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And For His Next Act, Dorsett Slips On A Banana Peel



And now, your bi-daily violent hit review – the hit-from-behind on Columbus player Derek Dorsett, courtesy James Neal.

First, thanks to Bob Mckenzie for the review of “I think there’s a chance there could be a suspension here”.  Let’s continue discussing while we scour the ice for the rest of Dorsett’s frontal lobe.


Third, okay, the hit is horrible.  Dorsett is really really hurt.  We need to stop this stuff.  ….But that was funny, right?  I mean, wasn’t it exactly how a vaudeville actor would have played “getting knocked unconscious?”  Or like, in a pre-teeny-after-school-special type show?  Right over backwards, arms out wide?  Okay, okay, you’re right, it was brutal.    ….Ohscrewyou, that was funny.


Pre-season this year, I predicted the St. Louis Blues to be a sneak-into-playoffs type team, then they got off to a real crap start.  Then, I predicted the Coyotes to get off to a real crap start, and they came out looking like a sneak-into-playoffs type team (or Stanley Cup winner, depending on who you ask).

He shoots, he's old!

He shoots, he's old!

Though I’ve backed off on the Coyote bashing, I’ll take this chance to re-affirm my stance that the Blues are good.  With their goaltending, and depth at forwards, their ship has to turn around eventually.  And if not, I’ll start blaming totally arbitrary things like their schedule, or being stuck in a tough division with Nashville and Columbus.

I also predicted Chicago to win the Presidents trophy.  I’m not far off on that one, but I may have overlooked the fact that the Capitals division – Atlanta, Tampa Bay, Carolina and Florida is the most nauseatingly poor grouping of teams since the WNBA (ahhh, felt good to get another shot in.  Been awhile).


You can say what you like about last nights Toronto/Carolina game – battle for the basement, two teams who can’t hold a lead, whatever… but for fans buying a ticket to a hockey game, that was epic.

Not many fans out there appreciate the nuances of a fine goaltending duel - but they all love what they saw out there last night.  Props to those who stayed to watch the last 30 seconds after the ‘Canes did their best to puke the game away in the last minute.  No, no… not props.  Big ups.  I’m switching to using “big ups” more.  Big ups to ‘Canes fans.


Stan, the very very Jewish man.

Stan, the very very Jewish man.

Everyone who had the Devils leading their division (vs. Philly, Pitt, the Rangers and… my Isles) raise their hand.  Liars.  Put your hand down.

On the topic of the Devils, I put in a call to my buddy Stan Fischler yesterday – “The Maven” as he’s affectionately known, deserves at least a whole post, and I will get to that.  For now, I want to do two things – One, thank him for applying to get me NHL credentials (I’ll occassionally submit pieces on the Coyotes for his newsletter, in exchange), and two, plug his new book Who’s Better: Rangers, Devils, Islanders or the Flyers? (Hint: it’s not the Rangers)

It’s a full comparison of each team’s history, everything from goaltending to tough guys to best Cup-winning team.  Oh, and I wrote the story of Dad’s end-to-end rush against the Rangers for Stan.  So, you know… that was sorta cool.


Have a great weekend folks.  Oh, and watch this.  I legitimately “lol’ed”:


19 Responses to “And For His Next Act, Dorsett Slips On A Banana Peel”
  1. Mike says:

    I hate to see anyone get hurt. I hope for a full and speedy recovery for Dorsett.

    How about some comments on the visor debate? I am for mandatory visors. You cant replace an eye.

  2. jtbourne says:

    Ahh, I knew some commentor would step up and make me look like an asshole, didn’t think it’d be the first one. :) Just jokes Michael. Just jokes. And yes… visors are good. Definitely worth addressing at some point.

  3. Pete says:

    bummer. part of me likes seeing people get hurt.

    and that cheap shot soccer girl? love her.

  4. ms.conduct says:

    Sorry, it was funny. But I hope he’s alright. But it was funny. Like he stepped on a rake and the handle hit him in the forehead. Or the construction worker with the ladder on his shoulder swings around and wallops him.

    I second the “wear a visor” mandate. Stop making the magnificent James Neal look dooshy for hitting you from behind when you’re vulnerable by being poorly equipped to take said hit. Tough guy.

    (OMG, how the hockey gods are going to smite me next time I play…)

  5. minnesotagirl71 says:

    Yep – it was funny. One of those things that I feel bad that I had a little internal giggle about. I hope he’s ok.

    While I think that all hockey players should wear visors, I’m not sure it should be mandatory. Would a visor have prevented Dorsett from being knocked loopy? Not getting a shoulder to the noggin would have been a better preventative method. These guys are adults, they know the risks. As Jesse Ventura, the not-so-very-wise-former-governor of Minnesota once said “You can’t govern stupidity.”

    In an interview this week a player talked about how it can be hard to play the game behind a visor. He said it feels like you’re in a bubble and distanced from the action. My reaction is “get over it – tighten your chin strap and wear the damn visor.” But if players feel it seriously impacts their performance – should they be forced to?

    Is there any research that shows visors significantly reduce serious head or eye injury? (I’m not talking about a split eyebrow or a black eye.) Is there a legion of one eyed former hockey players that I’m unaware of?

  6. ms.conduct says:

    “Is there a legion of one eyed former hockey players that I’m unaware of?”

    THAT was funny….

  7. Mike says:

    Please Justin don’t think I was making a negative judgment against you.

  8. AiH says:

    I don’t know about statistics but the only time I’ve seen a visor free of scratches and marks was on the shelf waiting to be used for the first time.

  9. Neil says:

    Ohhhhh man I feel bad for Neidermayer in that clip, the poor guy looks like he’s gonna cry after he tries to laugh it off. Maybe mentioning “the little girl” who was supposed to get the stick made him realize that that same little girl just watched a riot break out a few inches from her face over a f-cking hockey stick.

    It better not be the Flyers either…

  10. ann says:

    That Niedermayer clip is unreal. I just don’t understand some “adults”. It’s a freaking hockey stick, people. And it was meant for a *little kid*.

    On another note, I remember seeing a defenseman take a clearing attempt off the middle of his visor a few years ago at an AHL game. Damn thing cracked from the force. Oh and this player didn’t wear a visor the season before, it just so happened it was right around the time the league made them mandatory. Guess that was a pretty good idea.

    Somehow I think the answer to the “who’s better” question is the Devils…….

  11. Kerstin says:

    Don’t not if this is the “official” pro/cons-mandatory-visor-debate already, but here are my two cents:
    Here in Germany the visor (1/4 or 1/2 face covering) is mandatory (and there are still some players complaining about…) and I see NO point were it affects the game in a negative way…
    Just keep it clean everytime you sit on the bench and use the fog-free models and that’s it.

    I prefer the “cage-visor” anyway as a puck UNDER a visor is not beautiful either…

    Nevertheless, we have the “loose-straps” players in each time and I absolutely do not understand the reason behind… Maybe you can enlight us on that ;-)

  12. Kerstin says:

    “each time” = “each TEAM” :-)

  13. andy says:

    I was watching that Columbus game and saw the hit in real time. Yeah, I have to admit I laughed, and then felt horrible about myself. Oy gevalt. Horrible hit … but sometimes these things are funny in a bleak, sad way.

    And it BETTER be the Flyers …

  14. Char says:

    If a visor saves one player from suffering a serious eye injury, then hell yeah, they should be mandatory.

    Michael Ryder took a stick in the face last year and almost lost an eye. He wears a visor now. A little discomfort is a small price to pay.

  15. Tom Curran says:

    Does it look like Dorsett is one of those “remove some padding to make the helmet more comfortable” guys? My inner satan laughed his ass off! Looked like an extra getting shot in Blazing Saddles!!!
    By the way Justin, with the Sacramento Monarchs folding, this should condense the talent level in the the WNBA thus making it a ……………………………HOLY FUCK I KEPT A STRAIGHT FACE THAT LONG!!!

  16. marshall22 says:

    Hey Justin, you keep asking rec league players whats acceptable and whats not in pick up or whatever. I got questions for a “good” player playin pick-up. When some former Jr. A kid starts dangling the 17 year old house league player are rec players the only ones who kind this douchey or do “good” players hate this stuff too. And I don’t know if this is the case for you too but why do the “good” players never pass… honestly whats the logic with this.

  17. jtbourne says:

    I hate that more than anything else. I think I have four goals in my six rec league games (selfbackpat, selfbackpat).

    I think you’re talking about the above average young kid who wants to be seen as really, really good. When in actuality, he’s just right out of minor hockey, or whatever level, and has already started the decent to being the guys he thinks he’s better than. Far more than anything else you can douche up in rec league, is to be a guy with lots of talent and need to prove it. (okay, the no talent over-hard-worky guy is up there in douche-factor). By not passing, you up your douchiness by a factor of twelve.

  18. marshall22 says:

    What about late-20′s-cup-of-coffee-in-the-AHL guy… I don’t know if you know the type. The kind of guy who after picking off your attempted pass for the 8th time and going down and scoring does it again for time #9 with no remorse. Under pick-up hockey rules is this considered douchey or is it just because the person passing should probably have stayed 65 feet away from AHL guy.

  19. jtbourne says:

    Ha, well, you basically described my career, and what I could probably do in a dick mood. No, don’t blame yourself. That guy is a See You Next Tuesday, if you get what I mean. If you don’t, he’s a four-letter c-word. If you still don’t, he’s a real, real, mean jerk.

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