin’ t’ the ahll-stahh game tomorrow, aight?  When we get back, yoah flights at seven outta La Guahdia, the cah will pick you up just aftah three.”  Yup, A.M.

“Oh.  OH.  Okay….”  *thinking* “Was that just weirdest send-down ever?“  I had a hunch I wasn’t being flown back to Bridgeport after the game.  I was right.

The ECHL all-star game was in Stockton, California – not so close to New York, for you geography buffs.  After the full day of travel, I was the last guy to arrive.  Some of the players were fully dressed for the skills competition, taking place in 20 minutes – that’s how tight my cross-continent adventure was.  I was gonna have to bust it to get my gear on in time for this thing to start.

I literally didn’t even know:  What fucking event am I in?

I checked the schedule, hoping for a little time to warm up and a little information about what I was to be doing.  And there is was, in 17 minutes:

FIRST EVENT, 7:00 START
PUCK HANDLING/AGILITY SKATE

FIRST UP:  JUSTIN BOURNE

*****

 

A few pictures from our call-up:

(1) Had airport security take this picture after they red-flagged us to SEARCH BOTH OUR BAGS.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(2) St. Patty’s Day with my roomate after getting called up the second time for a couple months, Kip Brennan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(3) Bri and I get artsy by this awesome old building.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(4) This thoughtful pic look familiar?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(5) Not a bad ocean view from our spot on the Sound.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(6) Didn’t have my sticks when I first got called up – what was meant to be up around the goalies ears was up around the middle of his logo.  Sighhhhh…..

I’ll Take Potpourri For A Thousand, Alex

 

Not that my blog is particularly focused in the first place, but I’m due to unload a whole crapload of half-baked thoughts.  Some may be on the same page as you, some may be a complete waste of seconds of your life, but hey – I’m pretty sure it was the variable interval schedule of rewards that got the rats coming back the most in the Skinner box, so it only makes sense.  Start hitting the lever, my pretties…. 

*****

My BlackBerry only allows me to send 160 characters in a text.  Hey phone, you’re not Twitter.  My archaic, older machines used to let me go long and send it in two parts, but my new one won’t?  ….At least I don’t have to use AT&T like iPhonies, I guess….

*****

The NHL Network did interviews with Sidney Crosby and Ryan Miller post-Olympics, and largely focused on the final goal.  I realize Ryan Miller’s head is shaped like an ice cream cone, but did we really have to sit him down and give him those few extra licks?  The guy was all over him, like the last goal was a Miller meltdown.  Hockey plays kinda happen quickly there, Tom Brokaw.

*****

Crosby turned down the chance to do the Top Ten on Letterman, as he has before.  My guess for “why?” is because there’s nothing more patronizing than reciting jokes about hockey written by people who have zero idea about the sport to begin with.  Okay, team, we need ten jokes involving sticks, ice and gold.  Let the hilarity begin.

*****

I used to chat with my mom after a close playoff game I was in, and she’d say that at times she was near a complete and utter emotional meltdown …yet I never was.  It occurred to me after the Canada/US final that Mom is right – when you care about the result of a game, it’s far easier (stress-wise) to be playing than watching.

*****

Let’s bring this picture into focus:  Nobody is ever allowed to say “eye-hand” in reference to “hand-eye” coordination again, okay?  Good talk.

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Commentators always give goalies shit for looking behind them like they’re shaky, which they might be.  But if it’s your goalie, aren’t you glad he’s doing it?  If he isn’t certain he has full possession, isn’t it kinda like crossing the street…. no harm in checking?  If you aren’t sure, damn straight have a glance, and sooner than later.  I don’t need a puck limping across my goal line, thanks.

*****

I have a petty grudge against American Olympian Ryan Suter for calling me a “bender” in college a half-dozen times, so I’d like to take this opportunity to extend a retro-active, Canadian “ha-ha” to him (said like Nelson from the Simpsons) on his crushing overtime defeat.  What’s that you say?  He’s rich, in the NHL, and an Olympic silver medalist?  Touché.

*****

Best backhand(s) in the NHL:  Patrick Kane, Evgeni Malkin, Henrik Zetterberg.  Come accept your awards.

*****

I’m stoked about The Marriage Ref, even though it has nothing to do with marriage.  Really, it’s just a topic for three really funny people to BS about.  Consider my DVR set.

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For this years trendy, surprise Stanley Cup champion pick, I predict people predicting San Jose.  Everyone knows you’re not supposed to, based on their past playoff failures.  Thus, it’s a talented team that people shouldn’t pick – the perfect formula for all us talking heads to take as a “shocker that might come true”.  The goal isn’t to be right – hell, being right in the majority might actually be worse than being wrong.  So here comes everyones attempts at “right in the minority”.  See, look what a great hockey mind I am!

*****

As I’m fairly tall, and somehow I shrink all my shirts up over time, I think I see how old men end up wearing their pants under their nipples.  Shirts miraculously get shorter, so the pants gotta come up to compensate.  I’m like the Hardy Boys, knocking out one mystery at a time.

*****

In Tiger’s apology speech, everytime he started to tear up, he put it on lock and got it together.  Isn’t that the ultimate testament to the guy’s mental ability?  To just put the kibosh on tears and re-focus?  Impressive.

*****

And last, if you feel like reading a real column I wrote, you can check out my thoughts on why it’s harder to score towards the end of the season, for USA Today.  I think that’s enough mind-puke for one day.  Happy Tuesday.  Not the biggest day in the sports world.  You may have spend time with your family today.  ….Ugh.

Options For Avenging a Cheapshot Are Pretty Limited

 

Interesting timing – I was going through some columns that I had deemed unfit to release from a few months ago, and found this one about what David Booth can do to avenge getting his brain shaken by Mike Richards (short answer: nothing).  But after Matt Cooke played the role of Richards in a recent re-enactment with Mark Savard, it seems relevant again.

 

*****

What Now?

-by Justin Bourne

 

Mike Richards scrambled David Booth’s eggs so thoroughly that the guy was no longer free range. It happened on a hit you’d be polite to describe as “questionable”.

Confined to the couch and bed, he avoided exercise like all concussion-cases, letting things heal themselves using the best known medication – time – and has since made his return to the Florida Panthers.

He watched Mike Richards get punished in the form of… um… he got punished by… er… really, he didn’t even get a game suspension?  What the crap?

From David Booth’s perspective, you have to think the fella’s a little pissed.  He narrowly missed being named to the US Olympic team, and was denied the chance to prove his worth over the course of this season, while Richards snuck onto one Team Canada as one of the last forwards chosen (they like that he plays a physical game, you see).

Without their top goal scorer (Booth had 31 goals last year), the team is currently a few points out of a playoff spot, and just behind… the Philadelphia Flyers, who are now technically in the playoffs.

Needless to say, the aftershocks of a decision made by Richards that happened in a split second are still reverberating throughout the Eastern Conference standings.

Florida played Philly about a month back and lumped them up 4-1, even without their star Booth.  That was nice, but had they had him all season, who knows how many 2-1 games would have gone Florida’s way, or shootout losses would’ve gotten nullified with Booth in the lineup.  Game breakers are tough to come by, and to be so close to the playoffs without theirs, the Panthers have a right to gripe.

In these cases, when you or a teammate gets drilled, people always tell you to beat them on the scoreboard.  That doing that is the best revenge.  That the scoreboard is where it really hurts.

Is it though?  What’s Booth supposed to do when he comes back, try really really hard to win?  You don’t think he was doing that before, and every other night of his career?  He can’t control how the rest of his team plays.  Maybe he’ll show up with his “A” game to beat the Flyers the next time they play but Florida won’t win.  In hockey, you’re just one piece in a big team puzzle.

Tying to beat up your assailant isn’t the right answer either.  Though noble, by the “fight him” logic, the toughest guys on the ice have free rein to destroy people, because you can’t ever get real physical revenge on a fight-winning human like George Laraques (though I’m sure Nicklas Kronwall would like to try, stick in hand, of course).  You can always try, but if you get hit by a tougher dude, the only thing you get by going after him when you’re healthy is a chance to be made unhealthy again.

Also, there’s the whole moral thing, which can be a hassle.  You’re supposed to be above that, you know.

There’s the idea that the player who injures another player illegally should be out as long as the player he injured, but that theory’s got more holes than an OJ alibi.  I won’t even go into that theory.

So if you’re David Booth, how do you avenge the Richards hit? 

Maybe you don’t.  Maybe you just take your lumps, acknowledge you play in a contact league, and that hits like that – whoever’s to blame for them - are periodically gonna happen.

But that’s frustrating bullshit too.

The second you see Richards you’re going to want to hit him with a tire iron.

There’s just nothing you can do.  When you get seriously injured in the NHL, not only do you suffer temporary and long-term health concerns, you suffer the mental misery from not having a way to settle the score.

This is why the reaction towards dangerous hits from the league is so crucial.  Low-balling the seriousness of a hit is a crime nearly as bad as the hit itself.

I’m a Canadian hockey player who loves watching the rough stuff.  But in an era where players have to answer less and less for their actions on the ice, we need to hold them more and more responsible from the offices off the ice.  Especially in light of the recent data the NFL has been digging up about the seriously harmful long term effects of concussions.

The only way to get players to exercise more caution is to keep dropping suspensions that get players to snap awake like we dumped cold water on them.  They’ll bitch, they’ll complain ….and they’ll stop finishing “questionable” plays.

Too little, too late for David Booth, but don’t worry.  He’ll get ‘em on the scoreboard, where it hurts the most.

*****

Authors note:  As you probably know, David Booth did try to fight Mike Richards.  After seeing how it went down,  I was glad it happened.  Nobody got hurt, Richards gave Booth his fair shot, and it was over.  That said, other than gaining respect in the hockey world, nothing changed in the big picture.  Booth missed half a season while Richards didn’t miss a shift, the Panthers are still just out of playoffs, and Booth missed the Olympics while Richards has a gold medal.  And, Richards team will most likely make playoffs.  Some of you may not have thought that hit was bad, but I did, so I’m just using it as an example to illustrate a point.  This article isn’t just about those two.

A Little Insight Into “Show Dough”

 

Occassionally, I’m going to do a little feature called call-up madness, explained, where I’ll answer any questions you have (email me) about what goes on behind the scenes of an NHL farm system.  Today, I’ll talk about something I never personally got to experience, but still know how it works from being around it.  You know, the part of playing professionally where you get rich: the NHL call-up, and how it affects your bankroll.

“Show Dough” is the term used to describe making NHL money by everyone not making it, AKA players in the AHL/ECHL and beneath.  The term is best served slathered in jealousy and bitterness.

You’ve heard the all-too-true stories: guy signs a big deal and has a Cadillac Escalade by the end of the week, cause, y’know, how else are people gonna know he makes show dough if he keeps his old car? (See how nicely the bitterness sets off the phrase?)

One of the fun parts about playing professional hockey below the Escalade pay-grade is that you get used to the fact that you could be rich or broke with a call-up or send down on any given day.  You have to, or you’d go crazy trying to Gilloly your teammates (that reference too dated yet?), so you sort of get numb to the whole thing.

What this means is, sometimes the mook who accidentally drinks his own chew spit, has no front teeth and made out with that chick-at-the-bar-that-turned-out-to-be-a-dude will just suddenly get “rich” when the phone rings one day.  It’s really weird to see who changes (and how) with the show dough earned from a call-up.

When guys permanently make it, they tend to quickly adjust to the next tax bracket, so they don’t really appreciate it like the guys who only get to go up for a couple days – because that couple days of show dough sounds glorious.

To over-simplify, league minimum is somewhere around (or maybe a bit above now) $450,000.00 a year, so getting called up for ONE SINGLE DAY is pro-rated to $3,000.00 in your bank acount, $2,000.00ish after taxes.  That means a week in the bigs equals $21k, $14 after tax. 

These call ups are for real.

For a guy making $50,000 a year, a very common AHL amount, a few day call up is a nice kick in the pants.  And for guys who have an NHL deal that make more than the minimum when they go up, it starts getting crazy.  Upon getting sent back to Bridgeport with the rest of us shlubs, Jeff Tambellini told me that his call-up (around three weeks or so) had earned him more than he made over the six/seven months of the entire AHL season.

So often, you’ll see a guy who gets called up to an NHL team for a few games get sent down for the two days between games, and fans go “well what the hell was that all about?” — and the answer is pretty obvious.  If a guy is making $300 a day in AHL, they stand to save $2,700 for every day they don’t have to have the kid practice, travel, or rest on an NHL roster (also why it’s nice to have your affiliate team close).  Clearly, not the best thing for the kids ability to succeed, but hey, them’s the breaks - you can take the days you get or don’t, bud.

Just thought I’d fill-in those of you who didn’t know how call-ups got paid, because hey, I’m here to help.

Next week in call-up madness, explained: coaches that dress extra guys for warm-up, then tap one or two of them on the shoulder to tell them they aren’t playing, just before the game…. and why they should be ice-picked in the face for doing it.

{Note: at Islander camp, we got $100 a day for meal money, in an envelope just stuffed with hundreds for the week ….and they provided two meals a day, including an omlette station with our buffet breakfast.  Guys under contract got $1500 for the week for “meals”, somehow.  ECHL “per diem” as they eloquently call meal money (which you only get on the road, of course), is up to $34 a day.}

The Trade Deadline Ends. Thankfully.

 

Not sure if you caught it yesterday, but David Booth squared up and fought Mike Richards last night, which was the greatest thing in the history of the NHL ever.  I think.  Oh, and he had a goal and three assists.  And he’s on my fantasy hockey team.  I love David Booth.

Think Team USA could have used one more goal scorer?  God it sucks that he didn’t get to play for his country… If I were Booth I’d have waited til Richards dropped his gloves, picked my stick back up and tried to crush his hands.  I’m just really proud of the guy for sticking up for himself against a tough character in Richards, that’s old time hockey.  Toe Blake n shit.

*****

Mercifully, that trade deadline is over. The paint has dried.

But in the end, I like the paint colour.  I’m so excited that the Coyotes got Wojtek Wolski.  Living here in Phoenix, who did you want to go see play, who sold tickets?  Jovonovski?

I finally have some real insentive to go.  I love that they were so aggressive, I was just completely blindsided by it (seeing that they’re spending the leagues money and all.  But this makes so much sense!  This is what I’ve been saying!  If they want to make it here, they can’t do it without having a team worth watching!).  I’m not so sure if I stand by my prediction of “sell” now that they have five new guys in the lineup working to make a first impression on Tippett.

So yes – I like the moves my “hometown” boys made, trading for the offense I thought they lacked, and that I thought was going to catch up with them.  Even picking up Petteri Nokelainen was a great move, this guy is just waiting to blow up.  The only thing I don’t really get, is trading for Morris and Schneider.

The Phoenix Coyotes are leading the NHL in goals scored by a d-corp.  They’ve been solid defensively, playing in front of a guy they trust.  So what’s the point in bringing in offensive d-men when you’re doing great in that area, when the two guys coming in are both a “little” suspect defensively?  Now your defensive-liability-list is starting to look a little scary (and old).  It’s a good thing Tippett is such a good coach.  ….Plus, anytime you can get Vandermeer out of steady rotation you’ve improved your team, so good for the Coyotes there.

*****

The NHL Network asked the question “who improved more, Washington or Pittsburgh?

Washington added: Joe Corvo, Scott Walker, Eric Belanger and Milan Jurcina.

Pittsburgh added: Alex Ponikarovsky and Jordan Leopold.

So many people loved Olympic hockey, because you didn’t have to sit through the shifts of tough-humans-who-can-skate-but-not-play-hockey like, oh I dunno, Scott Walker.  Admittedly, I don’t know much about Belanger (step up, Wild fans) or Corvo (step up, that-one-guy-from-Carolina-who-occasionally-defends-his-team-that-we-haven’t-really-heard-from-much-this-year), so I’m not really sure what happenend with Washington, I just know that any team adding Scott Walker is confused about how winning happens.

As for Pittsburgh, they made two golden, golden moves.  For me, last years Stanley Cup win was so incredible, because I thought they did it on the backs of about four or five guys, not a full team.  I figured it was going to be a lot harder for them to repeat than people thought.

With these moves, they picked up depth on D – Leopold is a hell of a player – as well as some size and scoring in PonikathankgodI’moutofToronto.

So early ruling, until we hear from readers – Pittsburgh gets the verdict over Washington…. likel usual.

 

Trade Deadline Live Blog

 

There’s nothing more deflating than waking up for the ever-exciting trade deadline day and realizing it probably won’t be that exciting, ever.

That said, there’s too many teams missing puzzle pieces for nothing to happen, so let’s hold our breath until it does, and talk it out here — LIVE BLOG, WEEEE!

The radio portion of Hockey Primetime.com – Primetime Radio – is playing at the bottom of the page, featuring my Dad (Bob Bourne), Mikko Koivu and myself as guests. Listen if you’d like!

Buy and Sell: Some NHL Teams As Stocks

 

Snap back to reality, and just like that, the multicolored rings, skin-tight lycra and Giant Inflatable Beavers are a thing of the past.  Last night, the puck dropped on Colorado – Detroit, and some very important points changed hands.

Before last nights NHL game, I was seriously contemplating putting a chunk of money down on Detroit, but simply don’t have a large chunk of it, which makes putting it somewhere kinda difficult.

I once heard that the NHL, gambling-wise, is the most predictable of the major sports.  That is to say that, for the most part, the good teams are usually the good teams, and Columbus will flouder in perpetuity.  I almost made that bet, because there’s still some inevitable leveling that needs to happen for the NHL season to get back to normal, and two teams played last night that moved in the directions they’re probably going in the second half.

And that’s no knock on Colorado – I believe in them a lot more than a few of the other surprise teams – it’s a testament to Detroit’s being-Detroit-ness, and having too much team to miss the playoffs.  Combine that with the now-healthy/running-out-of-time factor, and picking against the Wings (who have a rested goalie) down the stretch is madness.

Here’s five teams (as stocks), and I’ll letcha know what to do with your money!

Detroit:

As I just mentioned, they’re decent.  Pavel Datsyuk, Henrik Zetterberg, Johan Fransen, Tomas Holmstrom, Brian Rafalski, Nicklas Lidstrom, Nick Kronwall and the discovery of Jimmy Howard are the oh-so obvious reasons why (oh, and that Babcock guy).  They haven’t been healthy, and haven’t had a chance to be “them” yet.  BUY!  BUY!

Phoenix

I wrote an article at the start of the year for the Arizona Republic trying to defend the fans lack of attendance here.  My defense for them was, the team has sucked, sucks and will suck (you can teach English as a second language using that sentence, PS).  It turns out that that wasn’t a very smart angle to take upon moving to Phoenix, as it’s made getting credentialed in the press box a skosh harder, only made worse by the fact that I was horribly, horribly wrong.

So to take the angle I’m about to take is not something I want to do.  It’s just…. look, Coyotes fans:  Your roster has to catch up to you eventually, but that’s not a good argument for you because you love your roster.  Try this on: your d-corps is playing over their heads out of this world (leading the NHL in goals by d-men, really?).  They’ve done great up ’til now.  But Anaheim is about to get a bunch better.  Detroit is too.  So is St. Louis.  Then you’ve got San Jose, Chicago and the rest of the conference to contend with.

The problem?  11 of your last 15 games are on the road (I want to say nine in a row at one point).  I’m not sure how far I expect the fall, but it’s definitely out of home ice advantage.  So sorry, sell. (NOT LITERALLY, BALSILLIE, PUT YOUR WALLET DOWN!).

Anaheim

As Hiller showed with the Swiss in the Olympics, he’s the real deal.  Anaheim did a great thing in committing to him.  What they haven’t done great this year, is win.  I’m sure last year the system of finish eighth then reveal your true colours isn’t exactly the game plan, so I think we’ll see them revealved a little sooner this year.  San Jose is praying I’m wrong – they see the potential 7/8 seeds as Detroit/Anaheim and are already packing for an early summer.  Buy yourself a little bitta Duckstock.

St. Louis

Since Davis Payne’s arrival, St.Louis has been 11 – 8 – 3, not exactly setting the world on fire.  But any team that’s leaning on a foundation of David Backes, TJ Oshie, Eric Johnson and an under-achieving goalie can get itself righted.  They’re young guys, for sure, but they’re gaining experience and confidence as they go, so buy, BUY, BUY!

Buffalo

Down the stretch, I’m less trusting of the teams that have blown expectations out of the water, because there’s a reason people didn’t pick them to finish that high in the first place (looking at their roster, how can they be this good?).  People knew Ryan Miller was good, but “world’s best” good?  They may falter because they use this guy for not just a crutch, but a walker with tennis balls on the front to slide around on.  (Would you rather finish fourth with a burned-out Miller, or sixth/seventh with a rested one?  They should let him chill down the stretch a bit).  Miller has, in the past, started much better than he’s finished, because he’s a slight guy who gets overplayed and worn down.  Look for reality to set in a bit for the Sabres, sell!

Worth Mentioning:

I think the Kovalchuk trade was huge for the Devils – I’d be picking them to drop without that move.  But there’s another reason why it’s tough to pick them to drop:   The bottom half of the Eastern Conference is horrible.  Just horrible.  Atlanta, Florida, Carolina…. there’s just too many free wins for the boys at the top to pick teams like NJ to drop.

I’d mention the Isles as a team headed south if there hadn’t already set up permanent residence there (Hey, Ricky’s hurt!) ….2-8 in their last ten (horrible prediction – the Isles finish in the bottom five, get crazy lucky and win the draft lottery, then a few months later trade some sparklingly talented kid for draft picks cause they don’t actually want to have to pay too many good players). 

As for penny-stock moves, I think you’ll see Tampa Bay and Toronto finish the season stronger than the first two-thirds.

So there ya have it!  Where am I a horrible idiot (Jim Cramer from Mad Money), and where am I an awesome genius (Justin Bourne from Bourne’s Blog)?

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Tomorrow I’ll be live blogging trade deadline day with the team at Hockey Primetime.com (here, on my blog), from like 9:30 a.m. (EST) til forever.  I’ll be on a few radio shows.  I’ll be texting my friends that play for dirt.  Come by and say hi!

 

Team Canada Finds Olympic Glory

 

First, a major thank-you to the Americans and all the other countries for being, from what I’ve read, great guests up in Vancouver, BC.  After starting the Olympics on such a horrible, sad note, it sounds to me like things pulled together nicely, save for a few not-so-serious gaffes. 

Apparently security did a wonderful job of keeping fans and participants safe, all while not showing so much as a single weapon.  The games were the most eco-friendly to date, had the least doping violations ever, and the events were thrilling the whole way through (so much so that I keep hearing Americans talk about CURLING).  And the best part is, you know the athletes were getting along just fine as well, cause the Olympic village ran out of their initial shipment of ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND CONDOMS.

Second, a holy-shit to the American team for playing the tournament they played over the past ten days.  What a frustrating, talented group of guys Brian Burke assembled, and with Ryan Miller in net, they limited the firepower-filled Canadian roster to three goals twice.  So congrats on that well-earned silver medal.

And third, TEAM CANADA and that damn hockey game:

You know when you’re about to play a big game, and you’re getting lined up for the draw, and there’s that little bit of fun/nervous anticipation?  Then the pace of play for the first minute is like, mach six, until everyone realizes, “holy crap, we can’t keep this up for 60″ and drops back into normal game mode?  Yesterday’s game never dropped into normal game mode.

As I tend write on loop, difference-makers are the key to having success in hockey.  It’s a team game, but if you don’t have “that guy” to make that big play and break the score open, it’s hard to win when it counts.

The US has plenty of difference-makers, of course, but very few make a difference like Sidney Crosby does, at anything.  The goal wasn’t exceptional, you may say, but it’s how he gets to that shot that is.  After almost losing the puck in the ref’s skates, he makes a one-handed stick poke to get the puck low to Iginla in the corner, then breaks to the net, and out-skates the same man who buried the Canadians in the round-robin game, Brian Rafalski.  The touch of the puck he makes before the quick release, to move it out away from his feet was special – he had that thing in a shooting position before Miller could even flinch.

I’m handing out a tournament report card to each one of Steve Yzerman’s picks, because I feel like it.  Settle in for the long haul folks, and lets pick the Canadian squad apart.

Goalies:

 

1 ROBERTO LUONGO  (Vancouver)

Grade:  A -

The goalie that wins you the gold medal has to get some variation of an “A”, at least, right?  He faced a career-defining opportunity, and answered the bell.  If Canada hadn’t got it done last night, he’s Mickelson before his first major.  Actually, more accurately, he’d probably be Sergio Garcia today (best to never win the big one).  His defenders have been leaning on “he’s never been on a good enough team to get it done” forever, and knew this was a no-excuses moment for Bobby Lu.  Well played sir.  Well played.

29 MARC-ANDRE FLEURY (Pittsburgh)

30 MARTIN BRODEUR (New Jersey)

Grade: C

The reality is, things didn’t go well for Marty – the only time he played well was in the shootout versus Switzerland, and that wasn’t exactly the moment we needed our goalie to rise up.  That moment was two days later, and he simply wasn’t on when we needed him the most.  No big deal.

Defense:

2  DUNCAN KEITH (Chicago)

Grade: A+

One of the few Canadians that earned the elusive “plus”.  Holy crap was he great – I thought he took a major step in the public understanding of just how reliable, fast and talented he is.  He’s the type of guy you put on Belarus, give the guy 40 minutes of ice time and suddenly Belarus is tough to beat.

6  SHEA WEBER (Nashville)

Grade: A+

Contrary to the impression Canadian fans probably got, he wasn’t paired with Niedermeyer to have some veteran experience with youthful skill.  He was there so Niedermeyer could have someone to pick him up when things melted down.  The guy slapped a puck through the net, put people through the boards, and confirmed that he’s probably in the top five NHL defenseman today.

7  BRENT SEABROOK  (Chicago)

Grade: B

He was fine.  Playing with the probable Norris Trophy favourite right now helps, but he looked good in his own right.  He did exactly what was asked of him – nothing crazy, play defense-first, and trust that we had forwards capable of getting us goals.

8  DREW DOUGHTY  (Los Angeles)

Grade:  A-

He wasn’t asked to be a member of the Canadian team to be a game breaker, he was asked because he’s one hell of a fine d-man today with an even brighter tomorrow ahead of him.  I thought he played physical and smart, and Babcock did a great job of using him in an effective way without ever heaping too much responsibility on him.

20 CHRIS PRONGER (Philadelphia)

Grade: C

He gets a “plus” because it’s impossible to look really bad when you play with the guys Chris was playing with on Team Canada, but Pronger fans, it’s over.  He’s still got the big shot, but when you’re a physical d-man, and you get slow, you start playing like Andy Sutton.  Which is to say, you get yourself out of position by trying to be physical instead of it coming naturally.  He’s forcin’ it, at this point.

22  DAN BOYLE  (San Jose)

Grade:  A

Boyle played a key part in the biggest moment of the tournament for Canada – coming out against Russia like a house-on-fire.  Even if Canada wins that game but struggles doing it, the confidence to do what their team did may never get built.  He played within himself (in a good way), and when we needed someone to step the f**k up, he came at Russia like angry pitbull.

27 SCOTT NIEDERMEYER (Anaheim)

Grade: C +

Over his career, Niedermeyer has proven again and again that he’s got the tools necessary to be a threat offensively, and sound defensively.  Earlier in the tournament, I even mentioned I felt comfortable with him out there.  By the end of the tournament, I was just thankful we got away without getting too badly burnt by him.  Jack Johnson skated around him like he was ankle deep in mud, and what’s worse, is he’s supposed to handle the puck so well, but turned the puck over far more often the “young gun” d-men he was supposed to be leading.  When he had time, he still made some good plays, and transitioned the Canadian forwards well, but as I mentioned earlier, I was just happy he had Weber to back him up when he needed it most.

Forwards:

10  BRENADN MORROW (Dallas)

Grade: B+

For me, Morrow was a “I just don’t see him making a big enough difference to justify his spot” pick.  It seemed like he was there out of obligation.  As the tournament wore on though, and the games got more serious, I was pumped to have him out there.  Difference-makers are doubly effective when they play with guys doing it the right way, and I though Morrow complimented the skill guys well.

11 PATRICK MARLEAU

Grade: B -

Marleau made a nice play on the Perry goal in the finals to make it 2-0 by driving the net, but beyond that, I hardly noticed the guy.  For a guy with his goal scoring history, to play with the studs he plays with and see powerplay time, I can honestly say I hardly ever noticed him, and was surprised when I did. 

12  JAROME IGINLA (Calgary)

Grade: A

Crazy, right?  But the fact of the matter is, over this tournament, he earned that A.  I know his goals were against the dog teams, but you felt good with Iggy out there knowing a few things:  One, he’s a work horse with the need to win, not the “want” to win that a guy like Thornton seems to have.  Two, if he gets it in a danger zone, he has one of the best shots in the world.  And three, he’s smart with the puck.  Limits tournovers, passes when he needs to, but thinks shot first.  I thought he was great, just like in 2002. (Oh, and the slick play on the OT winner helps)

15 DANY HEATLEY (San Jose)

Grade: B

Shark fans, you scared yet?  I thought Heatley was the most dangerous player on the Sharks line, getting a couple good opportunities every night, and scored a few nice goals for the boys in red and white.  That said, he’s a fairly one-dimensional player, and if he’s not scoring, his VORP (value over replacement player, baseball stat) is pretty low.

16  JONATHAN TOEWS  (Chicago)

Grade: A+

A few days ago, I made a joke about Toews not scoring a goal that was totally sarcastic, and I got a few questions about it – trust me, it was sarcastic.  He was the best forward on Team Canada throughout the tournament, bar none, and if Ryan Miller wasn’t the Second Coming I’d proclaim JT tourney MVP.  I don’t think he was on the ice once in the entire tournament for a goal against, he was a dishing machine, a work-horse, reliable, and scored the huge, huge first goal in the final game, from the exact same spot that Pavel Demitra hit iron from about 40 hours earlier.  Chicago is fahking scary right now.

18  MIKE RICHARDS  (Philadelphia)

Grade: A

Part of the fun of these events is cheering for guys you normally root for getting sent down to the SPHL (real league), and Richards is one of them.  He was the most pleasant surprise of the tournament, proving how his all-around game makes him one of the best linemates to have in the league.  He plays physical, but also pays unwavering attention to defense.  More than anything, he has all the offensive tools, and is by no means a grinder.  He was the reason Toews got the look he did on the first goal, and deserves much praise for his play in Vancouver.

19 JOE THORNTON  (San Jose)

Grade: C +

Same ‘ol, same ‘ol for Playoff Joe, huh?  It’s tough to describe where he goes at times like this, but I know one thing – you can’t fake “fire”, and deep inside Joe burns a firepit…. around which he’s strumming a guitar, drinking a corona, and roasting a pig. 

21  ERIC STAAL  (Carolina)

Grade: A -

The danger when you chuck together these national all-star teams is the fancy-pantsery goes overboard and effective play dwindles (see: the Russians).  Having a guy like Staal on your team takes care of that, by combining a talented finisher with an old-school Canadian mentality – drive the middle, finish your checks, take care of your own end first.  The promotion to the Crosby line was a great thing for Canada, cause it meant he’d get more ice time.

24  COREY PERRY  (Anaheim)

Grade: B

Probably the toughest guy to grade, because I literally don’t remember seeing him until he’d score.  I can’t think of any defensive meltdowns, and he scored a few big goals for Canada, so you have to give the guy a good grade, but in the end, I just can’t think of him controlling the play.  Whatever.  I’ll take a few snipes and a vanishing act from Corey this year.

37  PATRICE BERGERON  (Boston)

Grade:  C +

I always hated getting judged when I didn’t get the chance to prove myself (see: playing on the fourth line during an American League call up), but the facts are this, Patrice:  you weren’t in the lane 40 seconds into the round-robin game against the US, and Rafalski scored.  You’re a winger, the defensive part of your job isn’t that hard, and us Canadians were kind of taking that game seriously.  So sit down and wait for a penalty to go kill.

51  RYAN GETZLAF  (Anaheim)

Grade: B +

Getzlaf was plenty of effective plenty of times, but he also showed a disturbing penchant for making really shitty, what-the-f**k-was-that? type plays.  You expect, when you watch the best players in the world, not to see guys relying so heavily on talent over smarts.  You don’t expect to see plays that are so obviously guesses.  On the other hand, he was an offensive force who finished his checks and made a difference.  B +.

61  RICK NASH  (Columbus)

Grade: A

I’m a little disappointed, because I thought he could’ve been an A + guy early on in the tournament.  Maybe I just haven’t watched him enough, but he looked next to impossible to contain like 95% of the time.  His stat line and the fact that he wasn’t in on the biggest moments are the only thing stopping me from chucking out a +, but I was really wow’ed by the kind of player he is.  And actually, he was physical as all-hell too, something I didn’t know he had in ‘im.  I bet a trade and some linemates would do amazing things for the guy.

And last, but not least….

87  SIDNEY CROSBY  (Pittsburgh)

Grade: A

 Sid scored the game-winning overtime goal in the gold medal game, so for that he gets a plus in all our hearts.  He was a constant threat, made his linemates better, and controlled the play down low whenever he got his mitts on the puck.  I think he only had about seven points on his teams thirty-some goals, but he did what he needed to do, once again.  It was the perfect stage for sid to grow his legend, and grow he did.  Funny, I wonder if anybody saw the stage was set and knew he’d cash in on it….

jtbourne – First sip of Molson Canadian went down like smooth deliciousness. I predict a positive Crosby highlight from today that we’ll see for years. sent 22 hours ago via mobile web

 So congratulations to Steve Yzerman, Mike Babcock, the players, and the fans in Canada on  job well done.  Mission accomplished guys.

HOW FUN WAS THAT?!?

A Golden Thought: Do We All Win With a US Victory?

 

This is just a thought, Canadians, so take a xanax, have a glass of wine, and give the logic a chance:

We love us some hockey north of the border.  Air, ball, bubble, floor, roller, dome, knee, tonsil, ice, field, whatever, the prefix isn’t important, as long as it ends in “hockey”, we’re down.

So when our sport gets disrespected, by say, ESPN, 300 days a year, we get testy.  Our franchises have been moving south, the ones we have left aren’t doing so hot, and in the sports community, we’re treated as fourth-class citizens.

So naturally, we all want the game to grow.  And just for a piece of breaking news, that means we want it to grow in the US, because as you may know, we’ve pretty much gotten through to everyone in our own sparsely populated land mass.

So maybe the best thing for the game is if the US wins the gold medal in Vancouver.

I said it before the Olympics – it would be the best thing for everyone who loves the game too, including a guy like myself, who could stand to prosper from an extra media outlet or two getting involved.  I can’t exactly start ESPN’s rival network if nobody gives a damn about one of the sports I plan on featuring, and success tends to breed damn-giving.

When Canada won Olympic gold in 2002, the nation went banonkers, which is a combination of bananas and bonkers.  It was just another stitch in the fabric of Canadian make up, which may as well be fashioned into some masterpiece of denim-on-denim crime covered by a red and black plaid lumberjack – with the hat to match.  Enrollment in hockey swelled, TV ratings went up, and coverage went from lots to tons.

But the US hasn’t had that piece of handiwork sewn into who they are since the Miracle on Ice in ’80.  And that helped get people into the game back then.  The Islanders were the toast of Long Island when they were winning cups early that decade – apparently, some American fans would even go so far as to admit they liked the game (calm down everyone from MN, WI and ND, we know you love the game like Canadians).

Now that we’ve slogged through a strke, followed by a decade of hook-and-hold hockey and made it out the other side, we’ve got HD TV to show people what this game really looks like.  We don’t even need fluorescent lights to leave a trail behind the puck when it moves anymore.

The game is perfect for taking on new American fans right now.  The hockey bandwagon is spacious, the game is fresh, and it’s the right time.  Hey football fans – it’s really fast and physical, only it’s a tad more reactionary than route-running, so sometimes things get weird.  You’ll see.

But the thing is, the only way they will see is by Team USA accomplishing what could only be forever dubbed as the Somewhat Suprising Result on Ice.

So whaddya say, Canada?  Maybe it’s the right time for an American gold again.  You on board for that?

….You’re not?  

Okay good, I’m not either.

GO CANADA!!!!!

 

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Thanks to Madeline for the picture:

 

Canadian Women, Olympic Questions

 

First, here’s the link to my article for The Hockey News, explaining why Canadians want the US hockey team to fall on their keys (that really hurts, BTW).

*****

I am officially a fan of the Canadian women’s hockey team.  Honestly, that gold medal celebration got them goalie bags full of street (rink?) cred, as far as I’m concerned.

Women’s sports are constantly beaten down by the crappy mantra “fundamentals, fundamentals, fundamentals”.  Glad somebody finally threw a curveball.

First, the game was ten times better than any other women’s games I had seen in the tournament (This is how you commentate a China/Slovakia women’s hockey game ”She shoots, she… no, no she doesn’t.  She fanned.  Passes it out to, wait, wait, she’s still trying to corral it… hang on a sec here”).  The most boggling thing is the massive divide between the quality of these two teams and the rest of the world.  Poulin’s first goal was f**king nasty.  Little one-tee high glove?  Count it, thanks.

But the celebration.  Oh the celebration.  It was like my own personal fantasy unfolding.  Winning gold, grabbing a Molson Canadian (yes, I would be loyal in that moment) a fat stogie, and riding the zamboni around. 

Let the IOC do what they will.  You can’t take fun away from girls who’ve already had it. 

 

Great job ladies!  One for one…. it’s gonna be hard to top your celly though.  Maybe if the men win they’ll bring bongs out and just let ‘er rip.

*****

Two things from the Olympics I wanna get your take on:

One:  About people like Lindsay Vonn and Michael Phelps – If you’re the “best” (okay, no quotation marks needed for Phelps) at your sport – skiing or swimming – how many different ways is it fair to repackage what you do and give out another medal? 

I mean, no disrespect, what they do is phenomenal.  But does lengthening the distance at which Michael Phelps out-swims people really justify a whole new medal?  I feel like Vonn has been in 83 events so far, how many cracks at gold should one person get?

Apollo Anton Ohno – one of the best speed skaters in the world (and easily the most annoying), won medals in the 500, 750 1000, 1012, and the 1201, I think.  Not sure how it should work, just seems odd to qualify one olympian as more successful than the the next because they changed the distance at which someone gets to show they’re still better than other people.  I’m sure if you added 30 seconds to the figure skating long program and gave out a whole new medal that Korean girl (Kim Yu-Na) still would’ve wiped her face with the field.

And second:  Isn’t it kinda scuzzy when guys go over to play hockey in Europe, play there just long enough to get citizenship, then play in international competition for that team?  It happens all the time.  Oh, I represent the English national team in the Spengler Cup.  Why?  You’re not from there, you’re family’s not, you didn’t grow up there, you just spent an extended vacation there.  How is that fair? 

{Yes, I know I was born in the US and claim Canadian, but can you blame me?  I spent the years of my life that I was able to think there.  From six until my 20’s, I was growing up in Canada (and every summer of my 20’s) with parents that are 100% Canadian, as is all my extended family.  Hardly the same as spending five winters in Germany and then playing against the country you and you’re family are actually from in international play.}

Its the same as when you hear about some skiier or other athlete that didn’t make their national team, discovered one of their parents is half Whatever, so they got citizenship and “represented” that country.  That’s not representing a country, that’s representing the figurative name-on-your-back.  I don’t blame them for wanting in on the Games, it just seems disingenuous to put on team colours when they’ve grown up and been trained in a different country.  (Mmm, xenophobia – always goes down smooth.)

*****

That’s it that’s all for today.  Men’s Olympic semifinal hockey today.  Sure would be a lot more fun if Bri didn’t have to work tomorrow, ON A SATURDAY.  Maybe I’ll work too.  That’d make her feel better.  Yep, I’m gonna work tomorrow.  (Pssst.  I won’t be working tomorrow.)

{Justin’s note, via Justin:  Justin does tweet on weekends…. usually more, since he drinks then, too.  Follow him… er, me… here}

Canada-Russia, Rambling Theory on Journalism

 

…And the collective blood pressure of Canadians recedes to a normal level.

That felt good, didn’t it?

How quickly Canadian outlook turned around.  All the sudden we’re in the final four with Slovakia, the USA and Finland, which is a draw we’d have sacrificed siblings to have before the tournament.  A final four with Russia, Sweden and the Czechs would certainly provide a little more stress, wouldn’t it?

You have to think, with so many great players and only so much ice time to go around, it would be real easy to have a guy go a game or two without points and say he’s slumping.  It’s been nice that Canada has thrown in 28 goals over their five games so far, cause it’s alleviated a lot of the inevitable finger-pointing at guys who may be playing well without the production (by the way, does that slug Toews even have a goal yet?  Do something, ya bum).

All coaches say a derivative of the same thing:  winning cures everything. 

When you lose, as the boys did to the US on Sunday, everything gets dissected.  That’s what people like me do – we write about the game and the team everyday, so it’s only natural to try to figure out the cause of the problem.  But when we win, there’s not much to talk about.  They did what they were supposed to do.

Which brings me to a point I’ve been waiting forever to make about writing/broadcasting:  I understand how you end up with controversial idiots in the most well known positions in sports coverage.

Because, without a polarized opinion, you don’t get the readers – there’s no uproar, no fervent agreers or passionate dissenters.  they’re not linking to your article to comment on it (good or bad), and most importantly, there’s no discussion.  People leave a well thought out, reasonable piece of writing and go “well, yeah…. sure”.  But they meet their buddy at the bar later and go “did you see what that dick Woody Paige said on Around The Horn yesterday”?  And Woody goes to the bank again.

The hardest part about being a writer and having deadlines, I’ve noticed, is that often, a game like last night happens.  Canada executes flawlessly, Luongo gets a B, the sound bites are reasonable and polite, and that was that.  What the Canadian team accomplished last night deserves far more than a “great game, that looked easy” analysis.  To play that well under the pressure that last nights game carried would’ve taken phenomenal mental focus and physical effort.

But it isn’t as easy for the post-game analysis to generate lasting discussion when a game is so cut-and-dried, so networks hire guys like Mike Milbury who are unafraid to say things like “Eurotrash”.

For a game to look that easy against names like Ilya Kovalchuk, Alexander Ovechkin, Pavel Datsyuk, Evgeni Malkin and Alexander Semin takes posititonal team play, responsible defensive awareness, and NO weak links.  Those guys are building hall-of-fame careers on snapping through weak links, and Canada managed to provide none.

To gain readership, it’s tempting to blast guys all the time – to shred Ovy for being a no-show or Nabokov for playing poorly.  Or I could write something incendiary about how the European style of play is fancy but ineffective for winning when it counts, but I wouldn’t believe it myself.

I thought it was just an exceptionally well played game by the deeper team.  Underdogs can win any game, because the better team may not play well.  But “any team can win any night” isn’t true – the better team always has the first opportunity to play well and win, which is why the media (me) lambasted Canada instead of praising the US for the game last Sunday.

And that, my friends, is a ramble.  Weeeeecanadaweeeeee!

(UPDATE: I throw a few guy-on-couch beer-in-hand style comments on players in the comments section.)

*****

Big shout out to the Slovaks for taking out Sweden.  I’m not saying it’s going to be an easy win against them, but I am saying it should be a whole hell of a lot easier than it would’ve been playing the stacked, defending goal-medalist Svedish fella’s.  {Can we please get Sweden to stop wearing those saltwater taffy uniforms and do something reasonable?  I know those are your colors, just mix in some white somewhere or something, good god.}

*****

Today is the gold medal game of the Women’s final, and I’m sad to say, I haven’t watched nearly enough of our ladies kicking ass and taking names.  I intend to watch today – what should I be watching for, lady fans?

Canada/Germany, America Cares, Easton Z Shock Helmet

 

Canada vs. Russia, the widely predicted gold medal game, has shown up wayyyy too early. 

But still, aren’t you kind of glad it’s happening?  If the Olympics are only every fourth year, you’d hate to go through the whole thing and not play the American and Russian squads, and sure enough, we’re getting that wish.  What’s that saying?  Watch what you wish for??  Seriously.

*****

Last nights rout versus Germany was just what the boys needed.  No mental stress, let everybody feel good about where their offensive game is at (Joe Thornton and Rick Nash scored!), and have Luongo get back into the swing of things (tough couple goals against, really).

I’m sensing from blog reader reactions we’re all having fun scrutinizing each and every guy, especially the bubble ones, but it really wouldn’t be fair to say something like ”Niedermeyer really turned it around last night” when his brother could have played D in last nights game and been fine (but I will say that his breakaway goal was suspect, to say the least.  A no-move, on-the-ice five-hole shot.  Really, Greiss?  Those stopped going in around the late 80’s).

I have to think when Babcock was making the lines, he had Russia in mind, not Germany, and was giving the guys a day to gel.  Well, (I always wanna write “welp”, because that’s kinda how I say it, but I’m afraid people will think it’s a typo.  Lets try it again, no typo)….  Welp, it all comes down to this:  Lose and you’re out, and we’re playing a top three country in the world at the sport.

The bad news for them? 

WE’RE A TOP ONE COUNTRY, RUSKI’S, HERE WE COOOMMMMEEEE!

(Legitimate question:  Is “Ruski” derogatory?  I hope I didn’t just write some horrible slur.  If I did, my bad, it was ignorance not hate.)

*****

You know what the US win over Canada has done for all of us?  Made the rivalry better, for one simple reason:  the reaction to the win showed that American fans actually do care about hockey (or at least Canada vs. US hockey).

The common reaction to Canada’s 2002 gold in the US was “well, whatever, we win everything else and don’t care about hockey anyways”.

“We’re a football country” (or baseball, depending on who you ask). 

Whatever the response, it was usually some derivative of “meh”.  But the second the buzzer went that solidified the US win over their northern neighbors, the true colours came out.  Non-sports news shows, MTV, you name it, the Americans were right jazzed about that win.  It was great to see and hear, not only because Americans loving hockey is GREAT for the game, but you always want your opponent to care.

So now we know.  The next time a loss hurts the US, don’t turn to the other sports and not-caredom.  You clearly do.  So if your hearts get broken in the next week, just say so.  Say it hurt, and you’ll get ‘em next time.

You lost the tool of “meh”, and that’s fun for everyone.

*****

Easton has come out with their new “Z Shock” helmet that’s “lighter than a cup of coffee”, as the tag line goes.  They sent them out to a bunch of media people for reviews and a little publicity, and I happened to be included in that group.  I gave it a go at rec hockey last night (by the way, we’re one win away from league champ status, weeeee), so here’s a review:

First things first, it’s light.  Crazy light.  And I was thinking, well, I don’t get hit much in rec hockey, so I could definitely sacrifice a little protection for a lighter lid.  But as it turns out, the helmet has better protection statistics than every other current helmet out there.  So they got that goin’ for ‘em.

As for looks, it’s pretty sharp.  Nothing can compare to the low-pro look of the old Bauer 4000’s for my money, but style-wise, this one is as nice as the RBK’s most guys wear now.  I’m pretty sure Iginla is wearing it, actually.

The ear pieces snap out easy and quick, so you don’t have to look like Crosby for long, and like all new lids, is adjustable in size without needing a screwdriver.

Long story short, thanks to Easton for sending me the helmet.  I’m pretty sure it’s gonna take over the number one spot in my helmet rotation, based purely on being comfortable and really, really light.

They’re comparing it to being as revolutionary as when they came out with the Synergy sticks, which is hardly true, but they did make a good product here, as Easton always does.  If you happen to see one, at least pick it up and give it a look.  After all – it’s lighter than a cup of coffee.

Canadian Lines, Getzlaf, and Ovy on Jagr

 

I ran this song a while back, but I figured I’d run it again because I’m “Beggin’” Team Canada to figure it the f**k out.

 *****

Goooood morning!  It’s a new day, and I’m feeling much better after spending yesterday dealing with Canada’s loss like a bad breakup.  Face it, accept it, and move on kids.

Today’s the public disembowling of Germany, (still with me on that right?  Guys?) so that’ll feel good.  Nothing like beating up some kid at school cause you failed a test.  Now let’s talk lines:

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not a big fan of the concept of “chemistry”.  Sure, you might figure out the tendencies of your linemates after a few games, but the only people that I believe have true ”chemistry” are the Sedins.

I like the term “clicking” better, because that’s what it is.  Alex Burrows “clicks” with the Sedins, because his style suits what they need to be successful, that being, they need the puck to be effective, and he goes and gets it. 

So I’m not sure that keeping Heatley/Thornton/Marleau together is as necessary as we’ve all been acting.  The only guy really benefitting from that line is Marleau - the other two are on pace for the same years they always have.  The line is just so deadly because there’s three dangerous players on the ice, not cause they have any particular chemistry (in fact, Thornton got more points the year he played with the CHEECHOO train). 

Here’s what I’d like to see:

Nash – Crosby – Staal
Toews – Thornton – Heatley
Marleau – Richards – Getzlaf
Iggy – Morrow – Perry – Bergeron

…Or something to that effect.  The point being that Staal and Toews are playing too well and are too effective to be toiling with Brendan Morrow and Patrice Bergeron on the fourth line.

What would you like to see with who-where-when-why-how? (Or just answer the who part, maybe).

*****

I was explaining to a buddy how Getzlaf plays last night, and it’s tough to describe, so bear with me.  I’ve skated with him a bunch in summer hockey, and here’s the best I can do:

You know the move where a guy comes down on a defenseman, stick to the middle, and fakes a shot while pulling it between his own legs, then picks it up on the other side of the d-man?  You know the move I’m talking about?

Point is, kids from 13 and up do the move.  Or the move where, a guy is standing behind the net, a d-man comes to get him, so the player banks it off the back/bottom of the net and picks it up on the other side of the d-man?  You know those moves.

Anyways, most players reach a point where, they can do them all very easily, but they stop working, because professional d-men aren’t retarded and we’re not playing Junior B anymore. 

Well, apparently, if you’re 6′4″ 235, you can still do them.

Guys occasionally read his somewhat-obvious, junior-style moves, but he’s so big that he just out-reaches, or out-muscles guys to make the play work.  His reach makes such a difference, and he uses his body well.  So, it’s not that his moves are lame, that’s not my point - you can’t blame the guy for using moves that work, no matter where they came from.  It’s just that he’s not exactly… a revolutionary, he’s just one of those guys that are physically built from birth to have success at hockey.

The problem is, when the moves don’t involve muscle and size, ie. sneaky passes, he’ll sometimes look like a junior player again.  Whiiiich might by why last game, he had flashes of looking too young to buy booze in Alberta.

*****

I figured I’d weigh-in on an entry by my buddy Greg Wyshynski over at Puck Daddy, who chose to question the legality of the Oveckin/Jagr hit.  My thoughts: if we ever change a rule that makes that body check illegal, I’m switching favourite sports.

Jagr, in open ice with full possession, tries to cut back across the grain on a guy who’s coming from that direction (redundant, but REALLY, Jagr?).  Again, with the puck – not like he was trying to corral a pass. 

If you can’t hit a guy then and there, with no strides taken and your shoulder down, holy shit our game has no hope.  Sure, his head gets hit because it’s in the way of his body (read: down), but that’s not a “head shot”, as the dangerous infractions have been termed - surely we can discern the difference between that hit and Richards-on-Booth, no?  The point of contact is to separate the man from the puck, like Ovy did, not the head from the body, like Richards tried.

Our game won’t be served well if we implement a black-and-white interpretation of head shots - Jagr buries his head to fully commit to the direction change, and Ovy is sure as shit allowed to hit him there, otherwise everyone should skate around head-first for protection (the hit starts at the 50 second point of the video). 

So yeah.  I vote “legal”.

(I wish I had longer video to show how long Ovechkin goes without taking a stride before the hit, haters.)

*****

Canada.  Germany.  Anyone wanna put something on Germany against Canada?  I’ll give you odds.

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