The Perfect Salary Loophole
Posted by jtbourne on August 3, 2009 · 8 Comments
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In an attempt to postpone the slow but steady journey from hockey player to fat cynical writer, I’ve given these so-called “Perfect Pushups” a try. I gotta believe any product with “perfect” in it’s name is probably not the most reliable item to exchange legal tender for, but c’mon… that guy on the box is jacked.
Anywho, they’re money. They really are. They better be, cause it’s shirt-off weather in Phoenix about 13 months a year, and I need to make some changes. Apparently, a day of writing burns roughly four calories, and that sack of chocolate covered pretzels I just humbled contained a number similar to the national debt.
Moving on.
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How about those shade-ball owners in the NHL abusing the salary cap loophole? I mean, come on. For the Flyers to claim with a straight face that they think Chris Pronger has seven good playing years left is pretty feeble, isn’t it? He’s got the operating speed and mobility of an early 90′s desktop computer, and they didn’t think it was just a little too obvious that they were trying to circumvent the salary cap? I’ve seen more subtlety in Andrew Dice Clay jokes.
Pleasedon'tmakemecrossover, pleasedon'tmakemecrossover...
For the uninformed, here’s a quick rundown of how and why you’re seeing massively long contracts:
NHL teams have a salary cap of $56.8 million for the 2009-2010 season. The cap hit that each player costs is simple: the dollar total of their contract, divided by the amount of years.
Thus, in the case of Marion Hossa and Chris Pronger, they were signed to long term deals where they make the league minimum in the last few years, so the teams yearly cap hit comes down. For example, Hossa signed for 12 years, roughly 60 million dollars. But, he actually makes nearly 8 mill a season for the first seven years, then peanuts for the last five. Instead of taking an eight million dollar cap hit (which is what they’re paying him), his contract works out to a five million dollar hit (60/12=5), so they Hawks are free to spend more money.
And now, an outside firm has been hired to figure out if the teams were intentionally signing guys to contracts that they weren’t actually going to play out. Apparently, they’ve called the Hardy Boys, Sherlock Holmes, and the Scooby-Doo crew to crack this difficult case. Pronger, $525,000 (league minimum) at 40? Noooo, I’m sure he intends to play, right?
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Everytime I think about writing a book (which is becoming more often), this clip brings me back down to earth with a laugh. Then I make a martini.
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Ahhhh, crap that’s funny.
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So, our first celebs arrive tomorrow to hang out for a day or two before our Hockey Greats Camp starts, and I’ve got good news: I will be blogging. I’d be a fool not to. Last year one of these guys told my Egyptian friend he looks like a half-chewed caramel. These guys are a gold mine for material.
Over the next day or two, the following is the group of gents we’ve enlisted to help make our camp a success (chosen on a formula of what great guys they are times how good they were): Dave Semenko, Bryan Trottier, Steve Shutt, Billy Smith, Gary Nylund, Clark Gillies, Doug Bodger, Dale Hawerchuk, Ron Flockhart, Cliff Ronning and Larry Melnyk. 27 Stanley Cups between em. Not bad.
I’ll be tweeting the frequent gems that stumble out of these guys booze-holes as the week goes on.
(Last year, the same tale was rehashed a half dozen times: A player gets beat when an opponent - frequently cited as being Pierre Laroche -- puts the puck between his feet and goes in to score. After getting berated by his coach, the player says “Gee, I guess I shoulda kept my legs closed” to which the coach responds “No, your mother shoulda“.)
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And last, one more thing - Brianna gets here on Tuesday, marking the start of “NeverApartEverAgain time”. Married men, pour one out for me. Looking forward to it, honey!
I'm a hockey player turned writer. After playing for Alaska Anchorage in the WCHA (NCAA), I carried on with an NHL tryout (New York Islanders in 2007) before spending a couple seasons in the AHL/ECHL (last year was 2008-09). My father, Bob Bourne, won four Stanley Cups with the Islanders in the '80's, as did my fiancee's dad, Clark Gillies. I'm now the web editor for theScore's hockey blog "Backhand Shelf."
I think writing a book is an awesome Idea!
Sorry for such a basic question, but if one of these long-term contract guys retires “early”, do the salary cap obligations just disappear? No consequences whatsoever for the team that created a completely unrealistic contract?
And what if the player actually wants to continue playing, but not for peanuts? Can the contract be renegotiated?
Okay, I have to be girly now and add that I love how happy you sound when you write about Bri. It makes me feel all melty inside. I hope you two have many wonderful years together.
Happy to see you tagged Perfect Pushups.
You’re moving to Phoenix? I spent a week there last month and I will NEVER complain about a Minnesota summer again!
Thank you for admitting that you are looking forward to “NeverApartEverAgain time” with Bri. Most men won’t admit it in front of their buddies – but you put it out there for the world to see. Congratulations Bri!
I’ve got myself a keeper, thats for sure!!
also, that is one of my very most favorite family guy clips ever… cant wait to get to kelowna where reruns are all the rage. weeee!
Justin, any opinion on the demise of NYI Point Blank?
Yeah, I actually heard some interesting information on how the whole Islanders/Botta relationship worked. I’ll save it for an entry, if you don’t mind!